Who's Better?

***Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters. This is made merely for entertainment and humor.***

Summary: Voldemort, Harry, and Ron make it into the club, expecting to party, but find themselves fighting over who is the better wizard. (I got this idea based on a request by butwhyisdrumgone.)


Harry stepped into the club, followed by a proud Voldemort and a rather scared Ron. He breathed in as though it were a fresh breath of air to step into a crowded room full of loud music. They all three stood there for a moment, looking around, unsure of what to do next.

"We should have thought about magically putting on our name on the VIP list a long time ago," Harry told Voldemort before heading towards the bar. Voldemort followed him, and they sat down to order drinks. Harry looked around. "This... is sweet."

"So I've been thinking about our group name," Voldemort said.

"Yes," Harry asked.

"And I think we should be called the Great Association of Young Sorcerers," Voldemort responded, rising with the power of the name as though it would be a great and powerful name. Harry, meanwhile, just looked at him.

"Er.. so in short... we'd be called...," Harry started.

"G.A.Y.S.," Voldemort said happily. When Harry just stared at him, Voldemort continued, "Okay, so I see you don't like that one. It's okay! I've got others. How about the Fantastic Association of Great Sorcerers?"

"Or F.A.G.S.," Harry added darkly, "How about not."

Voldemort sulked. "Where's Ronald?" They both looked around in confusion, and spotted Ron. Apparently, he had stepped wrong when following them to the bar, and had been sucked into the whirl of the dance floor. At the moment, he had his hands clamped over his head in utter terror of the people rubbing their bodies against his, and was crying continously... a sound unheard in the loud club.

"Maybe we should help him," Harry suggested slowly. Both he and Voldemort looked at each other before bursting out into laughter at the thought. "Nah, we'll let him live in the moment." The night went on....

"Well... this... was less fun than I thought it would be," Voldemort said boredly. Then he squealed. "OMG, is that Snape?!" Sure enough, Snape was in the dance floor doing what looked to be the robot.

"Holy Cow," Harry laughed.

"Wanna go jump on his back and make him give us a piggy back ride," Voldemort asked.

"Hells yeah!" They started to jump towards him, but suddenly a girl was in front of them.

"Well, hello," she said. She was absolutely gorgeous... sort of... okay, she looked more like a breeding area for A.I.D.S., but what's the difference really? She smiled. "I'm Cassy."

"Hello," Both Harry and Voldemort said in unison. They glared at each other.

"She's talking to me, Mort," Harry snapped.

"Yeah, right, you're what? Five years old," Voldemort growled defensively.

"Oh, five? What are you? A hundred," Harry snapped back.

"Don't listen to him," Voldemort turned to Cassy, "His parents died like.. fifty years ago and he still cries about it."

Harry gasped. "Yes, well, you wouldn't want to hang around him. He's so psychotic, he killed his own parents."

Voldemort scoffed, "I only killed my father. My mother died giving birth to me. There's a difference. If you'd pay attention to me when I talked to you."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm the Chosen One," Harry told Cassy.

"Well, I'm the Dark Lord Voldemort," Voldemort told Cassy.

"I survived the killing curse."

"I ripped my soul into seven peices."

"I can talk to snakes."

"I can, too!"

"I.. uh... I killed a gigantic snake."

"I controlled a giant snake."

"I defeated 100 dementors."

"I've killed a billion people."

"I own a hippogriff named Buckbeak."

"I own.. an army of Death Eaters."

"I won a Triwizard Tournement."

"... I died and came back to life.."

"I'm a Quiddich Champion."

"I'm old enough to buy liquor."

"Fuck you, Wort!"

"Bite me, Fairy!"

Suddenly, Harry and Voldemort started a slap fight between each other. Cassy just stared at them with an odd look on her face, unsure of what exactly they were going on about. But it pleased her that they were fighting over her. It wasn't long before another muggle man came forth.

"Hey," He said, and Voldemort and Harry stopped to glare at him. "I have a condo. And a mansion. And I own an island of to the east. I also have a piano, six horsed, three cows, two dogs, fish, and a chicken. Oh, did I mention my family invented a computer program, and I'm a billionaire? My name's Bob." Cassy smiled brightly before walking off with Bob. Voldemort and Harry stared at their dissapearing bodies with shock.

"But... I'm the Dark Lord Voldemort," Voldemort said sadly.

"And I'm the Chosen One," Harry added.

"I think you're cool," Voldemort consoled Harry.

"I think you're cool, too, Mort," Harry responded. Ron suddenly bursted next to them.

"You guys have no idea what I just went through," He gasped, as though he'd barely survived the dance floor.

They all three sat there for a moment.

"How about the Hogwarts Obstructive Members of Outstanding Sorcery," Voldemort suggested.

"Or H.O.M.O.S.," Harry said darkly.

"Haha, that spells out homos," Ron added, and Voldemort sulked.


Still have yet to come up with a group name suitable, lol. Thanks for the reviews.