This skit was going to be performed at Oni Con this year, but due to my lack of willing actors, and the fact that everyone who WAS willing wanted to be Prussia, I decided that this script was too fun to waste into nothingness without anyone to witness it. So enjoy and try to picture what it would have been like onstage X3

If anyone wants to perform it, please contact me 3 As long as I got a video and credit, I'd be more than happy.

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Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia enter through the

crowd, passing out a few random pamphlets. They

adlib a few things about the campaign to "Become

one with Russia" They all seem a tad nervous. They

finally make it up to the stage and form a

half-circle, facing the audience.

LITHUANIA

(Brandishing a pamphlet and shouting to

the audience)

Become one with Russia! Accept the power of the

motherland into your life!

LATVIA

D-d-do you think that R-russia w-will think we're doing

a g-good job?

ESTONIA

We can only hope so. I'd hate to see his reaction

should he decide we're not up to par...

LITHUANIA

Don't worry about it, he'd take it out on me anyway...

(Walks downstage, leaning over to hand a

pamphlet to a girl near )

You, lady! Would you like to become one with Russia?

The Soviet Anthem starts to play

ESTONIA

Do you hear that?

LATVIA

(Looking around nervously)

I-it's Russia! O-oh no!

The music grows louder as Russia marches on stage,

flanked by Ukraine and Belarus. They both carry

signs, and in addition Belarus carries her famous

knife. Russia simply carries his pipe, swinging it

cheerfully. Music fades out as Russia puts his arm

around Lithuania.

RUSSIA

You boys are working well, aren't you?

Belarus raises her knife.

LITHUANIA

Ah...yes...

Lithuania notices Belarus and shrugs off Russia's

arm. She drops her knife-hand down.

RUSSIA

(With very fake sadness)

Oh, Lithuania, why are you pulling away?

LITHUANIA

(Pointing at

Belarus)

I...

RUSSIA

(Seductive

tone)

You're being a bad

boy, aren't you?

LITHUANIA

No, really, I'm...

RUSSIA

Bad boys need to be

punished...

Russia puts his pipe down, grabs Lithuania's hand,

and drags him off the stage. Belarus glares after

them.

BELARUS

If I ever get the chance, I'm going to...

UKRAINE

(Pats her sister on the shoulder)

There there, Bela, don't worry so much about all

this...I'm sure nii-san still loves you...

LATVIA

D-d-do you think L-liet's going to be ok?

ESTONIA

I do hope so...

Prussia dances in, humming the pocky song and

dancing with two of the candy sticks. He is

totally oblivious of those around him: everyone

stares at him. Estonia shakes his head sadly.

Suddenly Prussia bumps into Ukraine.

PRUSSIA

Ah! Hey, watch it, lady! Don't get in the way of

someone getting his groove on!

UKRAINE

Oh, I'm s-sorry,

Mister Prussia...

BELARUS

(Threatens with

knife)

Watch your manners

around a lady.

PRUSSIA

Rawr, fiesty! I like my women like my coffee, strong

and bold.

BELARUS

That's funny. I like my men like I like my meat. With a

knife in it.

Latvia faints, dropping all his pamphlets.

ESTONIA

LATVIAAAAA!

UKRAINE

Oh, you've gone and terrified poor Latvia half to

death!

BELARUS

He'll live.

PRUSSIA

What are all these?

Prussia rushes over and picks up a pamphlet

PRUSSIA

Become one with...OH! You guys are proclaiming the

AWESOMENESS that is me to the world, aren't you! That's

great! There's nothing in here about my five meters

though...

(Jumps up and pulls out sharpie)

And you misspelled my name too! I can't believe it!

(Writes a big P on the pamphlet)

PRUssia, not RUssia...

ESTONIA

(Fanning Latvia with a pamphlet)

You dolt, we're not promoting YOU...

UKRAINE

Yes, the campaign's for nii-sa--

PRUSSIA

(Points accusingly at Ukraine's sign)

YOU! Breasty one! Your sign's written wrong too!

Prussia grabs the sign while Ukraine still holds

it, protesting. He somehow manages to draw a big

squiggly P in front of the word Russia. Meanwhile,

Latvia comes to, and he and Estonia stare at

Prussia in horror.

PRUSSIA

There we go! It's all better now!

LATVIA

Y-y-you're going to re-regret that!

Russia returns, dragging Lithuania in on a leash.

The others stop their staring at the sign for a

moment to stare at Lithuania.

LITHUANIA

Don't. Even. Start.

Belarus squeezes her sign so that it snaps, as if

in anger. Russia stares cooly at Ukraine's sign,

and then points at Prussia.

RUSSIA

Did you write on poor Ukraine's sign?

PRUSSIA

Che...yeah. What are you gonna do about it?

Russia calmly kisses Lithuania on the cheek, then

leans over and picks up his pipe. He grins

menacingly, and Prussia takes a step back.

RUSSIA

Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol...

Russia chases Prussia off the stage, swinging his

pipe around. Lithuania struggles with the collar

on his neck.

LITHUANIA

...Belarus? Honey? Can you help me with this?

BELARUS

(Sweetly)

Of course I can, dear.

Belarus tugs sharply at the leash, strangling

Lithuania, and the scene ends.