The Raven, Dr. House, Will Haunt You
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
House abruptly woke from his sleep from a loud ring from his telephone. For a moment he tried to remember why he didn't pull the cords out of the wall to silence the annoying machine, then he remembered he was in his office. He must have dozed off for a moment… the sun was nearly down and the orange and gold sunlight seeped into the dark room. Not that the doctor cared whether it was noon or 4 in the morning. House lazily and hastily picked up the phone, already knowing what the person was going to say, 'cause he was just awesome like that.
"What is it?" The doctor said with bitterness in his voice.
"The patient's missing again!" Foreman half shouted into the phone.
House nearly sighed and wanted to hit himself in the head with his cane. But, that would make it seem like he was crazy, wouldn't now? His recent patient, a 15 year old girl, had been walking off from her bed every chance she could get. And since the hospital was full of idiots, he seemed to be the only one who could find the little sneak. He was wording it nicely since Cameron had a problem with the word 'bitch' for some odd reason.
This girl wasn't even worth his time, damn it! Her overprotective parents came in bawling on about how their 'little girl' couldn't walk because she was in 'too much pain.' House nearly laughed halfheartedly at their words. He had a few things to say about pain. However, the girl's reaction towards him was…interesting. While the idiot guardians went on and on about her symptoms she was just half standing half leaning on the wall, staring out into space, giving a look that she wanted nothing to do with him, anyone in the building (which included her parents) or anything within a 5 mile radius. Her mother caught her standing and half begged her to go sit down. It seemed that only House saw the irritated and somnolent look on the girl's face. When she got a seat she merely smiled at her parents claiming she was fine.
She gave a glance that said, 'you and I both know what my parents are saying is completely irrelevant. I'll tell you what's REALLY wrong later.' House couldn't help but smirk. She was a cocky little brat, but then what teenager wasn't? Every teenager knows they're smarter than their parents. It's when they turn 20 and fall on their asses, when they realize they're all morons. It was kind of funny.
Anyways, when the girl was admitted, the symptoms she described sounded like Kohler Disease. What was so interesting about it was that Kohler disease was a rare bone disorder of the foot in children that may be the result of stress-related compression at a critical time during the period of growth. It is characterized by limping caused by pain and swelling in the foot. It most often occurs in children between the ages of three and seven, and it affects males five times more often than it does females. Typically, just one foot is affected. Children appear to grow out of the disorder, and the affected bones regain their size, density and structure within a year. For some, however, symptoms may last as long as two years.
Chase said the girls was just unlucky, having a disease that she wasn't supposed to have, in an age group or gender that didn't fit, and she told him that she'd been dealing the symptoms for longer and a month, and not a few days where as she had told her parents. The idiot. So now House had to deal with the annoying pain in the ass that seemed to like not doing what she was told.
It wasn't like she was hard to find! She had long, black, messy and uncombed hair that went farther than her ass! Not only that, but she was walking around in crutches everywhere. Come on, how hard was it to find a cripple?!
"Well, I suggest you go find them." House replied and then tossed the phone down so it hung up on the other doctor. House grabbed his cane and began to walk out of his office to find the brat, knowing that his ducklings would eventually call Cuddy and have her bitch at him with empty threats. He nearly tripped over his medical texts that were for some reason sprawled out on the floor. He cursed under his breath as he ignored the echo from the ringing phone in his office having a general idea where the girl was.
He knew what would happen. He'd find her, ask her why she left, she'd ignore him, and then quietly had back to her room. That's always what happened; people don't change, so that's what would always happen. Then again this girl was odd…maybe something different would happen, but House wouldn't hold his breath for it. She was just another patient.
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.
House opened the door to the roof. It wasn't the first time a patient had tried to escape to the roof. So the girl didn't have any points for originality. House looked at the edge of the roof and saw the teen sitting crossed legged over the edge, her crutches thrown to the side. It seemed to be her favorite place since she heard news that her parents died when they left the hospital. House had to think for a moment at the cause of the death. Oh, yeah…a drunk driver came and crashed into their car. Again, no points for originality.
House stared at the back of the girl. Now that he thought about it…he never saw her cry. He once saw a look of despair, he saw a mind trying to make sense of the unfair world, and he saw a heart breaking. 'Welcome to life, kid.' House thought. What was interesting was that, when the girl heard news of her guardian's death, Cameron had tried to comfort her. The girl didn't say anything, she didn't look at anybody, she just requested that she could leave. Cameron tried to explain to the brat that she was still ill, but the girl just called her a moron and asked to leave. However, child services would arrive soon and take her off to her godparents and live for the rest of her miserable, poor, emote filled, life. Still, the girl never said anything else other than that she wanted to leave.
It was normal for mourning people to shut the world out, but did she have to do it on his time? Seriously, he was about to throw her off the edge of the building. It was pretty ironic, a cripple chasing after a cripple in a hospital.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
"So, am I going to have to tie down next time, or are you finally going to stay put?" House asked, annoyed with the teen.
The teen didn't reply after a minute. She just continued to gaze up at the sun that was slowly creeping down into the edge of the Earth and the golden sunlight that was being replaced with the cold and darkness that was the night sky. She didn't want to see the crippled doctor. His cloudy blue eyes…scared her. As if he knew something she didn't and her not knowing would kill her one day. His stare would render speechless and her voice would get caught in her throat. It frightened her, but she did her best not to show it. He was, just a doctor after all…just a man. Nothing more and nothing less.
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
The two stayed their, in a rather uncomfortable silence that seemed to drag on until the girl built up the courage to reply. "…may I leave yet?"
House sarcastically gawked at the girl's reply. He knew she would ask that, but how would running around the hospital prove that she was ready to leave yet? Was this girl mentally ill? "You know you're never going to leave here on your own." House stated.
"…yah. I know."
"So why do you keep asking? If you know what's going to happen-"
"Dunno. Maybe I'm still hoping that something will change…" She stared out into the moonlight which reflected off her eyes.
"Nothing's going to change. And you know that."
"…yah. I know that…hope is such a stupid thing isn't it?"
House didn't want to reply to that. Of course he knew the answer to it, but Cuddy and Cameron would bitch at him later if he made the depressed teenager, suicidal. Then again, what would one more life be? No one would miss an orphan girl. It was a proven fact that the world doesn't give a shit about orphans. That's why they're orphans.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.
"…I know they're gone. I know they're dead and not coming back to greet me if I get better…" The girl began. "But…if that's the case…then…"
House's eyes seemed to widen just a bit, realizing the meaning behind her words. "You want to leave… so you can go and kill yourself."
"…from the moment I heard they died."
House almost mentally slapped himself; he should've seen this sooner. He considered it before, though he didn't take it seriously...But once more, the girl didn't receive any points for originality. Millions of people have committed suicide, and most of his patients wanted to die even before they met him.
"Look, I know you're depressed, but that no reason to die. You have to rest of your family and all that."
"They don't like me. I'm a bastard child, remember?"
House remembered now. The kid's mother was bawling and the dad was shocked. But he didn't leave, his love was too great and all that mushy yucky stuff.
"…If I don't fit in anywhere…and I don't want to be in this ugly world any more…wouldn't it be better if I wasn't here at all?" The girl had two people that loved and liked her. She missed them.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
"Then again…I could become one of those super kids. You know the ones who come up in the news every other night about how they over came a disability. Sure the people watching would only say 'that poor girl' for about two seconds, but it'd be better than nothing right?"
House nearly smirked and he cocked his head to the side. "Mmm…don't think that'd work. All those 'super kids' are ten and eight, you're 15."
"Crap…well I guess I really am screwed." The girl said almost laughing. She looked over the edge of the building, thinking a little on the insane side. Then she did something House didn't quite expected.
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
The girl stood up, ignoring the obvious pain flowing through her legs and began to walk along the edge of the hospital. Her arms out and away from her torso to try and keep some form of balance.
"What are you doing?" House asked with a bit more curiosity than he normally had.
"I'm walking." The girl replied, looking at her feet and concentrating on her balance. If she took one wrong step… "Did you know I used to take gymnastics? I could've won medals if I liked doing the sport even just a little bit…" The girl knew the doctor didn't give a shit about her past but she continued anyways. "Mom made me do it to do more social…it failed of course."
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
"Then walk over this way…whatever you name is." House stated. He was sure the girl was trying to kill herself. However, if she wanted to truly die she would've jumped off the edge by now, why was she talking to him? What purpose did it serve? Why was she wasting his time?
"If I walked over to you I will be stuck in the building until people come to take me away. I'm stalling if you can't tell by now."
Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
House waited for her to say more. Usually people told him their name when he didn't know it. She seemed to just ignore that part. However she didn't say anymore and she continue to do trouble-free gymnastics that didn't involve her hospital gown revealing more than it should've.
"You're gonna hurt yourself." House stated plainly.
"A blind man could see that." The girl replied.
"So you're intending to hurt yourself?"
"Nope. I'm testing fate. I either die or I live."
"So you're going to kill yourself for no reason?"
"Nope. Just stalling."
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'
"I don't want to die now…that would just be pointless wouldn't it? But if I go with you and live, I'll probably be miserable for the rest of my life. But if I fall and die…then I just die, don't I?"
House looked up at her. "So you basically loose either way?" He said, trying to see through her logic. She had a point. Thousands of people die all the time. Most of them had no one to miss them for even a moment.
"This is life, you can never win." She stated.
House shook his head and almost laughed. The brat.
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
"True, but is it worth killing yourself for this one moment of sadness...?" House asked, not looking at her.
"Well, now that I think about it I was never really happy…Mom was always worried Dad would find out about the affair…dad was always worried about money and his job…they always smoked so I was never around them at all. I know there are way worse situations out there. But, I don't really care. I want to be happy; I don't care about other people. Call me selfish if you want, I don't care." She glanced over at House.
House didn't reply. He saw the look on her face and knew what she was thinking.
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'
The smile she wore, one that was for him alone, gave House pins and needles. He had seen that kind of smile before and he knew what it meant. The girl changed her mind far too much. Either that or she was just toying with him. She still had no points for originality. Personally, he didn't want the brat to die…the mess out be a pain in the ass to clean up.
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
House seemed to have a silent staring contest with the girl. His cloudy, icy blue eyes meeting her dark, shady brown. The night sky had completely fallen and the only source of luminosity was from the street lights. The stone edge beneath the girl's bare feet grew cold and gave her Goosebumps that traveled up her legs. The slight wind brushed through her hair and made her mouth dry.
"Doctor House…you are a nice man…"
Well, that was a first.
"…However, you won't be saved just like I won't. And I will say goodbye, with the hope that you will one day find someone who understands you and loves you for who you are."
Now what was she going on about? Love? Someone who understands him and loves him? Now he was sure she was mentally ill.
Then, me thought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
"I'm not going to take advice from someone who's suicidal." House said looking off to the side.
The girl laughed just a little. "Well, call me a quitter if you want, but I'm done with this place and everything about it. I can't see the good things anymore and I'm too tired of trying. Who knows, Dr. House, maybe you've already found someone…maybe you've already lost them. Who knows? I don't have anyone anymore…I'm so tired of trying to look for one…"
House looked at her strangely.
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
"If you die now, you'll never know."
"I'll never have to know, if I die now. I know you're not going to stop me."
"There's a great chance you won't jump." Most attempted jumpers just wanted attention anyways.
"Would you bet that? Are you a good gambler, Dr. House?"
"Why yes. Yes I am."
The girl smiled. She didn't try to make him believe her future actions were true or false.
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
House looked at the girl, standing before him with the smile of a girl who was truly happy. She was happy that she was choosing to die. She was happy that she was leaving this place and she was happy that she was able to meet him.
"I can think of ten good reasons why you shouldn't do this." House stated flatly.
"And I'm sure they're all very good reasons. But this place won't miss me and I won't miss it. So good bye Doctor House…you were my favorite by the way."
"Well, I'm truly honored." House said leaning on his cane.
The girl couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, and for that reason she smiled. "Good bye."
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
House watched the girl turn around, still with a small smile on her face; she walked off the edge and left the rest to gravity. She didn't scream, she didn't make a sound as she fell of the roof of the hospital. House heard a horrible cracking, breaking, and popping noises that sent chills down anyone's back if they heard it. House walked over to the side to see the sight before him.
Bone sticking out of skin, was mixed with blood and insides that he knew too well. The body splattered against the stone and cold concrete. House heard a few people scream and watched as people poked their heads out of the hospital's window. House gave one last glance at the girl before her left to go back to his office.
House stopped by Cameron, who by the looks of it, knew nothing about the recent death of a young girl. Ignorance is so bliss.
"Cameron." House stopped walking to get her attention.
"Yes?" She said hurriedly. They still had to find the patient! She was still missing…
"That patient…What was her name?"
"The girl that's been running around?" She asked. Cameron noticed that House was holding something; she assumed it was just his painkillers.
"Yah, what's her name?" House repeated impatiently. He hated to repeat himself.
"It's Raven. Why?" House never cared about the patient's name before.
House almost smirked, but he continued to make his way down to his office, immediately ignoring his little minion. He turned on the light and read note that was left behind on Raven's desk. The brat, she wrote it backwards so that no would could read it right away. However, House was able to read just fine. Why? 'Cause he was just awesome like that.
Dear Doctor House,
Hope is such a funny thing isn't it? Sometimes it can affect everything people do…It can make people stronger…and weaker. But, I was never one to hope very much. If something dire happened it was usually my fault and if I could make it up, everything would usually turn out well. Now, my parents death killed me inside, I'm not second guessing my purpose of anything, I just believe I don't have one anymore. The people around me are my hope and I no longer have any. So I'm sorry to say I'm dead by the time you read this. You probably don't care or won't loose any sleep (if you have any) but, if all life is just a simple test, then I suppose I failed. Well, more like I'm done with it…but…I hope you don't give up and your addiction goes away. Sorry, Wilson told me…he's your best friend, you know. You should be nicer to him…though I know you won't. Well, I'm running out of space to write…Now that I read over my writing I guess it doesn't make any sense now does it? Well, good bye, doctor House, maybe your hopes will rise again one day.
Signed, The Girl Who Was A Pain In Your Ass.
House smiled at the note and then slid into one of his drawers at his desk. No one had ever left a note behind their death for him before. One point for originality. He stared at the closed drawer and then grabbed his cane to walk out. "…Good bye…Raven." House shook his head; he must've been high on the pills. Talking to air. He needed some sleep he was sure he wasn't going to get. Good bye.
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted – nevermore.