Fork in the Road
Summary: Sam told his family about wanting to go to College at the start of his senior year. Death Fic AU
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to Kripke and the WB (or CW). Either way I'm not getting anything from this. Although I will gladly accept a gift wrap Sam and Dean Winchester.
A/N: I am in a dark mood so this one shot reflects that. So you have been worn that this is a death fic. I am taking some liberty with the time frame but it works better with the story.
"Dad I wanted to ask if for my senior year we can stay in one place."
John looks over at Sam wondering why he would need to stay in one place to finish his schooling. "Dean was able to graduate with our constant moving. It should be no problem for you to do the same."
Sam knew that what he had to say next won't go over very well but as long as he kept his cool everything should work out. "I don't just want graduate I want to get into college. The constant moving will make it difficult for me to earn scholarships and get accepted into a good school."
The fury on John's face is instant. "You want to abandon your family for something that you will have no use for. Hunting is your life and college won't be of any help in that. What of all the people who will get hurt because you're off being normal instead of doing your job."
Trying to keep his anger at bay and not get into a shouting match Sam tries to be reasonable. "Hunting was not my choice and I don't want to spend my life the way you do. Besides there are other ways I can help people and going to college will give me the education I need to do that."
"You know what's out there and you want to turn your back on that knowledge. You don't need to waste your time at college when you already have a way to help people. And what about your mother, the thing that killed her is still out there."
Sam fights to control himself, responding back in a calm voice. "It has been years and you still haven't found it. I may never have gotten to know mom but I would think she would want me to pursue my own dreams and live my own life." Sam could hear desperation seeping in his own voice as he tried to plead his own case.
"You can't go to college and that is finale. This discussion is over." John shouts before stepping outside and slamming the door behind him.
Sam stares at the slam door for a few seconds before turning to look at Dean who has remained silent throughout the exchange. The look on Dean's face is blank but his eyes give away what he is feeling and what Sam sees tears at his heart.
"Dean what ever dad may say or think I am not abandoning our family. I just want to live my life by my own choices. If I went to college you can stop by for visits and I can spend my breaks with you guys. Hell I can still help with hunting by doing research while I am at college."
"Sam you can't have both. Really how much help with hunting can you be: when you can't do any of the ground work of interviewing people or investigating the scenes which provide much of the info we need?" Sam watches as Dean shuts himself off even more to the point even his eyes are no longer giving anything away.
"Dean please understand college will be good in helping me discover myself and it could also be very useful in helping with hunting. I can learn different languages that ancient books are written in. Come on how often we have needed information from some ancient text that isn't easily translated or needed to get access to texts in universities that aren't allowed to the public."
"We have done fine before and getting access to things that we aren't allowed too has never been a problem."
"Dean this isn't the end of the world. Please I don't want to lose you or dad but I can't continue living life this way."
"Well you will if you continue with this crazy idea of yours. We are safest when we stick together and you going off on your on won't end well. Besides do you really think dad will let you go?" Dean says with finality and Sam realizes that at this moment no matter what he says his family won't accept his decision. If he pursued his dream he may lose his family forever but if he didn't he would be nothing but a puppet moving to his family whims. Hopefully with time his family would accept his decision and he won't have to fear the other two options from happening.
"Hey Uncle Bobby" Sam says to the phone.
"Sam it is good to hear from you, how you been?"
"Stressed out. Dad has been moving us more the past couple months then he has ever done in the past."
"I'm sure he has a good reason for moving you more right now."
"Yeah he is trying to stop me from being able to pursue my dreams of going to college."
"Now Sam your dad loves you and I'm sure he is doing the best for you. I don't think even he would go that far to ruin your education and stop your dreams."
"Come on Bobby you know how he is. He has been moving us more ever since I told him I wanted to go to college. It is either his way or his way, nothing else is allowed as an option. But I didn't call to discuss what kind of stubborn mule my father can be. I was hoping I can ask you for something?"
"Sure go ahead Sam."
"Can I stay with you until I finish school?"
"Are you sure about this, what about your family?"
"I love them but I can't continue living my life on the road or hunting the way they do. If I stay with you I will be safe with all the protections you have on your place and I will be able to work on getting into college without the fear of being uprooted any second."
"Sam I would love to have you here but before doing anything drastic why don't I talk to your father. Hopefully we can work something out okay."
"Okay I just hope your right."
"Come on Sam how can you be still on about going to college?"
"I am not in the mood Dean I really need to get this financial aid paper work done."
"You have been prissy ever since dad and Bobby got in that huge fight and dad cut off all communication with him."
"Well why should I be happy about the fact that since I am still minor I can't go stay with Bobby because dad gets to decided what goes on with my life."
"I still can't believe how you can just want to abandon your family like that!"
"How many times do I have to tell you I wasn't abandoning our family I just needed a stable environment to finish my schooling. I am barely passing as is with the increases in our moving. If I stayed in one place long enough I can finish school with good grades and maybe have some extra curricular activities that would appeal to colleges." Grabbing his papers Sam stuffs them in to his bag and goes out. Walking for a long while Sam finds a secluded spot in a nearby park, pulling out his paper work Sam looks at his only hope for escape. Praying that with all the application he sends that he will be successful because he knows that his life will be over if he has to spend the rest of it hunting.
Today Sam was legally considered an adult but he wasn't happy. His bid for college failed. Being rejected for not having enough in extra curricular activities. For his grades not being that great because he was always on the move. For not having anyone know him long enough so that they can write a letter of recommendation. For not having the money to pay for the schooling. For not being able to meet for an interview so he can show them that he is more then what is just on paper.
Sam now had only one path available for him to walk on and it was not the one he wanted to be on. No matter how hard he worked or what he tried to do to get away he failed. Trapped in a life that wasn't even worth living because he did not get to live it for himself but was living it by how others dictating him should. His family would be happy to know that they succeeded in stopping him from going to college but he will never tell them that. Sam's thoughts are interrupted with the motel door opening; it seems his family made it back from there hunt on his birthday.
John looks around the room when he spots Sam he immediately starts giving orders. "Sam pack your things we are moving."
Sam can't help but deflate at that, not only did his father not bother to wish him a happy birthday but they were moving again. Instead of saying anything Sam simply gets to work on packing his belongings having stop bothering arguing against it since it proved to be a waste of energy. Dean follows in after their father and appears to be giddy from the successful hunt going over ever detail as Sam packs. Sam is even more disappointed then he was with his father when Dean also doesn't wish him a happy birthday.
Loading up the car they drive off immediately once it is pack. No time for goodbyes but Sam stop bothering in making friends this year so it doesn't matter. His father and brother occasionally try to get him to join in the conversation but Sam keeps silent and to himself during the car ride just staring out at the scenery as it pass. They eventually pull up to a diner.
"I am starving I can't wait to get something to eat." Dean exclaims excitedly.
"I am not hungry I am just going to stay in the car and get some rest." Responds Sam
Dean deflates at that and John looks at Sam worriedly. "We are not going to stop for food later so if you want something to eat you need to get something now."
"I understand" Sam says he then lays down in the back of the Impala turning his face away from his family. John and Dean stare at Sam for a minute before going to the diner both thinking that Sam would come in on his own after some time.
Sam relaxes once he senses his family is gone. Sitting up partially he watches as his family takes a booth with a clear view of the Impala and easy access to an escape if need be. Laying back down Sam pulls out a small vile. He stares at the clear liquid thinking to when he first got it months back when the first feelings of doubt began to eat at him that he would be stuck hunting. He got it but hoped that he would never have to use it but Sam understood that if he couldn't escape from the hunting lifestyle that there was only one other guarantee that he knew can put an end to him hunting: death.
Uncapping the vile Sam draws it to his lips and swallows it all. In a short while the poison will take affect. Hoping that it is as painless as he had research about this poison and that he would simply feel like he was falling asleep only of the permanent kind. Sam closes his eyes as a wave of tiredness pass through him and his energy seems to slip away.
Dean stares out at the Impala worried about his little brother, "Dad ever since Sam told us about wanting to go to college everything has gone down hill!"
"I know Dean. I am worried about Sam too. You think I haven't noticed the change in his personality but once he accepts that this is his life things will get better. He is just not safe out there on his own."
"Today is his birthday and we should be celebrating. I want to see the look on his face when we surprise him but instead he is by himself in the Impala. That's it I'm going out there and I will drag him in here if I have to."
Climbing out of the booth Dean notices that his father is fallowing right behind him. Going to the Impala he yanks it open. "Alright Sam enough of this I know today is your birthday but that is no excuse to act like a brat." Getting no response from Sam, Dean reaches down and shakes him. Dean stares at the vile that falls onto the floor from when he jostled Sam and picks it up. Dean is on the edge of panic by how still Sam is and the lack of response. He moves quickly to take Sam's pulse and the moment he doesn't find one he is in full blown panic. "Dad, Sam doesn't have a pulse."
John moves Dean out of the way hoping that Dean made a mistake and that his youngest son isn't dead. However his hope is quickly dash as he too finds no pulse. John turns to his eldest when he gasps out loud.
Dean stares at the vile not liking the realization he has gotten from it or the part it has played in his brother current state. He looks at his dad tears welling up in his eyes. As his father looks at him he is not sure how to tell him what he believes has happened. "I think Sam killed himself."
John shakes his head in denial. "Sam would never do that."
"I found this by Sam I think he must have poisoned himself. It is the only explanation because we were watching the car and nothing had happened. How else do you explain that Sam is now dead?"
John tries to deny Dean's words. No he can't bare the thought that they lost Sam by Sam's own hand. As he cradled his youngest he was regretting every action he had made since Sam told him what he wanted. Sam didn't understand the dangers out there; he was keeping Sam safe by not letting him go. He tightened his hold on Sam as if that would keep the Reapers away from his boy.
A/N: So here you go this was actually very therapeutic writing this.