Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Stephanie Meyer does of course. I'm just playing with the awesome characters that she's created.
"Do you love me?"
He doesn't pause to think about it, all he does it smile and say, "of course I do."
It's automatic. I would say that he has rehearsed it, but I know that he does not have the patience to perfect that particular skill.
"That is not what I mean." I tell him patiently.
"Well whaddya talking about then?" He asks smiling.
"I love you." I say bluntly knowing full well that he would take it the wrong way.
"I love you too." He tells me smiling. And I can't help but smile back at him, because I know that he does love me. But that's not what I'm trying to tell him.
"What would you think if I told you that I was falling in love with you?" I ask looking at him in the eye.
His face has always been one of a happy person. He has always given me anything I could ever want. The term your wish is my command comes to mind when I think of Jacob Black. But his face. The way his face falls so quickly, the way his eyes are guarded, the way that his hands have come up defensively, he's even moved a few feet away from me subconsciously I bet, it confirms my suspicious.
"Ness…" He says softly. And I know the words that are coming out next.
But they don't hurt me like he thinks they do.
"You're not falling in love with me." He tells me slowly, unsure if it's true or not.
For as long as I can remember Jacob Black has been mine. My Jacob. That is until I realized he wasn't my Jacob. He was my mothers. He was La Push's. He was the packs. But mostly he was hers.
"I never said I was." I tell him.
"I only asked what you would think if that was the case."
It took me years to figure out what was going on, at first I believed it to be one sided. That she was jealous of me, of us. Because I knew that Jacob would never...could never! I was the imprint of the Alpha wolf and that alone emulated my specialness. And it did. But as I grew, I learned that things don't always work out the way you plan them to, and just because you are something one day, doesn't mean you will mean something the next.
One would think that it would have angered me, because yes Jacob Black was mine from the first moment he laid eyes on me and staked his 'wolfy-claim' as my mother puts it on me, but that is a common misconception. I've been lied to, just little white lies my mother tries to tell me, because I needed to be protected my father tells me, but I know the truth of the matter.
He's flabbergasted. I've never seen this side of him. It saddens me a bit, but I do not get the chance to ruminate over the multiple sides of Jacob Black because he is speaking out loud again, mostly to himself but I know soon those thoughts will be directed at me.
"What is she going on about?"
"What other way?"
"Talking about love! UGH!"
"Stupid Edward genes"
I chuckle at the last one, I know if it wasn't for my vampire hearing I would have missed everything he said.
"Nessie?" He calls out to me with the nickname he christened me with within the first few minutes of holding me, and I look up at him.
"What's going on?" He wonders out loud. But I feel obligated to answer him.
"I was testing out a hypothesis." I say smoothly slowly letting him see my reasoning.
"You don't love me." I say easily. And Jacob flinches as I say it and he opens his mouth to protest.
"I mean," I tell him taking hold of his hands in mine. Jacob looks unsure of the gesture but quickly composed himself and is staring at me again. "That you love me very, very much…but you are not in love with me, because I am not in love with you and I will never be in love with you."
He pulls his hands away from me and is looking at me in a diffident way, and that makes me smile.
"Are you happy?" I ask him, trying to put him back at ease.
"Of course I am." He replies in that same automatic way.
"Jacob," I say slowly. "It's okay that you love her you know."
His face scrunches up in a disgusted way.
"I don't love her." He says defiantly, and I'm inquiring to his facial features to see if he's trying to convince me or himself.
"That went away when you were born…when she changed." He says the last bit quieter than the first, but I am still able to hear it.
And I realize that he is talking about my mother, and the unrequited love for her he had when she was still human. But she is not who I am speaking of although sometimes I wish it were…
It was upsetting to hear that mother and Jacob were, well no one really knows what to call what they were, and for a while I did have thoughts about what if my father had never existed, or what if he never came back after he had left her, and it frightens me because I am very much thankful that my father does exists because without him I would not exists, but that in itself did not keep away the thoughts of me somehow in a world where mythical creatures did not exist, not really being the half vampire child of Edward and Bella Cullen, but the human child of Bella and Jacob Black.
"I am not speaking of mother Jacob."
"Then who?" He asks stubbornly.
I feel annoyance creeping up on me, so instead of speaking harsh words to Jacob I just glare, it's what she does best, so I hope that he understands.
He doesn't. And the way his eyes widen, I know that he is not even trying.
I squeeze the bridge of my nose, and trying very hard not to lose my temper with him, but my brown eyes are not the only thing I have inherited from my mother.
"Really Jake?!?" I scream, hands flying in the air, and exhausted sighs leaves my lips, and I think I even stomped my foot. "Are you really that dense?!"
His eyes widen and then he blinks his eyes several times, rubs them and just stares at me. And out of nowhere laughter leaves his lips and it fills the room.
I glare at him until his laughter dies down to ask him if he has lost his mind.
"You just acted just like Bella use to. Total déjà vu!" He says still laughing.
I roll my eyes at him.
"Do not try and change the subject here Jacob." I tell him sternly.
"And here's that pesky bit of Edward in you." He mumbles.
"I know you're not in love with mother anymore." I say softly.
A few moments of silence goes by before Jacob says anything again.
"Renesmee, will you please explain what is going on?" And it's the sound of my full name that catches my attention. Jacob has never used it, much to mother's dismay, and I find myself staring at him, wishing for the first time in my life that I had my father's gift of being able to read minds.
I am at a loss for words. I am sure my mouth is open and my eyes are wide with surprise, but Jacob is looking at me, encouraging me with his eyes to speak, so I do.
"You will never be in love with me." I say slowly. "Because, you are in love with someone else." I say looking into his eyes reassuring him that it is okay.
He's looking at me with narrowed eyes, and I realize that I have already spoken these words.
"Who do you think I am in love with?" He hesitantly asks, and I look down.
It takes him another minute of poking and prodding but I finally answer him.
He opens his mouth and I know it's to disagree with me, but I cut him off.
"It's okay you know." I say softly. "Your happiness is all I have ever wanted, it's all mothers ever wanted to…" I say the last part a little softer, but I know he's heard me.
"I am not in love with Leah." He says outwardly denying what is clearly written all over his face.
I raise my eyebrows in protest, because his acting skills require a lot of work, and lying never deserves a response.
"I have known Leah Clearwater my entire life I would know if I was in love with her, which I am clearly not. One, because she's Leah and she would never love me, and two, I don't know if you know this, but I have this thing called an imprint!"
He's pacing back and forth throughout the room, and I would find this comical...if the circumstances were different.
"She's in love with you, just so you know." I say in a sad voice.
That snaps Jacob out of his rant and he is at my side in an instant cooing me, "Nessie, honey."
But I am not saddened by that simple fact, because I have known it for years, and I have waited for Jacob to realize that the only female shape-shifter returned his affections. Mostly I am saddened because I know that he will never listen to me.
"Will you listen to me?!? I am not six years old trying to convince you that she wishes for you out of spite and jealousy. I am not jealous. I have seen it in your face, I have seen it in hers also! You cannot deny the facts that stand behind my reasoning. And the simple fact is that I know you reciprocate those feelings, you are not naïve enough to believe that I do not see it? I do and I am trying to tell you that it is alright for you to love her, to wish for her."
"Do you love her? This time I am asking, I'm not telling you that you are, and I am not assuming things. A simple question. I have been honest with you, please Jacob tell me the truth."
I wasn't sure if it would actual hurt hearing my suspicions confirmed. I've always known that this was the truth, but thinking, and actually knowing are two different things. I knew a part of me wanted him to say no, to tell me that he was in love with me, or that he could somehow be in love with me, but I knew that to be blasphemy.
What I knew of Leah Clearwater had not come easy. I pried enough information from Seth and Jacob to get a distinct feel the female werewolf. The way the Seth and Jacob talked about her I knew that the explicit words I've heard her yelling at Jacob were her own way of showing affection. Because I knew that they cared for one another, like my family did for me.
In fact my family adored Leah, and she back to them, except for mother of course. She was the only one Leah would not speak kind words of, but I know that has more to do with her past with Jacob than anything my mother has physically done to make Leah not like her. She slowly won over my aunts and uncles. The fact that Rosalie and Jasper adored her put the final nail in my coffin, so to speak.
It wasn't the fact that she was just as beautiful as a vampire, that she had lived an extraordinary life, while I was confined to the books and clothes my family brought home to me, but it was because in the short amount of time I spent with her, I knew I wanted to be her.
It's Jacob's harsh voice that spins me back into reality.
I'm glaring at him, and he's squirming in his seat not looking me in the eye. Because he loves her, I know he does, and he's going to outwardly deny it until the end of time.
Having him leave me was inconceivable. But if she's what he wants, I could recover from that. He could love her.
"Do not lie to me." I say sternly, in the same voice I've hear her use on Jacob many times.
He gulps three times before looking me in the eye.
And his eyes show me more than I have ever wanted to know. Mother once told me that she recognized Jacob in his wolf form because of his eyes, because they told so much, I never believed her, until now.
He looks back down, ashamed of himself, I am sure. But I know that there is nothing for him to be ashamed of.
"It's okay." I tell him soothingly. A small smile forms on his lips as he takes my hand.
"If it were anyone else, I would fight for you." I say to him, because it is the truth. If I didn't think Leah was perfect for him we would not be in this predicament. I grew up thinking that Jacob was mine. That I could eventually look past his faults and love him for who he was, and I have, and I do, I just do not love him the way that imprinting said I would.
He smiles as I look up at him, and he squeezes my hand gently. And the moment I have been waiting for has arrived, as we hold hands I show him why I am saying the things I am. I show him how I know that he is in love with Leah Clearwater, how happy she has made him and I show him how happy I am for him.
"Being able to chose who we love, that is a beautiful thing, is it not?" I ask him.
"I do love you Nessie." He tells me timidly.
"I have never doubted that Jacob." I assure him.
He smiles at my assurance.
"You should tell her."
His face scrunches up, and horror fills his features.
"Scared are we?" I ask.
"Am not." He says cross his arms and pouting.
"Tell her." I urge.
He doesn't say anything to me.
"Tell her." I repeat again, "Or I will."
"She's gonna castrate me." He grumbles.
I laughed at the thought. Because we both know the many layers of Leah Clearwater, but the one that has always been ever more present was the one of violence.
"No she won't." I try to tell him reassuringly, but it doesn't help he just glares at me.
"Alright, chances are she will. But Jacob, she is your choice. Nothing's changed. Go to her." I tell say as I push him out the door.
"You love me that much huh?" He asks stopping my feeble attempt to usher him out the door.
"Of course I do." I tell him automatically.
He smiles at my choice of words, and he leans down and kisses me lightly on the forehead.
"This doesn't change us—I'll always be there for you."
"I know." I tell him.
"Now. Go." I urge.
He smiles one last time at me and walks out the door.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, as my mother saunters out into the living room.
"You did a wonderful thing for him." She says gently.
"He'll be—they'll be happy right?" I wonder.
"Yes they will be." She assures me, and I hear the conviction and sureness in her voice, and I know I've done the right thing.
A/N: For all of you waiting for the next chapter of 'The Woes and What Not's I promise it's on its way…I don't know where this came from. It first came out as a Nessie/Jacob story, the first line was stuck in my head for days, but then as I wrote Nessie/Jacob parts of it I died a bit on the inside (j/k but not really), and it came out to this Blackwater awesomeness. Nessie's no fool, I think I've just been reading 'She Hates Me' by HM Grayson way too much, which if you haven't is absolutely amazing, and you should check it out. Thanks for reading, and as always reviews are always appreciated.