A/N: This is just sort of a random thing that I wrote... I'm not sure if I want to continue it or not, it depends on the feed back I get. If you think I should continue it, review or something. Because if people like it I'll be sure to continue writing. =]
Ahhh, I forgot the disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE. If I owned Death Note, in the live action movies Mello, Near, and Matt would've shown up... Did that make anyone else sad when they watched the movies? =[
My thing? It's dance.
Some people are really into reading, or origami, or shopping. Not me. Dance soothes my soul. It lets me express myself in ways that I would otherwise find it difficult to speak. Maybe it's the flow of my body, maybe the lyrics to the music, maybe the raw power in the steps. Any way I look at it, dance is the one thing in my life that never hurt me. Dance never yells, never tells you you aren't good enough, never beats you with words until you cry. Dance is eternal peace of the mind.
My life? It's complicated.
It hurts to say it, but my mother was a prostitute. She stayed with my father until I was born, and then left. My father isn't much better than my mother – he brings home a different woman every night, but can I say he's better because he isn't paid for what he does with them? How can he call me a whore when he sleeps with someone every night? Fat, ugly, slut, bitch. I've heard every name in the book. I can't fix any of those, except for the 'fat' one – I'm on a constant diet. Ugly slutty bitch? There's no changing that, no matter what I try.
My finance? It's nonexistent.
I've asked Father multiple times to let me go out and get a job, since he won't get one, but he won't let me go because he insists he needs me at home. Father was employed until recently. He bartended at a gentleman's club – it's where he met my mother actually. He'd worked there for twenty years, and he made an 'advance' on the club owner's daughter. Father didn't know it was his daughter at the time, but it happened nonetheless. So we have no income currently.
My future? It's impossible.
There is no future for me. I'll end up like my mother – at least, that's what my dad tells me. He says I wouldn't make good money on the street though. My dream would be to get a degree in psychiatry, which is sort of ironic since occasionally I feel like I need a shrink myself. College is a no-go, and I dropped out of high school, so I'm screwed in that department.
My name? It's Raven.
Welcome to my own personal hell.
I don't leave the house often. I do the cleaning. I do the cooking. I always cook for two, even though thanks to my diet I never eat more than a few bites of whatever we're eating. Father eats enough for the both of us… When he brings home a woman, though, I get to go outside. I usually go down to the park. Since it's the middle of the night, it's always deserted, so I plug in my one treasured possession and dance to the music all night. The iPod I use? I stole it. Some woman was waiting on a bench at a bus stop, with headphones dangling out of her purse. I snuck up behind her, flipped open her purse carefully, and snatched the iPod, headphones attached. I grabbed a charger that someone had forgotten from an internet café the same day.
Out of my few trips to places other than the park, that is the most memorable… I'm lucky Father hasn't destroyed the computer yet. If he had, I wouldn't have a way to take care of the one thing that offers me escape. You can't dance without music, and I'm lucky the previous owner had good taste.
Father and I live in what could be considered the slums, but funnily enough, it doesn't really bother me. My park's nearby. As long as I'm close to that, all is well and good with my world.
I was lying in my bed, in a blissful state of half-sleep, waiting for James Blunt to completely sing me into a slumber, when I heard a yell from downstairs.
"Robin! Or whatever the hell your name is, get your ass down here!" I was wide awake at the sound of his voice, pulling the headphones out of my ears and flying into the room from which he was calling me. Keeping him waiting was never a good idea, and it only ended in pain.
"Yes, Father? What do you need?"
"What do I need? What I need is a better daughter." I lowered my eyes, letting my hair fall in my face. "What I want is for you to start being productive."
"Anything you want Father. I can do whatever you ask," I said desperately, wanting ever so badly to please him.
"Then get out of my house. And don't you dare come back here without a job, or there will be consequences." I nodded twice, frantically, not bothering to grab my coat. I knew I'd get yelled at if I stopped for anything, so I was out of the house in under twenty seconds. As soon as I was out of sight of the house, I stopped for a moment and smiled, looking up at the sky. It was freezing, rain was falling from the sky, and I didn't even have a coat. But I was about to be immersed in the outside world for the first time in two years. For the first time since I'd dropped out of school at fourteen. Maybe sixteen wouldn't hold such bitter days…
It was stupid for me to be so naïve as to think that anyone would want to hire a teenager in ratty clothes who was sopping wet because she couldn't afford a coat to shield her. I couldn't even get a freaking application at McDonald's! McDonald's!! It was looking like I wouldn't be able to go home… And then –
I don't think I'd ever been so happy to see a "NOW HIRING" sign. It definitely didn't guarantee a job, but since winter wasn't prime hiring season, it at least gave me hope. Hell, I'd never even heard of a GameStop store before, but I was not going to complain one bit. I trotted into the store, a wet, freezing mess. The store was empty, even behind the counter, but I approached it anyway and waited there.
Five minutes later, a man walked out and did a bit of a double take at me standing there.
"Oh my God I'm sorry, I totally didn't see you come in! I'm Derek, can I help you?"
"A-actually, I'm h-here to ask about the n-now h-hiring sign…"
His face brightened, and he said, "Oh, yes! Actually, I'm top dog around here and I – did you walk all the way here? Where's your coat, sweetheart?"
"I-I guess I f-forgot to grab it on the w-way o-out…" He looked me up and down with a skeptical eye, and then motioned with his hand to come back behind the counter.
"The job can wait until after I make sure you don't get freakin' pneumonia. Come on, you need to get out of the clothes you have on. You're a wreck!"
"Sorry, s-sir, I don't m-mean to cause any t-trouble…"
"Shut up. I've got everything taken care of. You have nothing to worry about."
Twenty minutes later I was dry and in the back of a store with a man named Derek. He told me that this was my job interview, and after five more minutes I had a job. I couldn't help it – I stood up and tackled the man in my joy.
"Alright, alright," he laughed, "Now, can you work tomorrow?"
I nodded. "Gladly!"
"Good. Here's your uniform, and I expect you here at nine-thirty A.M. sharp."
"I won't be late," I said gratefully, "I promise!" I clutched the fabric to my chest, and started to begin the long trek home.
"Hey, Raven!" Derek called after me. I turned to him, and he threw a coat at me. "Stay warm! I don't want my new employee sick." I smiled in gratitude, and proceeded out the door.
Outside the house, a woman's laughter alerted me to the fact that my father wasn't home alone. Time to head for my park.
I pulled my fully charged iPod out of my pocket and proceeded to dance the night away. I made sure to set my clean uniform on a bench, and I used the clothes as a pillow when I grew tired at around one-thirty. I set the alarm for seven-thirty, giving myself enough time to get into my house, shower, and get out before my father and his lady friend woke up.
Some people might wonder why I put up with this lifestyle. Why I don't just leave. To anyone who wishes to ask that, my answer is simple. It is two parts, but it is simple.
Firstly, I love him. He's a cruel man with nothing but evil things to say, but my father is still my father, and I love him. It's not like Father hits me or anything. I just have to put up with the verbal abuse.
Secondly, and this reason I think may overpower the first – I'm weak. I'm still a little kid – a cowardly, frightened, scared little girl. While my father isn't the kindest man on the planet by a long stretch, he is known to me. He's predictable, and easy to read, and I can deal with him. The outside world on the other hand? Yeah, not so much.
I showered and changed in under eight minutes, and was out of the house and on my way to work. Damn does it feel good to say that. Work gives me a sense that I'm doing something with my life. Like maybe I'm not so worthless after all. The bell rang as I opened the door to the GameStop, and I heard a cheerful "Good morning, Raven!"
"Good morning, Derek!" I was just happy to be there. Soon I realized that Derek and I were the only two people employed at this GameStop, which could be fun. Very fun. Derek's twenty, and in his sophomore year at the community college. He has to pay his own way through without any help from his parents, so he works full-time here in the summers and part-time year-round. I'll be sad when I lose him as his classes start up again.
"Okay," he said, looking me in the eyes with what I assume was supposed to be his 'serious face', "Today is a Tuesday. Do you know what that means?"
"That… it's the day after Monday?"
"Well, yes that. But it also means that we don't have much traffic for most of the day. Monday through Friday, from ten until around… I'm gonna say three-thirty, given travel time, this place is pretty much deserted. That won't be the case, starting next week, because schools start letting out for summer vacation."
"Makes sense, I guess."
"Speaking of, why aren't you at school, Miss 'I'm-sixteen-so-I'm-gonna-walk-through-the-rain-to-get-a-job-like-a-moron'?"
"Oh, I dropped out at fourteen. Long story. I'd rather not talk about it."
"Fair enough. I'm told that I'm an awesome listener though, in case you ever wanna talk…" Derek trailed off, like he was trying to egg me into something.
"Nice try Derek." He pouted a little. "But I'll keep that in mind."
I laughed at his juvenile display. Derek seemed as though he would end up being the comic relief in my life, at least for awhile. The bell ding-ed again, and Derek looked over with a perplexed look on his face, which changed into one of recognition.
"Oh, yeah," he said to me. I think he was trying to whisper, but he wasn't succeeding at it, "I forgot. He's in here all the time. His name's Matt, he's pretty cool, and a really good customer. Occasionally he brings this guy named Mello with him. But seriously, the Mello guy's kinda weird. He sorta freaks my shit out."
I looked towards the door to see two men standing side-by-side, one chuckling with a cigarette in his mouth and the other just staring at Derek.
"You seriously need to work on your whispering skills. I'm standing right here, dumbass," the one staring said.
"Cool it, Mello. I gotta pick up a game, that's it. Hey Derek."
"Good to see you again, Matt. This is our new victim- I mean, uh, employee." Derek wrapped an arm around my shoulders and winked at me. It was a weird feeling – no one had actually done that to me before.
"Matt, I'm going outside."
"Whatever Mello, I'll be out in a minute," Matt said, and proceeded to the counter, laying a game down and putting out a hand, "I'm Matt."
"Raven," I said, returning the handshake.
"We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other since I'm here pretty much every other day or so."
I laughed a little. "Cool, cool." I rung up his game, and he was off, with a flick of his hand as a wave goodbye.
I like working here.
"How cruel is the golden rule, when the lives we've lived are only golden plated?" - "Golden", Fall Out Boy