My anger overode my good sense and I turned angerly to the Dead man on the ground and demanded again of him, "Why didn't you call for help? and why didn't you die if you fell out of an aircraft? Your story is just so..so...so..?"
"Unbelievable?" my visitor from the heavens answered me, "As I have said before, I am already dead. My body was made into that of a Divine Assassin..."
Before we could continue with the living versus the non-living state of his being,..he suddenly snapped his head in the direction from which I had just come.
"Another living female is approaching us," he said tightly and armed his right wrist with his left hand.
Before we could continue with the living versus the non-living state of hs being, he suddenly snapped his head in the direction from which I had come,."A living being is approaching us!"
I took care to shine the flashlight in the direction that the Dead man looked. It's beam shown on a familiar face.
"I see a figure in a deep blue hooded cloak and long blue robes!" the Dead guy intoned, "She must be a Divine Cleric! I will kill her!!'
"Huh?" I squeaked, "Kill her? Why?"
The Dead Man, Kai, again made the swift movement necessary to make the weapon on his right wrist click,.."I told you,..I will kill this person because she is a Divine Cleric!!"
I strained my eyes to see the unfortunate that this Living Dead Man proposed to slaughter in front of my eyes. Hmmmmn! He had said that he was an Assasssin. It was going to be hard enough to explain this "Living Dead man" to the town cop,..let alone an extra dead body,..which mght belong to one of my approaching neighbors or frends!! I suddenly recognized the swaying walk of the short approaching figure!!
"Kill her? Hell no!" I yelped, "That's my "butter and egg lady," Mary Troyer!! No! No! Don't kill her!! A good "butter and egg lady" is hard to find!!"
"She is useful to you?" asked the Assassin, "Isn't she of the Divine Order?"
"No! No!" I answered the Assassin in exasperation, "She is Old Order!!"
As if making me understand that this concern of his was of the greatest importance,..the Dead Man rephrased his question, "Is she a servant of His Divine Shadow?"
Becoming quite frustrated with this whole discussion and fearing for my friend's life, I answered the Assassin with more than just my usual common quiet sense!
"No! No! No!" I screamed at him,.."Mary Troyer is just plain Old Order Amish!! The only thing divine about her is that she makes heavenly Devil's food cake or her Divinity Fudge!!"
"Devil's food cake?" Kai's brow furrowed as he pointed his arm at Mary's chest, "She feeds and sustains the prince of Fire? Then, I MUST kill her!! The Prince of Fire has tormented Xev and Stan many times!"
"Oh my Lord!" I groaned at his misconceptions, "Mary just makes good chocolate cake!! She is against the Devil!! Devil's food cake is a food for human beings..just like you and me!! You like good eats,..don't you?"
"The Dead do not eat!" was the Assassin's only comment as Mary Troyer,..running as fast as her short legs could carry here,..approached us!
As I warily watched, Kai attempted to get to his feet but his legs seemed to give way under him.
Sitting on his fanny in front of me, he looked up in what I would have called a quizzical fashion and managed in a calm sort of way to surprize and puzzle me, "I seem to be out of alighnment. How are you at adjusting..power rods?"
I am not sure what passing fancy made me decide on the folly of helping this stranger, who said that he was dead, and who if he was not lying to me,..was responsible for the blaze, that was taking almost all of Zeke Miller's lumberyard. Maybe, I was bored. Perhaps,..I was just realizing that "bad boys" appealed to me. or maybe,..it was just the over-all sexy way that the guy in black and his handome face and hisl extra long black hair,...done up in a neat bun and braid,..appealed to me.
"Power rods? What are your power rods and where are they located?" I asked the Assassin. For one long moment, he looked at me and then, he stared at the ground.
"Xev was able to re-adjust my power rods when we were at k-Town on Planet Fire," Kai whispered as much to himself as to me.
"That's very nice for Xev!" I growled, "But she is not here right now and maybe we should just call an ambulance for you and take you to the hospital..if you can't move because you are so..."out of alignment!!" How about it?"
"You just don't get it,..do you?" The Assassin looked me full in the face, "I have told you that I am not a living man. I am a chemical machine!"
"O-k! O-k!" I tried a more soothing approach, "But she is not here and maybe we should just call an ambulance for you and have the attendents put you into a nice padded room till Xev gets here!! "
I heard the click of that right wrist weapon and decided to humor him further, "O-k! O-k! Where are your power rods located?"
"My power rods are located...here!" Kai half whispered to me as he pointed to his..crotch!
I had to get back to Xev. I had to find Xev. Xev was the one,..who kissed me after she escorted me to my cryopod. She was the one,..who wished me," Sweet dreams!"
No matter how many times I told her, "The Dead do not dream!"....she would smile at me and give me a look,..which my memories told me that she valued this "Dark Legend" Assassin beyond his mechanical ability to defend her and protect the life of Stanly Tweedle. I did not regret knowing this Xev of B3K. I had an affinity for her and this compeled me to make sure that she was safe and would still be there for a while to kiss this Divine Assassin..."goodnight."
I stared as coldly as I could at the type thirteen Planet woman, Stanelle. She glared back at me.
For whatever reason and for Xev,..I whispered to her as loudly as I could, "You must remove my breeches and begin to adjust my power rods."
"For the love of Mike!!" she sniffed back at me, "What a come-on!"
"My midline power rods need to be..." I hesitantly begin again.
"Power rods!! Power rods!' she began again..seemingly outraged,.."You mean to tell me that you have more than one?"
Her eyes seemed to bug out slightly when I answered her, "Yes, I have a lot of equipment!!"
"Oh my Lord!!' Stanelle looked at me as if I had suddenly grown the head of a cluster lizard, "You did tell me that you came from outer space!! You were honest enough about that!!'
She gulped loudly and then whispered as if it were her equipment that needed readjusting and not mine, "More than one? I don't think that I want to be involved in that kind of a thing!!!"
I began to see that I was going to have to take what the Living call "desparate measures!!' If this stupid woman would not come over and adjust my power rods,..I would never get out of alighnment in time for..., I was not sure what,..but if Stanelle would not adjust my power rods,..I would be unable to save Xev and Stan from whatever horrors this terrible Type Thirteen planet was going to throw at them!! I would have to take extreme measures. I was going to have to kiss Stanelle.
I didn't want to do it! (The Dead do not want!!) Still,..that would appear to be the only way that I could convince her that she should adjust my rods for me so that I could get back to Xev and Stan to protect them!!
Very few human women can refuse me once they have kissed me and I have kissed quite a few human women and some,..who seemed more than inhuman from their lack of human feelings!! All of them had wanted a piece of me, and kissing them was the best that I could do for them!! Besides,..it has become a habit of mine tp keep score of all of the women that I have kissed by making scratch marks on the inner lining of my cryopod!!
For a while, Stan thought it was a sort of metal parasite that had been eating at the lining of my pod. I had no motivation to tell him that the scratches there are my record of my "love life!!" Even an Assassin has his...secrets!!
Stanelle just stood there in the open field and looked at me. My heightened Assassin senses,..scanning her neurochemistry,..told me that she was VERY much interested in kissing me, but the thought of my multitudinous power rods..frightened her for some reason!! I was begining to think that she had no mechanical aptitude!!
I held up my hand beseechingly to her, "Just one little kiss..even if you don't want to adjust my power rods...."
"How many tongues do you have?" she asked me suspiciously, "Since you are from outer space,..you aren't going to suck out my brain and eat it,..are you?"
"No!" I mutterd to myself, "I'll let Xev do that later!!'
I gave her my "Assassin-beautiful-enough-to-die-for" look." Few human females can resist that!! I glanced up at her provocatively and then,..looked away. This always gets them!!
My quarry came over and knelt down beside me!! I reached over and gasped the nape of her neck and pulled her head over to mine. Her eyes widened as we came face to face.
"You are just so damned beautiful!!" she moaned to me, but turned slightly away, "But you have the breath of...."
"A cluster lizard.." I breathed back at her. It must have numbed her because she did not turn away again as I expertly,..if I do say so myself,..tilted her lips towards mine by gently pressuring her chin and brushed my lips into contact with her's. She groaned as I slid my lips from hers and up to her cheek bones and down to her chin and then,.slowly caressed her neck with my tongue.
Then, I again lifted her mouth slightly,..curving my hand again around the nape of her neck,..so as to put her into the best possible position for the best possible contact between us. She began to shake from the feelings that I knew that I was arousing in her as I could feel her giving into passion of my kiss!
Just as I was mentally scratching up another score on the inside of my cryopod, an irritating voice screeched out, "What in the world are you doing there,..Stanelle?? Down there in the cow poop and kissing that complete stranger? Remember! You are a married woman!!"
I was so shook,..I lost control of my brace and it popped out!! Talk about a bad misalighnment!!