Author's note: Well first attempt at fan fiction, that isn't a peom or random story. So give me some feedback and tough love.

P.S. I may or may not write a sequel for this and if anyone wants to do one for let me know than knock yourself out.

Disclaimer: I don't ICarly


Life had to be a cruel joke when it considered Fredward Benson. After all, not only was he tormented constantly by one of his two best friends, but he also had another one whose neurotic tendencies, along with her pleading, would always drag him into any hair-brain scheme that would usually result in him being embarrassed, spat on, or just plain injured no matter what situation.

However, despite all his misfortune -which was a lot-, he still cared about these crazy girls who in spite of their complaints about his mom were just as, if not worse, than her. Maybe if had someone warned him when he was younger, he would've known that having two girls as best friends would not only ruin his love life, but his entire being. Then maybe he would have thought twice about helping what was one of the greatest web shows ever made.

Sadly, being the person that he is, it would take the next two and half years of failed dates, and finally getting a geek's dream come true, for him to realize. They had had ruined him for any other girl for the rest of his life.

It was accident waiting to happen


His first failed attempt at a relationship really had nothing to do with them, directly anyway. Valerie was simply a girl who wanted popularity and assumed that by stealing Freddie she'd destroy the web show Icarly and in turn make her own web show the greatest thing since UFC wrestling -which it may have become-. However thanks to Sam, Carly, and the all around stupidity of the bimbo -as Sam liked to put it-, they managed to save Freddie from his epic failure of a relationship. Granted, it only happened because they had a web show in first place.

Had Mr. Benson had any perception depth, he'd realize now any relationship he'd enter would include both Carly and Sam no matter how much he didn't need their help.

Some things he assumed were just meant to be


The next girl had a crush on Freddy for a while. Granted, it was one-sided, yes, it was Shannon. Can-Can as Sam called her. Truthfully this was definitely one of the best relationships he'd had. She was even approved of by both Sam and Carly. No really, Sam even put a sticker on her forehead that said 'Approved'.

The first two weeks were pretty awesome, since both Sam and Carly were both dealing with their own boy toys –they'd agreed on the name together- so there weren't too many complaints as long as he made time for Icarly and spent at least 15 hours a week with them. Carly had came up with it, something about making sure they didn't lose touch each other.

Along came the 3rd week and with everything going smoothly so far he was starting to really like Shannon, and that's when tragedy had to strike. In the middle of their 5th date, his cell phone goes off. It's a surprise since he was sure he'd done everything his mom wanted before he left. Murmuring a quick 'I'll be back' he heads outside the theatre to take his call. Lo' and behold, when he says hello he hears Sam's voice, telling him it's important that he heads to Carly's pronto 'cause they need him.

Without a second thought he tells Shannon that Carly and Sam need him, she tells him she understands -he thanks god for small miracles at this moment- and he hugs her quickly before jetting out of the movie theater as if hell was at his feet.

Arriving at Carly's, he's not in the best shape, out of breath, sweating, and really wishing he had a car. He forces himself into the room. The sight that he beholds surprises him slightly as Carly's head is rested on Sam's lap and, at the moment, only sound that one hear is Sam telling her it'll be okay. She notices the door is open and Freddie is standing their hands on his knees and his breathing coming out in short erratic breathes.

He learns in the span of minute that Carly's boyfriend had cheated on her and Sam needed help with comforting her. -Isn't this a female only job?- But ever dependable Fredward, without word back to her, he grabs the ice cream with spoons and a few chick flicks than joins them on the couch. He spends his night watching chick flicks with them till the wee hours of the night without complaint because, that is what best-friends do. He should have known that picking up the phone would mean this would become a constant thing in his life till she got over a boyfriend…..unfortunately he didn't.

Two weeks later Shannon calls him to a café and tells him. "It's them or me." It is of no surprise he left within a minute without bothering to look back. He never did tell Carly and Sam why he stopped seeing Shannon. Than again it wasn't their fault -But it was- so why would they need to know?

They mattered more than stupid fling


The third girl wasn't a girlfriend, she wasn't even a friend. In all honesty she was Sam's twin sister, Melanie, which he didn't believe existed at first. If he were honest with himself, the girl was pleasant in way, and had he not been acting the way the he was he probably would have admitted it openly, granted it wasn't until she kissed him that he realized it wasn't Sam. The next day when he went over to Carly's, he told Sam she should just admit there is no Melanie.

Of course he knew better but he wanted to hear it from her. She must have seen something in his face, because she simply admitted it was simply a trick to play on him -Even though he knew it wasn't-. He left quickly after that not wanting to make a greater fool out of himself as he had within the last week since this whole thing started.

When he finally returned to the safety of his room he wasn't sure if he should be relieved ,or upset at the fact she gave in to him. -Even if it was a lie.- He started to wonder though, him and Melanie had got along pretty well on the date,(after the kiss of course) but for some reason he couldn't see himself with her. She had the looks of Sam -in spite of their dislike for each even he had to admit to himself she was hotter than Carly- and the personality that would have easily made her a Carly copy.

In terms that others could understand, she was his version of perfection. Only issue was…she just wasn't good enough. He simply assumed he had just spent enough time dating so it was so obvious that he'd compare her to Carly and Sam, considering that they were the only females he had really talked to in awhile.

Had Fredward Benson been wiser, he'd realize that when the your definition of perfection wasn't good enough compared to the flawed versions of what you were comparing it to, something was seriously wrong with you.

He just figured he only though highly of them


For Mr. Benson a few months had passed since the date with Melanie, However, to him, if seemed more like a few short days. He had decided that they weren't going to work, they were too different. -Second biggest lie he's told himself he's sure.-

Surprisingly Freddie decided that he should start dating more often, so he'd have more girls to compare with besides those of his best friends. -Mostly because, who compares people their dating with their best friends?- Because, in all honesty, no girl could honestly compete with those two, simply cause both were such extremes that it wouldn't be fair to even think of classifying them in the same area as them simply because he knew too much about them.

He knew he was distancing himself from them, simply because it was easier that way, and if they noticed it. Well, they never said anything to him. He knew that they knew something was up with him. After all, he had noticed the glances Carly gave him when she thought he wasn't looking, and Sam was even more moody than usual, -He was considering to buy her mood ring so he knew when to avoid her-. Even though she wasn't hitting as much as she normally would nor was she picking fights. All of these things clued him in that eventually one of them would ask him what was going on. -Thing is…he didn't really know.-

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't Carly who put him in a corner first, it was Sam. -Who knew she cared that much?- She was waiting for him in his room, and before he could even think of asking her what was going on, she told him "Rooftop Now." and he knew he wasn't leaving here without telling her something. -He just didn't know what.-

The conversation was pretty much silent at the start. She stared at him and he looked at the city. -Seems avoidance was something he'd learned well within these few months.- He wasn't sure what he should say and, well, Sam looked more like she was looking for an opening to swallow him whole.

When she finally spoke it was soft, all she asked was "Why?" He looked at her with confusion on his face, not exactly understanding what she was asking.

She must have saw his look of confusion 'cause she repeated herself. "Why are you avoiding me and Carly so much?"

He murmured he didn't know what she was talking about. Sam, sick of playing nice, finally ripped into him, yelling, shoving and pushing. He simply took it without saying anything back 'til she finally finished, out of breath and glaring at him as if he had just killed her dog.

He looked at her and only thing he could think to say was. "I'm sorry." -Because he didn't what else to say.-

The next day he's back Carly's, smiling, and being picked on/hit by Sam, who seems to be in a better than she had been in a weeks. When Carly asks what happened to his date today, he says he figured that he needed a break from that scene. -The fact was in the end, he couldn't keep avoiding them knowing he was hurting them.- Had Fredward actually put some thought into everything he was doing, he'd notice a pattern that had appeared. All his life decisions in the end always included the both of them.

He simply thought they meant to much to him to hurt them


It's been a month since then and everything is somewhat normal for Freddie. He hasn't had any dates lately -something which Sam seems to deem allowable to pick on him for- and surprisingly he's okay with that. He's not sure why, but he feels as if he's missed something that was very important.

Like a thing he's been craving for, but can't place what it is. Whatever this is it's been stressing him so much lately he's picked up a new habit, smoking cigarettes. –Shocking, he knows.- He realizes its not healthy thing but since he can't avoid things -Sam and Carly have proven they'll both drag him back to face the issues- and sometimes it's better than just getting annoyed and huffy more than usual. -Sam seems to be making up for all the time she missed when he was date dodging-

He's glad his mom is such a health nut. It actually makes it easier to hide, since she's always got cleaning and scent remover's around. He knows that if anyone found out about this, he'd catch more hell 'cause neither Carly or Sam approve of smoking of any kind. -For some reason they're okay with drinking though? Weird.-

He isn't sure what it was about the cigs' that relax him so much. It isn't the taste because it is horrible. It's ruining him in more ways than one, but he's to tired to care. So he simply enjoys this poison he's inhaling. -For once everything seems okay even if it's not.-

It was Wednesday, a day that he really hates, -No reason to be tired and no reason to be lazy so he can't be unhappy without someone noticing-. This one hadn't been too bad since Sam was sick and Carly was another classroom - Thank god for small miracles-, so he was free to relax this period. However fate is fickle and life is just a nasty bitch when dealing with Mr. Benson, so before he can really enjoy his reprieve, it strikes. A letter lands before him in its perfect unwrinkled-ness. -Awesome word he knows,-

The letter is pretty simple it says "Meet me outside by the field during lunch, Katie Sanders". He is confused why the most popular girl in school wants to see him. He simply assumes it's about this class and its work.

Now, had Mr. Benson had more of an understanding about girls, he'd realize that any time a girl passes you note tells you to meet them somewhere where there's little to no people, they're going to ask you something embarrassing to themselves, or to you.

He show's up a few minutes after the bell for lunch, and Katie's there with an air that radiates self-confidence. He murmurs a quick 'Hi' before she starts talking. Her lips are moving quickly and most of the conversation is mindless, so he doesn't comment more than a nod and smile. She seems to be stalling to ask him something and all he can think about is Sam and Carly.

He can see she's nervous, but he wants to do his check on them before he has to go find something to snack on before lunch ends. So he asks her if she needs anything cause he's got something he needs to do. He's realizes he's not the world's smartest when it comes to emotions, if anything he's probably the stupidest one around, if he still couldn't tell why his mind can't help but wonder if Sam's okay since she's sick ,or whether Carly's going to be ready for her exam that's taking place after lunch. -He's simply just not getting why he's thinking about them when this hot girl is talking to him, he knows he supposed to be drooling but it's just not happening-

She finally spits it out "I wanna go out with you."

Right now, someone that's considered to be remotely popular should be screaming for joy, however his face is stuck in confusion. Before he can answer her she says, "I know you're supposed to have a crush on Carly and Sam or whatever-"

His laughter is loud and obnoxious, and everyone around turns to them trying to wonder why he's laughing so loud. Katie flushes and runs off. And Mr. Benson, well, he's laughing so hard, he's crying. Everyone around him is whispering about he's an ass for rejecting her so cruelly. After all, she is the hottest girl in school hands down.

She's every man's dream girl, yet she's not even close to anything in his mind. He finally calms down and wonders where she got the idea that he has a crush on either of them when he hasn't felt any romantic feelings towards either one of them since the incident with Melanie and Sam. That was year ago just about, so why would he even consider that now?

That day, when he heads over to Carly's, he takes his time 'cause he hasn't felt this good in weeks, especially after laughing so hard earlier, He hears voices coming though the door, and it doesn't sound peaceful.

Normally he'd turn around, or knock but the words: "He laughed at me during my confession!" kinda clue him in that's this is about him. -Rules of Sam state that when a conversion includes your name it's no longer eavesdropping.-

He hears the words: "Not our fault he decided you're not hot enough.", followed by: "Sam!" then something that makes his world stop.

"Well if he wasn't so hung up on both of you, then maybe he'd stop being your bitch!"

Silence was the reply.

Not that he even had anything to say.

Then Katie spoke again, "Nothing to say huh, everyone knows it too, you know. Anyone that dates Freddie dates his two friends too, cause he'll do anything they tell him to do. He's a boyfriend without the perks, and the worst part is he doesn't know it! Argh! I can't believe this!" She stomps toward the door and opens it, nearly pulling it off the hinges, before slamming it shut behind her and walking off, not once noticing that the same man of the hour is standing against the wall. His face turning pale and not breathing. His mind is pulsing and his head is spinning.

He feels sick to stomach, 'cause the worst part is he has been wrong all this time. The reasons why he thought he did everything they told him, the reasons why he always came when they called, hell even the reason why he always hung with them, even if he wasn't feeling like it. This had to be a sick twisted lapse in judgment on his part.

All he can think is he needs to get away, now. He steadies himself and pushes himself off the wall and, right before he can escape safely, he hears: "You know Carly in some way's she's right. We do sorta use him as boyfriend granted he gets none of the perks. We've ruined him Carls' and I think I like it."

It's far too late for change

Cause you

Just Won't Last

Without them