I bet you long to see his smile now; long to hold him in your arms. But you can't, no one can and it's all because of you. You did this yourselves, you pushed him too hard, too fast, and you never let him slow down. You didn't let him breath. He just kept moving and didn't have time to come up for air. There was too much pressure and he couldn't hold it all. But you made him.

Is he not important? How will you move on? How could you let this happen? I hate you for what you've done to him. I'll never forgive you, none of us will. Everything is gone now, everything about him: every laugh; every smile; every tear. The first love, the last love, the life he knew, the life he wanted, and the life you wanted. No one will ever know it. It's gone, in the darkness of the night.

I'm not ashamed of the thoughts of hate dancing around my head. No. I'd be ashamed if I forgave; if I looked passed this as if it was nothing, as if this was supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to happen. It shouldn't have.

It's all behind us now. It's nothing, nothing but sorrow, fears and regret, deceit and lies. Ahead is our lives, our hearts, our chances, new opportunities. Why didn't I have the chance to tell him this? Why I loved him so much and our time wasn't enough, I wanted more, I needed more. What if I can't do this either? What if I join him? What if I let go and shift into the dark night from living to dead. Would he love me there? Would I be missed? Maybe it was the right idea, but maybe it wasn't.

Ahead lies the endless opportunities of life. I have to move forward and carry on. But I'll bring him with me in my heart. He'll always be with me, until I'm with him. I know we'll meet again one day. I know it's possible. I know it will happen. He's being taken care of now and one day maybe he'll take care of me when I cross over. But not now. It's not my time, God doesn't want me yet. He doesn't need me. For some reason he needs me here, in this world, and one day I will understand why. But for now I'll just look ahead, live for today and breath for tomorrow. Leaving everything behind day after day. Everyday is a new chance, a new journey into the unknown. Everything is right there in front of us. If only he could have seen that.