A/N: I know it's been years (actual years) since I last touched this account. I figured I'd try to write something of a conclusion for most of my stories, and have detailed my thoughts on this on my main page. This was written by a very young me, and so there are a lot of parts that make me cringe reading, but I love it all so I will not change a single piece of it. Hopefully this satisfies everyone for the time being, no idea how much more I'll write, but I'll try to give you something.
Chapter #17: Compromised
Kisame awoke slowly, rolling onto his side before opening his eyes. He could feel Deidara breathing in his bed, pushed up against his own. It was their makeshift way of staying together while they could, as missions became more frequent, and their buyers more demanding.
The large man sighed, and turned over to look at the sprawled out boy. Deidara was curled up tightly in his sheets, his hair a mess across his pillow. Kisame ran his fingers through his fine locks, marvelling at how large and calloused his hands looked in comparison to the fine, lanky ones clutching the sheets to his chest.
Slowly, he got out of bed, being careful to not wake him up as he dressed himself. It had been months since their first time, - 83 days to be exact - and Kisame still marvelled at how he managed to be with such a young, handsome and well, handsome person. Did he mention handsome? Kisame never liked to admit he was self conscious, it didn't really suit his look per se, but it was hard for him to realize that every day he was waking up to someone he deemed much beyond his level.
'I need to stop thinking of this, I mean, I obviously have something that brings him happiness.' He thought, though his doubts still rang in his head.
Even though they had been sleeping together for a while, he was still letting Deidara be in control, and thus, leaving the larger man as an uncomfortable, well, taker. It wasn't bad, he still felt the closeness of his lovers skin, the warmth of his kisses and the things his hands could do were beyond reason, but he wanted something different. He wanted to give to his lover for once, to take him. Every night he had dreams of him laying the man down, and just as he's about to enter him, to give him his desire, he awoke with a painful erection, feeling utterly ashamed of himself. He feared he was becoming emotionally distant, as he feared losing control of his urges.
'This isn't what I want.' he thought. 'All I want is for him to be happy, I just need to keep doing what I'm doing.' With that, he entered the kitchen, and began to prepare himself a feast for the ages.
Deidara waited for the door of their room to close before sitting up in his bed, hugging his knees to his chest. This morning was just like the rest; he awoke every morning to Kisame's moaning, only to hear his breath hitch in disappointment. He knew what he wanted, he could see it in his eyes every time they had sex, his want, but Deidara couldn't. It wasn't that he didn't like the idea, it actually appealed to him a lot more than their current arrangement, as he felt it was his… place, of sorts. But he was scared. He was never good at dealing with pain, and the look on his face as he entered his boyfriend made his heart pang with discomfort every time. No one likes to induce pain on their loved ones, but the blonde man was even more fearful for himself. Kisame was… bigger than him, by quite a bit, and so tall and strong, he felt like as soon as he was under the man he would break into a million pieces. Slowly he turned to his pillow and sighed.
He had to conquer this fear, it was only fair to his lover who did so much for him, he just had to get past this one thing… somehow.
It was a bustling day at the hideout, as most of the most of the Akatsuki were returning from missions. All teams seemed to be doing fairly well, somehow managing since the change. The most efficient of them all were Itachi and Konan; they seemed to have some sort of strange chemistry that allowed them to work perfectly well in synch. Kisame had to admit, there were times where he missed spending his days at Itachi's side, he was never good company but they had history together and that was worth something.
Kisame stood up to begin cleaning up his dishes when Tobi and Kakuzu walked in. They were bickering as usual, about something Hidan decided was funny, when in walked Tobi and Deidara. They were chatting away amicably, before sitting down at the table.
"Hey, so did you hear? We've having a meeting tonight yeah." said the blonde, his radiant smiling making Kisame's heart skip a beat.
"What about?" asked Kisame.
Everyone in the room froze as they heard the voice of the small red puppeteer behind them.
"W-Why the fuck would we need to change the fucking teams?!" yelled Hidan, moving closer to Tobi as the boy's shoulders began to slump in sadness. Pein entered the room behind Sasori and, realizing this was as good a time as any to host the meeting, sat down at the table and had Sasori call the missing members.
Once everyone was gathered around, Pein began to speak. For once, there was no shushing, as no one made a sound.
"This experiment is now over. You will all be returning to your original teams as of next week, though you may keep your living arrangements." he stated calmly.
"Why do they need to be fucking changed in the first place you fucking asshat?!" cried out Hidan. He started to stand, but stopped when the young masked man beside him put a hand on his shoulder. "Tobi thinks he understands." he said, "Leaders knows Tobi would not let Hidan get hurt, and Tobi would compromise the mission."
The table was silent, as the members took the time to understand this new information. There was nothing left to say, and as such, they members began to rise from their places and go back to their rooms. Deidara followed behind his boyfriend, thinking about Tobi's words.
'Everyone is scared to lose a loved one… Everyone is scared for their loved ones to get hurt… But they are willing to risk being hurt themselves, to keep their loved ones from harm. I can do this.' he thought.
With that, the boy grew confident and walked faster to keep up with his boyfriend.
"Hey Kisame uh?"
"Let's cherish what time we have yeah? I want to try something new." he said with a smile.
"Something artsy?" asked the swordsman.
"Yeah, something like that."