Fluff? I don't know. Tell me what you think...please? I'll be your friend.
"Harl! Get the molasses outta your ass!" The Joker commanded as he glanced behind him to see Harley just catching up to him with her duffle bag on her shoulder. They had just broken into a vault at Gotham City Bank and were trying to lose the police, and Harley finally caught up to his side where he grabbed her wrist tightly and pulled her along behind him. "I'm sorry, Mistah J," she whimpered to him.
"Don't be sorry!" he demanded. "Just keep up!"
Harley bit her tongue to halt the involuntary apology from escaping her lips again. She knew that he had to be harsh with her when she wasn't quick in these types of situations, but it was damn hard to run on slick pavement in her jester shoes.
They ducked into an alley and hid in the shadows behind a giant, granite building. He forcefully pushed her down onto the ground as he pulled his gun and peered around the corner. Harley gazed into the darkness through the chain-link fence in front of her and tried to catch her breath. She rubbed her left shoulder where The Joker had applied pressure. This was the first job they had ever done on their own, without his men to back them up and distract the Commissioner's force, and Harley was glad to have a night out with him like this. However, she was a bit frightened of the cops catching up to them and splitting them up and taking her to prison while they took The Joker straight to Arkham, as it would sometimes end this way.
She felt his hand pat her on the shoulder and he motioned for her to get up from her position. "This way," he whispered, walking past her into the deeper shadows behind the building. Harley grunted as she pulled the duffle bag onto her shoulder again and felt her way into the darkness by keeping her hand on the building and taking shy steps forward. She had to stifle a surprised squeak when she felt The Joker's gloved fingers meet hers, and he gently grasped her hand. Harley sighed and began to relax, knowing that he more than likely had a plan as to where they would hide while the cops lost their tracks.
He brought her close and she put her tired head on his shoulder as he unzipped her bag and fumbled through the contents inside until he pulled out a crowbar. The Joker inserted it into the metal frame of a heavy door. He slowly pried it open and hissed through his teeth as he paused and listened for an alarm.
He turned to Harley and saw her relieved face in the dim light from the room beyond the door. Her white face paint had melted from her perspiration and he smirked as she tried to straighten her black eye mask. The Joker put the crowbar back into her bag and took it from her. "Follow me," he muttered and Harley obeyed.
She noticed that they were in a giant boiler room that was stuffy and steamy, and she suddenly felt The Joker's hand clasp hers again as he led her to a small utility elevator. He pressed the 'Up' button.
"Where are we, Pud?" Harley asked quietly and cautiously.
"You'll see," was his reply as he watched the dial over the elevator doors slowly inch its way toward the big letter 'B'. When it landed, he pulled out his gun and readied it as the doors opened, but put it back to his side when he found no one behind them. He gently pulled Harley inside with him and she watched him push the button for the 25th floor. He let go of Harley's hand and she moved herself to the other side and leaned against the wall. She hoped that they would go straight up to the top without any stops between floors, but the thought left her when she realized how drowsy she was.
Harley shut her eyes for a moment and opened them when she felt The Joker move toward her. Before she could respond, his lips pressed against hers and she moaned softly as his free hand caressed her lower back. He pulled away from her and whispered, "Maybe you should invest in some tennis shoes, baby doll."
She giggled and he kissed her again, this time putting away his gun and lifting her off her feet, making her wrap her legs around his waist. He dropped the duffle bag as they kissed deeper, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip between sensual pecks. "Scared to lose me, Mistah J?" she purred.
The Joker growled at the sound of his nickname. He really loved it when she called him that. "What do you think, Miss Quinn?" He lifted a small section of fabric from her cowl and nipped at her neck, and Harley whined softly as he squeezed one of her breasts. He suddenly stopped and looked at the dial over the doors and tenderly put her down as he readied his gun again.
When the doors opened, he propped them open with his arm and looked to his left and then to his right. Harley watched him as he grabbed the duffle bag and then took her once again by her wrist. She noticed that they were in the hallway of a very classy-looking hotel, but she didn't have time to figure out which one as The Joker was pulling her swiftly down to the door at the end. He stopped at the room and ripped up a piece of carpet by the window and pulled out a key card, and after he swiped it, he opened the door and threw the duffle bag inside. "Wait here," he said darkly and shut the door in Harley's face.
She started to panic. He wasn't actually planning on leaving her out here, did he? What if somebody came out of another room and saw her? They would recognize her instantly in her costume!
Before she could knock on the door to get his attention, The Joker opened it and quickly scooped her up in his arms and carried her over the threshold as she softly giggled in surprise.
He shut the door behind him and went into the den and tossed her onto a giant sofa. Harley heard him go back to the door and secure every bolt, and then go over to the big drapes that were hanging from the picture windows. "Turn on that lamp, will you, doll?" came his voice in the dark after he drew the blinds and motioned toward the lamp beside Harley.
She did so and gasped when she realized that they were in the luxury suite on the very top floor of the Gotham Plaza Hotel. "Puddin!" she exclaimed. "Are we actually staying here?"
"Don't get too comfortable, Harley," he answered gently. "It's just for a couple of days." He went to the mini bar and fixed himself a glass of bourbon. "Want something? There's wine in the fridge."
When he didn't get an answer from Harley, he lifted his head and smirked as he sipped his drink. She had already taken off her cowl and mask, and her blonde pigtails were falling out of their hair ties. "This is so pretty, Daddy," she muttered as she looked around. "Where's our bedroom?"
He pointed to a room that was near the den and playfully winked at her. She squealed in excitement as she trotted to the room and giggled as she turned on the light. "Oh, Puddin," came her voice. "This bed is so big! Oh my, God! The bathroom is beautiful!"
"Harl!" he called out as he made his way to the bedroom. "Keep it down, will ya? We're supposed to be hiding out." He leaned against the door frame and watched her slip out of her body suit.
"I'm so gonna take a bath right now," she said, not listening to what she just told him.
"Keep it down, huh?" he demanded again through gritted teeth, but then raised his eyebrow when she casually walked into the bathroom, completely nude.
She turned on the water and set the plug in the drain, and she found some bubble bath on the sink next to the fluffiest white towels she had ever seen. Harley looked into the mirror as she pulled down her pigtails and grinned at The Joker's reflection as his eyes traveled her slender body and then stayed focused on her curvy hips. He slowly sipped his bourbon and then cleared his throat. "I gotta make a call," he said. "Let Harvey know we're here."
Harley turned to him and covered her breasts with her arms. "Harvey? Why Harvey?" she asked.
"He's got guys on his payroll at this place," he said, munching on a piece of ice from his glass. "Remind me to send him a gift basket for securing this room for us. Oh, and another thing…" He stopped and stared at her, then said, pointing to her chest, "Don't ever try to hide those from me. Bad girl!"
Harley laughed as she took her arms away from her breasts and turned her attention to her bath, pouring the bubble solution into the steamy water. "I'm gonna soak for a while."
"Don't drown," replied The Joker as he made his way back into the den. He refilled his glass and then called Harvey on the phone by the sofa.
A half hour later, after The Joker had gotten out of his coat, vest, shoes and socks, he went into the bathroom again and found Harley playing with the bubbles, putting them on her now clean face and making a big beard. "That's attractive," he said, smirking. She quickly washed the bubbles from her face and giggled as he took off his shirt. "Refreshing?" he asked as he unbuttoned his slacks.
Harley nodded. "Very…you can take a shower now if you want; I'm finished in the tub."
"Oh, no you're not," The Joker growled as he took off his slacks and boxers. He slowly climbed into the tub as Harley's full lips curled into a mischievous smile.
"You forgot your tie," she reminded him.
He pulled at the tie that was still around his neck and sneered. "I thought you said my tie was sexy."
Harley laughed. "It is, baby, but you're getting it wet."
"That isn't all I plan on getting wet," he leered as he threw his tie over his shoulder and leaned into Harley's lips.
"Oh, Pud…" His tongue stopped her cooing as it glided over hers. Harley pulled away from him and straddled his hips, making him growl in approval. She guided his hands onto her waist. "You've wanted to get your hands on these, haven't you?" she asked slyly as she ran her forearms along her breasts and cupped her neck with her hands.
He huffed and rolled his eyes. "I can put my hands on them anytime I want, Sweetness," he muttered, gazing up at her body and running a finger down her stomach.
"Anytime?" she chuckled, raising a suspicious eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yeah, even during a job. I'll just tell Batman 'time out,'" he paused and squeezed one of her breasts and then said, "Okay, Bats. Time in…"
Harley threw her head back and let out a boisterous laugh. "You're so silly, Pud," she said as she leaned forward and put her chin on top of his head.
"You're so sexy," he purred. "I've got a great view right now." He let Harley giggle before he suddenly leaned into her, catching one of her hard nipples into his mouth. Harley threw her head back again, this time letting out a content moan as he suckled her and squeezed her bottom. She could feel him grow harder as she rocked on him, and she reached into the water to caress him but he grasped her wrists and held them tight behind her back.
He pushed his mouth into her stomach, making her writhe and trying to suppress her loud cries of ecstasy. "Oh…Daddy…" she whimpered. The Joker replied by moaning deeply as he gently positioned her hips over him, but stopped when he heard a knock on the door.
Harley gasped and they both stopped to listen. The knock came louder and a meek voice from the other side of the door, "Housekeeping."
"Shit!" The Joker cursed quietly. He casually tossed Harley aside and he heard her let out a small "Oof" as she bumped her knee against the tub. However, The Joker was busy drying off and throwing Harley a towel. "Harl, come on! Get outta there!"
She quickly did as she was told, not even bothering to unplug the drain. "You didn't put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door?"
"That would be even more suspicious, babe," he whispered as he gathered their clothes from the floor and rolled them into a ball. He frantically looked around the room to find a hiding place for them and quickly stuffed them under the mattress. They both gasped and turned their attention to the door as it slowly opened and he saw the maid come in with her cart.
Harley quietly slipped into the closet as The Joker slid under the bed. They knew that the simplest thing to do would be to kill the maid, but they really didn't feel like turning themselves in by acting on so quick a solution…plus, they were still nude.
Minutes passed as they heard the maid begin to clean the den and straighten the kitchen, and The Joker watched her movements from his position under the bed.
This is so fucking stupid, he thought to himself. Just shoot her and toss her out the window!
He shook the idea out of his head and glanced toward the closet. He sighed with relief when he couldn't make out Harley's silhouette, but froze when the maid entered the bedroom and walked toward her hiding place.
She swung open the doors and The Joker shut his eyes tight as he heard her high-pitched scream. "Screw this!" he exclaimed and crawled out from under the bed and pulled his gun out from under the mattress. "Good evening!" he yelled as he pointed the gun at the maid.
The poor woman turned around and was too shocked to keep screaming as she gazed upon The Joker, who showed no shame in aiming a gun to her head as he stood in his birthday suit. The maid let out an exhausted sigh and fainted, falling flat on her back.
Harley slowly climbed out of the closet and stood over the maid. They both stared down at her and The Joker chuckled, "I didn't know I could have that effect on women." Harley clicked her tongue against her teeth, annoyed, and slapped his shoulder as he chuckled louder.
"What the hell was that?" came a familiar voice from the front door.
"Harv?" The Joker called out in response as Harley hid behind him.
"Jay? What was all the screaming? Was that my maid…OH SWEET LORD, MAN!" Two-Face exclaimed as he came into the bedroom and saw The Joker still nude. "Put on some fuckin' pants!"
Harley quickly wrapped a bed sheet around her body as The Joker grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his hips. "Dammit, Harv! Why didn't you tell me the maid was working for you, too?"
"I was gonna tell you but you were too anxious to get off the phone," Two-Face replied as he shielded his eyes and leaned against the wall by the closet. "So, I came up here to talk to you. Are you decent now?"
"He's never decent," Harley replied coldly, slightly irked that they probably looked ridiculous at that moment.
"Oh, come on, Harley," The Joker said as she walked past him and went into the bathroom. "Baby…" The door slamming was her response to him.
After a couple of hours and after Two-Face explained to the maid the situation, she understood and was given the night off to rest. The Joker had slipped on his slacks and was escorting them to the door.
"I guess I don't have to ask if you and the missus are comfortable," Two-Face said.
The Joker smirked. "You could say that, Harv. Just make sure that this little…incident doesn't blow our cover. We'll need to be here for a few days."
"Yeah, yeah," replied Two-Face as he stepped into the hallway, which had grown dimmer. "Don't worry about it. If the shit hits the fan, you'll be the first to know." He paused and nodded toward the bedroom. "Is she gonna be okay?"
The Joker glanced toward the bedroom and found Harley sitting up in bed, her hair pulled into a ponytail and looking over her magazine at him with a stern glare. He sighed and answered, "She'll get over it."
After the door closed, The Joker slowly walked back to the bedroom and put his arm against the door frame, all the while glaring back at Harley with a stern frown.
Harley sighed. "That was humiliating."
"Shut your mouth, girl," he said darkly.
Her lips parted slightly with surprise. She licked her lips as he moved closer to her and stood over her side of the bed, his dark eyes piercing into her blue ones. He took a deep breath and muttered, "You have some nerve…acting that way in front of our friend. Especially, when he's being so generous with us staying in one of his private suites, with extra clothes, free room service, and, let's not forget, he's making sure that we don't get thrown in Arkham again. Now, I'm very sorry if the accomodations here don't meet your standards, Your Highness…but be lucky we're not sleeping in a fucking cardboard box or even on a god damn park bench!"
Harley let her eyes fall to her hands that were resting on top of her magazine, and The Joker swiped it from her lap and threw it across the room. "Are you listening to me?!" he demanded.
"Yes…" Harley whispered.
"What do you have to say, then, for your…extremely rude display?" He stood closer to her side and Harley could feel the heat of his anger rising from his body.
Her eyes began to burn with tears and she bit her lip, answering, "I'm sorry, Puddin. I was just…it was so…"
"Oh, get over it, Princess! So Harvey got a glimpse at your goodies; it isn't like he's never seen a naked woman before. Besides, he was nice enough to stop looking at you. At least somebody was giving me respect…" He paused and sighed as he picked up the telephone on the bedside table and brought it to her. "You're gonna apologize to him."
Harley turned her head toward him as he sat beside her on the bed. "What?"
"I didn't stutter, Harley," he said quietly. "I'm gonna dial his number…and you're gonna tell him that you're sorry for how you acted."
"But…Mistah J, I didn't…"
The Joker suddenly cupped her chin and squeezed her cheeks, making her lips pucker. She whined as he squeezed harder as he spoke, "You're gonna do what I tell you…and then you're going to go to sleep. You're damn lucky I don't have my belt." Harley gulped as he let go of her face as he dialed Two-Face's penthouse. When it began to ring, he handed the receiver to her. "I trust you to be a good girl and apologize while Daddy washes his face…okay?"
Harley nodded and frowned as he walked into the bathroom. It annoyed her to no end when he spoke to her as if she were a little girl, especially tonight because she really was embarrassed that she tried to hide from one of Two-Face's employees in such a humiliating fashion. Also, she was frightened that they would be caught and turned in to the authorities. However, she knew that it was no use trying to explain that to The Joker when he was upset with her.
She admitted to herself that he had a point, though. Her storming into the bedroom was a bit disrespectful to him, but most of all, to Two-Face, their close friend…possibly the only friend they had outside of Arkham. As strange as it was when looking back on the past of the two men, The Joker and Two-Face had become allies and the last thing The Joker needed was his ditzy, inconsiderate girlfriend to screw up that partnership.
"Hullo?" came Two-Face's voice on the other end of the call.
Harley jumped and her voice broke when she replied, "Hey, Harvey."
"Harl? Everything okay, darlin'?"
She closed her eyes tight to keep her tears from falling. He sounded concerned and it made her feel even guiltier for the way she acted. "I just…wanted...to say that…I'm sorry for the…for the way I acted earlier…when I…got upset…"
Her tears finally fell when Two-Face chuckled, "Hey, girly. You have nothing to be sorry about. If anyone should be sorry, it's me. If your paranoid boyfriend had stayed on the phone with me, I could have told him that the staff on this floor is with me."
Harley took a deep breath. "No, Harvey…I was acting…silly. I didn't mean to disrespect you like that…not after all you're doing for us…"
There was a pause and then Two-Face sighed and mumbled, "Harley? Is Jay making you…apologize to…?"
"Okay, Harvey," Harley exclaimed suddenly. "Thanks for listening. Thank you so much…for letting us stay…okay…good night." She placed the receiver on the base of the telephone and wiped her eyes.
"There…" said The Joker as he came out of the bathroom, his face clean and his eyes surrounded with swollen circles from lack of sleep. "That wasn't so hard, now, was it?"
"No..." Harley whispered as he took the phone from her and placed it back onto the bedside table. She watched him remove his slacks and begin to climb into bed, but he stopped when she told him, "I'm sorry I disrespected you, Puddin'."
He leaned toward her and said, "Thank you, Harley." He then laid a loud, sharp smack across her left cheek, making her emit a surprised squeal. "Don't do it again," he sighed as he turned off his lamp and climbed into bed beside her.
Harley turned onto her side, facing away from The Joker, and did her best to stifle her sobbing. Fresh tears were stinging her eyes, begging for release, and she squeezed her pillow to control herself. However, a small, raspy hiccup escaped her throat and she covered her lips and wiped her eyes.
The Joker knew that Harley was trying to hide her crying and he rolled his eyes and sighed as he dug his cheek deeper into his pillow. Maybe he shouldn't have slapped her; was it a bit too much, the way he had acted, embarrassing her further like that?
No…no, not at all, he thought to himself. She needed to be careful. They both needed to be careful. It's difficult to trust people these days…never too sure if or when they'll turn on you.
Still, a small part of him was bothered when Harley cried, especially when he had caused her tears.
He sighed to himself, Fuckin' softy.
The Joker turned toward her and quietly moved closer to her body, placing his hand on her hip. He felt her flinch slightly from surprise and he smirked as she scooted closer to him, allowing their bodies to spoon under the thin sheet.
It amazed him that she would still want to be close to him.
Only the soft whir of the ceiling fan above the bed could be heard as they lay together in the dark. Suddenly, The Joker gently removed the tie from her ponytail and allowed her hair to cascade around his nose. He inhaled deeply. Her hair smelled like bubble bath and sweat and he chuckled lightly as he wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her closer. Then, with his lips to her ear, he whispered, "Did I mention…that we get…free room service?"
Harley didn't know how to respond to such an off topic question, but she quietly replied, "Yeah…you did…"
"So…what's on the menu for breakfast, then?" When he didn't get an answer, he continued, "I think I want…French toast…with eggs, over-easy…aaannnd…extra crispy bacon…"
Harley sniffed and smirked. "I can't see how you can eat your bacon like that."
He huffed. "Oh, well maybe I should just eat your raw, lifeless version of bacon, then."
"It isn't raw," she chuckled. "It's fatty and juicy."
"That's what she said," The Joker quipped.
Harley let out a louder laugh as he squeezed her body tighter and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Lemme guess," he said. "You want pancakes…the size of your head…"
"With extra syrup," Harley added, caressing the top of his hand that was now resting on her stomach. "And a tall glass of chocolate milk."
"Gah, I'm hungry," he mumbled. They both laughed and Harley turned to him, her forehead touching his.
"And you want a tall glass of orange juice…with champagne."
"I hate champagne," he growled. "Why do you assume that I like champagne? It's disgusting." Harley giggled as he sighed and caressed her cheek, the same upon which he had given an abrupt hand just a few minutes ago.
The Joker licked his lips and began to croon, "I get no kick from Champagne…Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all…so tell me why should it be true…that I get a kick…out of you?"
Harley giggled as he slowly climbed between her legs and began to kiss her neck and chest, singing another song, "Time marches on and soon it's plain…You've won my heart and I've lost my brain…It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely."
"Oh…Puddin'…" Harley sighed as he bit her neck between the lyrics that he knew would make her melt.
"You do something to me…something that simply mystifies me…Tell me, why should it be…you have the power to hypnotize me…Let me live 'neath your spell…Do do that voodoo…that you do so well…For you do something to me…that nobody else could do!"
"Ooohh…Cole…" Harley moaned.
The Joker paused and lifted his head. "Hey!" he smiled as Harley let out a boisterous laugh.
Obviously, Joker is singing Cole Porter to her. I Get a Kick Out of You, It's De-Lovely, You Do Something to Me. I love Cole...check him out.