Heroes Across Time Abridged
I would like to get a shout out to Adamswestlapdog from Youtube. A lot of the material here is based off his abridged series, so credit goes where credit is due. But of course with a female link it couldn't be all that much.
This will be far more perverted and violent. Meaning random Lemons, some small, swearing and violence. No one under 18 should be reading this. Also this one of the few stories who I will write an extra chapter for and update along with the rest of my stories. So please be grateful and review and praise my awesomeness. IF YOU'RE A FAN GO SUBSCRIBE TO MY COMMUNITY PLEASE! I'M NUMBER 10 IN THE RANKINGS AND I NEED MORE SUBSCRIBERS! ALSO GO CHECK OUT MY NEWEST STORIES AND REVIEW THANK YOU!
Naruto felt pain jolt through his leg as he landed through the window, Louise, Telma's cat showed him. It wasn't enough to cause any noise thanks to Naruto casting a float spell on him self for maximum movement but it still left him stunned. On his back was none other then Midna who was stoned out of her fucking mind. It wasn't a natural high as it had been three days so far and her insistent ramblings were really starting to piss Naruto off.
''I heard that an acquaintance of Telma's defeated the beast that had been attacking tourists on the bridge. His name was Naruto... It sounds as though he brought Telma and her young ward to Kakariko Village.'' He heard the man known as Aura said. Naruto remembered that as it wasn't all that long ago.
'' You mean the showoff blond from some time ago? '' Ashei remembered the blond quite vividly if not for the fact she caught him and a woman with a suspicious accent doing questionable things out in public. ''I didn't think anyone from Hyrule had any Valor left...''
''Oh, no, I don't believe he's from Hyrule proper at all. No, my understanding is that he's from Zora's Domain.''
''What? That doesn't make any sense...I'm great friends with the Zoras and I never heard or seen any humans among them.''
''That just the thing...he's the King of Zora's.''
''King Zora?'' Ashei never had the privilege of meeting with the actual king.
Elsewhere with Naruto and the others. Naruto had brought Midna to Zeld while Lina and Link were epically fighting off Twilight creatures who all for some reason wearing helmets now. That and they refused to get within a close proximity of Lina for some reason. Then again who would want to get within the close proximity of someone whose first instinct was to stab you in the fucking face.
''And then she won't shut up about twinkies and cupcakes. Damnit Zelda it's driving me crazy! Make her stop.''
''Man I am so fucking high! Look at all those colors! I have no idea where I am? And why the fuck is there a purple parrot in the corner?''
''You see Zelda! Who the hell acknowledges how fucked up they are? I just want to rest in peace.''
''You know there is this new spell I'm trying out. Something about killing the caster if it's not performed perfectly, but I'm sure that's just some tagline meant to scare children. That and I'm going to need the blood of a virgin.'' Coincidentally Link jumped through the window. Before he could react Naruto drew out a kunai and cut him, gaining the necessary blood much to Link's non-speaking annoyance.
''Now this shouldn't be too difficult.'' 5 minutes later Zelda exploded into a sea of sparklies that entered Midna's body for some reason.
''NOOOOOOOOOO! WHYYY?'' Naruto dropped to her knees. ''We were suppose to sleep together when she became Queen. Just as the prophecy foretold! WHYYY? Now I have endless rage I need to take out on somebody!''
''You know if Zant didn't invade this wouldn't have happened. You should totally kill him!''
''Just as the gods foretold! Zant must die! For Zelda!''
''For the snack cakes!''
Link at that moment considered getting a DNA test, but the thought of being undeniably related to Naruto made him want to weep. The quartet then wondered around aimlessly as they realized they forgot to ask Zelda where the Sacred Grove was and Naruto had just smoked a blunt so his memory wasn't very trustworthy at the moment.
''You know Link your grandma wasn't always such a badass! Back then I was the epic hero and she solved the puzzles! Damnit that woman was crazy then and she is now! What were we talking about?''
''Speaking of back then,'' the blonde started with tempered annoyance. ''You know your grandfather was actually nice to be around. It seems like his intelligence is proportionate to my fighting skills. That and he used to touch me. '' the last comment was directed at Naruto.
'I really shouldn't have heard that! Goddesses they argue and throw the same comments back and forth, over and over again! I don't think I can take it anymore! Goddess above someone put me out of my misery!'
''Well damnit woman what would you think happen when you started punching me in the head when you climaxed? What sort of sick shit did you develop an interest for?''
''Well whatever it was it has me punching you in the head when you sleep as well!''
A gasped of horror echoed from Naruto's lips as his eyes widened. ''That was you? I thought the tooth fairy was angry at me!''
Five hours later the group finally arrived to the sacred grove where Link obtained the Master Sword.
''The sword accepted you as its master...This thing is the embodiment of the evil magic that Zant cast on you. (Refers to Shadow Crystal) It's definitely different from our tribe's shadow magic...Careful... If you touch it, you'll turn back into a beast! This thing is too dangerous... It's probably for the best if we just leave it here, huh? But on the other hand...if we kept it, you'd be able to transform into a beast anytime you wanted... Yes, since Zant was kind enough to give this to us, we should be thankful and use it all we can! If you need it, just call me. I want to keep a low profile, so I'll hide in Naruto's shadow when you guys are human, but I can change you whenever. You can be an wolf anytime you like! Also, thanks to this thing, you can warp whenever you want by switching into wolf form... ''
''Sounds good doesn't it Link?'' Naruto asked. ''Though where do we go from here?'' He asked looking up at the sky.
''I have something to ask,'' Midna spoke up. ''Would you guys mind coming with me to find something called the Mirror of Twilight? It's hidden somewhere in Hyrule...Yes, the Mirror of Twilight... Our last potential link to Zant!''
''I'll pay that bastard back ten-fold for everything he's done.''
''As long as I get to kill something I don't care.'' Lina added.
''Let's go to Telma's Bar...I'm hungry and I think we need to rest for a few days before we continue,'' Link said as they traveled back to Town.
Naruto, wracked with confusion glanced at Lina. ''Did...did Link just talk?''
''Just shut up and follow him.''
Naruto saluted. ''Yes one with boobs!''
Arriving to Telma's bar the group were introduced to the group whom Naruto couldn't be bothered to remember their names. Not even the cutie with the sweet ass.
''How's that Ilia doing, honey?'' Telma asked as she cleaned a beer mug.
''Not to well,'' Link said sadly at the fact that through everything his fiancé lost her memories.
''I'm sure that shaman will find a way to get her memory back. That Renado is a talented man, for sure! Anyway, honey, you've got your own things to worry about, so you just make sure you do what needs doing right now, OK?''
''Listen, honey, if you're puzzled about what you ought to be doing, why not go see our friend Auru? There's a man who knows things! He's out checking the eastern desert of you need detailed directions, just take a peek at that map on the old codger Auru is at Lake Hylia, studying the desert.''
Naruto with Shad and Ashei
''I'm Shad. Wonderful to meet you.'' He said shaking Naruto's hand.
''As I recall we already met.''
'' About that, sorry about the ribbing I gave you the other day, old town is rather teeming with odd sorts, so I was just being told me all you've been up to. You're rather formidable! I'm rather NOT, I'm afraid. Well, I'm formidable at book reading, but I lack, shall we say, physical skills. That said, if the history and legends of Hyrule are your cup of tea, I'm your fellow! If you're curious, just ask away.''
''Any interesting finds lately?''
''At the moment I'm absolutely entranced by the sky beings known as the , according to legend, Hyrule was made by the Hylians, who, as we all know, are the closest race to the gods. But also according to legend, long ago there was a race even closer to the gods, and some say THESE creatures made the they created the people of Hylia, they simultaneously created a new capital, a city that floated in the heavens. They dwelt there...and some scholars believe that this race lives there still, somewhere in the great beings... Isn't that simply marvelous, old boy? What I wouldn't give to meet them!
''Oh hey, you're the girl from before.'' Naruto said as he turned his attention to Ashei.
''...It's Ashei. Listen, sorry I was so nasty the other day.I thought you were like those sorry excuses for Hyrule soldiers...but I thought wrong. I grew up in the mountains with my father, who was a knight in his own right. He taught me the arts of war as though I was his course, lessons in common courtesy were not part of the regimen, so forgive me if I come off as rude, yeah?''
''Sure why not...we all have our moments.''
''Listen, before I blab both of your ears off, I want to tell you , the mountain to the north of Hyrule... It's unlike any mountain I've ever known. I don't know much yet, but things happen there that happen on no other mountain I know of...Evil controls it...As soon as I know something more, I'll tell you. Until then, you should stay away, yeah? As soon as I have more information, I'll let you know, yeah?''
''Very well I'll head your advice.''
''So how about you and I get a hotel room and...'' Naruto was suddenly yanked away by Lina.
''Come on lover boy. We don't need you given another innocent person crabs.''
''You lying she-demon! You know I'm clean!'' Arriving to their hotel room Naruto was kicked into the room. ''You vile woman what the hell was that about? What is your problem?''
''You're my problem you son of a bitch! I don't even know why I put up with you? I can't stand you! You're rude, annoying, and an idiot who only thinks with his dick!''
''Yeah we'll your an ill-temper, psychotic, and just plain angry pain in the ass!''
''Why the hell do I even put up with you?'' Lina screamed as she got into Naruto's face.
''I don't know...why do you?'' he asked with a flare of his nostrils. The two of them stared each other down before savagely kissing each other and groping each other's body.
''Goddesses I want you...fuck me!''
''I'm going to tear that ass up!''
After knocking back a few brew-skies Link went to say goodnight to his feuding guardians. Big mistake..
''Oh...that's it! Harder! Fuck me! Oh this feels so good! You feel so good inside me!''
''I miss this! I miss you and your sweet pussy Lina-chan!''
''Keep pounding into me baby! Cum inside me!''
''I'm going to fuck you all night!''
And in that one moment Naruto and Lina did the one thing that Ganon, countless temples, monsters, and even Cuccoos could not do. They effectively traumatized the prophesied hero into a coma.
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