I was looking through some old things I wrote a long time ago on my old pen names, and I found this poem I did when I was 17. It was written under my pen name, "Whisperer in the Wind." It's a spoof on Lord of the Rings, and it's super funny. I was dying reading it. I thought I'd post it to give you something to read while you're waiting for me to update The Storm. (Sorry it's taking so long. See my profile message board for details on when I'll be updating) Let me know what you think, and please remember, I was 17...
Something Smells in Rivendell
Far far away in Rivendell
There lives an elf who really smells
That's why you'll see on everyone's nose
A pin that surely keeps them closed
Today they're having a council of men,
Elves, and dwarfs and hobbit friends
In the center there's a ring
But that's not the point of this thing
They've come together, on fair terms of course
But the council needs to find the source
"It's must be a dwarf," one elf said
Said the dwarf, "Any shorter and I'd cut off your head"
"Patience dear dwarf" the leader commanded
"No need at all to be repremanded
We must now all come together
Today we shall be birds of a feather
The fellowship must set out and seek
Why my kingdom really reeks."
Many nods, and ho's and hums
Came from the council member's tongues
So they set out that very day
And Aragorn chose the way
They searched so hard, and Gandalf died
And always Frodo Sam would eye
Gollum jumped and spat and kicked
He was no use, so they left him tied to a stick
Legolas could not stop shooting his bow
He shot a dwarf, an elf, a crow
Merry and Pippin disapeared
And came back later drunk from beer
Gimli was crushed by a tree
"Stupid, stupid ax!" claimed he
Bill the pony said, "Forget all this!"
And left the fellowship to make a wish
For a female pony, that was his plee
But she didn't show, poor poor pony!
Eventually when they all cooled down
And sat together on the ground
They made a very, very smart plan
To find the very stinky man
And so they set out and found the stench
But to their suprise it was a wench!
"Arwen!" they all cried in the same style
And there she sat cooking something vile
"What?" she asked so confused
Said Aragorn, "I feel so used."
"Dang you stink," said the elf
"We should put her on a shelf."
Said Frodo to the raven haired one
"Oh my gosh, what have you done?"
"I don't understand," she asked quite hurt
"Why do you smell?" Did Pippin blurt
"Oh that," she said with little care
"Here let me show you, pull out a chair.
It's not me, you are quite wrong,
But I've invented a stink bomb.
So when you go on the quest of the ring
You can clear out orcs and other things.
And I'll use mine to rid that blond
That wants my man, they'll make no bond.
She'll pay I swear, and she's wrong if she thinks
She'll get a boyfriend if she stinks!"
They all stared quite amazed
And watched her in a hazy daze
"O.K" said Boromir rather slow
Then Elrond looked and said, "Perfect, let's go!"
Then said Frodo, "We'll surely win
With Arwen's stink bomb, and perfect skin."
They all eyed him with suspicion,
"Hey, can't a hobbit go on wishin?"