Hey! I'm new to this fandom, but Seddie is just impossible NOT to write about. This is set right after iTwins.
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.
"And for our last segment, give it up for Sam's sister, Melanie!"
Reluctantly, Sam pressed the applause button, and Melanie skipped into the studio, waving.
"In case someone caked mud on your eyes--" Carly said.
"Or if you're stupid." Sam cut in.
"--And you don't know, Sam and Melanie are identical twins!"
A booming, deep male voice repeated "Identicaaaaaaal twins! Identicaaaaaaaal twins!" while Sam and Melanie hula'd in front of the camera.
"I'm Melllllanieeeee...aaaand I liiiiike to weeeeeaaaaaar maaaaaakeee uuuuuup!"
"I'm Saaaaaaaam...aaaaaand I liiiiiike to beeeeeeeeeat peeeeeeeople uuuuuup!"
Normally, Freddie would've laughed, but he knew what was coming up.
"Well Melanie, have you got anything to say to our audience?" Carly asked.
"Yeah, I can balance a spoon on my nose!" Sam handed her a spoon, and she placed the concave end on her nose, holding it there for a full ten seconds amid simulated cheering.
"Nice! Can we get some more cheering?"
Sam pressed the button again. She wouldn't have put up with this if Make-Fun-Of-Freddie (her new favorite segment on iCarly) wasn't next.
"Anyway, Carly, I do have something else to say. Please enjoy the video we call: Freddie Is The Most Gullible Person On Earth Part 2!"
Carly's infamous moving TV screen popped out of the wall, and words began to scroll across it, accompanied by the 'Identical Twin' voice. "You know Freddie..." A picture of the said technical producer popped up. "You've seen the clown clip..." Freddie's clown-painted face flashed once. "But he's not done! Once again, Freddie's gullability bit him in the butt!"
Short clips began to run.
"Sam doesn't have a sister!"
"Yeah she does, her name's Melanie."
"Then how come I've never heard of her?
"Are you Sam right now, or Melanie?"
"I don't know, does this hurt?" Sam punched him.
"OW! Yeah, that hurt!"
"Then I'm Sam."
"Okay, that's enough!" Freddie growled.
"We haven't gotten to Sam making you believe Melanie didn't exist, though!" Carly said.
"Or to the part where we zoom in on your face when you found out Melanie was real," Sam added.
"Or to the best part!" giggled Melanie.
"What 'best part'?" asked Freddie cautiously.
"Okay, everyone, we're going to skip right to..."
"The first and only time ever iCarly Aca-dummy Awards!"
From behind her, Carly produced a slice of cake with the letters 'WA' on it.
"Wa?" Freddie questioned.
"From 'AWARDS.' There was a whole cake, but Sam ate it all. Sorry."
Freddie rested his camera on the tripod and joined the others on set and grab his slice of cake. "That's really nice of you guys. Especially after you've been picking on me--" He eyeballed Sam. "Constantly."
"And it doesn't stop here!" assured the tomboy twin. She swiped the treat out of his hand and pressed it slowly to his face.
Carly's jaw dropped. "Sam! That was supposed to make him feel better!"
"Oh. Was it? Well, it makes me feel better," she said while rubbing it in. Freddie just stood there, not believing he didn't see this coming. Sam let the paper plate drop to the floor, scooped some frosting off Freddie's chin with her finger, and ate it. "Mmmm. Much better. I'm gonna get a smoothie to wash this down. Come back for iCarly next week!"
"Too bad Melanie's gone. She was fun to have around," Carly said, mostly to break the silence in the elevator. Freddie wasn't talking to Sam. Again. Sam didn't really care.
"No she wasn't. Oh yeah, you didn't have any salsa for your chips, so I just dipped them in that big jar of chocolate ice cream Spencer eats out of when he's depressed. Don't tell him."
"I have weird friends," Carly observed.
"One. You have one weird friend," muttered Freddie.
"Yeah," agreed Sam. "And one dorky one."
"C'mon, you guys, knock it off. You've both been so upset since Melanie got here. Just...think positive or something. You're bringing me down!"
"I mean, nobody got hurt when you met up with your sister again, Sam, that's pretty cool! And Freddie, you finally got your first kiss from Melanie!"
Freddie and Sam exchanged quick looks, then nearly nodded their heads off their necks.
"What was that?" Carly asked suspiciously.
"That look! I saw the look. I'm not blind, that look was obvious. What was that look about? Am I hallucinating?"
Sam shrugged at Freddie. "It's Carly. We can't just not tell her."
"Yeah, I guess. But you won't tell anyone else, will you, Carly?"
"Tell anyone else what?" Her voice was going high pitched and she started talking really fast. Her friends knew those were warning signs immediately assured her Sam hadn't broken any major laws.
"Tell anyone else that...Melanie's kiss wasn't my first kiss."
"And I'm not really first-kiss-less either."
"Really? Who'd you guys kiss?"
The two pointed at each other.
It took Carly a full five minutes to process. "You guys...kissed? You're going out?"
"No! No, it was just so no one could make fun of us about it again," Freddie replied quickly. "It didn't mean anything."
"Yeah. Just to..." Sam paused for a millisecond. Carly, of course, saw the pause. "Get it out of the way."
"Oh my God..." More disbelief. She just couldn't imagine Sam and Freddie, even when it wasn't for real. "What was it like?"
That was the most awkward question she could have possibly asked. Freddie cleared his throat multiple times before mumbling, "Nice."
"Sweet," Sam said absentmindedly.
"Sweet?" Freddie repeated.
She caught herself. "Yeah. What, were you munching on Milk Duds the whole time you were depressed or something?"
Carly saw the absentminded, dreamy trance. "Freddie, your mom's calling you."
"What? I don't hear--"
"Get out! She's calling you, I hear her, go away!" Carly pushed him out of the studio. She made sure he was gone before rounding on Sam.
"You're crushing on Freddie?"
"I am not!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"He said 'it didn't mean anything' and you were like 'yeah, it didn't' but you paused and you looked at him and you looked sad! And then I was like 'how was it' and he goes 'nice' and you're like 'his lips were sweet!Sam, you're crushing on Freddie!"
Sam rolled her eyes. "Even if I was, and I'm not saying I am, it wouldn't matter. Freddie's liked you forever."
Carly slumped. "Oh, yeah. But you know what? Three days ago, he actually insulted something I was wearing!"
Sam frowned. "What?"
"I was wearing this necklace and he totally thought it made me look disgusting. I think that's one sign he's getting out of that bottomless, must-get-Carly-to-like-me pit. Oh, and he hasn't asked me out for weeks now. Remember when he used to do it every day?"
"Yeah..." There was something like hope in Sam's voice, so Carly kept going.
"And when we went to the movies last Saturday, he didn't fight anyone to sit next to me like he used to. And the last three times we went to the Groovy Smoothie, he didn't offer to pay for mine."
Sam thought over it. "Hmm. Well, congrats. You don't have Dorky McDorkpants stalking you anymore."
"Sam! That's no way to get him to like you!"
The studio door burst open. "Carly, my mom's at the organic supermarket, she wasn't calling me! But she left this horseradish pie, if Sam wants it. I don't think I can hold it down--" the said Mr. McDorkpants announced.
"Of course Sam does. What a loving gesture on your part, Freddie. Sam, take the pie!"
Freddie raised an eyebrow. "Oookay. Carly, you're not gonna get all weird on us just because you found out about that kiss, right?"
"No! No, why would you think that? I'm definitely not going to get weird. Maybe a little weird, but that's just because--no! No weird, I promise. I'm just going to go crush--I mean brush my teeth and go to bed, 'kay?"
"...Good. Because it was a one time thing, you don't have to worry about Sam actually hugging me without give me a wedgie."
"Yeah, Carls. You won't ever have to worry about that going away," Sam muttered darkly.
"Oh. Okay. Haha, funny joke, Freddie! I'll see you guys tomorrow. You can leave now, Freddie. Are you sleeping over, Sam?"
"Nope. My mom's gonna be late coming home, she's got a double therapy session. Someone's gotta beat her old boyfriend out of the house before midnight."
"That's...great," Freddie said dryly. "Oh, Carly, before I forget, Gibby's downstairs asking whether Spencer made his football team or not. I told him I'd get you to talk to him. I'd hurry before he starts dancing on your breakfast table again."
Carly shuddered. "Right." Then she stared from Freddie to Sam to Freddie and a lightbulb went off in her head. "Right! I'm coming, Gibby! You stay on that table!"
"So let me get this straight. For twenty bucks, you want me to pretend to like the girl who's been breaking my nose since the first grade?" summarized Gibby.
That did sound a little more like a twenty-five buck scheme. "Um...yes?"
"Sam scares the living daylights out of me. I'm not going to stalk her for any less than fifty!"
"Fine, fine, fifty. When can you start?"
"Tomorrow morning. Bright and early."
"AAAAAAAH!" Sam banged her head against her locker repeatedly.
"Did you forget your combo again?" asked Freddie.
"No! It's Gibby! He's driving me crazy! First he goes 'Hey, Sam, let's be partners for the Biology project!' and then he tried to put his arm around me, and when I threatened to break both of them he started throwing out this weird pick-up lines and--"
"Talkin' about me, babe?" Gibby cool-walked up to his target. "I like that."
Gibby leaned toward Freddie. "What'd she say?"
"I think she was choking on her own spit," Freddie replied.
"Oh!" Gibby continued loudly. "Wait 'til you see something that'll really make you drool."
He ripped off his shirt. Sam just stared in horror.
"Detention, Gibby," Mr. Howard said as he walked by. "No stripping in school."
Freddie sniggered. "Gibby? Since when did you like Sam?"
Gibby stared dreamily at her. "Ever since I first laid my eyes on that beautiful, frizzed, blonde hair and those gorgeous--"
"Shut up!" Sam shoved him into the lockers. "Don't talk about me like that!"
"I get it, I get it," the shirtless boy said, fighting back a wince. So not worth the money. "Playing hard to get. Fine. How about a date with me?"
"Wha--?!" Sam started. Out of nowhere, Carly jumped in.
"No, Gibby. Sam won't date you, she's already dating..." Carly made a huge show of looking around for another guy, and finally pulled the tech nerd and Sam together. "Freddie!"
"Huh?" Gibby put on a pretty good preformance of being surprised, mostly because he didn't know that this was who Carly was setting Sam up with. For a minute, he forgot his lines. "Um, well, then...um, prove it! I don't believe you! Sam would never date Freddie!"
"Well, she is, so she can't date you!" Carly countered.
"You lie! I'll stalk you to the end of your days, my beloved bully!"
"That's coming real soon, pal," Sam warned, pushing up her sleeves.
Freddie, just this one time, was not so easily fooled. He rolled his eyes at Carly and then held Sam back. "She's serious, Gibby. I'm dating Sam. Why don't we double? You'll see, it's totally a waste of your time to like someone who's already so deeply in love, like Sam is with me."
"Okay, next person who says something that mushy involving me is going home with no left ear!"
"Who's he doubling with?" inquired Carly.
"You," Freddie said smugly.
"Why did I ask?"
"Fine! I accept your terms! But if I even get a hint that you're faking, I'll never let Sam go!"
Sam cracked her knuckles. "Say good-bye to your ear, Gibby. It'll miss you."
Gibby did the smart thing and ran for his life.
Spencer wiped his hands on his paint-splattered jeans and sat down next to a very deep-in-thought Carly on the couch.
"Why are you so deep in thought?"
"Spencer...I'm doing the impossible. I might not come back alive."
He jumped up. "I told you, no bungee jumping until you're eighteen!"
"It's not that, it's worse. I'm getting Freddie and Sam together."
Her brother froze. "Um, okay. Let's pretend I don't find that statement incredibly strange. Carly, you know that if Freddie and Sam decided to date--in some weird, discombobulated alternate universe--you're going to be the third wheel?"
Carly shrugged. "I know. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that we've all been through a lot together. I don't think them going out is going to do anything to our friendship."
"And if they break up?"
"They hated each other before, they can do it again."
"Well! Sounds like you've got all the grounds covered. This is so weird. I mean, Freddie and Sam? I'm going to go check and see if the laws of physics still apply and make sure the world hasn't ended. Good luck!"
"Thanks for your help! Sort of!" Carly called after him. There was a knock on the door. "Come in, it's open!"
Freddie shouldered the door aside, holding up two sweaters. "Which one do you think Sam'll hate the least?"
Carly laughed. "The one you're wearing." A strange scent wafted towards her. "Is that cologne?"
"Right. Well...Gibby and Sam should be here any minute,and then we can head off to the restaurant. Why don't you dump those two somewhere and hang out?"
When he came back, he watched Carly remain deep in thought for a while. "Hey."
He slipped his hands into his pockets. "For setting this thing up with Sam. I'd never ask her out, she'd kill me in my sleep. But how weird is it that Gibby likes her too?"
"Heh. Yeah. Weird."
"I can't believe she didn't say no to a date with me. Hope she won't throw up before we even get there."
He said it like he was worried, but he couldn't wipe the tiniest of grins off his face.
"Sam, is that lip gloss?" Freddie asked curiously.
"No. Why do you smell good?"
"I always do. I didn't know you owned a skirt."
"Well, I do. New shoes?"
"Aw, you guys are so cute, aren't they cute, Gibby?" Carly insisted, elbowing Gibby in the side.
They found a table for four right in the middle of the restaurant. They were like the hole of awkward silence surrounded by a donut of chaotic sound.
"So..." Carly was at a loss.
"Listen," Gibby said. "My Grammy's in town and I want to spend some time with her, so let's make this quick. Sam, either you kiss Benson or you kiss your sanity good-bye."
Freddie started. "What? Don't we work up to that part? We've only been here like two seconds!"
"Dont be a wimp, Freddie, just kiss her!" urged Carly.
Sam sighed out of fake boredom.
"Listen, Gibby, I don't think you know how this works. If you lay a finger on Sam, that finger's gone for good. And I like my lips. I use them a lot!"
"Well, how'd they survive the first time?" Carly blurted accidentally. Freddie and Sam glared at her.
Gibby leaned in. "First time? You mean...uh, yeah, duh, there would be a first time, if you guys are dating. I wanna see some lip action, or no deal. You're her boyfriend, right? That shouldn't be a problem."
"You promise you'll leave me alone then, Gibby?"
"Whaddya mean, fi--mmph!" Sam grabbed the front of Freddie's shirt and roughly pulled him closer. It was nothing like their first kiss at all. Not that Carly would know. She guessed their first was a more Freddie-type kiss, nice and sweet. This was definitely more Sam, spontaneous and not the best thing to display in public.
"When you're done analyzing them, you owe me fifty bucks," said Gibby.
Sam and Freddie had broken apart, but they didn't hear him. They were still dazed and--yes, corny, but Carly was sure--lost in each other's eyes. Or something close to it. They leaned in again, much more slowly, and Carly knew it would be a while before they left.
"'Kay, our work here is done." She handed Gibby his money and he pumped his fist in the air.
"Yeah, Grammy, guess who can buy you those dentures who wanted now!"
"We'll see you next time on iCarly!" said Carly cheerfully. "Now Sam and I will sing the alphabet backwards. Z!"
"Close enough! Bye!"
"And that's a wrap," concluded Freddie. "Nice show. We had a huge audience today."
"I can't believe it turned out that great when there wasn't a Make-Fun-Of-Freddie segment," Sam said.
"Funny. But you know you wouldn't enjoy it as much now that we're together." He kissed her on the cheek while she thought over it.
"Nah, I'd still enjoy it."
Freddie backed off, but Sam swung her arm over his shoulder.
Carly fought the urge to rush towards them. "Wow. I still can't believe you're not doing that to strangle him. This is going to take sooo much getting used to."
"I know." Freddie smiled at Sam. "But I don't think it'll be that hard to get used to. I mean, it's not like we'll be skipping down the halls holding hands or something."
"Holding hands? You'd better not try that on me, Fredward. I'm not gonna look like a wimp just because I'm dating one."
"I guess it's not that different," Carly agreed.
"Are you okay with this, Carls?" asked Sam. Her friend nodded.
"As long as we still hang out."
"Sure. Just not for the next two hours. Freddie and I are gonna go grab a smoothie."
"You need two hours to drink a smoothie?"
Freddie wrapped his arm around Sam's waist. "And maybe do some other stuff."
"You two behave yourselves, now!" Carly griped, old lady-style.
"Will do, Grammy. Bye!"
The door slammed behind them. Carly sat for a few minutes, pondering, and came to an astounding observation. "It's really quiet in here."
She was about to follow them down the stairs, and almost opened the door the whole way when she heard Freddie say "...love you" and saw the two kissing right on top of the stairwell. Not wanting to disturb them, she closed the door, picked up Sam's sound box, and pressed the last button. Suddenly, it seemed as if a crowd of people had popped their heads into the studio just to say collectively, "Awww..."