GUESS WHAT?! I own nothing.


I return. With a sequel(ish) to my previous Crossover, The Science of Magic. Well…I say sequel(ish). More of a piece of evil drabble that crawled from my head whilst talking to my good friend, Eddie Franco, AKA Brandon. (Who is not to be associated with all the bad words I have just typed.) This thing has been rattling in its cage for a while, and the sound is agitating me, so I have to let it out.


Desperate to rid themselves of the talking study timetables that are screaming at them, Harry and Ron turn to the man with that silver thing that buzzes… Of course, chaos follows in the quest to DESTROY THE TIMETABLES!

Chapter One: Of Good Manners and Jellyfish

'Once you've dotted your "i"s and crossed your "t"s, you may do as you please!'


'Keep it down, Ron!'

Ronald Weasly scowled at the vile piece of paper he held in his hand as Harry peered out from behind the pillar they were hiding behind. Numerous students passed them, their shoes making small but annoying clatters on the cobbles in the courtyard, chattering to each other about trivial matters that shouldn't really matter, but do. Things like, "Oh, you'll never guess who asked me out!" and, "Did anyone catch that Muggle soap at the weekend?!"

Ron and Harry weren't really concentrating.

Ron was plotting numerous ways to destroy the hated object that he held tightly in his fist. Many far fetched plots ran riot in his head, each detailing a gruesome end for annoyingly polite timetable. Hermione had probably seen this outcome, and had placed some sort of charm upon the timetables that made them extremely indestructible.

They wouldn't rip; no matter how many times Ron and Harry assaulted them with their wands. (Or teeth, upon one desperate occasion.) They also refused to catch alight, even when Ron and Harry tried to add them to the blazing fires that crackled away under their cauldrons when they thought that Snape wasn't looking. (Of course, he was, and they were both promptly whacked around the head and told on no uncertain terms to "Go away.")

And it also seemed that the squid that resided in the lake didn't really want them that much either.

And so the timetables continued to politely suggest that Ron and Harry should do some extra studying. Harry's could be clearly heard from the pockets of his robes (Though slightly muffled.), and Ron managed to drown his out with an angry snarl when ever it offered to spell check his homework.

'C'mon…' Harry muttered as the courtyard cleared of hurrying students who needed to get to their lessons on time. 'Where is he?!'

'Do you think that…thing of his can get these things to shut up?' Ron asked hopefully in a low whisper as the black robed students departed the scene.

'Dunno'.' Harry whispered back. 'We've tried everything else.'

'Spose' so.' Ron murmured darkly as he threw his timetable a scowl. 'Bloody Hermione…'

'There he is!' Harry hissed, waving Ron's rising rant down with his hand. Ron shut his mouth quickly and peered around the pillar.

'So that tapestry leads out here…and that painting said "Hello!" to me when I walked past it. Aw, I love this place!'

'He's a bloody nut job.' Ron mused. Harry hushed him quickly.

The man that they simply knew as "The Doctor." Wondered around the now empty courtyard at his total leisure, looking around him with such an intense curiosity. It was almost as if he was constantly fascinated by everything he saw. His grin seemed to take up most of his face as he strolled here and there, the sides of his long brown coat tucked back behind his hand from where they sat in his pockets. Ron and Harry had deliberated silently how he managed to make a pair of trainers work with a pinstriped suit, and neither of them wanted to admit how much they envied him for it.

'You ready Ron?' Harry hissed, never taking his eyes of the Doctor for one moment. Ron nodded feverishly as the pinstripe clad man stopped to study a statue with a thoughtful look on his face.

Harry pulled out the wonderfully silky garment from his robes. It was like water in his hands; it flowed effortlessly with an easy grace.

And its ability to render its wearer (Or wearers, on this occasion) completely invisible was very handy in the most difficult of times.

Both Harry and Ron ducked underneath it quickly, and vanished from sight underneath the Invisibility Cloak. They held their breath as they crept out from behind their pillar, wincing every time a stray leaf scuttled beneath their feet. The Doctor didn't seem to notice them; he seemed completely absorbed in the statue that was before him. It was one that often amused the students and staff, for it happened to be of a wizard who had once liked to wear a jellyfish for a hat. The Doctor had his head tilted to one side, as if this prospective would give him a better chance of understanding why this wizard had liked wearing a jellyfish as a hat. (It was unknown to him that a curious onlooker before him had tried to look at it upside-down to find the reason why, but only found that if you tried to look at it whilst standing on your head, you just end up looking as silly as the statue itself.)

Ron and Harry crept closer and closer, and their eyes glinted in desperate hope when they saw the sliver item poking out from his pocket. Its gleam beckoned them closer and closer, and Harry reached out a hand from under the cloak to grab it…

But everyone knows that there is a risk that comes hand in hand with the most difficult of tasks. And the risk is this:

Something will muck it up.

Both Ron and Harry had forgotten that the timetables liked to talk at the most inconvenient of times. And one of those times was now.

'If you like to study, I'll be your buddy!'

Ron swore loudly as the Doctor whipped around faster than the speed of light, tripping over his feet as he took a hasty step backwards. He hissed as his back hit the statue, and his eyes rested on Harry's hand. It floated by itself, its fingertips still frozen from where it had been about to grab the only object that offered them some hope to end the torture that the two boys were being put through. Harry and Ron froze, eyes fixed on the Doctor, whose chest heaved in the sudden rush of it all.

And then he spoke.

'Now that's clever.' He stated breathlessly. He still hadn't taken his eyes off the hand which remained stubbornly singular. It was contradicting his already rapidly changing concept of the strange little world he had landed in, and it was beginning to annoy him. Everything was just too weird. Trees here didn't seem to like you very much at all, there were birds that had a tendency to set themselves on fire randomly, and now there seemd to be hands that seemed separate from their bodies. (If they had a body in the first place.)

And, through it all, the Doctor had been beginning to love this place. But now it seemed that everything was all about to go horribly wrong.

There was a small silence, and no one dared make a move. A whirl of

frantic thoughts demanded to be listened to in Harry's head, each offering absurd suggestions of how to overcome this tricky situation he and Ron had landed in.

Harry picked the one he thought to be the least insane.

'JUMP HIM!' He said in a mad yell. Ron gave a battle cry as they both leapt for the completely defenceless Doctor, the Invisibility Cloak flying from their backs. It fluttered to the ground in a graceful heap as the Doctor was thrown unceremoniously to the ground by two teenagers who were desperate for some peace.

And they went about getting it in a very brutal manner.

'OI! GERROFF' ME!' The Doctor yelled as Ron landed a successful blow to his ribs.

'Sorry mate!' Ron panted in reply. 'We just need some peace!' He yelled apologetically before throwing another successful punch. The Doctor gave an "oof" as air rushed from his lungs, and Harry dived upon the opportunity to finally snatch the silver object from his pocket.

'GOT IT RON!' He yelled.

Ron gave a triumphant "YES!" as the two boys scrambled to their feet, and, without one look back, ran for it.

Of course, the timetables were not to be forgotten.

'If your studies you forget, it will be your biggest regret!'

'SHUT UP!' Ron and Harry yelled in unison as they disappeared into the maze of corridors. Harry already had the Sonic Screwdriver out in front of him, pressing numerous buttons in attempt to understand the strange little device. It gave numerous bleeps of utter confusion as its settings were scrolled through rapidly. The poor little beeps echoed in the empty corridors as Harry Potter and Ronald Weasly disappeared into the darkest corners they knew. And they didn't pay the wheezing Time Lord one look as they ran.

The Doctor managed to stagger to his knees, one hand holding his chest and the other on the ground, supporting his frame. And in between every gasp of pain, he managed to rattle off every bad word he could think of, each of them aimed at teenagers in general.

'ASBOs…gah!...hooligans…unh!...gonna' do something…Ow that hurts!...really bad!'

His eyes fell upon the garment that had been forgotten in the boys' rush to get their pieces of paper to be quiet. It sat there, looking at him.

Well, do something about it then. It seemed to say. The Doctor grunted as his hand reached out and snatched it from the ground, and his pain was soon forgotten as he withheld its beauty.

It seemed to be neither liquid nor cloth; it flowed around in his hands with such a majesty that couldn't be rivalled. The Doctor could feel its immense power throb in his hands, and it was clear to him that it was an object that could be desired by many.

And he mused that it was probably very stupid of the boys to leave it behind without a moment's thought.

The Doctor sat back on his heels and held the cloak up to the light to study it. His hands seemed to disappear within its folds. All that could be seen were the stumps of his wrists.

'Brilliant…' He whispered in awe. 'Absolutely brilliant!'

A small plot was hatched in his mind, and its contents were so spectacularly clever that he was actually quite proud of himself.

'Well, let's face it.' He voiced his thoughts. 'When am I not proud of myself?' He gave a vain sniff in appreciation of his obvious brilliance. 'Aren't I brilliant?' He questioned, looking up for a second opinion. And them remembered painfully that he travelled alone now.

Not even the wind offered him reassurance of how clever he was. An unbidden desire for companionship came into his mind, and when he tried to prod it out of his head, it sat down and crossed its arms, blatantly refusing to budge.

But it would happily give an arm and a leg for Martha's voice to say, "Oh, get over yourself." Or for Donna to tell him, "Shut it, Spaceman." In her no-cheek fashion. It would even accept Jack's little, "I don't know what else you're brilliant at, Doc, but I can guess…"

But, more than anything, it craved a, "Yes, Doctor. You're awfully brilliant. Now can we go get the Sonic Screwdriver?"

He saw her in every dream he had; she would burst in on his nightmares and scare the darkness away.

But when she turned around, it wasn't him that she beamed at.

She only offered her winning smile to someone he just couldn't be. No matter how much he wanted it to be so. And then she would be gone…out of his reach…for good.

Unable to bear the pain, he gave the horrible little thought a sharp kick. It grumbled at him and trundled off into a dark corner of his brain.

'Right.' The Doctor said decidedly, getting slowly to his feet and arching his back to rid himself of any other pain that could leap out on him at any given moment. 'I'm going to go and get my Screwdriver back.' He gave himself a firm nod, and with one sweep of his arm, he had completely vanished from sight.

And then the courtyard was empty. But something gave a mad bark of laughter as it relished in its new powers of invisibility.

Until it whacked its shin on the statue of the man wearing a jellyfish. A yelp of pain was followed by some more bad words.

'Note to self…' Something gasped between grunts of pain. 'Just because you're invisible doesn't mean you can walk through things.' It finished sourly, and limped from the courtyard with several mutters under its breath.

BOO! I'm back! ^^ Don't know how long this one's gonna' last...several chapters or so, I guess. It would be appreciated if people could give me a couple of suggestions of how to destory them; I've got feeding them to the squid, giving them to the Whomping Willow, asking Dumbledore sheepishly, running some tests in the TARDIS and throwing them into the Time Vortex on pieces of string. Any more completely ridiculous ideas? (I'm amusing myself with images of Ten cooing at the squid. Yes, I'm mental. Anyone got a problem with that?)
This fic is also dedicated to my good friend Brandon Buresh, who is going in for heart surgery soon! Good luck, Brandon! x
And, I return with my old rule...five reviews = next chapter!