It has been sooooo long since I updated and I'm really very sorry. But I just couldn't find the right way to end this story. However today I sat myself down and the words just came. I hope it meets your expectations but there is nothing left for me to say except thank you for staying with me throughout the story.
I won't deny the difficulty the past few years have presented. Re-learning the steps of the social dance, how to converse with confidence and not to back away from any approaching guy.
What I can say though is that Edward was always there. He never abandoned me, not even when I was yelling at him to leave. He just waited for me to calm, and then he would take me into his arms and rock me to sleep. He was my safe haven in the storm of life.
Now, Edward, Emmett, Rose and I were moving on to college. We were sharing a flat near campus and the cars were stuffed with all the stuff we'd need along with most of the random bits and bobs we'd manage to collect as we went along.
Originally Carlisle had expressed his concerns about me and Edward staying together, insisting that we got a place that had enough rooms for everyone, but he had long stopped preaching the ills of our relationship. He had tried to separate us permanently once, by locking me inside my room at night. It took a week of non-stop nightmares and both of us clinging to each other during the day for him to realise the stress he was putting us through. We were happy, and that was all he could hope for. I knew Edward would never hurt or betray me, just as I would never do such things to Edward.
My therapist, Kate, had said nothing disparaging about us at all. She had encouraged us to make our lives together. I would miss her at college. She had become such an integral part to my life that it felt strange to be leaving without her. She had been with me as I talked through my issues about having sex with Edward. He made me all hot and bothered, so very different to what James and Laurent were, but I was terrified of him. Terrified of even the remotest of possibilities – that he would be exactly like them. In the end Edward was joining me in the therapy sessions, holding my hand the entire time. Kate gave us advice on how to get past my issues, but ultimately, she had told me, that everything hinged on my ability to trust Edward. I found it difficult at first, I could trust him to protect me and care for me, but I found it difficult to trust him in the most intimate of acts. It was Rosalie who helped us move past it in the end. Edward was patient and had never pushed, but I was growing more and more frustrated by my own inability. Rosalie suggested that Edward and I just get used to touching each other's skin first, nothing sexual, just a brush of the arm or the kiss on the cheek. Kate was happy for us to try, and eventually I grew used to the feel of his warm palms stroking down my arms or his cheek nuzzling mine. His skin was rough in some places and smooth in others. I loved every second of his touch.
My trust in him grew and grew, until I finally gave myself over to him. It was prom night, and Edward made me feel like a goddess as he explored my body, slowing when I asked him to and giving me more when I demanded it.
Now it is time to leave Forks and head to college. It's a new beginning for us, a chance to build a life together with our own hands. One thing is set in stone though, no matter where I would be, I would always have a home.
Because I would always have Edward.
T H E E N D