Disclaimer : I don't own anything at all.
Summary : A joke gone right. One person yells 'You killed Kenny!' and the entire room erupts into chaos. Hints of Mikaela/Sam, and Jazz is ressurrected for this fic.
Note : This was inspired by Lady Foxfire's 'Never Argue with the Queen'. I loved the line about 'You killed Kenny' from South Park, but at the same time, I thought about how funny it could be if most of the Autobots didn't know about the show, and Sam managed to freak them right out.
This is my second completed Transformers fanfic, and I'm struggling a little with the muse. I hope this wasn't totally crappy.
"How's Jazz doing?" I walked next to Optimus, with Bumblebee traling behind us. Both Mechs were in their robotic forms and we were currently making our way to the Hoover Dam gun training range. "The last time I saw him, he...was a mess." That was putting it lightly, too. He'd been torn in half, and even Ratchet wasn't sure if he could repair him.
Mikaela joined us from a side hallway and smiled a little before taking my hand. Giving me a light kiss, she nodded to the giant mechs before joining in our walk.
Optimus nodded, his bright blue optics blinking as he kept his eyes ahead of him. "Indeed. We were worried, but as usual, Ratchet was able to pull off a miracle. Jazz, I believe, is currently running experimental runs with his guns, checking his aim." His voice boomed deeply strangely suiting the massive Autobot. There was a small, pleased smile on his face as he spoke, speaking volumes about his fondness for his comrades.
As we entered the room, we paused when we saw Major William Lennox gesturing towards a Autobot-sized dummy some distance away. He was assuring the Autobots it was ok to shoot at it, and that it was a lifeless dummy meant for this very reason. Just a little distance away from the testing Autobots were the rest of the group, sitting around watching and talking with ease. All were in their Autobot forms.
I guessed this was a new thing for them. Apparently they didn't use targets like this for practicing back on Cybertron.
I raised an eyebrow. How did they get a sweater that big?? Then something hit me. "Hey, doesn't that look like Kenny?" I gestured to the orange hoody-wearing dummy and laughed when Mikaela's eyes went wide. It was a large dummy, but the head was almost suffocated by the huge hood of the sweater it was wearing, reminding me of a character in a show I used to enjoy.
By the look on Mikaela's face, she recognized it, too.
Optimus turned his face down to us, his optics blank with confusion, but he remained silent as he turned back to the others.
The newly repaired Jazz stood across the room in his robotic form, with Ratchet at his side, speaking quietly to him. His armored body was still in massive need of repairs, but he transformed his arms into guns and raised them, turning to speak to Ratchet a moment before nodding and turning back. His right gun lit up, and a blast fired, taking off half of the dummy's head.
"Oh my God, you killed Kenny!" Mikaela screamed loudly.
I bit my lip a moment to keep a bubble of laughter in before rearranging my face into a mask of horror. "You bastards!" While her reaction had startled me, I couldn't help but follow her lead, and had to stuff my knuckles into my mouth to keep from bursting out in laughter. "How could you?!" Ok, so now I was hamming it up, but honestly, it was funny.
The room went quiet a moment before busting into action. Ratchet ran quickly over to the still standing dummy with only half a head and quickly began running scans, all the while grabbing stuffing from the ground. Jazz stood there with wide blue optics and a dropped jaw, his gun still raised but no longer armed, and the rest of the Autobots milled around cluelessly.
Ironhide, on the othe hand, raised a glowing cannon to Will, who looked a little lost. The lost look abruptly faded into one of terror, as he raised his hands. "You said it was lifeless!" Ironhide exclaimed in outrage, glaring as Will gaped like a fish.
"I detected no spark or life signs within it!" Ratchet confirmed as he began trying to re-stuff the head. "I was certain it wasn't alive!" He seemed worried when the stuffing refused to stay in place. "I need..." His eyes seemed to dim and I knew he was searching on the internet. "Damn! I need..." He frowned a little as he used both hands to try and hold the stuffing in the head.
Will, who'd managed to duck out of Ironhide's sight, peeked out from around some boxes and raised an eyebrow. "Superglue?" He called slightly, before ducking out of sight again.
I bit harder on my knuckles. "More like...needle...and thread." I muttered, choking back laughter.
Beside me, Mikaela nodded silently.
"I need help over here!" Jazz rushed over and began flailing his claws in the air, trying to catch flying puffs of cotton and hand it to Ratchet. The only problem is, they were small fluffs, and he was using claws to try and catch them, so it looked more like he was dancing around, than anything.
Mikaela's eyes went wide. Her face flushed, and then she went pale. Her jaw had dropped, but she remained staring at the sectioned off Autobots, as if torn between laughing or crying.
Bumblebee was up and running, dropping to his knees with a thud that sent both Mikaela and myself to our knees from the resulting tremor. His vocal cords were still damaged, so he was playing clip after clip from many different songs, begging us to understand he didn't know and not to be mad. His big blue optics shuttered and small jets appeared, causing him to squirt windshield washing fluid from his optics. The Autobot version of crying.
Biting her lip, Mikaela's hands twitched. I knew she found Bumblebee adorable. As it was, I was having a hard time not losing it completely, considering I felt bad for Bee, but this entire situation was hilarious. Not to mention, I was watching Jazz jump and spin and trying to catch airborn cotton, and Ratchet was trying unsucessfully to stuff it back into the half head of the dummy.
Optimus' face was suspiciously blank, but when I looked up, I recognized the way his optics buzzed back and forth distantly. He was searching the internet, and a moment later, he began to laugh. In fact, he began to laugh so hard, he had to clutch a large metallic hand against his abdomen, his optics almost closed and leaking from the laughter that echoed through the room.
"Primus! He's gone into shock!" Ratchet was at Optimus' side in seconds, but the leader of the Autobots grabbed his hands and shook his head, as his laughter seemed to reluctantly subside. "I don't understand." Ratchet turned confused optics to us, and we lost it.
It was Mikaela's and my turn to start laughing, and even Lennox, once he snuck out of the line of fire, began to join us, though he was shooting us glares now and then for putting him on the spot like that.
"It was reference to an old television show, am I right?" Optimus turned to us, his eyes doing the Autobot equivalent of watering from all his laughing. "South Park? I believe Maggie and Glen were watching that very show when I passed the recreational room a few days ago. I was curious, so I watched it with them."
I nodded, clutching at my stomach and doubling over with laughter. Mikaela leaned against me, but because I was laughing so hard I had no balance and we both went toppling over.
"The...dummy was never...a-actually alive." She managed to gasp out. "It just...hit me when...Sam mentioned it l-looked...like Kenny...and then....you killed it." She laughed again, tears running down her cheeks. "Oh...God! That...was good!"
Jazz had stopped dancing around, and his, along with the rest of the Autobots' optics went dim as they all seemed to look it up. Their reactions varied. Jazz began to chuckle, shaking his head, while Bumblebee slumped and made a small, cute sound in his throat. It almost sounded like he was relieved, but hurt, maybe?
I realized it was probably because he was worried and crying, and I hadn't informed him of what was going on. Instantly, guilt flooded me. Walking over, I patted his hand, even as I ignored the glares Ratchet and Ironhide were sending us. "Sorry, Bee. Your reactions..." I laughed again as I mimicked Jazz practically performing ballet in the air, trying to get the cotton. "Were hilarious and surprising. I would've told you, but it was a last minute thing, really."
Mikaela nodded before looking to Will. "And seriously, 'superglue'?" She raised an eyebrow at him.
"It would have worked." He muttered under his breath, glaring a Ironhide. "I told you it wasn't alive!"
"Not anymore, anyways." I added, causing Mikaela to crack up.
"Human..." Ironhide was growling, both his cannons glowing and revolving. There was a faint hint of amusement in his eyes, but it was overwhelmed with anger and he took a menacing step forward. "You had best run, before 'Kenny' isn't the only one with half a head."
"And don't come into the med bay unless it's an emergency." Ratchet was glowering. "It's only too bad you're not an Autobot, I'd remove your head and weld it to your aft for this!"
Taking a step back, I quickly kissed Mikaela on the cheek and took a few more, even as Ironhide chased me at a leisurely pace. I knew that as a female, she was safe from any retaliation, luckily. "Bee?" I implored my guardian, but watching as mischief rose in his eyes and he folded his arms over his chest. Damn!
"I don't like your manners!" A feminine voice cut in from his radio, as he turned his head away. "Payback's a bitch, isn't it?" The words were familiar, even if the voice wasn't, but it was still funny to hear Bee say those words.
Though, with an angry Ironhide on my tail, I didn't have the courage to laugh just then. Seeing that I was going to get help from no one, I sighed. "Awww, crap!" Turning, I sprinted out of the room, hearing a shifting of gears and a rumble of tires. Chancing a glance over my shoulder, I saw that Ironhide had mostly transformed. Now, instead of a bipedal Autobot on my tail, I had a black GMC Topkick with a giant cannon sticking out of it's bed. "Double crap!" I ducked out of one of the human-sized doors, ignoring the laughter behind me, and continued running.
As I ducked into a room with only a human-sized door, and listened to Ironhide's growls outside, only one thought really crossed my mind.
That was so worth it!
Hope you like it.