It's all coming back to me now
By Miss P
Summary: Alice remembers her past, and Jasper is there to help her cope.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the twilight characters. Well, unfortunately ;)
It was when she'd found Jasper the real memories were created. Wonderful memories of a life with her husband were really all she needed, but there were still moments when she wished to know the whole story.
It usually didn't bother her to not know anything about her human life. But sometimes she wished she would know what had happened to her before her vampire time. She just wanted to know who she really was.
"Alice Cullen," a harsh voice brought Alice out of her thoughts. Her head snapped up and she smiled sweetly at the teacher staring at her. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Smith."
"Well, try to pay some attention now okay?"
Alice nodded. "I will."
The class continued and Alice soon drifted off again, this time feigning interest as her unseeing eyes were focused on the teacher. She barely noticed when everyone was leaving the classroom. "You coming?" Rosalie's voice snapped her out of her trance. She felt Jasper's hand on her arm.
"What did you see?" he asked.
Alice frowned, unsure of what she had really seen. She felt tense, as if something was waiting to surface. Her mind had been sending fragments the whole day, but she couldn't make any sense out of it.
"It was more like," Alice paused as she was thinking. "remembering."
"Remembering?" Jasper echoed. "Like... you past?"
"I'm not sure," Alice voice was almost trembling as she spoke. Jasper felt her distraught emotions and put his arm around her wanting to protect her.
Out at the parking lot, everyone was getting into their cars. The Cullen's heading up to theirs; not noticing Alice falling behind as the visions was starting to come back. It all happened so fast Alice didn't have time to brace herself from the sudden rush of pain that was flowing through her body. She fell to her knees, clutching her head. She was overwhelmed by a feeling of emptiness, despair and pain. Pictures of a dark, cold place were flashing before her eyes.
Her mind was too far away to notice a car almost hitting her, the tires screeching as the driver jerked the car out of her way. People stopped to stare.
The same second, Jasper realized what had happened. He turned in a flash and was at her side in a non human speed. The strong feelings washing over him were almost unbearable. He stared at Alice. What could she possibly be seeing that made her react this way? To feel this way?
"Come on baby," Jasper was shaking her gently. "Alice!" he raised his voice, trying to snap her out of it.
"It's dark," Alice pained whisper sent a shiver down Jasper's spine.
"Why do I have to be here, I'm afraid."
Jasper felt her fear wash over him in strong waves. He shook Alice again, this time harder. "Alice, listen to me, please!" she didn't.
By now the rest of the Cullen's and Bella had gathered around them in a circle, trying to block the view from others curious eyes.
"Edward, get your car, we need to get her home," Rosalie demanded. "Everyone's staring."
Edward couldn't deny that her idea was good.
"Alice, everyone already believes you're weird, you're definitely adding to their suspicions now," Emmett tried to joke. Jasper growled at him, his body automatically slipping into a defensive crouch. Emmett just laughed.
"Hey lighten up Jazz," he slapped Jasper's back in a friendly manner, but took a few steps away as he heard the low snarl coming from Jasper.
Edward parked the car outside of the circle. Bella jumped into the passenger seat while Jasper carried Alice and climbed in with her into the backseat. The car was speeding down the road before anyone had time to realize what had happened.
Back at the Cullen house, Jasper was seated on the sofa, still holding Alice. She squirmed in his arms and Jasper held on to her, doing his best to calm her. He couldn't remember the last time she had been out this long.
It was the last time I saw them. When they left here I still hadn't grasped what was going on. Cynthia waved goodbye, blowing a kiss that I caught. My father looked bothered for a while before he turned to go. My mother didn't bother to look back at all. When the door closed and the light sipped through the bars at the small window it all dawned on me. They had left me, sent me away. I didn't mean anything to them. To them I was just trouble. My visions convincing them I was crazy, maybe even dangerous.
My family had abandoned me...
Jasper caressed her face, trying to let her know he was there for her. She didn't show any sign of realization.
It was dark. Cold. Empty. I was terrified, alone. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was how my life was going to be. No one wanted me. I wasn't good for anything. Some freak like me wasn't allowed on the outside.
I cried myself to sleep that night. And all other nights too. The pain and loneliness was more than I could bear, more than I could understand. I had never felt anything like it before...
Jasper hissed as her feelings hit him. He couldn't bear the thought of his sweet Alice having to feel anything as horrible as this. And what hurt him the most was knowing he couldn't do anything to help her.
Edward who had been quiet the whole time was finally speaking.
"It's coming back to her," it was all he said, but it made perfectly sense to everyone.
Jasper looked horrified.
The days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months, and then years. I had almost forgotten what a normal life was like. The darkness was all I knew. The pain my only friend. I didn't understand how anyone could treat me like this? Any vision resulted in punishment, more hurtful than any girl should have to know. No one was nice to me here. I desperately wanted to feel the warmth of an embrace. My ears were longing to hear a soft word whispered to me. My hands craving to feel the touch of skin against mine. But I knew I was doomed to live in this dark place – until the day I would die...
The Cullen's hovered over her, just waiting for Alice to come back to reality. Knowing she was remembering her life, everyone was prepared for the worst. No one knew how Alice would be feeling, how she would cope with this new information. Would she feel relieved, would it break her? Seeing the look on Jaspers face, they all feared the latter.
Alice's scream made everyone jump. It was a heartbreaking scream. Full of fear and pain. Jasper tightened his hold of her. Placing feather light kisses on her hair.
"It's okay, you're safe here... it's not going to hurt you," he whispered.
I was screaming. The fire burning into my body. I couldn't remember where it came from. Was it that strange mans kiss? I had felt his lips against my neck, brushing over my skin. Then the pain had started. And it didn't seem to stop. I couldn't bear it. I screamed, cried, but no matter how much I tried there was no escape. I wanted to die. If death was the only way out of this hell, I was welcoming it with opened arms.
She was shaking in Jaspers arms, her petite body curling into a little ball as she was wrapping her arms around her knees. Jasper let her, loosening his hold of her. His hand gently stroking her hair in a soothing motion. His other arm pulling her to his body, trying to shelter her from all the pain she was going through.
My heart had stopped beating, the pain subsided. At first I thought I was in heaven. I had died. But then another pain made me realize I was still alive. My throat was dry and the flames made me want to scream again. I didn't dare to move in fear of the other pain coming back. When my eyes finally fluttered open, all I saw was darkness. I was alone. But something was different. I slowly sat up, surprised how easy it was. How swift my movements were. I couldn't explain what had happened to me during the flames, but I felt like a new person. I had no memories left. It was as if I had been reborn. It scared me more than anything. Who was I? Where did I come from? Did I even have a name? Thousands of questions were making my head spin. The unexplained burning in my throat was stronger than ever. I needed answers. Just as I was attempting to get up, my sight blurred. My head started to spin and I had to grab the nearest object to steady myself.
Before me, I could see the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. His blonde locks framing his marble white face. What fascinated me the most was his eyes. The golden irises seemed to be staring straight back at me.
'Jasper' I whispered. The vision faded and his beautiful face was replaced by darkness. But this time I felt a calm surrounding me. I knew I had found something to hold on to. Jasper would find me, and when he did. It would be the beginning of my new life – whatever that was...
"Jasper," she whispered his name so low no human could have heard it. But the Cullen's did.
"I'm here," Jasper hurried to assure her.
The blank expression in her eyes slowly faded when her vision did. Alice was paralyzed for a moment. Then she carefully unclasped her tight grip her arms had of her legs.
"Jasper?" the panic was evident in her voice.
"I'm right here Alice," he said again. Alice turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. Jasper held her just as tight.
"I found you," she whispered, confused as her past was still clear.
"No, actually, I found you," Jasper smiled a tiny smile.
"I remember it now, everything... they left me there all alone, I was so scared, no one wanted me... I..." her voice cracked.
"Shh... you're safe now. I love you, I love you so much," Jasper wrapped his arms even tighter around her, almost crushing her small body to his.
The rest of the family silently left the room, knowing they would want some privacy. Jasper didn't need to ask how she was feeling. He felt it all. Confusion, pain, sorrow, shock. All of her feelings mixed together devoured him in strong waves.
"Nothing has changed," he almost choked out. "You're still the Alice I know and love, nothing could ever change that," he soothed.
Alice sniveled, slowly moving out of his arms. She looked up at him with big sad eyes.
"I always wanted to know, and now, I wish I hadn't. I was being thrown away like garbage." Jasper cringed at the bitterness that was suddenly there in her voice. He had never heard her talk like that before.
"My own parents. They didn't want me. No one wants me..." Alice buried her head in Jasper's shirt as loud tearless sobs shook her tiny body.
"It's not true. They didn't understand your gift. They were afraid of it. They never realized how special you were. But I do. We all do," Jasper held her in his arms until her sobs had subsided. Then he carefully removed his arms, holding her away from him so he could look at her.
"Don't leave me Jazz," she begged.
All Jasper could do was stare. "Of course not," he finally managed to get out.
"You promise?" Alice's voice trembled.
"I'm not like them," Jasper laid his hand on her cheek. "How could I ever leave you? You are my life."
"Without you, I would die. Don't ever doubt my love for you."
Alice threw herself in his arms. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Will you help me feel better?" she asked and Jasper couldn't help but smile.
"Anything you need."
Alice placed a soft kiss on his neck. "Love you," she murmured. "Will you take me to our room? I don't want to let you go this is way too cozy."
Jasper knew she was taking advantage of the situation. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her as he got to his feet. She placed a kiss on his jaw, then she nestled her face into his neck, making herself comfortable in his strong arms.
"Thank you Jazz," she murmured. Jasper knew she didn't only thank him for carrying her up the stairs. It went much deeper than that. Back to the day he had first taken her small hand in his. No matter how horrible their pasts were, they both knew it was in that moment their lives had really begun.