Disclaimer: Transformers © Hasbro. Not mine.

AN: This little series of one-shots has spawned from conversations my friends and I have had regarding the TF series. Due to our different preferences (one likes Autobots, one Decepticons, I don't care) I had to completely rework the series to make this little bit of insanity work. Please read the warnings, and whatever you do, don't try to find a plot. There isn't any.

Warnings: OOC-ness, OCs, severe AU (peace between Autobots and Decepticons), and all around crackishness. If there are any other warnings that pertain to a particular chapter, I'll post it up with the chapter itself.


Optimus Prime's life was full of annoyances, most of them coming in the form of his brother and co-ruler, Megatron. Megatron could be forgiven, though. After all, he was the youngest and therefore had every right to hassle his older brother. So Optimus could ignore those annoyances. Of course, being on base meant there were other annoyances as well – Prowl's constant reports, the Twins' jet judo (honestly, what was Megatron thinking letting them train with the Seekers?) – the list went on.

They weren't always annoying. Sometimes they were funny.

Like the humans who lived with the Transformers on base. They had been rescued from a dying, war-torn city as mere sparklings, and the Seekers had decided to keep them. The others had agreed. For the most part, they were amusing individuals that brightened up the otherwise dull life on the base and kept the Transformers on their toes.

Other times, they gave Optimus headaches.

"Optimus!" A small, blond girl barely in her twenties materialized in front of him. Blue eyes were wide with excitement and her cheeks were flushed. This would be Jess – the oldest of the humans. "Optimus you gotta see this it is so cool Jazz –"

"Sorry about that." Another girl, with wavy dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a much calmer disposition than her excitable sister, appeared behind Jess. Raven shot him an apologetic look. "Sunstreaker gave her Mountain Dew, and she escaped from Wheeljack's lab." She grabbed Jess's arm as the girl began to bounce as she babbled. Optimus pinched his nose plates in exasperation.

"When did Sunstreaker think that was a good idea?"

"About five hours ago." Raven started to drag Jess back the way they came. "I think Hook put him up to it. So me and Heather are going to go lock her up in Hook's medbay. Teach him a lesson he won't forget anytime soon." She continued to mutter under her breath as she dragged the hyperactive Jess towards the Decepticon section of the base.

Briefly, Optimus debated warning Hook about the sudden intruder, but then decided against it. After all, if that was the worst the girls did to him, he was getting off easy.

Oh yes, he thought to himself as he returned to his patrol, they can be so very annoying.

There was a sudden crash, and then Jess shot past him, laughing maniacally. "Can't catch me, Raven! I'm faster than you!"

"I'll only have to catch you once, because then I'm gonna KILL you!" Raven shouted after her. "Heather – head her off! She's heading for Ratchet!"

"Let her!" came the distant response. "It won't take him long to pin her aft to the floor!"

There was the sound of more scuffling, and then a series of curses that could only be coming from the Hatchet himself. Optimus just stood there, resisting the urge to burst out laughing. Megatron walked up to him and listened in. The scuffling finally settled down, only to be replaced by Jess's voice.

"You're supposed to be on my side!"

"Not when you enter my medbay on a sugar high." came the grumbled, barely understandable response. Megatron started to chuckle.

"Who gave Jess Mountain Dew?"

"Sunstreaker, apparently." Optimus sighed. This time Megatron laughed.

"Does he never learn? The last time that happened she challenged Skywarp to a sparring match."

Optimus shook his head. "Megatron – I love you to death, but I don't want to know."

"Okay – I'll have to show you the footage later."

He gave up. For the past fifteen years, there had not been an ounce of peace on his base.

And if he were honest with himself, he wouldn't have it any other way.