When Seppuku Seems Like an Easy Way Out

"Excuse me, England-san."

"What is it?" England asked irritably, turning to face Japan.

England was not in the best of moods that day, and for a large number of reasons – the main one being that France was not dead. And that was enough to depress anybody.

Currently, the wine-drinking nation was giving a very long-winded speech about… something-or-other. It was hard to tell, considering the nation kept lapsing into French halfway through various English words. Knowing France, he could have been ranting about anything, from snails to porn.

Maybe he was talking about snail porn?!

It didn't really matter what France was talking about, though. Nobody was listening to him.

America looked bored stiff (as he often did when the conversation was not about him), Greece had fallen asleep (no big surprise there), Russia had gone to the restroom an hour ago (dragging a weeping Lithuania behind him), Italy was singing an inane song to Germany (probably something about tomatoes, judging by the way Germany's left eye was twitching), and Japan was about to ask England a question.

And France hadn't stopped talking.

He seemed to be getting louder, if anything.

"Well, England-san," began Japan, "I was just wondering if you knew of a synonym for the word 'idiot'. It has to be one syllable long."

"Eh?" England blinked, confused. "Why'd you need to know?"

"No reason. I'm just curious. If you feel my question is a bother to you, I will gladly go elsewhere, and I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"Well…" England frowned, pondering the question. It gave him something to think about other than France, and for that he was grateful. "You could try the words 'dolt' or 'git'… They both mean 'idiot'."

Japan smiled, and gave a polite bow. "Thank you, England-san." He then went to sit in his correct place at the table, next to China.

Huh… England mused. He could see Japan, head bent over his desk, writing. China looked rather amused. I wonder what that was about…

"Hey, that's pretty good, aru!" said China appreciatively. "Who'd have known England-san was so good at poetry?"

"I know. I must repay him later," Japan smiled, observing his latest masterpiece.

Japan's Newest Haiku;
When Seppuku Seems Like An Easy Way Out

Dedicated to France-san
With thanks to England-san, who made this work of art possible

Losing will to live,

Beginnings of a headache,

You git, France, shut up!

a.n: this oneshot is kind of pointless xD but oh well. i thought it was fun xD APH is so epicsauce~ it makes me want to abandon all my other fandoms & only write for this xD if i get more drabbly hetalia ideas, i might lump them together in this fic...