Part 2

Unfamiliar Ceiling


"Are you ready?" asked Misato as she stared at the screen.

Both boys looked at the screen in front of them dumbly.

"What do you mean 'fight it'?" asked Shinji dumbly.

"Um, I have a problem with this," said squeal fearfully.

"Evangelion! Final safety lock release!" said Misato as she
ignored them.

The Unit slumped down slightly as the final release was gone and
left them standing under their own power. Ritsuko's voice entered the
cockpit. "Just concentrate on walking for now."

"How do we do that?" asked Squeal nervously as he eyed the still
silent Angel in front of them.

"Picture the concept of walking in your mind. The Eva will do the
rest," said Ritsuko firmly.

The Eva stood silent for a moment unmoving. Finally it raised its
hand up to its face.

"What's he doing?" muttered Misato in confusion.

The Eva unit held its hand in front of its face as if it was
holding something. The other arm rose upward slowly and positioned its
other hand just above its eye level. It opened its mouth slightly and
moved it's top hand in small circular motions around the top of its
other hand. The Eva then appeared to take a deep breath and hold it.

The angel's face turned sideways and it appeared to be slightly
confused by this action.

"You idiots! That's not what you're supposed to be thinking
about!" snapped Misato as she realized that the Eva was acting as if
it was taking a hit off of a pipe.

"Sorry," said Shinji sheepishly.

Squeal just grinned. "That was awesome."

The Eva lurched forward and paused as it took its first step. As
it slowly lumbered forward it made a growling noise and scratched its
crotch for a moment as it continued towards the Angel.

"He'," said Maya dumbly.

The Eva moved up to the angel and gave it what appeared to be a
bleary eyed stare. Its posture was horrible and it slumped down and
looked at the thing dumbly. The angel took a step back and blinked,
further confused by the unusual action. The Eve moved its fingers up
in a peace sign and seemed to nod its head slowly.

"Whazzup?" said Shinji and Squeal in unison as they greeted the

The angel seemed to snap out of its confusion and grabbed the Eva
on the face. It lifted it up off the ground and it's arms swelled up
suddenly. Grabbing the Eva's arm it twisted it violently.

Shinji and Squeal were screaming like girls in pain.

"Ow! Stop it! Cut it out! Waaaaaahhh! Dude! This sucks!" cried

"Aaaaaah! Oooooh! Make it stop! Make it stop! I'm too young to
die! I'm still a virgin!" cried Shinji.

"Me tooooo!" agreed his friend as the pair hugged each other in
pain and terror. Their left arms were jerking around almost violently
behind them.

"Calm down! That's not your real arm!" pleaded Misato.

"Where are his defense systems?" cried Ritsuko.

"The system's not responding!" said Maya desperately.

"His field's not up! It's not unfolding!" cried one of the male

"It's not up?!" said Ritsuko.

The angel crushed the Eva's arm, breaking it cleanly.

"Left arm damaged!" said Maya.

"The circuits have snapped!"

Shinji and Squeal were whimpering inside the cockpit as the thing
lifted them higher into the air. The protrusion on the angel's arm,
just behind the elbow moved back suddenly. It slammed forward through
a hole in it's claws and slammed into the Eva's face.

"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! My eye!" cried Squeal.

"Dude!" agreed Shinji painfully.

After a few moments, the armor around the face shattered and the
beam slammed through the Eva's head. Unit one was thrown back into one
of the buildings, impaled by its head by the beam of light that shot
from the angel's claw.

"No!" cried Misato as a fluid burst from the front and back of the
head as it was released by the angel.


Shinji's eyes flew open and he gasped. He was in a sterile white
room. A fluorescent light above him was on, but the window on one wall
overpowered the sickly bulb. "Whoa." He sat up and glanced around. On
the opposite wall was another bed. Squeal was just waking up as well
and the pair looked at one another.

"Dude, I think someone fucked with our shit," said Squeal as he
held his head for a moment.

"Yeah, that was a freaky dream," agreed Shinji as he stared at the
boy blankly.

"Dude, did we get grounded again? All our stuff is gone," said
Squeal as he glanced around. The walls were bare and the room was
basically empty.

"I dunno, we must have really pissed the old dude off now. Even
the babe posters are gone!" said Shinji fearfully.

"Bummer!" cried Squeal. He blinked and looked out the window.
After a long moment of thought he turned towards Shinji again. "Dude.
I don't think this is our room."

"Where the heck are we?" muttered Shinji dumbly.

"I think...we're at the hospital," said Squeal dumbly.

"Think we O.D.ed?" asked Shinji.

"Maybe," said Squeal. "Can you O.D. on the purple sticky fuzz?"
asked Squeal.

"I guess so," said Shinji dumbly.

The idiots looked at each other and grinned. "Excellent!" The
laughed at each other for a moment and looked around.

The pair jumped out of the sheets and looked around. They were
wearing hospital robes with open backs. "Dude! I can see your ass!"
said Squeal as he hid his face in disgust.

"So?" said Shinji dumbly.

"Oh. Right," said Squeal as he thought about it and shrugged.


Shinji stood alone in the hallway, he was looking out the window
of the hospital and not saying anything. It was a beautiful day, birds
were singing, the grass was green. Everything seemed serene.

He cocked his head as he heard the rattling of a gurney being
pushed down the hall. With a small blink he watched as a young girl
was carted by. She stared at him for a moment and said nothing.

Shinji grinned as she looked at him, she had short cut light blue
hair and a pale complexion. She had a lot of bandages on her, covering
one of her eyes, and an arm. There were probably more hidden by the
sheets, but he couldn't see them. One word rang through the boy's
limited mind. "Babe."

He started walking along beside her with a dumb looking grin on
his face as he followed after her. "Hi! My name is Shinji! How ya

The girl continued to stare at him blankly.

"That must have sucked. Bet it hurt too! I'll bet it means you're
not doin anything later?" continued the boy obliviously. The nurse
pushing the girl along turned to stare at him in disbelief.

"Anyway. You're pretty hot for an injured chick. What's your
name?" continued the boy obliviously.

The nurse gave him a disgusted sounding snort and shoved him
aside. The girl simply turned her head away from him and closed her

The boy stopped cold at this and blinked. "Brutal."

The sound of a toilet flushing filled the hall and Squeal waltzed
out of one of the doors. "Dude. I needed that." He paused when he
noticed his friend staring down the hallway. "What's up?"

"Just a babe," said Shinji as he grinned at his friend.

"Really?" asked Squeal dumbly.

"Yeah. So cold too. I think I'm in love!" said Shinji cheerfully.

"Um...Okay. You wanna go try to find some bud?" asked Squeal. "I
can't find our clothes dude. I think our shit is gone."

"No way!" cried Shinji in horror.

"I know," replied Squeal as he hung his head.


Misato sat in the vehicle that was carrying parts of Unit one
behind it. She sighed with contentment and put her face near to one of
the vents on the dash. "Ah. Air conditioning is the greatest! Man's
triumph over nature!"

Ritsuko was on a phone inside the vehicle. She hung it up and
turned to look at Misato. "The idiots have finally woken up."

Misato frowned slightly at this. "How are they doing?"

"Well, their memory seems a bit muddled, but that's probably
normal," said Ritsuko with a disgusted snort.

"I hope they get brain damage," grumbled Misato.

"It's probably too late for that, but I doubt if the Eva had
anything to do with it," said Ritsuko with a heavy sigh.

"What the hell are we gonna do now?" asked Misato. "We've got to
find a replacement pilot or something fast."

"I don't know if we have any other choice," said Ritsuko flatly.
"These two morons may be our only hope."

Misato's face fell. "We're doomed."


Shinji and Squeal sat in one of the waiting rooms of the Hospital.
Sat isn't really an accurate description. They were currently standing
in front of a small crowd of bewildered patients and family members
waiting for care. They were still in their hospital gowns and were
singing rather loudly with rolled up newspapers in their grasps.

"War! Huh! Good God ya'll!" sang Shinji.

"What is it good for?!" sang Squeal.

"Huh! Absolutely nothing!" the crooned together.

At the nurse's station, one of the attendants was on the phone to


Misato watched as preparations and repair work on the city's
defenses was taking place. She was standing outside the vehicle they
had been riding in while Ritsuko remained inside with the window
rolled down.

"The poor fools. They don't realize they're all doomed! How can we
operate Eva at full potential with those two morons?" said Misato with
a heavy sigh.

"All we can do is hope," said Ritsuko.

"Yeah. I guess we aren't dead yet," agreed Misato as she cheered
up a bit. "There is still hope after all."

"Well, I should get back. I'll see you later," said Ritsuko as she
started the engine of the giant truck.

"Okay. See ya!" called Misato.


"What the hell?" muttered Misato as she walked into a chaotic

"Please wait here! Two of the patients from the mental ward have
escaped," said the nervous sounding nurse who was standing behind the

"Oh god. It can't be..." muttered Misato.

Shinji and Squeal were surrounded by security guards. They were
wearing newspaper hats and were brandishing rolled up newspapers like
knives at the men.

"Back! Back I say!" cried Shinji as he swat one of the men on the
hand as he was almost grabbed.

Squeal pointed his magazine at one of the men. "I know how to use
this! Stay back or the stoner gets it!" He promptly grabbed Shinji
around his neck and held the magazine to his temple.

"Dude?!" cried Shinji fearfully.

"Get those idiots!" snapped one of the men as they all dog piled
on the pair.

Misato watched in silent horror. She tried to turn away, hoping to
not be associated with the pair.

The elevator doors opened and Gendo Ikari, Shinji's father loomed
over her. "Errr...Hi."

"Are you going somewhere Captain?" he asked her calmly.

"Err. No. I just came to pick up Shinji, like you asked..."

From under the pile, Shinji's head popped out and he blinked at
the sight of his father. "Hey! It's the old man! How's it goin Pops?"
He managed to free his arm from the mass of bodies trying to subdue
him and waved.

Gendo said nothing as the doors closed on him again. Misato heard
him growl, and could almost swear that she saw him blush for the
briefest of moments.

"Dude! It's the babe!" said Squeal as he managed to free his own
head. "Hey! Misato! Misato! Misato! Mi...Gack!" One of the security
guards put him into a headlock and silenced him.

"You cowards! I'll bite your legs off!" cried Shinji as he found
his arms and legs held behind himself forcibly. He was chewing on one
of the security guard's knee guards as he was pushed to the floor.

"Oh god," muttered Misato as she realized that she had to go get


"What?" said Misato in horror.

The pair of idiots standing behind her blinked at each other. They
were dressed in their normal clothes again and had a few small bruises
visible on their arms and legs from the hospital. "Huh?"

"Commander Ikari's orders. You are to take them with you. You're
to be assigned as their guardian."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed Misato as she fell to her knees.

"Dude...we get to live with a babe?" said Squeal quietly.

"Oh-ho-ho! Excellent!" said Shinji in awe. The pair gave each
other a rather complicated high five and handshake.

"They were deemed unfit to live alone," said the man calmly as he
looked at the horrified Misato.

"He's the commander's son! Let him deal with it!" cried Misato

"You have your orders Captain," said the man with a finality to
his voice.

"My life is over!" wailed Misato.

Shinji and Squeal were grinning at her.

"We're gonna have to give Shinji some sheets for the couch. How
bit will our room be?" asked Squeal as he wiggled his eyebrow at her.

"Dude! Harsh!" said Shinji.

"I...I can't kill them!" cried Misato sadly.


Ritsuko held the phone away from her ear as a various stream of
obscenities floated around her office. After a moment, Misato paused
to catch her breath on the other end. "I'm sorry Misato! I really
tried, I just..." She had to stop and pull the phone away from her ear
again for a minute or two. "There wasn't anything I could do! They
can't live alone! They're too stupid! They'd never show up when they
were supposed to! You know that!" She quickly hung up the phone before
the next stream of angry cursing could start. With a heavy sigh, she
rolled back her head and sat back in her chair.


"Grrrrrrr..." growled Misato as she glared into the dead receiver.

Shinji and Squeal were standing behind her with their mouths open.

"I think she's upset about something," said Shinji.

"Yeah," agreed Squeal. "Maybe she's mad about her car still?"

"I dunno. It's a good thing we're around to cheer her up," said

"Yeah," agreed Squeal.

Misato's eye was twitching and she slowly turned to face them.
"Okay. Now we'll just go home, so I can get some sleep."

"I can help with that," said Squeal happily.


"Turn on some tunes!" said Squeal as he reached for the radio
inside Misato's car. It had been recovered, and was working again. It
was banged up pretty badly though. The roof was a little shorter and
all the glass was cracked pretty badly. None of it was broken though.

Misato's hand shot out like a snake and slapped the boy on his
wrist. "Don't touch!"

"Whoa!" muttered Squeal fearfully. "Tame me my tigress!" He
puckered up his lips and closed his eyes.

Misato backhanded him in the face and sent him into the back seat

Shinji snickered at this and turned to look out the window. "Stop the
car!" he cried suddenly.

The boy's face had gone completely serious and he had a hard frown
on his lips. His tone had changed so suddenly that Misato didn't
question and slammed onto the brakes. "What the? What is it? Another
angel already!?" she cried nervously.

Shinji had jumped from the car and was dashing across the street.
Misato blinked in confusion as he vanished into an alley.

"Where's he goin?" muttered Squeal dumbly.

"I don't know," said Misato.

The boy emerged a moment later with a wide grin on his face. He
strolled up to the car and got back in with a smirk on his face.

"What the hell was that about?" said Misato in confusion.

Shinji grinned. "Welcome home party! Doobie snacks for later!" He
pulled a bag out of his pocket and let it unroll in front of her face.

Misato's eyes about bugged out of her head in shock. "What the

"Excellent!" cried Squeal in triumph.

"Give me that!" snapped Misato as she reached for the bag.

Shinji pulled it away and stuffed it into his pocket. "Don't
worry! I share the wealth!" he said cheerfully.

Misato grabbed him around his neck and started choking him.

"Maybe you should give her one now?" said Squeal.

Shinji was starting to turn blue. He reached into his pocket and
pulled out one of the pre-rolled joints. "Here! Take it!" he managed
though his strangling.


A moment later she was standing in a small store with a basket of
instant food in her arm. Her hair was a mess and she glowered at
anyone who neared her. Shinji and Squeal appeared to be quite content
as they moved along behind her with armloads of food.

"What do you think you're doing?" she said as she walked up to the
counter and set her basket down. The boy's peered at her over their
armloads of chips, dried meats, pocky, and sodas.

"Munchies," replied the pair in unison.

"Gotta be ready," agreed Shinji.

"I'm not buying all that! Put it back!" snapped Misato angrily.

"It's okay, we got it covered!" said Shinji.

Squeal nodded and pulled out a rather fat looking fold of bills
from his pocket.

"You know, I'm not even going to ask," said Misato flatly as she
turned to pay for her food.

"Maybe it's that time of the month?" asked Squeal.

"Yeah, the one we keep getting slapped about whenever we ask
chicks?" said Shinji.

"I think so. She'll feel better after she gets some cannabis into
her system," said Squeal with a grin forming on his face.

"Rockin!" said Shinji as he put his fist up.

Squeal touched it with his own fist and the pair dumped their
armloads of food on the counter.


Misato walked into her house and frowned as the pair strolled in
behind her as if they owned the place.

"Hey, not bad. Kinda looks like my room," said Squeal as he
noticed the mess.

"Yeah, it's like home again," agreed Shinji.

"We need to get some babe posters," commented Squeal as he glanced
around. He paused in front of a large poster of a fit looking man in a
Speedo. "Dude. This has got to go."

"Gah! Gross!" agreed Shinji.

Misato simply stood there twitching. She shoved her bags into
their arms and turned away. "Put that into the fridge."

The pair looked at each other and shrugged. They walked into the
kitchen and pulled out the sliding racks that made up the

"Ice," said Shinji as he opened the first one.

"Cool. Munchies," said Squeal as he opened the next one.

The pair pulled the next one out and froze.

A light seemed to shine on the pair, seemingly almost to bright to
look at. They simply stared in awe and the bags of groceries in their
hands fell to the floor. Misato cocked her head in the next room in
confusion, she could swear she heard 'The Messiah' playing somewhere
for a moment. The two boys simply stared in awe at the rows and rows
of beer that stared them in their face in all its glory.

"Awesome!" said Shinji as his eyes teared up.

"Dude! We're in heaven!" muttered Squeal as he fell to his knees.


Misato walked out of her room. She was wearing her ugliest and
baggiest set of sweat clothes. She frowned at the pair that sat at her
table with beer in their hands and a pipe lit up between them. "I knew

"Come on Misato! Join the party!" cried Shinji. He was already

Squeal wasn't in much better condition and he leered at her for a
moment. "That makes you look so damn sexy baby!"

Misato stalked forward and snatched the pipe from Shinji's hand.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Tokin?" said the boy with a lazy grin.

Misato shook with anger, rage boiled up inside her at the pure
audacity of the pair. They took her beer, they were smoking in her
house, and worst of all they were staring at her breasts without even
bothering to hide their intent. It was obvious enough, they both had
their legs spread out in a relaxed pose as they sat there. She
growled for a moment and finally, gave up and sighed. She shoved the
pipe back into Shinji's hand and walked into the kitchen.

"I'm going to make dinner."

"Cool," said Shinji lazily.


"Bath?" said Squeal as he blinked at Misato dumbly.

"Yes, both of you need one," said the woman as she glared at them.

Shinji had found a few of her bras and panties hanging near the
bathroom, and was currently wearing one of her bras on his head.
Squeal's face was covered with a par of panties, with his eyes through
the leg holes.

Squeal lifted his arm and rubbed his nose around underneath his
armpit for a moment. "I don't smell anything."

"Heh. Dude you reek!" said Shinji cheerfully. He was playing with
the bra strap. It was clipped together under his chin.

Misato was beyond the point of caring by this time. She did make a
mental note to burn the underwear when they were through with it.

The duo grinned at one another and jumped up, racing to the
bathroom. They were stripping off their clothes as they went, leaving
a rather messy trail behind them. Of course they slammed into each
other and fell into the bathroom at the same time. Neither one came
out after a moment.

Misato shrugged and tipped back her head as she emptied another
can of beer out. It was going to be the first of many long nights, she
could tell already.


Shinji and Squeal sat down in the bathroom. "Dude?" asked Shinji.

"I'm not sure," said Squeal as he leveled a lazy stare at the
animal that stood between them. It didn't seem particularly alarmed at
the moment and had a tag on its neck with the name Pen-pen written on

"I think it's a real penguin," said Squeal.

"Naw. Why would there be a penguin here?" said Shinji as he turned
towards his friend for a moment.

"I think it wants some?" said Squeal as he looked at
the pipe that he still had gripped in his hand.

"Heh. Let's let him," said Shinji.

Pen-pen blinked and looked back and fourth at the pair for a
moment. He cocked his head as Shinji crawled towards him and held the
pipe out to him.

The animal squawked quietly and waddled forward.

"Now take a deep breath!" said Shinji as he lit the pipe and put
the end of it into the animal's beak.

Pen-pen did so, whether he understood what the boy was saying, or
did it out of a surprised reaction would never be known.


Misato growled as she opened the door and glared down at the two
nude boys. They were sprawled out across the floor of the bathroom
with Pen-pen lying flat on his back. Both of them were giggling madly
and the animal cocked his head to look at Misato for a moment. They
were giggling irritably, and loud enough to have attracted her
attention. She was almost afraid of what she might find inside.
Fortunately, it wasn't as bad as she had thought it might be.

Her eyes went wide as she glared at the animal in horror. "What
have you done to him!? My poor Pen-pen!"

"Dude! She sees the penguin too! Told ya it was real!" said Squeal
quietly. He looked half-asleep.

Misato blinked and looked at the boy in pure shock. Pen-pen
waddled out of her grip and picked up the pipe and the lighter. Using
his claws he put the pipe into his mouth and lit the bowl to take
another hit.

Shinji and Squeal fell into another fit of giggles at this.

Misato glared at the animal and gasped. "Traitor!" She turned
around and slammed the door behind her.

After a few minutes, Shinji and Squeal both passed out cold where
they were with Pen-pen. They had the same dream.


"Unit One has gone completely silent!" said one of the male

"Misato!" cried Ritsuko.

"We've got no choice! Abort the operation! We've got to rescue
those idiots!" growled Misato. "Eject the entry plug!"

"We can't! It's completely out of control!" said Maya.

"What did you say!" said Misato in shock.

The Eva reared back its head suddenly as it reactivated. Its jaw
ripped open and it roared angrily.

"Berzerker!" muttered Ritsuko in horror.

Eva crouched onto the ground and jumped into the air, landing on
top of the angel. Eva lifted up its hand and clenched its fist. In a
surge of power the break was healed.

"Left arm repaired!" cried Maya as she watched in awe.

"Just like that?" said Ritsuko in shock.

Eva struggled with the angel and it still remained on its feet. It
put its hand up and made a peace sigh.

Everyone in the control room blinked dumbly.

"What the?"

The angel screeched angrily and Eva promptly poked the thing in
the eyes with its fingers.

The angel staggered back and fell to the ground finally. Something
seemed to snap within the Eva suddenly and it roared as it fell on its
prey. Grabbing both of the angel's hands in one arm, it twisted and
broke them both almost casually. The angel reacted by blasting the Eva
in the chest with a huge beam of power.

Eva was thrown back into one of the building. It rose to it's feet
quickly and rushed forward, slamming into the angel at full force. It
pushed it back through the city along the ground and into one of the
buildings, sliding the structure across the ground for almost a
quarter of a mile. Finally it stopped and began to pound on the
Angel, literally tearing it apart and beating it with pieces of

Finally, the angel screeched and seemed to envelop the Eva. There
was a bright flash of light and an explosion.

Everyone in the control room looked on in awe as the thing stomped
forward through the haze that settled in after the explosion. Eva
stood silently and tall after things quieted down. The angel was gone,
its suicide attack had failed. The Evangelion had won and Tokyo 3 was
safe again.


Shinji and Squeal were simply sitting in the cockpit, unsure of
what had just happened to them.

"Dude, that really sucked," said Squeal nervously.

"Yeah, but it was kinda cool too," said Shinji dumbly.

The pair turned as a sliding sound filled the cockpit. The metal
armor helmet that covered the Eva's face slid off, revealing a fleshy
plastic like substance beneath it. The hole where the angel had
injured it could be seen easily.

"Whoa," said Shinji dumbly.

"Gross!" commented Squeal.

The surface seemed to bubble up suddenly, growing almost liquid-
like as it smoothed over suddenly. It split and seemed to open up into
a green orb. The orb seemed to spin and turned into an eye as the iris
stared at them.

"Awesome!" said the pair as they simply looked on. Neither one of
them had any idea what to think about that.

Shinji and Squeal started to feel pretty light headed, and
everything went dark.

"Dude...what a buzzkill..." muttered Squeal sleepily as he passed


Misato stared at the bathroom door. She contemplated waking the
idiots up and sending them into their bedroom, but decided that she'd
had enough of their antics for the night. It wouldn't hurt them to
sleep in there anyway.

With a heavy sigh, she turned to her own room and went to bed.



AN: Squeal is not a SI character.

He is the 'buddy' that characters like I've turned Shinji into
have to have. Presumably because one idiot just isn't as funny on his
own. Go figure. In any case, this is based off of movies like Bio-
Dome, Bill and Ted, any of the scenes with Silent Bob and Jay, Dude
Where's My Car, and the like.

However, it takes no inspiration from Beavis and Butthead. Those
two are completely different kinds of morons than these two.
Okay...maybe not completely, but it's still different.