Warnings: spoilers if you haven't seen Children Of Earth Day Four.
Please read the note at the bottom of the page.
They say that dying is like falling asleep.
That you peacefully slip away and you don't feel anything as you go.
Well, whoever 'they' were, Ianto Jones was coming to find that they were wrong.
The virus in the air burned down his throat every time he took a breath, turning to poison in his lungs. A numb sense of shock overtook him as he stared into Jack's frantic gaze.
"We've gotta get you outta here. I can survive anything but you can't," he says desperately. But Ianto can tell by the tone of his voice that he knows. He knows just as well as himself that it's hopeless.
But he says it anyway. "It's too late. I breathe the air."
His words sound a little slurred even to his own ears.
He had never imagined dying like this. Of course he had known he would die one day. After all, working for Torchwood it was pretty much a guarantee that you wouldn't live long enough to see yourself go gray.
But he had always thought it would be quick and preferably painless. His was turning out to be neither.
"There's gotta be something. There's gotta be an antidote!"
Jack was grasping for some glimmer of hope, some way out of this but there was nothing. His throat was burning.
You said you would fight.
Jack lets go of him and takes a step towards the creature.
"And I take it back, alright?! I take it all back, but not him!" Jack yells, sounding as though he's on the verge of tears.
His vision is starting to go a little blurry and he looks to the side, replaying Jack's words in his head.
Because he knows Jack. And he knows this is the closest he'll ever come to saying, ' I love you'.
And all of a sudden his legs fold underneath him and he hits the ground, barely feeling the impact. "No!" Jack yells, reaching for him and supporting him. "No, no, no, no, no, no," he chants.
"No, no, Ianto!" he says, and Ianto struggles to remember how to open his eyes. It's getting harder to breathe but he relishes the fact that Jack is holding him. That he's here with him. It's more than he could've hoped to ask for.
He remembers the night they first met. Helping to catch Myfawny and in the process catching Jack as he fell.
He remembers Jack holding him as they breathlessly laughed before he had realized that they were much too close to each other, all personal space between them gone, that Jack was very warm and that this encounter between them had gone wrong in a way Ianto hadn't considered. He had immediately gotten off him, thinking of Lisa as he walked away and trying to puzzle out why he felt so guilty.
"Hey, report for work first thing tomorrow."
Just keep walking, he told himself.
"Like the suit by the way."
He felt like crying.
He remembered other days as well.
Their first kiss....
"Would you go back to yours? If you could?"
"Why? Would you miss me?"
"Yup." He hopes Jack is understanding what he's trying to convey as he walks up to his desk.
"I left home a long time ago. Don't really know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn't matter anymore."
"Don't you get lonely?" he asks hesitantly, and feels a little proud of himself that he's not nervous when Jack closes the file he was looking over and turns slightly to look at him.
"Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here I've seen things I'd never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was."
He's staring at him more intently than he ever has before and Ianto returns his gaze evenly.
"And I wouldn't change that for the world."
And as their lips meet he wonders when he fell in love.
But not just that. He can recall all the little things. The moments Jack looked at him and he felt like the only important person in his life. The small stolen touches and kisses woven throughout the workday. And more than that.
The first time they had sex. Playing naked hide and seek. Getting caught by Gwen. Clutching Jack's jacket when he thought he was gone. That he had really died for good and left him....
The remnant will be disconnected.
Jack tightens his hold but Ianto doesn't really notice. His throat feels like it's on fire as he stares up at him.
It's said that before you die your life flashes before your eyes. He wonders what it means that all he can think of is the man holding him.
"It's all my fault."
No, he thinks, please don't do this.
"No, it's not."
"Don't speak, save your breath."
Are those tears in your eyes?
"I love you," he chokes out, tears building.
"Don't," Jack replies, his voice anguished.
But how can I not?
The burning is too much....
"... anto, stay with me, please. Stay with me! Please, please..."
Jack shakes him and he manages to open his eyes again, not even realizing he had closed them.
"Hey," he murmurs, his voice trembling, "it was good, yeah?"
Your hand is soft.
"Yeah," Jack agrees, tears shining in his bright blue eyes.
"You'll forget me..."
I know it.
"In a thousand years time" he says, his voice faint, "you won't remember me."
"Yes, I will. I promise I will."
Who will make you coffee now....?
His eyes slide closed and he gasps weakly, finding it hard to breathe....
"Ianto? Ianto?" Jack whispers. "Don't leave me please."
I'm sorry, Jack....
And then he can't feel anything anymore.
Well that took a few hours but I must say It had to be done. And yes, I know I probably made a lot of spelling and grammer errors but this story had to be written and it's 3 in the morning for me now.
Ianto was my favorite character and this is my tribute to him.
To clarify though, I live in America and have been watching the Children Of Earth as it comes onto YouTube. No one has uploaded Day Four yet but they did have the clip of Ianto dying.
I had to write this as soon as I saw it.
My heart broke when Ianto said "I love you."
Farewell Ianto and farewell, Janto.
I'm off to go cry myself to sleep now.
Song I was listening to:They by Jem.