A/N-I should be working on my two other fics, but my internet is broken and I like to have my fics up while I type new chapters so I can look back and check my work and stuff... by the way, I'm fairly certain this is the first song-fic to I'm On A Boat, and I'm sorry if someone else already did it, but I swear I was just listening to my ipod and the song came on, and I was bored (no internet means no fanfiction to read :'( )

Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters in this fic, JK Rowling does. I do not own 'I'm On A Boat', it's by The Lonely Island (featuring T-Pain, of course). Not that it's relevant, but I do not own a boat, and I fear I may never be 'On a Boat'...sniff.

I'm On A Boat

By The Lonely Marauders, featuring Sirius-Pain

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were sitting side-by-side at the Gryffindor table, eating breakfast peacefully when James Potter came in, waving an envelope in the air madly. When he reached them, he sat across from Remus, breathing heavily.

"Did you run all the way here from Gryffindor Tower?" Remus asked, an eyebrow raised, "You usually don't enjoy running, or moving, this early in the morning."

"My parents sent me a letter," James exclaimed, waving the envelope again.

"Aaaaand, this letter is important because...?" Peter said, attempting (and failing) to raise one eyebrow like Remus had.

"They sent me a boat!" James half-shouted, "A sail-boat! It only fits three people, though, and I'm going now, so I choose Remus and..." Remus looked extremely confused, while Peter looked excited. Suddenly James turned his head sharply to the left, where Sirius could be seen, his hair braided into cornrows, "Sirius-Pain!"

"When did Sirius get there?" Remus exclaimed.

"Word," Sirius said, leaning back in his seat and nodding.



Music started playing loudly, and the three Marauders suddenly found themselves on a large cruise ship.

"James, I thought you said it was a sailboat?" Remus looked around, "This is definitely not a sailboat! How did we get here? When did you two change into suits? Wait, when did I change into a suit."

"Chill out, Remus," Sirius said, putting a red rose into the pocket of his tux.

"Where did you get a rose? We're on a bloody boat!"

James frowned and looked around, "This boat isn't bloody..."

Awww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down

Everybody in the place hit the fuckin' deck

But stay on your mother fuckin' toes

We runnin' this let's go

James pulled three towels out of a box that was on the deck and layed them out on the ground.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"We are tanning, so come and sit down, Remmy-Boy."

"We can't tan, Prongs, we're in suits."

I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)

I'm on a boat

Everybody look at me 'cos I'm sailin' on a boat (sailin' on a boat)

I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)

I'm on a boat

Take a good hard look at the mother fuckin' boat

"Ah!" Remus shrieked (In a very he-man way, of course.) "Okay, I know I didn't put on this bathing suit! Last time I checked I was wearing a tux!"

"Just go with the flow, brother," Sirius said. There was a pause, then, "From another mother."

Remus just threw his hands up in the air and stalked away.

I'm on a boat mother fucker take a look at me

Straight floatin on a boat in the deep blue sea

Bustin five knots wind whippin' at my coat

You can't stop me mother fucker 'cos I'm on a boat

While Remus was trying to figure out what was going on, James stood at the front of the boat, head thrown back and his eyes closed. His arms were spread out and Sirius was standing close behind him in a very 'Titanic'-ish pose.

Take a picture trick

I'm on a boat bitch

We drinkin Santana Champ 'cos it's so crisp

Remus, it seemed, had found a bottle of firewhiskey and had chosen to drink it, instead of wondering how they were all suddenly wearing sailors' uniforms.

"Remus, man, crack the bottle, and let your body waddle," Sirius started, but James smacked him upside the head, saying,

"Wrong song, you prat." Sirius mumbled something along the lines of 'I'm not a prat' before grabbing the firewhiskey from Remus.

I got my swim trunks

And my flippy-floppy's

I'm flippin' burgers you at Kinko

Straight flippin' copies

Sirius was grilling when the television turned on and Peter could be seen copying a worksheet in a copy machine, with a stern-looking (Well, to be fair, she's always stern-looking) McGonagall watching him from behind. James and Sirius laughed, muttering 'poor Peter'.

"We don't even haff a copy m'chin at 'Ogwerts," Remus slurred out, before frowning and taking another swig of firewhiskey.

I'm ridin' on a dolphin

Doin' flips and shit

The dolphins splashin'

Gettin' everybody all wet

"James, stop it," Sirius laughed, while James rode on an inflatable dolphin in the pool, "You will be in serious pain if you don't stop sperrrrlashing Sirius-Pain!"

Remus groaned and rolled off of a lounge chair, landing with a 'thump' on the ground and lifting himself onto his elbows. "That was lame, Sirius," he snickered lightly, "It was so lame that now I'm in serious pain!" Remus and James burst out laughing, but Sirius just said,

"I don't get it..." That only made them laugh harder.

But this is Sea World

This is real as it gets

I'm on a boat, mother fucker don't you ever forget

"I know I'm drunk," Remus said, "Really drunk. Drunker than, than..."

"Drunker than a monkey in Peru?" James suggested.

"Righ', drunker than a monkey in Poo, but I do not remember coming to Sea World."

"Yeah, I don't either," Sirius muttered, looking distrustfully at the entrance. "IT LURED US IN WITH IT'S MAGIC POWERS!!!" Sirius shouted, and several parents hurried their kids along, sending disapproving glances towards the three of them.

"Don't be stupid, Sirius, there's no such thing as magic powers," James stated, "Wait..."

There was an awkward pause.

"Back to the boat?"

I'm on a boat, andd

It's goin' fast, andd

I got an nautical themed

pashmina afghan

I'm the king of the world

On a boat like Leo

If you're on the shore

Then you're sure not me-o

The boat sped up a little, and Sirius (in his drunken stupor) fell over and layed there for a minute, before James kicked him and shouted,

"Get the fuck up, this boat is real!!!!!!!!"

Fuck, man, I'm on a boat, mother fucker

Fuck trees! I climb buoys mother fucker

I'm on the deck with my boys, mother fucker

The boat engine make noise, mother fucker

Hey Ma' if you could see me now

Arms spread wide on the starboard bow

Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow

Like Kevin Garnett

Anything is possible!!!!!!!!!

"Bet'choo this boat can fly!" yelled Sirius, "I bet 10 sickles this boat can fly!"

"You're on!" James said, shaking his hand.

"Your wallet will be in serious pain when you lose, Sirius," Remus said, as he and James started laughing again. Sirius just sighed agitatedly,

"I don't get it!" He cried.

Never thought I'd be on a boat

It's a big blue water-y road

Posieden loook at me

(All hands on deck)

Never thought I'd see the day

When a big boat's comin' my way

Believe me when I say

I fucked a mermaid

"Jimmy-Jams," Sirius said to James.

"Yes, Sirius-Pain?"

"I bet you that I can shag a mermaid, 'cos we're on a boat, and mermaids live in the water," he said, his words slurred, "If I win, I get my 10 sickles back, if you win, you get 10 more sickles, mmm'kay?"

"You're on!"

I'm on a boat

I'm on a boat

Everybody look at me 'cos I'm sailin' on a boat

I'm on a boat

I'm on a boat

Take a good hard look at the mother fuckin' boat

Remus looked around again. Now they really were on a sailboat, and Sirius no longer had cornrows ("Can't believe I lost twenty sickles in a day") and they were all in their normal clothes.

James was standing over him, saying something.

"Wake up, Moony, c'mon, wake up!"

"'M awake, 'm awake."







Remus cracked his eye open and found that he was in the hospitol wing, and James was standing over him.

"Thank Merlin you're awake, Moony."

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"You fell down the stairs, Remus, all the way from the top of the boys' dorms to the common room, it was right scary, it was. Anyway, you're awake now, so that's good. Madame Pom-Poms says you'll be out of here tomorrow. My parents bought me a sailboat, and we're gonna' try it out as soon as you're out of here. Anyways, Lily says my head has deflated quite a bit. Sirius says it was sarcasm, but I'm, like, a super-genious so I would know if it was sarcasm..."

wow, that was incredibly stupid...but, my dad got home and just fixed the internet, so ima post it anyway :) sorry for any mistakes in the song, but I typed the lyrics as I heard them