Title: Mecha Battle of DOOM!!
Warnings: AU. Crack…complete and utter crack on an epic scale (whether that epic scale is a win or a fail is for you to decide). Slight SuzakuxLelouch and ZimxGaz (always wanted to write this pairing). Use of curse words. Crossover with Invader Zim. XD Inspired by a friend (you know who you are. ;D).
Summary: In Lelouch's defense, he had no way of knowing what strange ideas lurked inside the mind of the psychotic new recruit piloting the strange Knightmare known as the Megadoomer.
Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass nor do I own Invader Zim.
Serena: XD The idea for this piece of randomness came from a friend of mine. She made a random little comment/question and I thought: "That is the greatest idea ever!!" So…here is its result. xD I edited the IZ characters so that they would be taller…the exception being the ever lovable Gir (who I had to include). I also made Zim act just a tad bit smarter. He really is quite smart. It's just that he doesn't always show it. If his insanity wasn't of the stupid kind, I'm sure he would have taken over the Earth long ago…also, I made a few modifications to the Megadoomer. It'll be explained in the fic so no worries. I had such fun with this fic. Enjoy. :D
As he gazed across the battle scarred wasteland that had at one time been known as Emperor Charles zi Britannia's imperial palace, Lelouch couldn't help but think that he had made a mistake. It most certainly had to of been a miscalculation of some sort because things like this just did not happen in a day. He never wanted to destroy the building.
Well…alright…maybe he had wanted to just a little bit. He would not have minded the throne room--the place where that pompous poofy-headed bastard sat judging people like he was some kind of god--being obliterated.
'Oh, yes.' he thought, his lips twisting into a decidedly malicious grin.
That was just his unresolved childhood issues talking, though. After all, all those years ago when he had announced to his first and best friend that he would obliterate Britannia, he had really been talking about his father the whole time. Charles was the very embodiment of what Britannia stood for. The man hadn't cared when his and his sister's mother had been ruthlessly murdered nor had he cared about what had happened to his sister afterward…so yes.
He wanted the bastard dead.
He would not have minded if just that man had been crushed under the weight of heavy concrete and scorched pieces of unrecognizable material. Hell, he would be throwing a party right now and announcing to the entirety of the world that Hitler's reincarnation was finally dead. He was fairly certain that he would be the happiest person in the world, no, the universe had this been the case.
But this was not the case.
The entire palace had been reduced to rubble and ash.
By. One. Damn. Pilot.
A pilot that had been one his side, too.
It was a new recruit who could pilot a Knightmare with all the grace and poise of someone beyond his years. He guided Knightmares across the battlefield like he was performing some kind of elaborate dance, the outcome of which only he knew. Yes…this new recruit was a sight to see, both on the battlefield and off.
And the little bastard had destroyed the entire palace all by himself.
When he thought about it, the blame rested with more than just that new recruit. He had to blame himself a bit as well. He had let the little psychopath loose and had allowed him to lead his own small squad.
Lelouch sighed audibly and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" he muttered, resisting the urge to bang his head against the cockpit controls of the Gawain.
As he thought more about it, he could not completely blame himself either. The pilot who had been challenging his new recruit had just made matters worse.
"Damn it, Suzaku." he muttered.
Perhaps he just felt like blaming everyone for the building's senseless destruction, but, really, Suzaku shouldn't have egged that psychopath on like he had.
Lelouch's eyes narrowed as he sighed again.
"Damn it, Zim." he muttered, throwing a fist against the Gawain's controls.
Of course, Zim wasn't exactly a hard person to provoke. It was rather easy to do, actually.
But that was beyond the point.
One Week Earlier…
Lelouch--donned in his full Zero-attire--thought that someone had to be playing a trick on him.
It could have been C.C.'s doing, perhaps.
That green-haired witch enjoyed watching him make a fool out of himself.
Or perhaps it was Kallen?
Lelouch shook his head slightly.
No, not her. That girl idolized Zero and would never do anything remotely like this.
Regardless of who had set this prank up, the fact still remained that it was pissing him off.
"And why exactly do you want to join the Black Knights?" he asked the two seated on the couch across from him.
One was a male and was a female.
The male was perhaps somewhere around C.C. in height and had large crimson-colored eyes. He had slightly shoulder-length black hair and his skin had a strange green tint to it. He was wearing some kind of dark pink uniform with long black boots and had a strange grey backpack hanging around his thin shoulders. He was sitting up straight, his attention completely focused on Lelouch.
He seemed the picture of someone who was totally serious about what he was asking of Lelouch.
The female was a few inches taller than the male and she had constantly narrowed fuchsia-colored eyes. Her short purple hair just barely brushed the black-clothed shoulders of her dress. Her arms were covered by long grey sleeves and pink stockings covered up her slender legs. To top of her outfit, she wore black combat boots and had a skull necklace hanging around her neck. She was slumped against the arm rest of the couch with her legs spread cross the cushions and her feet crossed at the ankles. She had a portable game clutched in her hands and was staring at it, completely ignoring the world around her.
She seemed like she absolutely did not care where she was or even who was in the room with her.
The male--who had introduced himself as Zim--narrowed his eyes for no particular reason.
"The humans have--"
"Britannians, Zim" the girl interrupted, not even bothering to look up from her game. "Get it right."
Her words were sharp and emotionless. She reminded Lelouch a bit of C.C.
"Right. I mean, the Britannians have stolen something of Zim's." he answered, raising a fist to the ceiling. "Those filthy lower beings refuse to return it!! So Zim must destroy them for their insolence!!!"
Lelouch raised an eyebrow behind his mask.
'He speaks in third person?'
"Therefore," Zim continued. "it is necessary that I, the great ZIM, join this faction of soldiers you have assembled."
Lelouch blinked and was silent a moment.
"I see." he said at last before turning to the girl. "And what of your reasons, Miss?"
"It's Gaz." she said, glance up at him briefly. "And my reasons are the same as his…sort of."
"I see." he repeated.
He highly doubted that he would accept either of these two into the ranks of the Black Knights…prank or no prank.
And he was beginning to think that these two were serious.
"Is something troubling you, my Tallest?" Zim asked.
Behind his mask, Lelouch blinked.
'What did he call me?'
Gaz sighed in aggravation.
"Zim, what did we talk about?" she asked. "What did I say about saying that? Do you want me to cast an everlasting doom upon your head?"
The scary thing was that even though her words indicated anger, her voice remained completely emotionless. She definitely had C.C. beat in that respect.
"The Gaz-hu--I mean, you said to call others by their names and call superiors by their designated titles." Zim answered.
He spoke the words as if he had heard them numerous times. Lelouch had a feeling that he had.
"Correct." Gaz stated, poking the other with her foot. "Keep it up and I'll give you a treat later."
Lelouch briefly wondered what this "treat" was, but after seeing the mischievous look that Zim sent her, he decided he was better of not knowing. He cleared his throat.
"Well," he began. "you seem to feel strongly about your decision, but just having strong feelings are not enough."
Zim snapped his attention back to Lelouch.
"What must I do to prove my worth?!" he asked, his tone slightly angered.
"Well, for starters, have you ever had any experience with real combat?" Lelouch asked seriously. "Can you do anything that would be of value to the Black Knights?"
"Oh, is that all?" Zim asked, sounding relived. "Of course. Zim has a great deal of experience with combat. I have the operational knowledge of the Knightmare machines. If a fighter is what you require, Zim is at your service."
'So…he can pilot a Knightmare? Well, I will have to see him do so for myself.'
He had to admit it. He was impressed.
He never expected Zim to be able to pilot a Knightmare so…so brilliantly. The boy's piloting skills were amazing. He dare say that he and Kallen were on the same level.
After seeing such a brilliant display of skill, Lelouch had no choice but to accept the boy's proposal to enter the Black Knights. He would be a fool not to. He could use such skill to his advantage.
As for the girl…well…she sort of just came with the package.
"Congratulations, Zim." he said. "Welcome to the Black Knights."
Lelouch was fairly certain he had doomed himself the moment those words left his mouth. At the time, it had seemed like the right thing to do and under normal circumstances, it would have been.
"Zero!! What happened?!" he heard a female voice call over his communication line.
Sighing once again, Lelouch lifted two fingers to the side of his skull and rubbed them around in a circle, trying to quell a coming headache.
"Oh, nothing important, Q1." he answered, a small groan passing his lips as the headache grew. "The palace is just completely destroyed. That's all."
There was a moment of silence before a loud "WHAT?!" resounded throughout the cockpit.
Lelouch groaned again.
"By all means, yell. Make the headache worse. I really want you too." he stated humorlessly.
"How?!" she continued, ignoring the comment. "Wasn't Zim leading interference with the Megadoomer?!"
"Yes...and that is exactly why we no longer have a palace to infiltrate." Lelouch answered. "He and that bloody white Knightmare…"
He sighed loudly and slumped in his seat.
"Damn it." he repeated, chuckling at the whole situation. "Just damn it."
When Lelouch did a mental replay of his carefully organized plan, he was certain he would succeed in his goal. It was extremely risky and there were a lot of things that could go wrong, but he had looked at all possible scenarios and thought of all possible outcomes and he was certain that he had a good chance of succeeding. All he had to do was make sure every piece was set out correctly. He had to make sure that all his subordinates knew exactly what they were and were not supposed to do. It was tiring and took up a large portion of his time, but he knew that it would all be worth it when his plan was executed smoothly.
And so far, everything about his plan was coming together just as he had planned it would. All the pieces were in their proper places and all were ready to lead him to a grand checkmate. When he had signaled for everyone to begin, it all went according to plan. Every piece moved where he had commanded them to move and every enemy he had wanted captured was taken without so much as one problem. Even when reinforcements appeared, everything ran smoothly. He had planned for such an event and had therefore stationed a team to intercept them.
That had turned out to be a mistake.
He had set the new recruit, Zim, in command of that particular team. Zim was an amazing pilot and he knew his way around a battlefield, but he was unpredictable and Lelouch knew that. He knew, but he had wrongly ignored it. It was true that he really had no way of knowing just how unpredictable Zim really was, but the fact remained that he had ignored the little that he did know about Zim and now he could do nothing but watch as his perfect plan fell apart before his very eyes.
"Pitiful HUMAN!!!" Zim shouted from inside the cockpit of his customized Knightmare. "You think you can face the MIGHTY ZIM?!"
"Zim…" she warned.
Zim blinked and coughed.
"Zim is in the middle of a battle!" he whined. "Can you not correct me later?"
"No." Gaz said, fiddling with her video game yet again and ignoring the fact that she was in a life or death situation. "Say it right or no treat."
Zim continued to pout, but he nodded his head slightly.
"Alright. Zim promises to say it correctly next time."
Gaz rose an eyebrow, but she didn't argue.
"That's fine, I guess." she muttered, eyes narrowing at her video game screen. "Stupid vampire piggies."
Zim pressed forward on the controls and his mysterious Knightmare Frame--the Megadoomer--sped forward. The Knightmare he was headed for leapt out of his way and fired two Slash Harkens at him. Zim easily dodged the attack and press a button on his control panel to fire a missile at the other. The opposing Knightmare quickly held its arms out in front of itself and a glowing shield appeared, shielding its user from the imminent attack.
"For a human, this pilot is a great fighter." Zim commented, slightly impressed by his foe's actions. "He would have received the highest of honors for such skill back on Irk."
Zim ran his nimble fingers over a series of buttons on his control panel.
"Pity he has to die so soon."
As his fingers glided over the buttons, a multitude of slots slide open from all around the outside of the Megadoomer.
"He's fast. Not as fast as the Lancelot, but still fast." Suzaku muttered, his hands gripping the handles of the Lancelot's controls tightly. "I'm sure I can--hunh? What's that?"
He watched with increasing anxiety as a multitude of holes suddenly appeared all around the Knightmare. His eyes widened.
"Uh oh." he muttered.
"Goodbye. Mr. White Knightmare." Zim said, pressing a finger down against one last button.
A beep resounded throughout the cockpit and a series of missiles shot out of the openings that had appeared outside, all of them aimed at Suzaku.
This had not been the direction he had seen the battle going.
Inside his cockpit, Zim was laughing quite evilly.
Inside a completely different cockpit, Lelouch was staring in shock at the battle and wondering when exactly an attack like that had been added to the Knightmares.
Inside yet another completely different cockpit, Suzaku was freaking out over the Lancelot's controls as he tried to avoid the onslaught of missiles spiraling towards him.
As the missiles hit a target and promptly exploded, the area was quickly filled with thick smoke and debris. As the explosions eventually died down and the smoke dissipated, Lelouch was rather relieved to see the Lancelot intact. That meant that Suzaku was alright.
Inside the cockpit of the Lancelot, Suzaku was flustered and his hands were shaking a bit from the near constant pulls and pushes his arms and the controls had just suffered through.
"Th-They missed me." he muttered, breathing in a sigh of relief and slumping in his seat slightly. "All of them. Thank God. Ah, Lelouch would kill me if I died out here."
It may seem impossible to kill someone that was already dead, but this was Lelouch he was talking about. Lelouch would have found a way to make the impossible possible.
If it meant raining doom down upon his head, Lelouch would have found a way.
Oh yes indeedy.
Inside the cockpit of the Megadoomer with his mouth agape, Zim stared at the Lancelot in silent disbelief for all of two seconds before he exploded with rage.
"WHAT?!" he screeched, slamming his fists down upon his control panel. "They missed?! ALL OF THEM?!"
He sat back in his seat seething.
"This pilot is even better than I thought." he murmured to himself. "He's good. Too good."
Draped over the top seat with her legs dangling off the armrest and her game still in hand, Gaz frowned at the battery meter on her screen that was flashing a low battery warning. Without looking away from her game, she stretched one arm down into a bag that was resting below her and pulled out two batteries. With a flick of her wrist the battery case to the game flew open and the batteries inside flew out. She stuffed the new batteries into her game and flicked the battery case closed. She held one hand out--again, without even looking away from her game screen--and the old batteries landed in her outstretched palm neatly. With another flick of her wrist, a battery was sent flying and hit the back of Zim's head with an audible THUMP.
"Shut up." she commanded, dropping the extra battery into her lap and continuing to play her game. "Your noise is distracting me."
Zim rubbed the back of his head and pouted.
"Is it really necessary to throw things at Zim?" he asked, momentarily forgetting that he was in the middle of a battle.
"No wonder Dib was scared of you." Zim muttered, poking at the control panel absentmindedly.
"As he should have been." she stated and then raised an eyebrow at him. "And you?"
"Scared? Of course not." Zim answered. "Zim respects you. There is a difference."
Gaz was silent a moment--save the beeping from her game.
"I guess that's better than nothing." she muttered finally.
"Why is he just sitting there?" Suzaku wondered, eyeing the idle Knightmare in suspicion. "He may be planning another attack like before. So…"
He pressed a few buttons on the control pad and the Lancelot responded accordingly by drawing its Maser Vibration Sword.
"I'll just have to attack before he does!"
He pushed forward on the controls and the Lancelot sped forward, the MVS poised and ready to slice through its target.
Warning beeps began to sound off from within the Megadoomer.
"Warning. Enemy is approaching with a large source of energy." a computerized-voice informed the Knightmare's occupants.
Zim and Gaz were jostled out of their seats when the Megadoomer violent shook as the Lancelot's MVS made contact. In one swift motion, the MVS severed the Megadoomer's left cannon and then the Lancelot jumped back into a defensive stance.
"Warning. Left cannon has been damaged." the computerized-voice informed them. "Speed has decreased by 65 percent."
Zim grabbed the edge of the control panel and pulled himself up, a look of pure hatred etched on his face as he glared at the screen displaying the Megadoomer's status.
Behind him, Gaz grabbed hold of the arm of her chair and pulled herself up, her game still clutched in her other hand. She turned to glare at the screen, her gaze penetrating the thick metal to reach the opposing Knightmare beyond.
She had just been about to defeat the supposedly unbeatable Zombie Vampire Piggy Lord that ruled over her game's world. Lord Piggy had been barely alive and had collapsed to recharge its energy. That action was the boss pig's greatest weakness, but it only performed such an action after its Pork Power Meter was completely drained. Throughout the battle, it would sacrifice its own minions and eat their brains in order to keep its Pork Power Meter full. Gaz had been skilled enough to learn how to destroy its minions without using up too much energy and therefore deplete the boss pig's Pork Power Meter. Just as she had been about to slay Lord Piggy and go down in history as the first person to have beaten the boss, she was thrown out of her seat…and Lord Piggy ate her character, thus ending the game without a victory.
Needless to say, she was beyond pissed.
She set her game down in her seat and climbed down to the control panel.
"Which button do I need to press to fire the Hadron Cannon?" she demanded, her finger itching to press it.
She was going to cast a doom like no one had ever seen upon that pilot who had turned her glorious victory into a heart-stopping failure.
Zim blinked up at her. He opened his mouth, preparing to tell her that they could not fire such a powerful weapon here…especially since one of the cannons had been destroyed.
But he paused and his lips curled into a nasty smirk as he casually pointed to a rust-colored button resting underneath a small glass case.
He wanted to cause just as much chaos as his partner did.
"That one." he said simply. "I improved it. It's three times more destructive than it was before and takes less time to charge."
Gaz let a satisfied smirk play across her lips.
"I knew there was a reason I ran away with you." she said before her hand reached over to flick to glass case open.
An ominous beep sounded throughout the cockpit as she pressed the button.
Over in the Lancelot, Suzaku was baffled by his enemy's lack of response.
'Did he give up?' he wondered, his grip around the controls loosening.
If his enemy was going to surrender, then he had no reason to continue with this battle. But was that what the enemy pilot was doing? If he was just going to surrender, then why--oh bloody hell.
Suzaku's eyes widened and he swallowed nervously as the enemy Knightmare being to show some signs of life. Its undamaged cannon began to radiate a bright light as its damaged one sparked erratically.
"That's the same weapon that the Gawain has!! He's going to use it here?!" he panicked, quickly trying to think of what he could do.
In reality, there was not anything he could do and he realized that. He could not block such a powerful attack and expect to protect anyone. Doing so would be suicide and dying would incur Lelouch's wrath…so he had that to consider as well.
As the energy from the cannon swelled and burst forth, Zim--and even Gaz--cackled viciously.
Lelouch ran a hand through his hair as he let out a long sigh.
His plan was ruined and the palace was destroyed…not to mention that there were bodies scattered amongst the ground from the building's destruction.
'I should look at the positives.' he mused.
Suzaku was fine. That was a positive.
The brunet had somehow managed to move the Lancelot out of the destructive path of Zim's modified Hadron cannon.
…that's it. He had nothing else.
He couldn't be entirely sure that his father had been killed along with the others. He had yet to see a body of any kind…so he really couldn't say the words he was desperately wanting to say: "Hitler is dead!!"
Or something along those lines anyway.
"Screw it." he muttered, his hands flying over the keys of his control panel.
He opened an audio only communication line with all of the Black Knights and took a deep breath.
"I want everyone to regroup and follow the retreat plan." he ordered.
"What?! Retreat?!" he heard Tamaki exclaim.
"Zero, are you certain about this?" he heard Toudou ask.
"Is the reason due to all the damage?" he heard Ohgi ask.
"I have called a retreat because there is nothing more we can do here." he stated. "With the palace destroyed, our objective can no longer be reached. So follow my escape plan. Now."
He heard a chorus of "Yes, Zero!" and he pressed a button to turn the communication line off.
"I never liked that stupid building anyway." he mumbled to himself as he forced the Gawain to move.
He briefly wondered what had happened to Zim and his scary friend, but decided that he didn't really care and he flew the Gawain away.
To say that Lelouch was disappointed would be an understatement and as he sauntered into his private quarters, C.C. could tell that he was in a bad mood.
Well, good. So was she.
As he removed his helmet and set it down on a table, C.C. cleared her throat and told him as much.
Lelouch raised an eyebrow at her as he pulled at the thin material covering his mouth.
"And what would the reason be this time?" he asked, fully expecting it to be something pizza-related.
He wasn't disappointed to learn that it was, indeed, about pizza.
But he hadn't been expecting the squirming creature C.C. held up to be the main cause of her complaint.
"This thing ate all my pizza."
Lelouch blinked as he stared at the strange green creature. It seemed to resemble some kind of dog, but…
"Hiya, kitty!!!" the creature screamed, squirming out of C.C.'s grasp and leaping into Lelouch's lap.
Lelouch grimaced and wrinkled his nose at the creature.
It carried the sickening smell of pizza and some other type of food.
"What is this thing?" he asked, too afraid of the thing to touch it.
Was that…was that shiny stuff coating it…grease?
"My names GIR!!!" the newly dubbed Gir exclaimed.
Gir threw its stubby arms around Lelouch's stomach.
Oh, God…it was grease.
"I like you, kitty!" Gir announced.
Icky, icky, slimy, slimy grease!!
Lelouch felt his skin crawl as his OCD began to kick in. He was trying very hard not to faint…very, very hard. But he could feel the layers of disgusting grease seeping through his outfit. If it reached his skin…someone might have to call a hospital because he would have no skin left by the time he was finished scrubbing it.
He was going to burn this outfit tomorrow.
Serena: This story started out okay, but it ended kinda badly. I didn't know how to end it…so…yeah. Eh, I still had a lot of fun writing this. xD I've never done a mecha battle before…so I'm interested to see what you guys thought of my first attempt. I'm sure I'll be writing another mecha battle in the future…so this fic was good practice for that. ^^ Anyway, if you can spare the time, please leave me a review and tell what you thought about the fic. Thank you for reading! :D Happy July 10th!!!