My first ever South Park fic. Please review, feel free to tell me if it sucks: If it does, I myself won't notice. Also, if it rocks, feel free to tell me, and I will feel really good and will probably write more. NO PAIRINGS (eww!). Not even Stan and Wendy. NONE. Okay?

Songfic: "Why" by Amanda Perez.

Many days I done cried myself to sleep

Many days I done asked God to take me

Cuz I knew I was goin' down the wrong road

Didn't nobody care, ain't wanna know

It had been five years. Five damn years. So why... Why couldn't he get over it? Why couldn't he just forgive himself for what happened?

And why did it have to be Kyle?

Why did it hurt so much? And why did it feel like it was all his fault?

Maybe it was...

He knew it had to be. It was all his fault. He knew it.

It was in the fourth grade. Why? Why was it so early?

They had been walking home from school with Kenny. Cartman had skipped that day, and they were talking about how he was going to get it big time once he came back.

"I think they'll lock him in the iron maiden," said Kyle.

"Dude, do they even HAVE an iron maiden at school?" Stan asked.

Kenny nodded. "Yes they do! I've seen it."


"You don't believe us?" asked Kyle.

"I really DID see it!" argued Kenny.

Stan sighed. "Then I hope they keep him in there forever."

"Will he even fit?" They all laughed.

"I doubt it." Stan laughed, crossing the street. He was distracted: thinking about Cartman's huge ass not being able to squeeze into the skinny death chamber. About asking Chef if there even WAS an iron maiden at school. If anyone knew, Chef would. He didn't look both ways. He should've looked both ways. Why didn't he?


Everything else happened in a flash. Stan didn't even know what what going on until it was too late.

Kenny was staring, wide-eyed in terror. A large crowd had gathered. And Kyle...

Blood... There was so much blood...

It was all his fault...

Stan went to the funeral. He felt like he had to. He knew he didn't deserve to. But he owed it to Kyle. They were best friends.

He didn't look at Kyle's parents. Or his own.

He broke down halfway through the service, and ran out crying. He collapsed, tears running down his face, on his hands and knees in the snow.


He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Kenny.


After that, he had gone into a state of deep depression. His mom had taken him out of school to homeschool him. Even his sister, Shelley, had been nicer to him. He tried to stay asleep most of the time, so that he wouldn't have to think. But he had to eat sometime.

He'd broken things off with Wendy the day after it happened. Wendy was dating the part of Stan that had died along with Kyle. It wasn't fair for her to go on, thinking he was still alive. Shit... Fair didn't exist anymore. So why go on living?

Kenny had now devoted his life to make sure Stan wasn't alone. He had amazingly stopped dying ever since it had happened. It was probably due to him ditching his signature orange parka for an equally orange sweatshirt. It must have been cursed.

He went to go see Stan whenever he was awake. That would be today.

Kenny knocked on the door. Mrs. Marsh, Stan's mother answered it. "Is Stan here?" It was almost a rhetorical question.

"Oh.. yes," the woman answered quietly.

"Is he awake yet?"

"He is." She nodded slowly, and lead the blonde teen inside.

Kenny walked upstairs to his friend's room. Stan was lying face-down on his bed, not noticing Kenny at all when he came in. "Hey," said Kenny quietly.

Stan looked up. "Oh," he said.

"'Oh'? Doesn't anyone say 'hi' anymore?" Kenny joked.


Kenny sighed and sat down on the bed. "Don't be sorry. How've you been lately?"

"You know damn well." Stan rolled back around so that his back faced Kenny.

"What? Are you mad at me?" His friend sighed. "Sorry I haven't been here lately. You're always asleep when I get back from school. I still have to go there, y'know."

"Yeah.. That's right." He turned back around. "Any news?"

Kenny shook his head. "Everybody's pretty much forgotten about it. Wendy asks about you from time to time."

"Don't tell me she still likes me..." Stan groaned.

"Actually..." he paused. "She's with Craig now."

"Hm. She goes for the badass type these days, huh?"

"She still cares about you, though."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Heard anything from Cartman?"

"Still no."

"Did he move away?" asked Stan.

"That's what they told me." Kenny smirked a bit. "Hey, maybe he's still in the iron maiden."

He knew right away that was a mistake. Stan's eyes grew wide. He turned. Kenny saw his shoulders tremble.

"Hey... I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to do that."

"N-No... I-It's a-all my f-fault... My fault..."

"Not this again. " Kenny sighed once more. "No one blames you. It was an accident. It's not your fault."

"Y-Yes it i-is!"

Kenny got a bit mad. He grabbed Stan by the shoulder, pulling him around to face him. "Stan. You--Look at me! You didn't do anything, you hear me? Anything! It's not your fault! If it helps you to blame somebody, then blame me."


Kenny's eyes were filling with tears. "That's right! It was supposed to be me that was killed! It was always me! Me! So why... Why the hell did you two get involved?! You didn't have to! I would have come back! If I had just acted quickly enough...." he looked away. "Damn it!!" Kenny ran out.

Stan sobbed. He had probably just lost the only friend he had left. He was alone, and it was all his fault. All his fault... just like last time.


It was probably for the best. If he wasn't around, his parents wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. Kenny would be a lot happier, too.

He had the pills in his hand. Why wait?


Kenny was feeling extremely guilty about what he had said to Stan. He wanted to go apologize, but he felt as though he didn't deserve to. Stan probably didn't want to see him anyway. It would be best to leave him alone for awhile. Probably...

He decided he should go anyway, and if Stan didn't want him there, he would leave. He heard the phone ring. "Mom!"

"Mama's hung over right now, honey..."

Kenny sighed and picked up the phone. "Hello?... Yes, that's me.... Wh...What? When?... I... Why? How could this... No..."

"Is this Kenny McCormick? Your friend Stan has just committed suicide."

Got a bottle of pills filled to the top

Now I don't care about life

Fucking let it stop

25 years old and I'm losing my mind

I'm gonna take these pills to take my life

Oh why

Why do I feel this way

In my life?

Oh-ho, oh-ho

And I can't lie

Sometimes I feel like I just wanna break down and cry


Sad.... For those of you Cartman fans, if they exist, he's REALLY hard to write for in a serious situation, so I had him move away.

Song by Amanda Perez.