A/N: The conclusion...or is it? Reviews are welcome! Disclaimer: Psych (c) USA, Portal (c) Valve
Part III-Eat Your Cake
Buzz McNabb wasn't so much superstitious but he was wary of not angering the spirit world. His new found curiosity came right around the time Shawn came in as 'psychic consultant'. But as he filed away the Robinson case, he could've sworn he heard someone sing a nonsensical song…
"This was a triumph! I'm making a note here, huge success! It's hard to overstate my satisfaction…" "Hello? Is anyone there?" he asked the supposedly empty room. Shawn withheld a snicker as he tossed a small grey cube to McNabb then recited in the most mechanical yet scary voice he could muster, "The Companion Cube will not try to kill you for in fact, it cannot speak…" The young cop picked up the object and yelled, "What do you want?!"
Shawn continued his haunt with "But you may not leave this area with the Companion Cube so you may have to kill it. Do not worry for the Companion Cube will not feel your betrayal and will in fact forgive you." Buzz quickly reacted and dropped the cube to the floor. "What would you like me to do? I don't know how to kill a Companion Cube or whatever it is!" "You must incinerate it at your local incinerator…" The patrol officer dashed to light the cardboard cube on fire and the fake psychic then decided to conclude this prank by stating, "You are a horrible person. You killed your best friend, the Companion Cube. You do not deserve to be alive. We could've been friends. I will have to kill you now…"
Terrified at the whole "getting killed by a vengeful ghost over a stupid cardboard cube", Buzz ran out of the Case file room, zooming past by a surprised Juliet. "Don't go in there! There's an insane ghost with a cube and ARGH!" McNabb yelled as he ran off for dear life, leaving Jules more than confused and Shawn bent over in laughter. The junior detective recognized the younger Spencer's laugh and stormed into a very much empty room.
The second haunting was a bit more complicated to realize, since it involved breaking into a locker. "Easy solution, find my dad's old locker." Shawn thought out loud while applying the necessary fake blood and other bodily fluids. His goal was to appear as a severed head, using an appropriately-sized portal to set it off just right. Lo and behold, the locker, along with the combination, still remained in the police department. "2-34-12." Shawn recited as the unmistakable click of a successful lock crack rang.
The owner of the locker was none other than Interim Chief Karen Vick, causing Shawn to seriously consider this prank. Damn! If I get caught, that's it for Psych! Then again, how could she possible figure it out? Shawn decided to go through with it for funsies; he quickly shot the orange portal at just the right time and acted the deadest he had ever done in his life.
With the bank robberies now a close case, Karen was looking forward to relaxing for a bit before picking up her daughter from babysitting. What she didn't expect was the head of Santa Barbara's psychic consultant stuffed inside her locker. She reacted with a quick shriek and slamming the locker door shut. "How is that possible?!" she tried to reason only to be interrupted by someone clearing their throat inside the compartment. "Umm, that one's easy."
Karen then breathed relieved that it had been a practical joke and was about to sold Spencer…until she realized that her locker, along with the others in its row, lay against a solid brick wall. The Chief of Police slowly opened her locker door and, much to her surprise, found it empty. As a result, she rubbed her temples and said to herself, "I need some sleep…"
The final haunting was guaranteed to be a riot (in more ways than one). Dressing up as some murder victim, Shawn thought to himself, "This better be worth it…of course it's going to be." He hid the Portal gun just enough that no one could see it but he could still fire it. The fake psychic then played up the best ghost face and walk as he shot first pair of portals…
Andrew "Butcher" King was sitting in his jail cell, along with other petty and dangerous criminals, when he heard a bell ring thirteen times. A ghastly vision of a man brutally murdered slowly made its way to the entrance of the holding cells. The lights faltered as this man crawled on the floor all the while moaning and lamenting its death rattle 'You killed me….'
Not a single man could keep his brave face as they watched the 'dead man' slither through the floor and, to their eternal fright, disappeared into the walls. All five grown men present started screaming their heads off by the time Det. Lassiter showed up. "What the hell is going on?!" he yelled to establish order. "Some freaky shit just crawled in here!" Andrew bellowed before unknowingly confessing, "It's Manny! I killed him!"
"Well, look at that! I helped out after all!" Shawn smirked as he removed his costume, threw it in the nearest dumpster and walked to a McDonalds close by. He looked at the Portal gun and decided not to turn it in just yet (he'd turn it in the next century, if he lived that long). He had one more thing to do…
After calming the riot and processing Andrew King for the murder of Manny Turner, Lassiter was exhausted. He dismissed McNabb and the Chief's accounts of a haunting as lack of sleep but he couldn't right away explain what happened to him at his desk. "Somehow, Spencer managed to weasel his way under my desk and found a way out…" he told himself as he arrived at his home.
The lights were off and there was no evidence of anyone breaking into his home or even using the spare key to get in. But as the Head Detective found out once he entered his bathroom, somehow Shawn appeared in his shower, fully clothed and a grin that rivaled the Cheshire cat's. "Hello, Lassie…" the fake psychic greeted before jumping Lassiter and practically smothered him with passionate kisses.