-1Disclaimer: I do not own Tekken.
A/N: Hey, I'm back with another stupid fanfic! Hooray! This one's about why I think Jin wouldn't really fit with any other Tekken character. Ahem, by writing this fic, I do not mean to insult authors/fans of any of the pairings being made fun of. This is all for FUN. Any likenesses to other fanfic are purely coincidental, as I hardly read romance fics, so I wouldn't know where to steal from…
Date One: Anna Williams
Jin sat nervously in the private dining area. Why he'd agreed to "Tekken Blind Dating" he'd never recall. Why he actually showed up after agreeing was even more of a mystery. He glanced at his watch. His date was already twenty minutes late.
"If I remember correctly, ten more minutes and I'm off the hook." He muttered, shoving a breadstick into his mouth. Or was it an hour that you had to wait? Jin had no way of knowing as he'd never been on a date.
The cool Jin Kazama was contemplating creating a house of breadsticks, and maybe talking to a waiter about a butter volcano when she finally arrived. Anna stepped through the polished black door, dressed in her signature red dress with matching gloves, stockings and heels. She arched an eyebrow at him.
"And here I was expecting Lee Chaolan." She sat in the chair across from him.
"You're late." He said, "accidentally" knocking the table with his leg so the breadsticks would fall neatly back into their basket. Anna didn't notice.
"Haven't you ever heard of arriving fashionably late, Mr. Kazama?" Anna cooed, leaning across the table. But Jin wasn't really listening.
Damn, her boobs are huge! He noted, staring at her chest not in awe, but fear and confusion. I mean, what the hell? She's white, right? Skinny white chicks don't have boobs. Leo's proof of that. Are they fake?
Anna noticed where the protagonist-turned-antagonist's attention had wandered to and somehow managed to lean in a little closer.
"See something you like?" She asked in a low voice.
"Uh…" oh crap. Being the quick thinker Jin was, he grabbed a menu, effectively propping it up between himself and Anna's cleavage. "Yeah, actually, I heard the lasagna's good." All right! I am so smart! He internally congratulated himself.
However, instead of looking put off or insulted like most girls would have, Anna merely looked more determined. "Yes, but I think I'll stick with a salad." She said, brown eyes locking onto his much like how a panther might look at a duck.
Creepy…He thought before calling the waiter over.
"And how may I ass-ist you today?" Jin looked up at the familiar voice and sure enough, standing above him was Hwoarang, dressed in black and white waiter's attire with a notebook and pen in hand.
"Hwoarang, what are you doing here?" Jin asked. Anna looked delighted, and Jin didn't want to know why.
"Get over yourself, Kazama, it's part of the Dating gig." Hwoarang retorted. "By the way, Paul's the chef." Anna let out a disgusted squeal.
"Please tell me the baboon can handle a simple salad!"
"Please tell me Marshall's in there." Jin groaned.
"Nope." Hwoarang answered, and they couldn't tell which question he was answering. Probably both. "So it'll be a salad for the lady and…" Hwoarang waited for Jin to answer.
"Wine, and get me the bottle corked. I don't want anyone spitting in anything."
"Of course." Hwoarang said, collecting the menus and walking off with his little notebook. As soon as his back was turned, a mischievous grin lit his face. We are so gonna spit in the glass.
"I take it your business is flourishing, Mr. Kazama?" Anna asked. Jin didn't like how she said Mr. Kazama, it sounded like just saying the name was giving her ideas.
"Yeah…hey, don't you work for Kazuya?" Jin realized.
"So, how do I know you won't try to sabotage me?" Anna laughed at his accusation.
"Oh, please, Mr. Kazama, Mr. Lee Chaolan and I used to play this sort of game all the time." She went on before Jin could say he didn't want to hear anymore. "He was playing my stupid cow of a sister so she'd do his dirty work while he was really interested in me."
"You mean he didn't make you do anything?" Jin asked, squinting.
"Well, I'd tell him Kazuya's plans every once in a while…"
"Then wasn't he playing both of y-"
"Shut up!" Anna snapped, pounding her fist on the table. She must have realized that she'd done something extremely not sexy and she relaxed again. "But, that's the past, and the past is behind us, hm? Just like you and that Xiaoyu girl." She added with a look of slight disgust.
"What? I never had anything with her!" Jin protested.
"Really now?" Anna put a hand to her mouth in surprise. "That's not what's been going around in tournament gossip."
"But who would spread rumors about me?" Jin asked, a little hurt. He was a good guy. Sure, he waged war on the entire world and was responsible for a few deaths now, but he'd never personally ruined anyone. As if on cue, Hwoarang walked in with Anna's salad and Jin's bottle of wine with two glasses.
"Your entrée and beverage." He said much too politely, sliding the dish in front of Anna and pouring wine into the glasses. "Enjoy."
"Uh, excuse me, waiter." Jin said, looking at his glass suspiciously. "Do you think you could sample this for me?" Hwoarang looked a little nervous.
"Of course. If you'll just let me get a glass-"
"No, I want you to drink out of this one."
"What are you, gay?" Hwoarang asked, and Jin glared at him.
"It is a little weird, Mr. Kazama."
"Just do it!" Jin yelled.
"Uh…" crap, that's got spit from everyone in the kitchen! Wait, I'm Hwoarang, I can find a way out of this! There was an awkward silence as Hwoarang looked back and forth between the glass and Jin. Jin and Anna stared at him. Hwoarang took a deep breath. "Screw you, I ain't drinking it!" Hwoarang ran from the table and into the safety of the kitchen.
"Idiot." Jin mumbled, grabbing the wine bottle and taking a swig. He glanced over at Anna and wished he hadn't; the brunette was eating her salad slowly. Really slowly, shoving only the first half of her fork into her mouth and dragging it out of her still closed lips at her leisure. Her eyes never left his face the whole time.
"Do you really have to eat like that?" Jin asked, a little disturbed.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She replied, pressing a crouton to her bottom lip with her finger. She rolled it into her mouth. "Does it bother you, Mr. Kazama?"
"Yes." He answered, just a little scared. "And just call me Jin, please."
"I can't do that."
"Why not?" He asked, irritated.
"Because it doesn't sound as sexy." She replied, leaning her chest forward. I swear those things have a mind of their own…He thought, and had to break his eyes from their hypnotic effect.
"You do know about the Devil Gene, don't you?" Jin asked.
"Then why would you-"
"Jin, Jin, Jin." Anna waved a finger in time with his name. "Just because people have sex doesn't mean they're going to have kids." She gave a sly grin. "Sometimes you just do it for fun. No, for pleasure."
"I…I'm not going to take that chance." What is her problem!?
"I wasn't asking." Anna said in a dangerous tone, and Jin had a feeling of absolute dread.
"What did you just say to me?"
"Your virginity is mine, Mr. Kazama!" Jin screamed as Anna lunged across the table. He whacked her head with the breadstick basket before crawling away. Anna crawled after him, pulling on his leg and yanking it towards her. He yelped again, his fingers dragging along the carpeted floor, but to no avail.
"Help!" Jin yelled, and he could hear hoots of laughter coming from the kitchen. "Assholes." He muttered when he realized no one was coming to his aid.
"Now, you're going to be a good boy, Mr. Kazama, or maybe you can be a bad boy…" Anna stopped trying to crawl on him, scratching at her face. Jin used that opportunity to shove her off of him and get as far away as possible.
"Hwoarang!" She yelled, scratching even harder at her face. "Hwoarang get in here right now!"
Hwoarang walked into the room, still laughing. He made sure to laugh directly at Jin before turning to Anna.
"Something the matter, madam?" He asked in his most obnoxious imitation of concern.
"What the hell did that moron put in my salad!" She asked, now ripping off her gloves to scratch at her arms.
"Well, let's see, there was some lettuce, cabbage, carrots, croutons, one boiled egg, some cheese and finely grated shrimp." Anna gave him her most menacing glare.
"DID YOU JUST SAY SHRIMP!?" Hwoarang was just barely holding back laughter.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO SHRIMP!" She shrieked, throwing a wine glass at Hwoarang. He ducked and it smashed against the wall. "I'm going to kill that moron-" Anna was interrupted by snickering much too high pitched to be Paul's. In the kitchen doorframe stood Nina, decked out in a white chef's jacket and matching hat.
"I thought you said Paul was the Chef?" Jin turned to Hwoarang. The Korean shrugged.
"He's in charge of main courses. Nina's in charge of the salads."
"I'll kill you, you fat stupid hippo!" Anna wailed before charging at her older sister.
"Aw, is baby sister still hungry?" She asked cruelly as she was tackled down. "Don't worry, I saved you some extra shrimp!" She reached into her apron and flung small morsels of shrimp at Anna, laughing when one got stuck in her hair.
Jin ran out of the private dining room and into the cool night street. Sounded like he escaped just in time; crashes could be heard from within the fancy restaurant.
"Never…again." He huffed, not looking back as he ran for home. But his next date would occur much too soon.
A/N: Yep, a little stupid. Okay, totally stupid, and Anna probably wasn't the funniest situation, but I figured she would be one of the female characters that would be less offensive to start off with. Since I do want people to give it a chance and all. Review, tell me if it was funny or lame, and of course, who you'd like to see Jin date next. I'll be waiting!