A/N: I was on something at 1:30 am on Friday when I wrote this and I do not apologize for it. It's a short three-parter with promise; Psych (C) USA, Portal (C) Valve. Reviews are welcome!
Part I- Findings
Shawn Spencer wasn't a man of science, unlike his best friend Burton 'Gus' Guster...unless it were the science of false statements. But one day, as they walked out of the local Jamba Juice, he felt a blunt object land on his head and knocked him out. "Pretty light…" the pseudo-psychic mumbled nonsensically as his friend went to get help. Meanwhile, Shawn reached out for the object that caused his brief bout of unconsciousness and grabbed it. The thing looked straight out of a video game; it was a white gun that had two glowing tubes and spider legs.
"Shawn! Are you okay?!" Gus rushed to his side. "Peachy I guess…what is this thing?" The younger Spencer asked as he fiddled with the controls. A sudden orange blast landed against a nearby alley wall and remained there, glowing ominously. The weird gun flashed blue as the two friends examined the object. "Hmm, it's not a laser or this building would've collapsed into rubble…and it's not a bomb for equal reasons…" Shawn wondered out loud. "Whatever it is, it's probably a government secret so let's just…" Gus' advice went unheeded as Shawn blasted the blue laser to the opposite wall.
"Weird, this thing makes mirrors for no good reason or-" the fake psychic continued asking himself before he recklessly inserted his hand into the orange hole. Suddenly, the pharm rep felt a hand his back, startling him to no end. It took Shawn less than a second to figure out what the skies had bestowed on him and as a result, he fell to his knees and clapped his hands together. "Thank you God in Heaven for this extraordinary gift and I solemnly swear to use it as I see fit!"
"Shawn, what are you talking about?" Gus asked, further questioning his friend's sanity. "This thing makes portals! Portals that WE can use! Do you see the endless sea of possibilities?!" Spencer hopped on his feet to accentuate his idea. "You'd never have to be late to your day job; just place a conveniently placed portal in your office and one at Psych and voila!"
"For all we know, we could've stumbled into Chernobyl-in-a-box! And how do we know it's safe?" Guster argued although tempted as such a feat. Shawn searched around and found a "No risk of radiation poisoning due to continued usage" message. "Gus…the world is OURS!" Shawn stated with a mischievous grin on face; this was going to be fun.
At Psych, the two managed to hide their find long enough to figure out how to test it. "Ok, first test, the fridge." The fake psychic stated while opening the refrigerator door. "Firing orange portal!" Gus called out from their desks as he aimed and fired. The pharm rep then switched with his friend as he shot the blue portal. The experiment was a success as Shawn was able to retrieve a slice of pineapple pie from his desk and eat it. "We have cake…"
The next test was slightly more violent as Gus decided to check out if the law of momentum held up between them. The two friends set up a ladder and half a box of eggs (Gus suggested they used a pineapple but Shawn wouldn't hear any of it). "Firing portals! Man that sounds so awesome!" Shawn exclaimed as he shot the blue portal on the roof and the orange one on an X Gus had placed on the floor. "Egg #1 is off!" the sales representative noted as he dropped the egg. What did they learn from this test, you may be asking? That if an egg is placed in an endless loop along with gravity, said egg can and will reach terminal velocity.
After a few minutes, Gus commented, "That egg is travelling faster than a bullet!" "Well then, let's see how much damage could Humpty Dumpty can cause, shall we?" Shawn added as he fired the blue portal against the leftmost wall of the establishment at the exact moment. The egg disappeared from the floor, flew past the two idiots and struck the right wall with such force that the target wood plank broke. Shawn peeked inside the hole while Gus took away the gun. "I don't trust you with this alone." "Wise choice…speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out, I guess."
The final test was by Shawn's choosing and he chose the test subject: his father's house. The fake psychic shot the orange portal over at Psych. "Ok, now to dear ol' Pop's place, on the double Gus!" After driving to Henry Spencer's home, Shawn fired the blue portal into his shed and closed it for good measure. The two drove back to the detective agency and the younger Spencer prepared to cross the distance. "Wish me luck, Gussie!" Shawn exclaimed before jumping right in. Long story short, Shawn found himself doing his Victory dance in his father's tool shed.
"All right, this thing apparently has rules: one, no more than two portals can exist so we have to use them wisely," Gus hypothesized while Shawn rolled his eyes. "The second one, laws of physics still exist between the portals so if we were to use the thing to escape certain, aim right." Bored of those rules, Shawn stepped in and said, "Third rule, whenever we use this thing, we have to say the following swear…" "And what swear is that?" Guster inquired with intrigue. "That we solemnly swear we are up to no good." "You ripped that from the third Harry Potter book." "I know but it so fits the occasion…"