Disclaimer: If I owned it, this would be happening in the show...well the PG-13 and less angsty version of this anyway. That's a no on owning it in case you didn't already guess. ;).

A/N: I am now officially starting my new M-rated story. Just a quick introduction; this is the one based from the pilot to the finale about if they had a friends with benefits thing happening. It will eventually become more don't worry. This chapter just sets the scene for things to come so it is angsty but still really good to read. I loved writing this one. I love the vulnerable emotional stuff. Not every chapter will involve sex but I'll give a little preview here of what's to come: there will be angry against the wall goodness, sweet shower scenes, and of course on the floor action. What's not to love?

Warning: Again it is a bit angsty but I can't help it. This kind of story has to be like that. Tons of smut will hopefully make up for it and later they will become more than just friends.

It was late, well past one in the morning when Jane had called Lisbon to tell her that someone had shoved a note underneath his hotel room door while he was watching television. The rest of the team were notified as soon as he mentioned that he chased the man who left it. The note identified the assailant as Red John but Jane swore it wasn't. Despite not wanting him on this case in the first place, she believed him.

As the rest of team filed out of Patrick Jane's hotel room one member lagged behind. Lisbon wanted to make sure he was alright so she momentarily paused in her walk towards the door. She knew this was a difficult case for him. It brought back memories that would make most people cringe. Anything that had to deal with Red John always got the best of him, even when it was just a potential copycat.

"You okay?" It was probably the dumbest thing she could ask, but her brain couldn't seem to come up with anything better.

"Absolutely." They both knew that was a no. He didn't even try to hide it, which surprised her.

"Get some sleep." Absentmindedly he managed a small nod as she walked away dead set on getting out of the room before her hormones got the best of her. Seeing him sitting on a bed with his shirt partially unbuttoned did nothing to help the emotion coursing through her body and she didn't want to humiliate herself in front of him.

Lisbon didn't notice that Jane had followed her until he grabbed her wrist to stop her from turning the doorknob. The small touch caused her to jump, clearly startled that he had managed to sneak up on her. He took that as an opportunity to spin her around and pin her against the door, holding her arms above her head as he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers, noses touching.

"What the hell are..."

"Just let me have this." His voice was barely above a whisper which took them both by shock. He could see it in her eyes that she was confused and also just as into the thought of spending a night together as he was. It was wrong of him to want such things from her but a part of him needed the comfort.

"Jane we can't do this." Pressing himself fully against her, a sharp ragged breath told him everything he needed to know. Her mouth was saying one thing while her reactions were saying something totally different.

"Who says?" Her protests died on her lips when she saw the look in his eyes. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to stop him but she couldn't. "Just tonight, only one night, help me."

"Okay." Her voice sounded childlike and frail to her own ears and she knew that she'd regret this. It wasn't right to be so selfish. He needed to be comforted and instead of being a friend she had agreed to being his one night stand. There was no way this could end well. The thought was short lived, her brain shut down as soon as his mouth touched the skin of her neck. It didn't escape her, that he didn't kiss her on the lips like she had assumed he would. Honestly though she was glad he didn't, she wouldn't have been able to handle it. She already knew her feelings for him were going to make this hard enough. Closing her eyes, she blocked out the world hoping it would help the constricting in her heart. It was pointless to try and block out her emotions but she tried anyway. The way his warm breath was fanning across her skin caused a shiver to run through her body.

Whirling her around, Jane began walking her backwards to the bed while she kicked off her shoes. This was so wrong of him, but it felt too good. His lips on her neck teasing the warm flesh, her arms around him pulling him closer, it was enough to make him forget for a while. As soon as the backs of her knees hit the mattress he let his hands find the hem of her shirt and tugged it over her head in one swift motion. He felt a pang in his heart when her eyes stayed closed – almost like if she opened them he'd be gone. Gently caressing her stomach with feather light touches he waited, watching her face for any sign that she wasn't okay. Seeing none he pushed her back on the bed and quickly shed his vest and button down before crawling over her.

"Lisbon, tell me if you want me to stop." Her pretty green eyes met his as she thought it over for a few seconds. There was something about this that seemed so hot she couldn't tell him no. She wouldn't have anyway, he needed someone and she was glad he turned to her. The pain evident in his eyes made her want to help him at any cost and even if this was the wrong way to do it she didn't want to walk away now.

"Don't." The small hand that stroked his cheek made everything seem more real. There was no way he could deny being aroused, he knew she could feel it pressed into her thigh. As he reached behind her to unclasp the white lace bra that covered her breasts, his lips found the soft creamy flesh of her neck once again. This was wrong of him, so so wrong. He was using the closest person he had to a best friend, all to make the hurting go away. No matter how many times he kept telling himself how horrible it was of him to use her, he didn't want to stop.

A breathy moan interrupted his thoughts bringing him back to the reality. Teresa Lisbon was lying under him naked from the waist up, the regret could wait.

Leaning back, he admired the view of her pinned beneath him. She was gorgeous with her hair splayed all different directions, angry red marks marring the ivory skin of her neck and chest heaving in anticipation of what was to come. He was trying his best to be gentle with her, but it was proving to be harder to control himself with every breath she took. Lazily trailing one hand down her half naked body he rested it at the waistband of her pants, watching the goosebumps it left behind. Doing the same with his other hand, he got the same reaction but this time it was followed by her shifting, arching into him. She was begging, not vocally, but with her body. It brought her breasts closer and he could no longer deny himself the pleasure of tasting the rounded flesh. As soon as his lips touched the darkened pink of her nipple, he found himself moaning.

"God, Jane..." The woman he was pleasuring appreciated every touch, every nip, every suck of his mouth against her sensitive skin. She arched her back when he switched breasts, needing more of him but only succeeded in pressing her self into his erection making them both groan. Lisbon was tired of the foreplay, she wanted him and she wanted him now, but this was about his need not hers. The hands at her hips began to move towards her zipper and she audibly sighed in relief. He pulled back from her chest to quickly unbutton and unzip the barrier. He didn't carefully peel them off, it was more of a jerking motion to try and get them off quickly which only served to bring them to her knees. When he abruptly stood up leaving her alone on the bed she feared the worst until she saw him unfastening his own pants and letting them drop, taking his underwear with them.

His bare skin took her by surprise and made it difficult for her to remember her own name. He was beautiful, lean and judging by the eye full she got as her gaze dropped lower, completely ready for what was about to happen. He was staring at her in the same way and she quickly kicked her pants the rest of the way off before hooking her thumbs in her panties and sliding them down. She felt extremely awkward doing this while he was just watching but as soon as she was done, he was climbing back over her and resting a hand on each of her cheeks.

His eyes met hers and held for the longest time before he let his head drop to the crook of her neck and one hand ended up on her inner thigh, testing to see if she was ready.

"I can't wait any longer. I'm sorry." Before she could reply she felt him gently nudge her legs apart and push into her. He was a little bigger than she was expecting but even with the given circumstances it felt like heaven. He moaned against her skin as she fought back a tear. Forcing herself to get it together, she silently pledged that her heart could break later, right now she just needed to be in this moment for him. It was skin on skin, body pressed to body and she knew that if he ever asked for another night together she wouldn't be able to deny him.

Jane hated this, it felt so good but he knew it was killing her. He knew she had feelings for him and he was crushing them. It was too late to back out now, it had been too late since the first touch. Slowly moving his hips, he started to move in and out of her, reveling in the way she was so warm and tight. It had been too long since he felt like this. He couldn't open his eyes, if he saw her now he'd break. He could only imagine how she looked and for now that'd have to be enough. He settled for kissing wherever he could; her neck, cheek, forehead, chest, anywhere except her lips. Her sighs and moans timed perfectly with the rhythm of his thrusts but as soon as she turned the tables and kissed his shoulder he faltered. It was a shock to him and he almost convinced himself he imagined it but the warmth of her lips were real. She kissed the same spot again before nuzzling her face into his neck and moving her hips to meet his.

Picking up where he left off, he kept the pace slow. It matched both of their moods and emotions, it just fit. He could tell she was close, her breathing was shallow and ragged, her hands were clutching at his shoulders frantically, trying to pull him closer, and her internal muscles were constricting around him like a vise.

"Jane..." He shushed her by pulling completely out of her and pushing back in swiftly but gently. She froze in his arms, all of her muscles tightening. He desperately wanted to see her lose control but he couldn't give himself that pleasure, he didn't deserve it. Keeping his eyes closed he felt – more than heard – her cry out against him before falling limp in his arms. A few more thrusts and he was right behind her moaning into the soft smooth skin of her shoulder before letting himself give in to the overwhelming sensation of being inside of Teresa Lisbon.

After several minutes of just lying there, he finally pushed himself back and opened his eyes. She was staring up at him with a soft inquisitive expression adorning her face. The guilt of what they had just done started to settle over him as he rolled off of her to frown at the ceiling.

"Jane?" Lisbon sat up to look over at him and was puzzled by what she saw. He looked angry and she wasn't sure why. They had just had mind blowing sex and yeah it wasn't planned and yeah it was a one time thing but that didn't make it any less amazing. Gently reaching out she touched his shoulder, loving the way his skin felt against her fingertips.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." She didn't want him to be sorry, she wanted him to be better, to be comforted. If anything she thought she should apologize for taking advantage of his emotional state.

"No it's okay, I agreed. It's okay. We'll be fine I promise." In a moment such as this, all she wanted to do was pull him into a loving embrace and whisper sweet nothings in his ear but she knew she couldn't.

"Yeah." He smiled but she knew it was his fake smile. "We will be."

Crawling off the bed, Lisbon found her clothes and started dressing. She wasn't in a hurry but she also didn't want to be here any longer than she already had. Jane said nothing to stop her, he knew she needed to leave and honestly he needed that too. He still couldn't believe he had broken down and asked her to stay in the first place, then again he'd probably do it all over in a heart beat. It hadn't made anything better though, in fact it had only made it worse and yet he wanted her again. Except he wanted to kiss her and watch her lose it but he couldn't let himself do that.

"I'm gonna go. Get some sleep." It was the second time she'd voiced those words to him 'get some sleep' and also the second time he planned on ignoring them. He watched her walk away and waited until the door closed before he was out of bed, getting dressed, and putting a plan in motion.

Lisbon walked slowly down the corridor knowing that Patrick Jane would not listen to anything she had just said. The tears she had been holding back started to fall, leaving trails down her cheeks. She had taken advantage of him and he felt bad about it now. She should have pushed him away, been more persistent but no, she had let her feelings win over her actions. She had to admit though, watching him as he came was the most breath taking thing she'd ever seen. He was so gentle with her when she had expected it to be fast and hard, something angry. Knowing him the way she did, he'd act normal, not necessarily pretending it didn't happen but beating himself up on the inside about it instead of talking to her. It was his way of dealing with things, hell it was her way of dealing with things and it wasn't healthy. She'd give herself one night, tonight, to wallow in her own guilt before sucking it up and acting perfectly fine. Maybe if she acted absolutely okay he wouldn't hate himself for sleeping with her. For now they both needed space, so she pretended she didn't hear his door open and close again, or his footsteps heading towards the elevator and when she turned to see his retreating form, she pretended it wasn't him.

a/n: I know in the Pilot, right after she leaves his room he takes off too, but this is my version of what could have happened instead of her actually just leaving after asking him if he was okay. Wouldn't this have made a better scene? ~Rina :)