My first One-shot. Ever. EVER. EVER. EVEERRRRR.
Andy: K. We get it. Calm down.
Yeah so. This is a nice litte SasuNaru fic. C: Even though it's probably terrible, I'd like you to leave a review anyway! Constructive criticism please? PLEASE? COOKIE?!
Andy: I said CALM.
Yeah yeah yeah. Sorry, mom. Anyway, it took me like two hours to write this. I didn't feel like proof-reading it. Seeing as it's 3:26 am and I'm going to see Harry Potter tomorrow. HARRY POTTER WOOOOOOOO. Yes. I are huge fanatic. Anyway, this is just a little perverted piece that popped into my head.
Oh and for those of you that are reading my Every King Needs a Queen series, I swear I will update soon. Writer's block is fail.
So, on to my so very half-assedly named story:
Oh but first, I apologize in advance for any OOCness.
SO, the name of the story:
Andy: SO ON TO THE ONE-SHOT: Unreasonable Experiences!
...I was getting there.. :C
Sakura was a reasonable kunoichi. Not to mention intelligent, beautiful, adorable, bold, and cute to boot, if she did say so herself. Unfortunately, she had something we teens like to call 'love sickness.' Causing her to become completely and utterly unreasonable in front of the source of all her external love and her internal turmoil. Meaning, in his presence, she would do anything he tells her to do, and listen to whatever he says, for the sake of her undying infatuation toward him.
Quite obviously, this relationship was one-sided.
But Sakura Haruno was never one to be discouraged.
Which would explain why a certain pink-haired ninja found herself outside the tent of her fellow Team 7 comrades- reaching out for the flap of the tent opening with one hand and clutching a paper fan nervously in the other. She was dressed in her best, her hair done up perfectly in a bun- she was hoping at last to prove her worthiness for her one, true, and only l-
Sakura the reasonable kunoichi froze as the words hit her ear drums- hand inches away from the tent opening. Of course, the shock didn't last long. She would just throw Naruto's whiny ass out with whatever he was stuck in, so she could have her way with Sa-
"What do you mean it's stuck?"
Temporarily losing her will to beat the living daylights out of Naruto, Sakura's hand retreated to her side, and she began to realize the grunts she had so foolishly brushed off earlier. That is when the kunoichi took to listening to the conversation before interfering without reason.
"What do you think I mean?! How many meanings can that word have?!"
"Don't blame me for this. You're the one who put it in there. It's your fault that it's so fat it got st- ow, dammit Naruto!"
"This was your fault. You're the one who told me to put it in in the first place!" There was a pause in Naruto's ramble, before he added, "and I'm not apologizing for that."
"First of all, it was for the pleasure of seeing you squirm. Second, I don't care if you apologize. I'm the one that's enjoying this, so there's no need, even if you start hurting me."
"I can hurt you plenty! And wait... since you're enjoying this... you knew it was going to get stuck!"
"I told you it had a small hole, didn't I?"
At this, Sakura couldn't help it. She gasped audibly, and clapped a hand automatically over her mouth. Luckily, the boys on the other side of the thin cloth wall were too busy with whatever they were doing to pay attention to any outside noises. The eavesdropper leaned her head a bit closer to the opening, now extremely interested in what her teammates had to say.
"How was I supposed to know it was going to get stuck," complained Naruto loudly, "Sasuke can you just help me for a change!? It really hurts!"
"Fine. Just hold still and I'll try to help you pull it out."
Sakura listened in pure horror as both the love-of-her-life and the annoyance of a lifetime began groaning in perfect sync.
"It's no use," panted Sasuke, "it won't budge. Maybe we should just ask Sakura to-"
"No!" Naruto screeched. "You think I have no pride!? It would be so embarrassing if she saw me like this! And do you want me to smudge that perfect view she has of you after I tell her that you were the one who made me put it in?"
"I could care less. The sooner its out the better it is for both of us," and Sakura couldn't catch the next whispered words he spoke, but she heard a very un-Sasuke like groan short after. Which, in turn, caused the pink-haired girl to blush a very fine shade of red. She thought she knew what was going on in there- and though now she sustained an even deeper hatred for Naruto- she, by no means, wished to help them in their personal matters. Especially the one she assumed they were in now.
She could only feel a pang of gratitude for Naruto, who was choosing not to drag her into such an awkward situation.
"Naruto," Sakura heard Sasuke choke out between pants and gasps, "when I can stand on my own again, I'm going to kill you for that."
At this, a small stream of red trailed from the Haruno's nose, and she continued to listen intently.
"It's your own fault! I don't appreciate being called fat!"
"Yeah well, how do you suppose you got stuck like that then!"
"Because you dared me to put it in there!"
"I told you it wasn't safe!"
"Yeah, but you still dared me in the first place!"
The heated voices rose in the crisp night air, as an identical red line made its way downwards, parallel to the first. She shouldn't be listening to this. It was an invasion of privacy, she knew… but it was oh so juicy! Sakura couldn't resist the gossip… Though, she did feel that maybe she should sneak away when both voices became muffled- and the Haruno could only guess what was happening as both Naruto and Sasuke groaned again.
"Fine," panted Naruto breathily, "we'll go ask Sakura."
"Thank you. It will be a relief to get this all over and done with so I can sleep."
And with that, Sakura Haruno lost all the reasonable brain cells in her mind- and fled. Running as fast as she could on those dreaded wooden shoes away from the perverts on her team.
There was no way a reasonable girl like Sakura Haruno would help Naruto get his thing out of Sasuke's .... hole.
Yes, Sakura the pink-haired kunoichi was a very reasonable girl.
Except when it came to sexual relations among two of her guy friends.
That tends to make one a bit unreasonable.
Meanwhile, Sasuke and Naruto made their way out of their tent. Naruto looking depressed and cradling one hand with the other, while Sasuke just looked totally amused with the entire situation. He took one look at the abandoned paper fan laying on the ground to his right, before smirking his most smug and triumphant smirk yet, and turning back into the tent.
"Go ask Sakura to help by yourself."
Naruto looked terrorized, as he said "b-b-but! You said you would go!"
"I'm tired," stated Sasuke simply, walking back into the small tan shelter and letting the flap flutter to a close behind him. Outside, he heard Naruto groan loudly as he began stomping through the grass toward their female teammate's tent. The raven-haired teen couldn't help but smirk to himself as he laid down to sleep, recounting the events that had previously occurred before nodding off.
Sasuke Uchiha's last thoughts before falling asleep went a little like this…
'That's one way to get an annoying romantic off your case. Act gay.'
And then the boy slept happily, dreaming of a Sakura-free world, and of foxes.
Lots and lots of foxes.
The next day, Sakura refused to speak to either of them, and Naruto had to ask Kakashi to get that kunai off of his finger, because a certain pink-haired female rejected the idea of even going near the two.
Sasuke couldn't help but feel proud at his accomplishment. And gracious toward the person who unwittingly helped him rid himself of the nuisance. Though the plan was purely his creation.
Coming up with a plan like that was pure genius…
…If not a bit unreasonable.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, after about the fifty-seventh time Naruto asked Sakura what was wrong, she asked him how the buttsex was.
Needless to say, Naruto's face resembled a cherry and Sasuke smirked as he normally would.
Now you know where he got his 'genius plan' from.
Yes, ladies and gent's. FIRST ONE-SHOT OVER. I know I said I'd be doing mostly One Piece on my profile. I lied. :
Andy: USO DA! -Birds fly out of nearby tree.-
Emma: Next thing I know, you're going to carry a hatchet around and wear cute school girl outfits.
Yeah Andy, please don't.
Anyway, I know I left a lot of parts blank. Like why Naruto and Sasuke groaned randomly: I leave that to your imagination! :3
Though it went something along the lines of crotch-kicking and pillow-smothering at most points.
So much for imagination.
Well, I'll probably make random other one-shots when I have writer's block. STUPID WRITER'S BLOCK.
So I bid you all a fond farewell. :3
Oh, and in case you were wondering, I have no clue if something can get stuck in 'there' or not. Or if 'it' can get stuck in 'there' in the first place.
For I am...
SUPER VIRGIN~ DOODOODODOOOOO~
I should get my own theme so-
Andy: Sorry, I knocked her out for the well-being of our viewer's patience and sanity. See you all next time!
Translation: Thanks for reading!