My god! I love Loveless, but it's a surprisingly hard fandom to write for! I have this idea for a great, original, multi-chapter loveless fic if I ever get it started. I consider this practice so let me know how I do, especially compared to my Naruto and Inuyasha fics.
"You have to go."
"Because," Ritsuka frowned, attempting to smooth his hair down in the mirror. "I'm going out."
"Out?" He wondered, leaning against the wall, watching the boy try and straighten the collar of his shirt. "With Yuiko? It's a bit late isn't it?" Indeed, it was already dark out, and he wasn't entirely sure where the kids would go or if Ritsuka even should. "Are you sure it's alright? With your mother?"
Ritsuka was quiet, frowning into the mirror before turning back. When he did his cheeks were flushed, his eyes just slightly wary. "Maybe not but...it's not Yuiko..."
"Oh?" he raised one blond eyebrow. "Yayoi then?"
"No... Definitely no", he shifted a little, obviously uncomfortable and looking adorably shy. Discreetly biting the inside of his lip Soubi fought back a smile. He could smile after his curiosity was satisfied. "It's kind of...well...a date."
Suddenly frowning wasn't such a difficult task. Especially considering the news went over him like ice water. Those weren't words he'd ever expected to hear. Which then begged the question...why hadn't he? Ritsuka was smart, kind, thoughtful, not to mention perhaps the cutest person Soubi had ever met. It was only natural for girls to be interested in him.
For him to be interested in girls.
...This was a girl...wasn't it?
"A date?" he replied, his tone surprisingly casual. "With who?"
"Osamu... This girl from my old school", he continued at Soubi's blank stare.
If he'd bother to look, he'd have seen Soubi's smile slip just a little. As it was, however, he'd turned back to the mirror, fussing over his buttons.
So he was right. It was a girl... So Ritsuka did like girls...
He didn't know what hurt more. That Ritsuka liked somebody else or that that someone else was of the opposite gender. It was like a slap in the face. He might as well have just danced around the room singing, 'I don't love you Soubi and I apparently never will.'
He refused to let it show on his face, determined to find something to say. Something encouraging that would make the boy smile. There was really too much anxiety in those big, purple, eyes that that Osamu girl didn't deserve. She couldn't possibly be worth it. He didn't get to say them however, some words he wasn't sure of that contradicted everything he was feeling. Ritsuka beat him to it.
"Anyways, you've got to go. I'm leaving soon..." His voice trailed off and Soubi could see Ritsuka fidget in the mirror. "...Really, I can't be late...My first date...and maybe my first kiss...."
"First kiss?"No. The wasn't right. He could remember several instances that made that statement very, very wrong. There wasn't any possible way Ritsuka could actually forget...was there? "I beg to differ..."
"That's not!-" He yelled, spinning around. His face was red, embarrassed, his tone that frustrated one that always seemed to arise at this subject. "Those don't count. Not your's, they're-" he trailed off, his eyes suddenly glued to his apparently fascinating sneakers. "Just....go!" he pointed towards the window, though he didn't look up.
Soubi didn't really mind. He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep smiling anyways. His chest was suddenly tight, painfully so as he realized what he'd feared all along. It wouldn't happen here either, and if that was the case what chance did he really have? If Ritsuka of all people couldn't love him than who the hell possibly could?
"Alright", he replied, turning. "Have fun on your date then. Good night."
"Yeah...goodnight." His voice was soft again as he slowly lifted his eyes, watched him approach the window. He was almost there when-
He stopped, looking back. "What is it Ritsuka?"
"I..." he faltered, his face flushing again, shifting his feet a little. "That is..." he looked up, his eyes meeting Soubi's and for a split second the blond allowed hope to flicker in his heart. "Do I look alright?"
Slowly he felt the flame flicker out, replaced with familiar disappointment. He considered saying no, thought of a million lies that could keep him home. Keep him away from this girl and out of her feminine little hands. But as quickly as they appeared they were gone. He couldn't do that. Not when Ritsuka was standing there, his face red, his eyes big and worried, chewing delicately on the very corner of his lip. His little kitten ears were drooping, his tail curled anxiously around his leg, his hands clasped firmly behind his back.
And his gaze was turned on him, scared and seeking reassurance. It was actually painful, resisting the urge to grab him. To hold the younger boy to him until he smiled again.
He didn't, however, because it wouldn't make him smile. He already knew such an action wouldn't be welcomed. So instead he pasted on yet another fake smile, trying to look as confident as he could and praying the boy was too distracted to notice if he fell short.
"Of course you do Ritsuka. You're adorable."
"I'm not really going for adorable." He muttered, frowning.
"Fine then. You're very sexy." For the first time all night he allowed a ghost of a grin to slide up his face, felt the slightest hint of amusement. "Is that better?"
"No!" he snapped, " I mean...I don't know... I've gotta go..."
"Alright." He exited the window, ready to slide from the balcony when he heard them.
"Thank you Soubi."
They were soft, tentatively whispered, and barely audible. And they broke his heart. Because it wasn't gratitude he wanted.
Jumping to the ground he started the walk home, wondering why it was that no matter who he was with, his kisses were never enough. The emotion behind them was just as real, and yet always ignored or over looked.
Ritsuka sighed as fished around in his pocket, unable to find his house key. Looking up towards his room he silently wondered how the hell Soubi always got up there anyways and if he could do it now. At this rate it was his only chance of getting inside. After all, it wasn't like he could just knock or anything. His mother would flip. He was pretty sure "her Ritsuka" didn't stay out until 11:00 with girls, much less without her permission.
No. That was out. There was no other options...unless...
Well there was that key he'd made Soubi. He still wasn't sure why he'd done that. Was it for situations like these where his mother would go crazy and possibly tie him to another chair? Was it so he'd always have access to the house? So he could always save him?
Or was it because he didn't want him to have a stolen key, or one made by Seimei.
Somehow, he wasn't particularly happy with either thought?
Why should he care how Soubi got the key? He'd still be able to get inside, to help him. The bitter feelings evoked by the thought of him having Seimei's key was completely irrational. Stupid.
No. That was an even stupider thought. What was there to be jealous of? It wasn't as if Soubi was his and his alone. It wasn't like he wanted him to be...
Refusing to humor that train of thought any more he grabbed his cellphone from his pocket, hitting Soubi's number. So what if he had him on speed dial? That didn't mean anything.
It rang once, then twice, before -
"Ritsuka?" He could practically imagine the look on Soubi's face ; surprised and just a little confused.
"Yeah. Are you busy?"
"Not really." He replied, casting a look around his apartment. He was sitting at the table in the dark, Kio long since passed out on the couch. He'd had far more to drink that Soubi who'd settled for no more than two beers. Kio had seemed to think that drinking would help with whatever had Soubi so obviously upset. Soubi, however, disagreed and had simply drank slowly until Kio was asleep in an alcohol induced coma.
Just how many beers did you need to pass out like that? Really?
In all actuality, he hadn't expected Kio to try anything like this. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he really just hadn't wanted to be alone.
"Is something wrong Ritsuka?"
The boy frowned as he sat down on his front step, laid back against the cool stone and stared up into the sky. It was pretty.
"Do you still have that key? The one I gave you?"
Of course he had it. He always had it. It was the first and only thing Ritsuka had ever really given him and it had meant more to him than the boy knew.
"I do." His voice was speculative. Curious, and perhaps just a little slurred? It was probably just because it was late.
"Um...well, I know it's late and everything but do you think you could..."
"Could bring me the key? I lost mine somewhere and kind of... can't get...inside"
He could all but hear the frown in Soubi's voice. "I'll be there shortly."
"I love you Ritsuka."
Ritsuka blinked, the words coming as somewhat of a shock. What the hell was he talking about now? Of all times? And the tone... The frown was gone...but there was...something else... They were the same words he always tossed at him, left him to fumble, but they were different somehow. He couldn't place it, but they seemed heavier. More...meaningful?
He wasn't sure, but he didn't feel right ignoring them or brushing them off.
He hung up quickly before he could say anything else, not at all sure he'd said the right thing. But he'd said something. He didn't know what his words were doing across the line, or how tempting the last beer in the six pack was appearing right now...
Anything to make the pain go away.
He really hated pain.
Blinking, the boy sat up, watched as Soubi walked up the walk towards him.
"Hi Soubi. Do you have the key?"
"Of course", he replied.
Ritsuka frowned as he reached his hand out, accepted the small, cold, metal. Soubi was standing there like normal in his long faux-fur trimmed jacket, his hair loose, smiling mysteriously like someone with a secret. But something seemed wrong. His tone fell flat...like his eyes...
"Soubi...are you alright?"
"Of course." He repeated, smiling just a little wider, praying for the boy to look away. To just continue on up to his house. Stop looking so intently when he didn't have the energy to hide.
"Alright", he replied slowly, apparently letting the subject drop, though from the look in his eye he still had his suspicions. "Well...thanks."
He wanted to turn away, but didn't. There was something holding him there. The look in Soubi's eyes maybe...whatever was wrong that he was lying to him about. He was, however, at a complete loss as to what to say, and so said nothing.
Finally, after several moments, Soubi broke the silence.
"So, how did your date go?"
Yes. Let the record show that Soubi was indeed a masochist.
"Fine", he replied vaguely. "Well. It went well."
"Where did you go?"
"Um... There's a fair, back where I used to live...we took the bus. It was fun...Osamu's really great."
There it was again, that damn tightening. Like a fist constricting around his heart, preventing it from beating. Making it painful to breathe. Trying to stop it all together. And he was about to make it worse.
"So", he began, because he had to know, "Did you get a real first kiss?"
There was that tone again, the flat one. The...
Hurt, he realized at once. He was hurt...
He'd hurt him. Hurt Soubi.
He blinked, his eyes going a little wide in shock. It wasn't something he'd ever wanted to do, or even thought he could . Especially not just by going on a date or getting a kiss. A "real" one...
Or maybe that wasn't it.
Maybe it was that he'd written off his kiss. That he'd said it didn't count. Had cast it off as unimportant...
But if that was it then...
He was slapped with the truth. Cold reality. Rationality. If that was what upset Soubi, if that was the cause of this...well there was only one explanation.
Soubi loved him. Really loved him. Had been serious every time he'd said the words in what Ritsuka had assumed had been a careless manner.
Was what he'd heard over the phone. That was what was different. They were heavier, truthful...desperate. He'd never heard Soubi sound like that before...no...that wasn't true. He had. Twice. But both times were in the aftermath of an encounter with Seimei. Shaken or hurt...
Squeezing his eyes shut against it all, he did the only thing he could do. The only thing Soubi deserved.
He gave him the truth.
"Yeah, I did..."
Soubi's eyes darkened, though his smile didn't slip. Somehow that made it all the more painful. Ritsuka stepped forwards just a little, his face red, eyes off to the side. Taking a deep breath, he brought them up to meet Soubi's, tried not to scream at his own obliviousness. How could he not have known the truth when it was all right there, everything, reflected in blue? He let the air out slowly before breathing it in again, deeper than the first, before continuing.
"...And Osamu kissed me too."
He watched the confusion flicker in Soubi's eyes, the doubt, the hope, and did the last thing he needed to do. Rising onto his toes, he leaned up and very lightly pressed his lips to Soubi's. It was barely a second, and as light as a feather, but it had to be done.
For all it's brevity, Soubi seemed just as affected as if Ritsuka'd plunged his tongue down the older man's throat. Blinking, he stared down at him, the silence deafening.
"What was that?"
That was the truth. The honest to God truth. True the date had gone well, had been fun, but Osamu was always fun. That's why they were friends. Holding her hand had just been natural, sharing a drink was something they always did. And kissing her hadn't been bad. But it wasn't anything special. It didn't leave him warm and dizzy and just a tad confused.
Only Soubi could do that.
And so they'd agreed to just be friends, and all was well. There anyways. And soon things would be well here too. Because however brief the kiss had been just now, he'd still managed to feel all those wonderful things. Because it was true.
He loved Soubi.
"That was me...deciding that maybe...you're kisses count after all..."
Soubi could only blink for a moment, surprised, as he took in the words. Understood them. He felt the grip around his heart loosen, the ache dissipate as he realized what had just been said.
His kisses mattered. They counted.
Which of course, called for another one. A slightly longer one. One where Ritsuka was pulled close, held tight, and where his arms tentatively slid around him too. Held on.
Which was an all new and completely wonderful experience.
When the finally came apart, Ritsuka was several shades of red, turned darker as he realized his tail had found it's way around Soubi's leg. Quickly detaching it he turned around to face his door, willing the cool night air to rid him of the unwanted color.
"So...um...I've got to go", he stammered, all but running to his door, fumbling just a little with the key. Watching him, Soubi smiled truly happy and amused.
He really was adorable.
"Goodnight Ritsuka", he called. "I love you."
He didn't expect to hear the words back, not yet. It was enough that he got this much, especially considering how this night had began. For now this was perfect. He couldn't be happier.
So he was utterly shocked when he heard the small response, quiet in the night.
"I love you too."
And then Ritsuka was gone, quietly disappearing into the house, leaving Soubi standing there in the night stunned yet again, warmth exploding in his chest.
Apparently he could be happier.
OH MY GOD THE FLUFF! *Falls backwards into big fluffy pile of cotton candy * This is perhaps the sweetest thing I have on my sight right now. My Greek fics are pretty cute but they don't make for grade A slightly angsty fluff. Anyways, REVIEW! I NEED TO KNOW HOW MY FIRST EVER LOVELESS FIC ( written 100% by me and not a crack fic. ) WENT! THIS IS VITAL SEEING AS HOW I HAVE AN AMAZING ORIGINAL NEVER-BEFORE-DONE LOVELESS FIC IDEA IN MY MIND. LET ME KNOW IF ANYONE WAS OOC OR ANYTHING OKAY!
Thankies : )