I'm in love with this place already. We Turks get our own table, and the beauty part is that it's right next to the kitchen, so we'll get served first. The only crap part about it is how damn good the food smells. It makes my mouth water...

No. No, no, no, no, no! The food smells awesome, but our menu is...it's...seafood! I can't stand seafood!! It's all gourmet...crab and seaweed roulettes, herb spiced behemoth in turtle shells, squid salad...yeuch. I think I'm gonna be sick. But hey, if seafood's all they've got, then where's the deep fried fish? This place sucks!

Elena looks tempted though. And the goddamn Boss-man who's sitting next to her does too.

"Mmm...That chilli coated seahorse sounds delicious." He says, and I shudder, about to be sick.

Elena smiles at him again. What the hell do I have to do around here?!

"You like seafood too, Sir?"

Tseng smiles back at her. "Call me Tseng, please Elena. And yes, I love seafood. It's a personal favourite."

Now that 'ain't professional. 'Call me Tseng'?

Elena turns to me, and her brown eyes are twinkling after her little conversation with Tseng. Damn him. "Do you like seafood, Reno?"

"Yeah, it's my favourite." What did you think I was going to say? 'No'? I don't think so. I'm not about to lose to Tseng.

Crap, speak of the devil, he's grinning madly at me. That can't be good news.

"Really, Reno? In that case, let me order for you." I don't think so.

"No, it's fine. I already know what I want."

I don't have a clue what I want.

His grin only grows bigger. "What's that, Reno?"

Think fast, think fast, damnit.

"Stewed sea-snails with broccolini coated shrimp in squid?" I'm gonna kill myself for saying the first thing I saw on the menu. That's if I don't die after eating that freaking disgusting filth first.

Laney, Rude and Boss-man are looking at me like I'm nuts. Hell, I must be, after sayin' that.

"That's an interesting choice, Reno. But I warn you, that's a platter for the very daring. If you don't have a stomach that can handle seafood, you'll no doubt throw it all back up."

Did he have to say that!? No, maybe I can change my order...

"Ah, yes, and Reno here will have the stewed sea-snails served with broccolini coated shrimp in squid. Rude, make your order."

I am going to f***ing murder that bastard!! And his stupid waiter!! Ooh, make that waitress. Very hot looking foreign waitress...

"I'll order the chicken parmegana with a serving of chips and steak salad please." Woah, Rude just said a mouthful.

Wait a minute...Did he just say chicken? And chips? And steak!? Oh God no, don't tell me...

Oh of course, what was I expecting!? The normal food is on the opposite freaking side of the menu!

"You alright, Reno?" 'Lena asks me. Is my face that obvious?

"Aren't I always?" Drinks. I need a drink. Beer. That'll make the crap I'm about to eat a little less vomit-worthy.

"You take orders for drinks, babe?" I ask the now blushing blonde waitress, at the same time getting a death stare from Boss-man.


"Yes, I do. What would you like to order?" Her accent is hot! Er, but Laney's is better.

Tseng answers for me, the bastard. "Three glasses of your finest, most expensive champagne for us three, and a water with a lemon wedge in it for Reno."

I am gonna f***ing shove that lemon wedge up his damn Wutian ass!

Her smile is pretty, but I'll admit that it's nothing compared to Elena's. Her's is worth a million dollars. "Alright, I'll bring the drinks out right away."

I couldn't hold in my anger. "Why the hell did you buy me a water!? You know I don't drink that health crap!"

He frowns at me, but it's nothing compared to my scowl. "Reno, you should be thanking me. Lemon water makes seafood taste magnificent. And if you don't enjoy this meal, I promise that I will never make you drink it again."

Saying that makes me feel like a little kid. "Whatever."

I spend the next five minutes eating the little tubes of sugar from the middle of the table, thinking that it might get rid of the taste a little. Meanwhile Elena is staring at me, giggling. Kinda makes me feel good.


"Your drinks." The pretty waitress puts our drinks on the table and does a little curtsey. It's weird, especially the fact that she's always smiling, yet she somehow still manages to look good.

I grab my glass and stare into it. It's crystal clear, and it sparkles, but it doesn't look appetising. Neither does the lemon wedge. Except that maybe I could use it to play a prank on Tseng. It might make Elena laugh. And there's ice-cubes in there too...hehe, this is gonna be interesting.

"Hey Tseng?" I can feel the evil grin on my face.

"Yes, Reno?" Tseng can see it, and he looks nervous.

"I dare you to put these ice-cubes down your pants and let them melt there."

Elena snorts, but holds back from laughing. I can see it in her eyes. She thinks it's funny.

Tseng doesn't. "Reno, that's ludicrous! Why would I want to do that!?"

My plan is working. "It's not about what you want to do. I dared you to. You're not gonna refuse a dare, are you Tsengy?"

Just as I'd expected. His eyes turn towards Elena, trying to tell apart her expression. It's an amused one, which means one point for me, one less for Boss-man.

"I..." He hesitates and swallows hard, making him look like the biggest loser alive. "Goddamnit." He mutters and shoves his hand out towards me. "Give me the damn ice, Reno."

"With pleasure." Oh hell, this was gonna be so good! I dunk my hand in the glass of water and pull it back out with a handful of ice-cubes, which I put straight into Tseng's unforgiving hands.

"Stand up, Tsengy..." I add, giving him my most evil grin.

He slowly obeys me, and to all of our pleasure, we see our own boss blush. Blush like the little fairy princess that he is. Well, that's what he gets for giving me water. A taste of his own medicine.

Heads are turning now, from all over the surrounding tables that have been silent for the past few minutes now, listening in to the daily conversation of the Turks. They weren't being let down, that's for sure. Tseng is looking ready to cry, he's that red. Elena looks almost sorry for him, but at the same time she's biting back howls of laughter. I think this is payback for all those days of paperwork for her, too.

And then comes the long-awaited moment where he finally stuffs his pants full of ice. His face is friggin' priceless! And then he shivers! Oh hell this is good!

I hear laughing and gasps from all over the restaurant, including from 'Lena. Mission accomplished. One thing's for sure-if Rufus finds out that his employee shoved ice down his pants, he 'ain't gonna be happy tree hugger anymore.

Tseng sits down, but I can't help but want to give him some kinda congrats.

"Woo yeah! Go Tsengy boy! You da man!"

Then Rude says the five words that make me so proud. "Upload straight to Youtube...Yes."

I could marry that phone of his.

Wait...do I smell...Oh s***. Just as I'm on top, they bring the damn food out. Guess that means lemon sucking for me.

"Chicken parmesgana?" It's a waiter this time. A gay waiter. Damn, my luck's running out...

I'm the last one to be served, and I don't mean at my table. I mean in the whole restaurant. Apparently my meal choice took extra trouble to make 'cause they had to make a new batch of sea-snails...Ugh. So now everyone's finished, and my Turks are staring at me, waiting for me to take a bite.

"Go on, Reno. Why aren't you eating?" Tseng knows the answer to that perfectly well.

"I'm...A little put off from what you said before." I admit.

"Oh no, you have nothing to worry about. Your stomach can handle seafood fine enough, since you seem to love it so much."

Elena chuckles at him...It's enough to make me eat. So I stab the sea-snail with my fork and put it to my mouth...

And then try not to retch at the freaking urchin's repulsive taste. But even though I don't throw up, I know that the others can tell I hate it. Damn my crappy acting skills. Damn them to hell with Tseng.

"Mind if I try one? Sea-snails are one of my favourites." Elena is welcome to take the whole batch.

"Well...I'd rather eat them all myself, but I guess you could take one or two." Ha, now that acting wasn't bad, was it?

She picks two-thank Shiva-and eats it like it's chocolate. I don't know how she does it. I caught a look at her nails though. Good scratching material, and they were painted the same colour as her dress. She must have had a 10 hour manicure to get nails like that.

"Take a whisk of the water and then take a bite of the shrimp stuffed squid. It's quite a delectable flavour." Tseng says like some sort of dumb food critic.

The water's foul. They probably just shoved dishwater in a glass and then threw some recycled ice-cubes in.

I almost throw up when I stab the little squid in the back. It's like jelly...so sickening...I'd do anything to get out of this one. Maybe if I threw it on the floor...heh, it'd be hard to make that one look accidental.

So I just shove it in my mouth, savour it, and then run for the bathroom.

That is dirty stuff.



What the hell!? Why is Elena in the men's bathroom!? Thankfully the place is empty, but still...

I come out of my cubicle where I've been busy, only to see the perfect figure of Elena, looking as beautiful as ever. She looks worried.

That's weird, I thought she'd be out there, laughing her ass off, and bad-mouthing me with her would-be-boyfriend.

"'Lena? Why..."

"I don't care if it's a guy's bathroom, Reno. I'm a Turk. I have an unlimited access card." She smirks, but she's got the wrong idea.

"No, I meant...Why aren't you out there teasing me?"

She takes a few steps towards me, but stops as she smells the stench of vomit. I don't blame her. "Because I'm...flattered."

She's lost me now. "Huh?"

"Reno, you didn't have to pretend to like seafood for me. You don't have to be the same as Tseng. You've...got your own qualities."

She knows as well as I do that that's bulls***. "Well you seem to like Boss-man a lot more than you like me. And that's 'cause I'm an annoying bastard that does whatever it takes to piss people off. I don't blame you."

Why the heck does she look hurt!? Damnit, if this turns into a cliche and sappy 'I love you' ending, I'm gonna be sick-again.

"That's true. And you're loyal, funny, witty, and hell, you're even hardworking when you want to be. Besides, a guy that doesn't eat seafood usually has better breath."

That was probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me...Elena...

"So does a guy that doesn't drink." Sorry, I just had to say that.

She rolls her brown eyes at me-again. "Reno, don't make it harder than it already is. It's taken a while to come up with all the good qualities you have."

"Well then, why'd you even bother?"

"The same reason you pretended to like seafood." There was only one thing to say to that answer. And besides, I want to end this and go take a shower upstairs. The smell is making me feel sick again.

"You'll go out with me, then?" Heh. Smooth talking Reno of the Turks, asking a co-worker out in the men's bathroom when you smell like vomit.

Strangely enough, I knew what her answer was gonna be before she said it.

"Take a shower and then I'll consider it."

In Elena language, that's translated to yes.

But I'm still gonna take that shower.