Disclaimer: I have no claim on any of the characters from Twilight or New Moon all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter 1: Dark Abyss
Summary: Edward leaves Bella alone in the woods after telling her he didn't want her any more. As she is lying on the cold forest floor; Bella remembers three important things. Edward made a promise not to leave her, and Edward never broke a promise, and third it was her body, her heart, what right did he have to decide what was good for her? All in all Bella realizes that Edward was covering up his true feeling about her. All in all Bella goes to bring Edward home.
"Bella, my family and I, we're leaving Forks."
What Edward had said wasn't all that surprising knowing Edward had said they would have to leave one day. There was only so much time before someone picked up on the fact that none of them seemed to be aging; I just never thought it would be so soon. They hadn't been here that long, had they?
"Ok, um, well, let me grab something real quick." It was there in that moment I realized how dead his eyes looked. I tried not to think about the reason behind his cold stare. As long as we were together nothing else mattered. Turning to run toward my house, the words Edward said made me stop.
"No, Bella, you're staying here with Charlie. You're not coming with us."
There was no hiding the disbelief in my words as I spoke, "What? No! Edward, no! We can't be apart. I can't live without you! You know this."
The set of his jaw and the coldness in his eyes chilled me to my bones.
"You don't…want…me anymore?" I said finally comprehending the meaning behind his cold and distant behavior from the last few days. My body went numb and I had to force myself to breathe as I spoke. If my face showed any signs of a loss of color; Edward didn't seem to notice like he usually did.
I thought he would at least look away from me, but his cold glaze however never broke once.
"No, I don't. You were just something for me to fill my time with. There was nothing more to it; just the imagination of a silly girl."
My voice broke as I tried to speak, "No, you don't mean that."
"Yes, I do, Bella. Go be human. I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. It will be as if I was never here. Just promise me you won't go do anything reckless. Goodbye, Isabella Swan."
I had only made it a few steps from where Edward and I had been standing, before the reality of what had just happened sunk in. I found myself gasping for air as a panic attack closed in on me. My body grew numb before my legs refused to support me any longer.
After everything we had been through, how could he do this? He promised he would never leave me.
Edward was my love, my life, my meaning for living. All I had left now was my cold, dark abyss.
As I lay down on a bed of wet decaying leaves, something dawned on me: Edward had rejected me. His leaving shouldn't have been surprising to me. Edward's love for me never made any sense. I was human and Edward wasn't -- he was so much more. I was a plain pane of glass and he was a beautiful piece of sculpted marble. I never understood how he could love someone as ordinary as me. I knew that I would most likely never find an answer to that.
I'm not sure how long I lay there in the dirt among the moss and leaves. I vaguely remember getting up and stumbling through the rain and back out of the forest toward home or at least what use to be home. I wasn't sure if it could even be home again without Edward. He had become my home.
After the night when Edward left me, time lost all meaning. I was stuck in that moment while the world continued to move around me. It was as if Edward had ripped my heart out of my chest, taking it with him. I went through the motions of school, cooking, and homework to make Charlie believe I was moving on with life. Jake tried to come and see me, but I wouldn't see him. Charlie even invited them to dinner one night. I had to make it look like I was eating, to make them happy. None of it really mattered to me anymore. I was a lifeless puppet, and my father and friends were the marionettes. I did whatever they wanted me to do.
Night was when I suffered the most. It was when the nightmares would start. Every time I fell asleep it was the same thing: he would look at me with that cold look in his eyes right before he would slowly start to walk away from me. He would spout words of how foolish we were and that his leaving was for the best. And every night I would wake up screaming, my cries echoing through the house.
Night after night it would continue until the pain in my chest started to numb my whole body.
I was a hollow shell now, incomplete without my reason to live. He had been my every thing He had told me once that I was his sole reason to live in this world; so why was, it I was the one breaking apart and he had moved on without me? Even if he had been able to throw me away, I couldn't do the same thing. I wasn't that strong. Edward was my other half. Couldn't anyone else see that? How could I live without having all of me? My breathing hitched inside my throat, my vision became blurry as hot tears started to build in my eyes. I hated him right now. He had opened a new door to life and love for me, only to slam it shut on my face.
Then on one late stormy night I was awakened by the crack of thunder. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was thankful for the thunder; at least Charlie couldn't hear me screaming.
But this time the nightmare had been different. It was my birthday all over again. Only this time when Edward shoved me, it wasn't to protect me from Jasper, it had been to keep me away from him. When I looked down at my chest, there was the huge hole in my chest where my heart should have been.
I sat there for several minutes doing my best to muffle my tears. Once I had myself breathing normally. I threw my covers off and climbed out of my bed and toward my desk where I then started to write a letter. It was the only way I knew how to get a hold of Alice. The cell phone number I had was no longer current. Edward had said that Alice could see the future based off of a person's decision, so I could only hope she would see my letter. I was angry at Edward for leaving me. He wanted me to move on, but I was damaged goods. Who would want me now? I was broken inside and the only other people I knew who could help fix me had left with him.
I had no clue where the Cullen's were right now but I knew without a doubt that Alice would see my letter.
It had been two months since we had moved from Forks. Those two months were like torture for me and for my whole family, especially Edward. He had been the one to sentence us to this dark abyss. It was punishment for Edward lying to Bella about how he felt about her. And we all had to suffer for his mistake. He didn't even let us say good-bye.
I wrapped my arms around myself, as if the action would warm me. My topaz-colored eyes stared at the storm that was brewing outside, mirroring how I was feeling on the inside -- cold and miserable. I knew without even looking at him that Jasper was worried about me. It was in his eyes every time he glanced up from his book to look at me. He however, just continued to flip through his book on the Civil War.
It was quite inside. Carlisle was skimming through a new medical journal. Esme was knitting a blanket or maybe a sweater. Our actions held no deeper meaning, we were just trying to find things to bide our time. No laughter filled the room like it did when Edward would play the piano for Bella. There was no merriment, all the happiness we had found withered and died the day we left Forks.
The trance that I fall into when I have a vision is all too familiar, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. It was a vision of Bella, but it wasn't the Bella of my memories. A strangled cry escaped my lips at what I saw. Her skin was paler and she was much slimmer then I remembered her to be. Bella was merely a shadow of the one I remembered. The dark circles under her eyes mirrored the ones that were under Edward's.
As I moved into my vision more, I could see that she was writing a letter. The bones in her wrist were defined as she wrote. Despite her weakened appearance, her words conveyed the heavy emotional burden she was forced to carry.
I miss you. I'm lost without you guys. I can't even dress myself right. I put my shirt on backwards yesterday. I know, he told you not to look for my future. He probably told you not to contact me.
But I don't care. I'm drowning here Alice. I need my best friend. I need the Cullens in my life. I need all of you.
She was writing a letter to me. The sadness in the last part of her letter ripped me apart inside.
"But I don't care. I'm drowning here Alice. I need my best friend. I need the Cullens in my life. I need all of you. "
I tried to shake the image of how skinny Bella had become from my mind. It wouldn't budge. Bella looked over her shoulder as she paused her writing allowing me to see how lifeless and dull her eyes had become. Just like Edward's. I should have known what our leaving would do to her. My eyes stung with the tears I could no longer shed. The moment I saw the hollow shell that was now Bella, I wanted to grab a hold of Edward and shake him. I wanted answers from him. Why did he have to leave her the way he did? He could have stayed and Jasper and I could have left. That however wasn't what Edward had decided was best for us.
There was something else that I needed to know. Why was it that everyone else seemed to just go along with what Edward had decided when it was so wrong? Then I had the bitter realization that I had been just as cowardly as the rest of my family. I didn't have the courage to stand up to Edward and say no. But I would no longer stay silent. I couldn't after seeing how Bella was wasting away.
The sound of Jazz's worried voice pulled me from my vision of the shadow that had once been my friend.
"Alice, what is it? What did you see that has you so upset? Is it Edward?"
One word was all I could say. One word said so much.
I didn't look at Jasper. I couldn't even though I knew he could feel what I was feeling. Looking him in the eyes, would have been like shoving a hot poker into a wound. No matter what we said to him, Jasper still hadn't forgiven himself for what had happened with Bella two months ago. Instead I turned quickly to look at Carlisle and Esme. My words were a plea for them to take action.
"She's dying without him. She's not living, she's just barely existing, if you can call what I just saw that. How could he do that to her? How could he do that to himself, to us?" I couldn't hide the horror I felt at seeing clearly the result our choices had on Bella.
The confused and worried looks of Carlisle and Esme caused me to pause. Could I really tell them what I saw, what I had been seeing over the past two months but hadn't shared with them? If Edward knew that I was still seeing Bella's future, he would only accuse me of purposely looking for her future. In truth I really wasn't looking for it, but it was always there. In fact, I would see Bella just as many times as I would Edward.
"She doesn't sleep; her eyes are sunken and lifeless. She hardly speaks to anyone. The worst thing is she's not eating. She's giving up because he threw her away. Edward gave up and he made us come along for the ride. I don't care what he wants anymore. He's not here, he's in Rio living a shadow of a life just like Bella is and I can't take it!" The words rushed from my mouth as I couldn't contain the emotion behind them anymore.
"Alice," Carlisle voice was firm, yet I could hear the hurt in it as well.
"I'm sorry Carlisle, if Edward can be selfish so can I. I don't want to go back to Forks for a funeral. I don't want to have a vision of them putting her in a box and lowering her into the ground. If that happens we won't just lose Bella, we'll lose Edward too."
'Nothing will stop me from coming to you Bella, nothing. If I lose you I just might lose my whole family with you.'
Just as I was about to go grab a bag and head for Forks, another vision hit me full force.
I had just finished the letter when there was a knock at the door.
"We need to talk Bells." My father's voice sounded strained and tired.
"Just a sec, Dad." I hoped my voice didn't sound nervous or scared as I flipped the letter over and covered it with my worn copy of Wuthering Heights.
I couldn't let Charlie see how unkempt I was when I was by myself. My hair was a mass of brown tangles; the neck of my old blue sweat shirt was stretched, so much that it slipped over one of my shoulders. The knees in my pants were torn and tattered.
A small snort of disgust came from me when I wondered, what would Edward think of me if he could see me right now? Would he be as disgusted with me as much as I was with myself? Or would he be torn with grief and hate for himself knowing he had been the cause of my distress? Would he care at all?
For one second I thought I saw a faded image of him looking at me with dark sad eyes.. He always seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. The second I took a step forward the image disappeared.
Remembering that Charlie was outside my room waiting on me, I shook the thought of him from my head for the moment. Hastily, I grabbed my brush and pulled it through my tangled mane in one quick pull. After that I twisted a ponytail holder through it.
"Ok, you can come in. What do you want to talk about Dad?"
Charlie had his uneasy face on. It was the face he wore when he had something difficult to talk about.
Charlie shifted his weight from one leg to the other before he sighed at me. "I've been talking to your mother, Bells. And we both have agreed that you should move to Jacksonville and live with her and Phil."
What I thought was just going to be a talk looked like it was going to become an argument. A knot formed in my throat and before I knew it I was standing in front of Charlie yelling, "No, I'm not leaving Forks! Forks is my home and I'm not going." I was desperate for him to understand something I knew he couldn't.
"Yes, Bella, you are going to go! I can't stand this anymore!" Charlie boomed.
But then he softened. He blew out a big breath of air before continuing. "It's like part of you died when they left and you're just waiting to die. I can't handle it anymore. Get a bag packed, I'm taking you to the airport in the morning. And that is final, Bella."
I wanted to tell Charlie that he was right. A part of me did die when Edward left me, and I was just waiting to die. What was the point of living if the person you had given your heart to didn't want you? I felt no more important than trash. To Edward, I was disposable.
+ In the awkward silence that followed, Charlie again shifted his weight. He reached out like he wanted to hug me and then stopped. "I feel like I'm going to lose you Bella, that's all."
"I'm going to be fine, Dad." How sure I was about my words I didn't know.
Charlie turned and headed toward the door. He paused as he turned the knob, letting a sigh escape his lips, "Well, alright, but that doesn't mean you're not going. Goodnight Bells." Turning away from the door, I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into bed and pray that I would die before morning. But even in despair, I couldn't escape my clumsiness as I stubbed my big toe on one of the floor boards. I fell to the floor to grab my toe. While I stifled a cry and a barrage of curse words, I looked for the offender. The floor board was lifted up, how had I not noticed it before?
Curiosity over why the board was even popped up had me getting down on my knees. So I set out to try and pull the board up. It took me six tries before it suddenly popped out of place sending me tumbling backwards.
What I saw beneath the board stole my breath from me. There tucked away, but not gone, were the plane tickets Carlisle and Esme had bought me for my birthday. Along with every photo I had of Edward and the rest of the Cullens. Then, overjoyed, I saw the most precious gift I had ever received: the CD he had made me.
How had they gotten there? It was then I remembered Edward's words:
"It will be like I was never here."
Edward had done this; he had hidden everything, thinking that without the tangible proof of his existence, I would move on. How foolishly simple minded of him. Did he really think that just because I was human it would be that easy? I felt the hole in my chest pull as if it where widening more. It was agonizing to realize he had thought it would be so simple.
After pulling everything out of Edward's hiding place, I noticed a square blue velvet box. I didn't remember this being one of my gifts. With trembling fingers, I weakly pulled the box open. Inside was a large sterling silver heart on a delicate chain with the words Edward Cullen & Bella Swan We Are One engraved on it.
For the first time in fourteen weeks I felt renewed hope flutter through the hole in my chest. Two things were clear to me now. I had been a fool and Edward had lied about how he really felt about me. He did love me! This engraved necklace was proof of that. It was everything that I wanted. The necklace was a sign that he felt the same way as I did; the simple fact that we were complete when we were together and incomplete when we were apart.
Filled with energy and determination I hadn't felt in a while, I swooped to the other side of my bed and grabbed my backpack. I then began stuffing as many things in it I could starting with the tickets, then the photos, and finally every stitch of clothes I could fit in it. I slipped the velvet box into my pocket, and swung my bag onto my back.
My finally act was to scribble a note to Charlie.
I never intended to hurt you; just like I never planned to stay in Forks. So I'm leaving. You and mom won't have to worry about my teenager issues anymore. Not sure where I'm going. There is no way I'm going to Jacksonville, so this is better.
There wasn't a single lie in my letter. I had no idea where the Cullens were. I did my best to remember all of the different places that Edward had talked about possibly moving to. That's when it came to me, Alice and Edward both had said something about a city in New York named Ithaca. So New York was going to be where I started my search first.
Running to the window, I slid it open and dropped my bag out of the window to the ground below. Getting my footing in the tree I climbed out the window and down the tree; with much less grace then Edward or Alice.
I was twelve blocks from my house when I pulled my phone from my pocket. I then dialed a number I hadn't dialed in a long time. Thunder rumbled in the distance, as the clouds parted giving the moon a view of what lay below it. I did my best to calm my breathing as I quickened my paced. Each ring of my phone seemed louder then it really was. The minute I heard Jessica's tired voice on the other end, I out the breath I had been holding. My eyes glanced down at the photo of Edward I had clutched in my hand.
'I'm not giving up until I find you.'
"Bella? Is that you? It's one fifteen in the morning! What do you want?"
"I need a car, Jess."
"I'm leaving Forks and I need a dependable car. Is your old silver sedan still for sale? I have two hundred dollars I can pay you for it."
The line was silent for a minute.
"Whatever, Bella. The keys are in the ignition."
The line went dead after that.
When I got to Jessica's I was surprised to see her standing outside in her robe. I approached her wordlessly and was about to hand the money for the car to Jessica when she shook her head.
"Keep your money, Bella; I don't want anything from you. The tank is full already. The title to the car is in the glove box, all you have to do is sign it. My parents will just think that I already sold it. Ever since the baby came they hardly know I'm here."
I felt like I should have said something to lift her spirits. An image of my dad flashed inside of my head. Was this how Charlie felt? What about Jake and the rest of my friends. From Jessica plight I was finally able to have a glance at what I had put all of them through. I gave Jessica a weak smile before opening the door and sliding in.
"Thank you, so much Jessica. I owe you one. I'm sure things will get better soon." My words left me feeling like I owed her more, but I couldn't take the time now. I would just have to hope that Angela would be there for her since I couldn't be.
How was it I could tell Jessica that things were going to get better for her soon, when I couldn't tell myself that?
I drove out of the town of Forks as fast as I dared with no intention of returning to this town unless I had Edward by my side. He had left thinking I would move on but there was no moving on without Edward. He completed me. I wouldn't stop until I found him. He couldn't just capture my heart and then decide to leave and set it free thinking it would return to me. My heart was his now and it wouldn't ever belong to anyone else.
I glanced up at the moon as it sent its silver light down over everything. It only served to remind me how much I needed him.
'Edward was my world, my moon. Now all I have is a lunar eclipse.'
I glanced into my rearview mirror, saying my goodbyes to my life there for now.
Just as I was about to go grab a bag and head for Forks, another vision hit me full force. At first the vision I saw didn't alarm me. Bella had literally stumbled across all the things Edward had hidden from her. But the images I saw next really took me by surprise. It was something I thought I would never see. Bella was running away for from Forks. I could tell by her quicken pace, Bella intended to come back to Forks with Edward or not at all. I noticed that she was clutching a piece of paper in her hand. A second later as she looked down at it and I could see it was a picture of Edward. Even though Bella's body still looked weak from the emotional and physical strain of the last couple of months, I saw a spark of life in her doe-colored eyes.
I saw images of Alaska, Italy and Paris flutter through my head. Suddenly a surer decision flashed inside my mind's eye. Bella was coming here to Ithaca to find us. She had also cemented her decision not to come back to Forks until she had found us.
As another image flicked by, I pulled in a breath. There was a heavy down pour where Bella was travelling. I was horror struck as the Sedan she was driving slid on the wet road. The vehicle vaulted over a bridge and into the icy, black water below. In Bella's current condition, there was no way she would survive. She had just lost too much weight. The water would freeze her in seconds instead of minutes.
Once the images had faded and I snapped back to reality, I knew I had to get moving if I had any chance to stop what I had seen from happening. I wasn't sure I could do it without my family's involvement, but I would act alone if I had to. I wasn't about to lose my best friend, and little sister; even if she was a fragile human.
Now there was one future that was clear: if Bella died, it would be the end of Edward.
Of that much I was very sure.