. Much to late/early to be writing, but this would not leave me alone. ::Growls at muse:: Anyway, I haven't finished the game yet, but the need for fanfiction had already crept up on me and I was not satisfied with the lack I saw. (Demanding little critter, aren't I?) I've gotten up to after you get Shiva. There shouldn't be too much in the way of spoilers, but I'm not responsible if I ruin something, or if this is contrary to something further on, K? Lord knows if this is in character, and there's a severe lack of plot, but I think it's a half decent first stab at fanfiction, ne?

Oh, yeah, I own nothing except a delusional mind, and a box full of jelly beans; so these characters and all other copyrighted stuff belong to someone else (who I currently worship) and no offense was intended. Have a nice day.

Random thoughts from Auron

It's disconcerting after all these years of just watching, to talk to the boy, though I can barely even call him that any more. He's much bigger now. It's as if I realized that for the first time. He's got the build of his father, full of muscles, but still spry as a cat. Maybe it's a blitzball thing. He's not as tall as he's father was however, or as I am, but I don't have to look down far any more before those bright blue eyes are staring right back at me.

May be he still is a boy in some ways. He's got this attitude about him... I don't know, it just reminds me of younger days, when things were less complicated. Zanarkan was like that. It was easy to get along with that type of city. It was a lot easier than Spira.

He asked me if I had been homesick. In truth, I really don't know if I had been or not. I'd kind of liked Zanarkan. It had a way of growing on you, that was all it's own. The people were filled with such vigor, and life, and, well, happiness. It was about as far away from Spira as one could get. I don't know if I missed Spira, or if it was more of a sense of not belonging in such a place as Zanarkan. In truth, I really never had much in Spira to hold on to. But I sure did love to see that kid play blitzball.

Ironic, huh? I travel a thousand years back into the past, to go watch the same game. But no one in Spira plays like Jecht or Tidus. I remember listen to Jecht, during those late nights spent around a fire, too tired to sleep, as Jecht regaled us with the stories of his glorious victories in blitzball. Somewhere along the line, I can't remember when but I think it was after he stopped drinking, those stories started to change. At first they just ended with thing's like, 'my wife and son were there for that game.', then moved on to stories about how hard Tidus tried to be just like him. There was something about the way Jecht had told those stories, that made it seem like he would have been prouder if Tidus became a doctor or something like that. It would have been an odd thing for Jecht to want, but then again, the crazy bastard was always coming up with something odd just to throw us off balance.

Tidus is starting to do the same thing.

I guess the apple never does fall far from the tree.

I don't know how Tidus would respond if he heard me say that. Just another one of those unexplained things that seem to follow their family. I've seen the hate in Tidus's eyes when he thinks about his father, but I've also seen the way he shies away from thoughts of his father, like he's afraid they'll hurt him. Despite what Jecht used to say, I never saw Tidus cry, even when the boy looked like he wanted to more than anything. I watched carefully.

I figured he'd hate me. Group me right up there with his father on the despised list. After all, he's got some pretty damn good reasons to. And I'm not exactly the best at smoothing over emotions. Hell, I think Jecht was better at that than I am.

Still... Tidus always seems to be around, wanting to talk to me, ask me questions. It makes me wonder why, after all, this is me we're talking about. Even when I go out of my way to stand inconspicuously in the background, he pops up. Not the way he's father used to, trying his best to catch me off guard and make an ass out of me. No, Tidus is just... friendly, I guess.

I watch him as he tries to cheer up Wakka, the boy really just doesn't understand, but that doesn't stop him from trying to help. After a while he gives up, and he slumps his shoulders as he turns away, and for one brief moment I see that look that never leaves me alone. After all these years of traveling, and fighting, it's amazing how the little things can haunt a man. Like bright blue eyes, clouded over with some kind of pent up emotion, so near the edge, yet still stubbornly beaten back down. I wonder where he keeps it. I've never meat someone who feels quiet as much as this young man does. I've only seen that expression on his face a couple of times in all the years that I've watched him, and it always startles me.

Angels shouldn't feel such sorrow.

It always seems to come when I least expect it. Everything would be fine back in his own little world, playing blitzball by night, laughing with the ever changing group of friends by day, when suddenly - Boom! Out of no where, that look on his face, like he's going to cry, scream, or explode, and then it's gone like it had never happened. And here, here he faces one of the worst battles against Sin and just rolls over and gets up like it was not big deal, and now this.

Apparently logic doesn't apply to Tidus.

Just like it had not for Jecht.

I really got to stop comparing the two.

But he's smiling again as he walks over to try and comfort Rikku some, and my burden's suddenly lighter. Jecht asked me to watch over the kid, but he takes pretty good care of himself. Hell, he takes pretty good care of the group. None of them would have made it this far with out him and his never ceasing will to work things out. Not even Yuna, with all her determination. Heck, I certainly couldn't have handle the moral of this little mob. My attitude lies more along slicing and dicing my way through trouble and hoping that's be enough. But I've been trying. Maybe together we'll find some way to get this crazy bunch through this pilgrimage.

Still, I can't shake the feeling that Jecht's laughing at me. He could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

I have to admit, however, we certainly are and odd group.