A crack!fic parody project of Harry, Ron, and Hermione's mishap with the Time Turner. They're sent to Hogwarts circa 1970's and encounter some old people that look... well... younger. Spoilers from Deathly Hallows. JKR


Harry sat down on an oversized leather couch in the warm and toasty Gryffindor common room. It was summer time but for some reason they always had a fire going. The Forbidden Forest had taken a huge blow because of these pyro addicted students, and also because the Centaurs have recently found a new Mexican restaurant to eat at. Harry, too busy being self centered and angsty, didn't seem to hear the screams and yells of his friends Ron and Hermione. He pet his new Nimbus 3000 like a puppy and thought about his new found godfather Sirius Black.

Hermione: Give me back that Time Turner you idiot!

She climbed on Ron's back trying to reach for the Time Turner.

Ron: Why the hell are you on my back?

Hermione: Because it gives more to our sub-plot as romantic interests now give me back that necklace!

Ron: That's not fair. Harry got to use it! And why are you still on my back?

Harry heard the sound of his name and quickly perked up.

Harry: Yes. I am Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, the stone holding, chamber finding, godson of an Azkaban escapee! I love magic!

Hermione: Tell Ron to give me back the Time Turner!"

Harry: Wait… how come you're on his back?! Why is he smiling? Are you two having all sorts of wizard fun without me?! Oh! *Angst* Angst* *Angst*

Ron: (Out of the corner of his mouth) So bi-polar…

Harry heard him and in an angry fit of teenage rage pounced on him, and yeah, Hermione too, and the three began to plummet down into the fireplace. (Cue dramatic music) But instead of landing into the fireplace, the trio fell onto a grassy area just outside of Hogwarts.

Ron: What happened!?

Ron got up and Hermione was still on his back.

Harry fixed his glasses, rubbed dirt off of his robes, and stood in a heroic position.

Harry: I happened.

Hermione: Ron you idiot! The time turner! You've smashed it!

Hermione hit Ron on the head with her own forehead.

Harry: There's only one thing we can do,

Harry turned slowly to add dramatic effect.

Ron and Hermione: What?!

Harry: Wander around aimlessly until someone smart tells us what to do.

Harry started walking.

Hermione: But I'm smart!

Ron: Can you please GET OFF MY BACK.

Harry: Look!

Harry pointed to a group of students.

Harry: There's a boy reading a book! I bet he's smart!

Ron: (Sarcastically) I bet he's in Ravenclaw.

Harry fell on the floor laughing. Ron and Hermione just looked at him.

Ron: It wasn't that funny mate.

Hermione did an awkward turtle hand symbol and Harry finally stood up.

Harry: Excuse me-

Harry walked up to the reading boy who had distanced himself from his other three pals.

Harry: -do you know-

Reading Boy: Sorry James, but I really need to study for Slug's potion final.

Harry: James?

Reading Boy: (Finally looking up.) Sorry mate, didn't see you there. Wait a second, you're not James. (A worried expression fell on the Reading Boy's face. He quickly shut his book and stuffed a piece of chocolate in his face.) When I get nervous or upset, I eat a piece of chocolate. It makes me happy inside.

Harry: Yeah ok…

Hermione: Professor Lupin!

Ron quickly hid behind a tree.

Ron: Keep it down Hermione! I still didn't turn in his last assignment; I don't want him looking for me!

Hermione gave Ron a kick in the ass and forced him to come back out of his hiding space. Hermione pointed to the Reading Boy.

Hermione: That's Professor Lupin you ginger head blubbering twit!

Ron: (Stammering) Professor Lupin. I… I… I'm sorry I didn't turn in my last Defense paper. You see I was busy trying to save the world with Harry and Hermione.

Remus: Um, well ok….

Hermione bit Ron on the shoulder.

Hermione: (Whispering in Ron's ear) No you idiot! The Time Turner!

Ron: (Whispering back) You mean to tell me that that's Professor Lupin… from the past? Bloody hell.

Harry jumping in to join the whisper.

Harry: I think the sidebangs and nervous eating habits sort of gave it away, don't you think?

Suddenly, their huddle was joined in on by Remus and three other boys. Harry, Ron, and Hermione failed to notice.

Hermione: So how do you suppose we'll get back?

Ron: Maybe if you GET OFF MY BACK.

Harry: We'll just have to talk to Dumbledore. I'm sure he'll understand.

Remus: Dumbledore's left town on business but will return in a week.

Harry: Thank you Remus… in a week!?

Hermione: Which means, we cannot afford to ruin the timeline. You don't know how many wizards have disappeared because of… (Hermione glances up and looks at all the additional faces. There's a short, chunky kid, Remus, a boy with sexy dark curls and bad boy attitude, and another boy that looked a lot like Harry.)

Hermione: What do you four think your doing spying in on our conversation like that!?

Boy #1: Sorry, I was just trying to copy the other three guys.

Boy #2: Is there anyway my sexy dark curls and bad boy attitude can get me out of you being mad at me?

Boy #3: I am the most popular boy in school. It's physically impossible for a girl to be mad at me.

Boy #2: Please to meet your acquaintance madam. (He winked at Hermione. Ron cringed) Sirius Black at your service.

Boy #1: Me too!

Sirius: Oh do shut up Pettigrew!

Harry glanced down at the short kid and balled his hand into a fist until Hermione kicked him.

Boy #3: And I'm-

Harry: You're James Potter! *Fanboy squee*

James: Well then. (Observing Harry's glasses and messy hair) You must be… my number one fan!

Remus facepalmed.

Sirius: Are you three second years?

Ron: Oh no, we're third years!

Hermione slapped Ron on the back of the head.

Sirius: Well, (looking at Hermione especially) I haven't seen you three in any of our classes.

Hermione: We're quite… shy…

Sirius: Well that answer was ambiguous enough to make me believe it. Alright.

Remus took another bite of chocolate.

James: Well we're off. You three should follow as well. You don't want to be late for Potions. And Remus here's having quite a fit.

Ron: Potions? Bloody hell Harry, I hadn't planned on seeing Snape again.

James and Sirius quickly turned around and shot Ron a narrow glance.

James: Oy. Are you three friends with the Greasy Git?

Ron: (Mumbling with fear) N-n-no…

James: Fantastic! Come along gang!

And the seven of them frolicked and skipped to potions class.

Ron: Hermione you fat pig MY BACK IS DYING.


James: What are your names?

Harry: I'm Harry P- Puppet. This here's Ron Buckbeat, and that's Hermione...

Remus: Hermione...?

Harry: Just Hermione.

Harry: She's like Madonna.

Sirius: Who's Madonna?


Ron: Get off my back.

Hermione: Make me.

Ron: (Pointing in the distance) Quick! There's a quiz that needs to be taken!

Hermione jumps off Ron's back

Hermione: Where!?!?