A/N: Aha! Another one-shot! Honestly, I just couldn't resist.
Okay you guys, don't get butt hurt about all this. I'm not aiming to wound your delicate sensibilities, but if you can't take a little good natured ribbing at a dead guy, then I'd suggest you hit the back button.
But, hey, if you can read a small bit of fiction without being easily offended, then please, read on!
Disclaimer: I don't own SHIT!
Kira and the King of Pop
L blinked his widened eyes, calmly stirring his tea. He took an expiriemental sip before grimacing. Another four sugar cubes were dropped into his cup with a satisfying plop. He continued stirring. Three clockwise. Two counter clockwise. Repeat.
The handcuff that encircled his wrist gave a sudden tug, which caused L's tea to slosh a bit over the side, just as he was about to take another sip. He frowned.
"Sorry, Ryuuzaki," murmured Light, who had been reaching for a file.
"It's fine, Raito-kun. It was an accident," said L, his voice as monotone as it usually was. Light nodded before turning back to his work.
Truthfully, Lwas minorly annoyed at the brunet. He somehow felt that his tea was sub-par now. Like that one little spill had diluted its saccharine effects. He added another two sugar cubes, before smiling softly in satisfaction. Yes. That was much better.
L stared blankly at the computer screen infront of him once more. He repressed a sigh. There was no new leads, and L felt depressed.
" . . . the third time it's happened. I don't know what I'm going to do," exclaimed Aizawa, running his fingers through his puffed hair in exasperastion.
"Well, if it's happened three times already, then it's likely to happen again," said Mogi in response.
L quirked his head slightly, listening intently to the conversation. No matter how mundane the topic might be, there was a 35% chance that it would alleviate his boredom and distract him from the mind numbing statistics glaring out from the dim screen infront of him, which he had already read over - twice.
"I don't know what to do. My little girl loves that dog. He's been with her ever since she was born, but if there's a chance that he might bite her too, then I don't want it around her. But who would take a dog that bites? I just – I don't want my daughter to be sad if we get rid of it, but I would rather her be safe," explained Aizawa.
"Sounds like it would be best if you put the dog to sleep," offered Light, who had obviously been following the conversation also.
"I just wouldn't feel right doing that," sighed Aizawa.
"Like you said, no one will take a dog that bites. How would you feel if you placed the animal and it mauled its new owner? It's best to put the aggressive ones down. That way everybody stays safe," replied Light.
Aizawa pursed his lips. "Well, I suppose you have a point."
"I find it interesting that Raito-kun believes that the only way to handle a rabid dog is to euthanize it," said L, his eyes cutting over to the man beside him.
Light frowned, his expression guarded. "And why's that Ryuuzaki?"
"Does Raito-kun not believe in redemption?" asked L, turning in his chair to face Light.
Light raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at his lips. "Redemption? For a rabid dog? Not hardly, Ryuuzaki. I think the best way to deal with them is to put them down."
"Kill them, you mean," corrected L.
Light frowned. "That's a harsh way of putting it, but in essesence, I suppose so."
"Hmm," responded L, swiveling his chair to face his computer once again. He smiled softly to himself.
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Light, his voice defensive.
"The percentage of Raito-kun being Kira has just been raised 15%," said L, bringing his thumb to his teeth.
Light seemed to swell. "Would you stop accusing me of being Kira! I'm not Kira! And how do you even figure that anyway?"
"Raito-kun does not have an appreciation for life, if he is so easy to dimiss it," said L cryptically.
"You raised your precentages based on my opinion that a rabid dog should be euthanized to prevent it from attacking people?" asked Light, incredulous.
"Precisely, Raito-kun," said L around his thumb. He enjoyed getting the boy so riled up.
Light growled, jerking the chain in anger. L's thumb was ripped from his mouth. It caught on the edge of his tooth, and it scraped the skin. Although the skin did not break, it stung.
"Now, now, Raito-kun. There's no reason to be childish," said L nastily.
"Me? I'm childish?" exclaimed Light, his body tensing. L knew this reaction well. Light was about to spring from his chair and punch him. L felt the beginning of a triumphant smile pull at his lips, but he repressed it. There was a 98% chance that his boredom was about to be relieved.
"Yes, Raito-kun. You are very childish. I can't help be see the similarities between that and my profile of Kira. Both childish, both narcissitic, both -"
Light was on his feet in an instant.
"OH MY GOD!" yelled Matsuda, causing every head in the room to turn to him. L almost growled. Leave it to Matsuda to take that 2% chance of L's plan to alleviate his boredom failing and run with it.
"What is it, Matsuda?" asked Chief Yagami, who was already standing at his desk, no doubt having prepared to step in between L and Light.
"He's dead!" wailed Matsuda.
"Who's dead?" asked Aizawa.
L perked. Maybe it would be a new lead.
"Michael Jackson! He's dead!" cried Matsuda, and L was mutely horrified to see that the man's eyes were shiny.
The room paused in shocked silence.
"Michael Jackson?" repeated Chief Yagami in disbelief.
"I know! How could this happen? He was so young – only fifty! - and just before his big tour! I was planning on ordering the concert on Pay Per View!" exclaimed Matsuda, his voice choking ever so slightly.
"Michael Jackson is . . . dead?" said L faintly. Michael Jackson. L couldn't believe it.
"And that's not the worse part!" continued Matsuda.
"What's the worse part?" asked Light, who seeemed wholly uneffected.
"Kira killed him!" said Matsuda.
"What?!" shouted the collective voice of the task force. Only L and Light remained quiet.
"Well, that's what they're saying! It was either that or drugs – probably – but only Kira could kill the King of Pop! I seriously doubt it was drugs! I mean, seriously, Michael Jackson doing drugs? That's unbelievable! Totally unbelievable!" asserted Matsuda.
"Yes, well, it's a well known fact that celebrities scorn drug use," mumbled Light under his breath, but L heard him, and gave him a thoughtful look.
"But why would Kira kill Michael Jackson?" asked Aizawa.
"Maybe he's not a fan," offered Light.
"Is Raito-kun a fan of Michael Jackson?" asked L innocently.
Light shot him a distrustful look. "I can't say that I particularly care for his music, but I don't dislike him either. I'm apathetic."
"Hmm, apathetic," repeated L, chewing on his thumb in thought.
"It might have something to do with his trial from two years ago," suggested Mogi.
"But he wasn't convicted," sniffed Matsuda.
"Which is probably the reason Kira targeted him," guessed Chief Yagami.
"Kira is just so – so – so cruel!" cried Matsuda, dabbing at his eyes with a Kleenex. L noticed Aizawa rolling his eyes.
L let a smile blossom over his face, and he glanced at Light once more. Michael Jackson was dead. L had never really liked Michael Jackson, but he had especially hated the man's work. As shamed as he was to feel joy at another's death, L just couldn't seem to find it in him to feel overly guilty. The man who had created Thriller, the musical abomination that L had had the displeasure of hearing over and over again every Halloween – his birthday, no less! - was dead. Either by an overdose or -
"Were you not too fond of Michael Jackson, Ryuuzaki? You're looking awfully happy," pointed out Light, and his observation brought the attention of the task force to them.
"Shame on you, Raito-kun," smiled L.
Light paused, his face searching L's, no doubt thinking that L was mocking him. He wouldn't be amiss in thinking so, but L kept his face carefully blank.
"What?" asked Light slowly.
"Just because you dislike the man's music doesn't mean you had to kill him," said L simply.
"Excuse me?" asked Light, his eyes narrowing.
"Well, you did just kill the King of Pop," explained L patiently.
"You think I killed Michael Jackson? That's ridiculous!" exclaimed Light furiously.
"I believe that Kira killed Michael Jackson. So to answer your question, yes Raito-kun, I believe you killed Michael Jackson. However, although I am ashamed to admit that the man's death brings me some small pleasure, I must scold Raito-kun for killing a man who was never convicted of the heinous crimes he was accused of. No matter how much evidence there was," said L, sipping at his tea.
It was obvious that Light was having a difficult time reigning in his anger. "So you mean to tell me, that not only do you think I'm the one that killed Michael Jackson, but you're happy about it?"
"Hmm, well, I admit that I'm not unhappy about it, but I find it bad form to admit to being delighted about a man's murder. Especially to his murderer," answered L cheerfully.
Light threw himself at L, fist raised. "I'll show you murder!"
L dodged the first punch. "You will? I suppose that raises the probability that you are Kira to 78%, Raito-kun."
Light growled, but before he could come at L again, an ear-grating sound filled the air.
" . . . 'Cause it's thriller, thriller night. And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike. You know it's thriller, thriller night . . ."
"TURN IT OFF NOW!" shouted L, the music already giving him a headache. He rushed Matsuda, who had obviously looked up the music video on the internet. His sudden movement forward caused Light to fall, which only brought L down along with him.
Matsuda clicked his mouse, pausing the music. "What? I thought it was appropriate! Even though he's dead, his legacy will live on!"
That made L pause, half way untangled from the mess of limbs and chain he had found himself in not a moment before.
"What?" he asked, slowly feeling a muted horror creeping into his stomach.
"His legacy! Michael Jackson will live on through his music!" said Matsuda, and L swore he saw stars shinning out of the man's eyes.
It made sense. Michael Jackson was dead, but he had been one of the greatest muscians of all time – the titled King of Pop - and it was unlikely that his music would die with him. No, of course not. His music would only . . . grow . . .
L's stomach turned uncomfortably.
It would only grow more . . . popular. L shuddered.
There would be no stopping Michael Jackson now. His music will be everywhere. It wouldn't even have to be L's birthday before that damned song cursed his ears now.
L groaned, and shot Light a dirty look.
"I hate you," L muttered.
"The feeling's more than mutual," Light shot back venomously.
A sudden humming filled the air, and L bit back a groan at the annoying, familiar tune.
"If you don't stop that infernal humming, Matsuda-san, then I will make sure that Raito-kun knows that he has my blessing of ridding the world of you too," warned L.
"Oh, that's it!" yelled Light, throwing himself once again at L.
This time, he wasn't quick enough to dodge the blow.
A/N: Aww, poor Michael Jackson! People still poke fun of you even after your dead. Tough luck, buddy, but Rest in Peace anyways!
So, SAY SOMETHING, if you dare . . . rawr.