Ok, so before you read this you should know it's a sequel of a sequel. You only need to read "Sea of Jealousy" to understand this one but you need to read "Beautiful Eyes" to understand "Sea of Jealousy." However, because I'm an AWESOME author, I'll give you a short summary that will generally let you know what you need to understand this story.
Summaries: In "Beautiful Eyes", Starfire gets hurt and Robin realizes how much he cares for her. In "Sea of Jealousy", Aqualad comes to visit and tries to get Starfire to be with him despite the fact that she's dating Robin. Raven and Beast Boy realize that they care for each other and, after sorting out their friends' love lives, decide to work on their own relationship. Robin and Starfire get married, at which point, Raven and Beast Boy have been dating for a year. Right before they take their places in the wedding as Maid of Honor and Best Man, Beast Boy tells Raven that he loves her. They are twenty-five in this story and Beast Boy is no longer short.
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans or any of its characters. I simply use them to further the enjoyment of all.
Beast Boy crept around the corner, in fly form. No one even noticed that he was there. Well, there was actually only one person there and that was Raven but she was the one he wanted to hide from. No, hide was the wrong word. Surprise was more like it, though he wasn't sure if she'd like it. Raven, in the past few years, had lightened up considerably and had become increasingly more tolerant towards him. Again, tolerant wasn't the right word. They were head-over-heels in love with each other. That's the way he felt, at least, though it was hard to tell with Raven sometimes. She frequently told him that she loved him but never really showed him. All her life she had to control her emotions to control her powers and this situation was no different. The fact that it frustrated Beast Boy was of no consequence to her.
So he had been trying to pull her out of her shell. Previously his antics had done nothing but annoy but with a little tweaking he noticed that, more often than not, he got a smile from her. This time, however, he was going to go further than he ever had and he wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be. Not that she stayed mad for long but Beast Boy hated it when she was mad at him. Taking a deep breath (or as deep a breath as a fly could take), he left from his perch on the wall and flew towards her.
Raven was meditating above the couch, floating effortlessly in the air. She was having a hard time keeping her concentration despite the quiet of the room. It was the quiet that was disturbing her. Usually she had to tune out the noise and it helped her with her concentration skills but there was none of that today and it was distracting instead of helpful.
Beast Boy had her in his sights, flying towards her. When he judged the distance to be right, he flew up towards the ceiling and transformed back into his usual 6'1" well muscled form.
"Raven!" he shouted, a smile on his face. She opened her eyes and looked up just as a pile of muscle slammed into her. They both landed on the couch, Raven on bottom, but she wasn't hurt. Beast Boy had been more careful than one would think he could be, pulling a stunt like that. She took none of his weight but was trapped under him nonetheless.
"Beast Boy! What they hell are you-" but the words died on her lips when his mouth pressed up against hers. Her hands eagerly wrapped around his neck as she felt his tongue skillfully invade her mouth. She moaned softly and soon his kisses trailed down her chin to her neck, flirting with the top of her uniform. She arched her hips towards him and she heard a ragged sound escape his mouth. Wanting to taste him again, she pulled him back to her, cementing her lips to his. Then she heard something explode.
She pushed Beast Boy away roughly, who fell back on the couch, breathing heavily. Raven sat forward, her breath coming just as fast. Her eyes darted to where the explosion had come from and saw that, once again, she had mangled the dining room table.
"Damn it, Beast Boy!" she said when she was finally able to collect herself. "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Because it was amazing," he told her, grinning. He didn't move from his sprawled position on the couch.
"You know better than to take me by surprise like that. Someone could have gotten hurt," she reprimanded him. They both knew that by someone she meant him.
"Yet here I am, perfectly fine. Why don't we do it again since we know it's safe?" He sat up on his elbows to look at her, smile never leaving his face. Seconds later she levitated a pillow into his face and stalked off. Beast Boy sighed and slumped back onto the couch. Well, at first she had been okay with it but now she was just mad at him, all because she blew up one measly table. If he had a dollar every time they had damaged a table, and not always because of her powers, he'd have enough money to replace them all.
The physical relationship between Raven and him was tentative at best. Sure, there was lots of kissing but much to his dismay that was about all that she allowed. Raven's emotions controlled her powers and Beast Boy always sent her emotions into the stratosphere. He had never had her react like that though, her hips pressing against him like she had, but it wasn't every day that you endured an aerial attack from your boyfriend.
Unfortunately, every time that it went beyond kissing, and sometimes even kissing caused problems, something would explode and then Raven would do the same, yelling at him for doing things that he knew he shouldn't be doing.
Beast Boy sat up with a sigh. Needless to say sex was beyond out of the question. Not that he cared that she didn't want to but at the same time it nagged at him. He understood her reasoning. What if she lost control and blew him up instead of the stereo? The problem came when she didn't give him any sign of her affections. It was never Raven who kissed him first or hugged him first or even would say that she loved him first. It was always him that said or did those things and she simply reciprocated. The problem was he didn't know if she was reciprocating because she wanted to or she felt obligated. He knew she cared, she wouldn't let him get away with the things that he did if she didn't, but loved him? He wasn't sure.
They had been together for four years and so much had changed in their group. Starfire and Robin had been married for about three years though they had been together for almost ten now. Cyborg was often off doing his own thing, helping other teams when they needed it. Beast Boy had the inkling that living with two couples was getting to be a bit much for him. Not that it mattered. These days there wasn't a lot of crime fighting to be had in their city anyways. The Titans had expanded and now they got a lot of help for the few things they did have to deal with. Robin and Starfire were renovating a floor of the tower to be their home and give them a little space from the rest of the team. They didn't want to leave their friends, their family really, but after three years they were ready for a little privacy. Not to mention they had plans of expanding their family. Starfire wasn't pregnant yet but Beast Boy knew that it couldn't be far off. The married couple was planning on leaving in the morning to go on a week long trip to the Bahamas.
Originally, Beast Boy had been stoked. Cyborg was going to be gone until the end of the month, leaving Raven and he alone in the tower for a glorious week. He let his imagination run wild with all the things that they could do with no one around. Granted, most of them would never happen but some of them could be plausible. Romantic dinners and intimate moments anywhere in the building, could both happen. Well, maybe just the romantic dinners.
Beast Boy was becoming less and less enthusiastic about it as of late, though. After a four years with the same girl a guy needed something to go on and he couldn't even get an 'I love you' out of her without saying it first. What was so hard about that? He understood the need to control her emotions but maybe the emotion wasn't there to begin with. He loved Raven desperately but he felt like they were in a rut. They never talked about their future together. Neither of them had talked about marriage or kids or sex or even moving in together. They still slept in separate rooms. Beast Boy had tried to bring it up a few times but Raven had always skillfully avoided the subjects.
He wasn't going to let that slide this time. They were going to sit down, they were going to talk about it, they were going to figure things out and if she refused he'd tie her to a chair.
Raven stalked into her room angry at Beast Boy. He knew better than to pull a stunt like that. If she had really lost control and hurt him… she shook her head as if that would dispel the thoughts that she had. The last thing that she wanted was to hurt Beast Boy. She flopped onto her bed, her anger dissipating. She couldn't blame him, really. After all, he was a boy and her own hormones were raging out of control, how could his not be?
Letting their relationship get too physical just wasn't an option though. He was at a great risk if she didn't pay attention every single second. She couldn't figure out why he was constantly trying to push the matter, push the envelope that, if opened, might very well mean his demise. Was it just that he wanted to get laid and then move on once he got her? Raven dismissed the idea quickly. If sex was all he was after he could have easily gotten it elsewhere. Over the years, Beast Boy had grown into his attributes and was easily the most attractive person that she knew. Through the four years of their relationship more than one girl had fawned over him and he never paid them the slightest attention. No, sex wasn't the reason. That might be the end result but it wasn't the reason.
Relationships were hard work, which is why she had avoided them before Beast Boy. Things were hard enough for a normal couple so they became about ten times more complicated for her. How did you tell a guy on the first date that your powers are emotion based so you'd never be able to do things normal couples did? There would be no marriage, no kids, no anything short of kissing and the occasional hug. It wasn't exactly a conversation starter. Beast Boy, however, had known all of this going in and had taken the plunge anyways.
Actually, that wasn't entirely true. All he had known was that her powers fluctuated according to her emotions. He probably never thought about how far that applied. He never seemed to mind though. He was still here, still loved her, and still pulled stunts like he had a minute ago in the living room.
A soft knock came at her door. "Come in," she called, knowing exactly who it was. Beast Boy came in to see her lying on her stomach in her bed. He walked towards her tentatively.
"Rae?" he asked softly.
"What?" she mumbled, her head facing the wall. If she looked at him she wouldn't be able to stay mad at him.
"I'm really sorry, Rae."
She turned to yell at him and was completely disarmed. He looked so upset. She sighed and realized that she had probably just overreacted. Everything Beast Boy did he did because he loved her and he wanted her to enjoy life a little.
"Come here," she said with a sigh but a small smile tugged at her lips. A huge grin broke out on his face and he climbed into bed next to her, cuddling her close to him. She had to keep from laughing as Beast Boy's oversized body squeezed into her twin bed. Sometimes she forgot just how much of him there was and her single mattress was not meant for two people, especially when one of those people was almost the size of two people himself. Usually they were in his room and he had invested in a queen size bed long ago.
"You need a bigger bed," he complained.
She laughed at him, seeing his feet hang off the end of it. "Why? I'm the only one who's ever going to be in it." She saw his face fall ever so slightly and she instantly regretted the words but Beast Boy recovered well. If she hadn't been so attuned to him she might not have ever noticed.
He pressed his mouth against her ear. "I'm in it right now," he whispered and his warm breath on her ear sent shivers up her back. He nibbled slightly on her ear lobe and his fingers made shapeless patterns on her spine. His lips touched hers, engulfing them in a heated kiss. Once again Raven felt her body responding and she moved, trying to get her body as close to his as possible. When they heard a crash from everything falling off the shelf she had destroyed, Beast Boy pulled away.
"Sorry," he said. "Aww, fuck it, no I'm not." He wrapped her in his arms again. "I loved every second of it. I always love every second of it and as much as I know you hate it when you lose control, I love seeing you do it."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "You like it when I blow things up?" she asked, stressing the word like.
"I like knowing that I have an affect on you."
Still his words confused her. "What are you talking about?" She watched Beast Boy dip his head as if he were ashamed to admit it and the smiled fell from his face. When he answered his voice was serious.
"I don't always know that I do," he told her, his thumb gently caressing the back of her hand. "You never really let on what's going on inside that head of yours but when you destroy things unintentionally…" he shrugged, as if he didn't know what else to say to her. "Sometimes a guy just needs to know that you're enjoying it."
Raven couldn't believe he was saying this. All this time he felt like this and she never even realized it. Her heart ached for him, only just realizing everything that he went through. She never thought about how he would perceive her lack of emotions, never fathomed that he would construe it as she didn't want him every second of every day.
"Oh, Beast Boy," she said, hugging him tightly. "You're too good for me."
He just kissed her head, not responding. Even now she hadn't given him the answer he wanted, hadn't said the words he wanted to hear but he took what he gave her.
"How about tomorrow night, since everyone is going to be gone, I cook you dinner?" he suggested, playing with her hair which now reached her shoulder blades.
"No tofu?" she asked and insisted all at the same time. He just laughed softly at her.
"No tofu," he promised. "No meat, either, but I think I can make something that satisfies both our requests."
"Good," she said, relaxing against him, her eyes closing. It was late and soon Raven fell asleep. Beast Boy slipped out quietly knowing that if he stayed he would, A, never get to sleep in that tiny bed and, B, she would probably be upset that he stayed. Not risking either, he shut her door softly and left her to sleep.
Beast Boy was glad to have an excuse to get out of the house. Star and Robin had left early that morning, promising to be home in a week. Raven shut herself up in her room and Beast Boy got dressed and went to the grocery store. They were really low on food and he didn't have the things that he needed to make dinner tonight. He also figured he should get a new table since Raven had destroyed the old one, maybe a smaller one this time. Hardly anyone ate a home anymore and they didn't really need one that seated six.
When all that was finished it was already three in the afternoon. He had told her that dinner would be at six, leaving him just enough time to get home, shower, get dressed and start dinner. Tonight he was going to sweep her off her feet and maybe, just maybe, he could finally get her to talk to him.
Beast Boy fingered the black box in his jeans pocket. He had been carrying it around for almost two years now and it was starting to burn a hole there. He loved Raven, loved her more than anything, but he couldn't get a straight answer about anything out of her. He wanted to marry her but he didn't want to ask until he knew the answer would be yes. Right now, he wasn't sure that it would be. It just added to his thoughts that she didn't really love him.
They were going to be alone together for a whole week with not a single thing to interrupt them and Beast Boy wanted to make the best of it in every way he could. He wanted to hear her say 'I love you' without having to say it first, wanted to make love to her over and over again and, most of all wanted her to say she'd marry him. It was a daunting goal, to say the least. Four years and none of that had happened.
Beast Boy showered and changed into black slacks and a black long sleeved shirt. He walked around barefoot, preferring it to shoes. He also wanted to keep it a little casual. He didn't want to scare her into thinking that it was a formal dinner, because it wasn't, he just had requested she not wear a uniform. She could show up naked for all he cared. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd prefer it.
'Stop thinking about it,' he thought to himself. Why fantasize about something that had no chances of success? He saw no point and began on dinner instead. A little later he heard a noise behind him and turned to see what it was. His eyes fell on Raven… in a dress.
Beast Boy just stood there, mouth hanging open, spatula hanging over where he had been stirring dinner. He hadn't seen her in a dress since Star and Robin's wedding and even then it was a fight to get her into it. If it hadn't been for Starfire she never would have conceded but she couldn't disappoint her friend. Yet here she was in a white dress, no less. He didn't think she wore white. The dress had a deep V neckline, taunting him with glimpses of her chest, was sleeveless and fell to her knees. Her hair was pulled up half way, keeping it out of her face but still falling around her shoulders.
"Beast Boy? Shouldn't you stir that before it burns?" she asked him, pointing to the vegetables that were in the pan. He looked down and sure enough they were starting to smoke.
"Shit!" He pulled the pan from the hot burner and swished the veggies in the pan. Turning the burner on low he put the pan back on the stove, put down his utensil and walked over to her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her roughly, not caring what she said. She couldn't very well show up in a dress and look that sexy and then expect him not to react this way.
Raven didn't object. In fact, she encouraged it, especially when she had seen him looking incredible in all black. She had also worn the dress to make up for yesterday. She knew that he would be shocked, and shocked he was, but she got the feeling it was a good surprise for him. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and lift her into the air so she was level with him but never separated his lips from hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her feet dangle. He was so much taller than her own 5'5" that her feet hung a good six inches from the ground. When he finally managed to stop kissing her he didn't let her go, just rested his head against her shoulder.
"I know," he finally managed to breathe out, "that's against the rules but damn, Raven, you've never looked so incredibly good."
She chuckled as he set her on her feet then, when he got another glimpse of her, kissed her again, thought not quite as passionately as he had a moment before.
"Don't worry about it," she assured him. "I didn't blow anything up."
"Then I didn't do something right," he said, grinning at her. "Let's do it again." He leaned down to kiss her again but she shoved him away playfully.
"You keep kissing me like that and not only will dinner burn but I'll destroy the place that we're supposed to eat it."
He knew she was right but that didn't stop him from stealing one last kiss from her. She had worn a dress for him and he was stunned. Not only that, but she didn't object when he kissed her in a way she didn't usually allow. It was the loudest declaration of her feelings that Beast Boy had ever seen her make. He stood at the stove, cooking the last of their dinner and she sat on the counter, talking to him.
Dinner was fabulous and they ate and talked well into the night. It was dark and Beast Boy had lit the candles on the table. There was something that was different about her tonight but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. She was smiling more, laughing more and at one point she even took his hand and laces her fingers through his. It made him more hopeful than he had ever been about them. He fingered the box in his pocket finally feeling like the time was right.
She looked up at him, smiling like she had been all night. "Yeah?"
He pulled the box out of his pocket and placed it, closed, on the table between them. He wished he had replaced the box because it was starting to get worn from all the years in his pocket but it was too late for that now. She looked at him, smiling but baffled. She took the box and opened it slowly. Her face was shocked when she opened it, never thinking that a ring would be held in its contents. Her head snapped up to look at him and he was just smiling at her, love clear all over his face.
"Marry me?" he asked softly.
"I… I…" and then she did something else that he had never seen her do: cry. She didn't sob but tears silently fell from her face. She placed the box on the table, leaned over and kissed him softly and then answered, "I can't."
He didn't stop her when she walked away. He wanted to ask her a million questions, make her tell him why it was that she had been avoiding all of this but he couldn't form the words. Despite all his apprehensions since he had bought the ring, deep down he had never actually believed she would say no.
He sat there for probably a good hour, not knowing what to do with himself. Finally he stood up and started cleaning. He washed the dishes, put the food and wine away and scrubbed down the counters. After he walked into his room and locked himself in, leaving the lights off. He preferred the dark. It kept him from having to think about the fact that she said no.
She had said no.
His whole body was numb at the revelation of it. The fact that she didn't want to marry him was finally beginning to sink in. He didn't know what to believe anymore. Why had she said no? What was so terrible about marrying him? Maybe she didn't love him after all like he suspected all along. Why go to all the effort to please him, to be with him, if she didn't love him? They were all questions that he didn't have the answer to.
He heard a soft knock at his door but he didn't answer. Unless Robin and Starfire had come home six days early from their trip, he knew who was there. That didn't stop her from opening the door and he was wishing that he had locked the door. Then he remembered that he had and that Raven was a better lock picker than anyone he knew. She would disassemble the knob and then reassemble it when she was inside. Her powers made the whole thing quicker.
"Beast Boy?" she asked softly.
He turned and faced the wall, sure that he would lose it if he looked at her. "Please leave," he said. He couldn't say more because already his throat was constricting in pain. Raven was about to say something more then decided against him and left him in peace. There was no 'I'm sorry for breaking your heart' or even an 'I love you' but then again he didn't really expect one. She didn't express those feelings when he thought he had a fighting chance, when he thought she did feel that way. Why would she say it now that neither of those things were true?
The night passed in a haze, Beast Boy dozing but never being able to stay asleep for long. Every time he closed his eyes he would see her face, the words 'I can't' coming out of her mouth over and over again. Finally, not long after dawn, he pulled himself out of bed and walked into the living room. Now that it was light it was that much harder to get to sleep and he thought some mindless television might do him some good. He had been sitting on the couch for no more than five minute when he felt someone beside him. He looked to see Raven slowly levitating into her seat. He knew she had flown so that he wouldn't hear her.
"Cheater," he said.
"I didn't want you to run," she whispered, afraid that he still might, like a rabbit when you got too close. He looked at her, really looked at her, for the first time in what had seemed like a long time. Her face held concern, hurt and, believe it or not, love. He didn't understand any of it and still had a million questions for her but, despite her negative answer he couldn't help himself from loving her. Any opportunity that she would give him to do that he would take. He pulled her to his chest, rubbing her back comfortingly. She started crying again, though he couldn't hear her, just felt the wetness through his shirt. He realized that he still hadn't changed from the previous night.
"Hey, Rae, it's alright. Stop crying," he soothed. She shook her head, face never leaving its spot on his shoulder.
"It's not alright," she managed to get out. "You asked me to marry you and I said no."
Beast Boy wasn't able to hide his wince. "Yeah, I remember, though I'm trying really hard not to." His words caused her to cry harder until finally he spoke up, "Raven, you have to stop crying."
"Why?" she asked miserably.
"Because you're melting the ottoman."
She looked up to see the oozing mess that used to be a footstool. She couldn't win, it seemed. She kissed him and she blew something up, she cried and something melted. Whether it was anger or sadness or excitement, everything she felt seemed to destroy another part of her home. Once she thought that she had better control over her emotions than this. However, she had never felt the things for anyone else that she constantly felt for Beast Boy. Love, arousal, devotion, sadness: these were not things she had ever really known before him. Subsequently, they were also the reasons she couldn't marry him. Marriage came with expectations that she couldn't fulfill. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, ceasing her tears. They sat like that for awhile, Raven leaning into Beast Boy with his arms around her.
"Can you at least tell me why?" he asked her. He wasn't totally sure that he wanted to know why but maybe if he knew he could fix it.
"I can't give you what you want."
"That's a stupid answer. Haven't you figured out that you're the only one who can? I didn't ask you to marry me because I didn't want you, Raven, and since you're the only one I'm ever going to want, you have a pretty poor excuse for saying no."
"I know that you want me," she said trying to explain to him, "it's that I can't give you everything you'll need."
"Please tell me you're going to explain that," he begged, frustrated.
"I can't give you children because I can't have sex with you. I can't have sex with you because I'm afraid I'm going to blow you up. I can barely handle French kissing you and at twenty-five neither of us have gotten to second base."
He laughed despite how depressing the conversation was. "Rae, if that was the reason I was dating you then I would have left long before now."
"I know those aren't the reasons your dating me but that doesn't mean you don't want them. You want to be a father, Beast Boy, I can see it in your face so don't tell me I'm wrong. You want to be intimate with me and you're always going to want those things on some level."
"So what if I want them? Clearly I've done fine so far without them."
"But four years isn't twenty," she insisted, trying to make him see her point. "What if one day you want those things? What if you decided that you really need those things in your life and I still can't give them to you? I want you to have the option to go and find those things with someone else and you can't do that if we're married."
So this is what she had been hiding all these years. This was why she fought so hard against her emotions. Beast Boy realized that, no matter what, she was never going to marry him. He closed his eyes, controlling both the hurt and anger that he felt. He had been in love with her since they were teenagers and, though he had been almost twenty before he built up the courage to actually say anything to her, that didn't change his feelings. To love someone that much for that long only to find out they didn't want you for forever was hard to deal with.
When Raven saw his face she wanted to cry all over again but she knew the dangers involved with that. Instead she just hugged him with all of her strength. She didn't know what else to do or how to make this better. There really wasn't a way to make this better.
"I love you, you know," he whispered to her.
The week had been tedious and they were only four days into it. Cyborg checked in, saying his work was taking longer than expected. Robin and Starfire, originally due back at the end of the week, had also called and said that they had decided to stay longer but didn't really specify when they'd be back. Apparently the married couple was enjoying their time together more than Beast Boy and Raven. The fact that Raven and Beast Boy were no longer a couple was a big mitigating factor.
She closed her eyes, trying to subdue the pain in her heart she felt every time she thought about him… or saw him or even just heard his voice. After four of the best years of her life they had decided that going their separate ways was the best course of action. They lived in companionable silence despite the break-up. There was none of the awkwardness that usually accompanied this kind of situation but that didn't stop her from hurting. It seemed like she had to control herself every second of every day. She'd never had to work this hard at keeping her emotions under wraps in her life and it was as if she spent most of her days meditating. Everything was so raw and intense and she was determined not to destroy anymore furniture. They worked together to clean, fix the things that needed to be fixed and whatever other chores they found around the tower. Beast Boy cooked all the meals considering Starfire was the only other person who had any idea how to use the stove. If not for him, Raven would have been eating take-out all week.
Sometimes she forgot and turned to kiss him or hug him or any of the other antics she had been so accustom to when he was around but at the last minute remembered herself. She couldn't do any of those things anymore because Beast Boy wasn't hers anymore. Raven retreated into herself more and more each day because if she didn't do so she would feel too much. She had to stop feeling.
Beast Boy wasn't nearly as skilled at hiding everything he felt for her. Despite the decision to end it, the separation didn't end the overwhelming love he had for her. Every second of his life was punishment. Even the few hours of sleep that he managed to get were riddled with dreams of her. Seeing her always calm and collected just made it worse. He doubted more and more the intensity of her feelings until he finally just assumed that she had never really fallen in love with him to begin with. Still he tortured himself with her. He cooked for her, cleaned with her, watched television with her and, very occasionally, talked to her. He couldn't stop himself because even after knowing everything he couldn't stop himself from wanting to be near her. He hadn't been lying when he said she was all that he wanted. As painful as it was to be around her it was that much worse to be away from her.
That was what he was trying to convince himself of anyways. As time whittled on, he wasn't sure that was true. One week past and then two and there was still no sight of their team. It was like they wanted to prolong Beast Boy's agony. Of course, they were probably just trying to give Rae and him some alone time, not knowing what was actually going on. Every time that Starfire and Robin wanted alone time, they went on vacation.
Beast Boy finally decided that maybe this chapter in his life was over. The city was hardly ever in peril any longer and if the team really needed him then he would always have his communicator. It's not like he was going to leave the area. There would be no chance of him running into her if he left and his need to see her wouldn't leave him just because he left her.
He didn't tell Raven, determined not to make the situation any worse for her. He was leaving his family but he just couldn't stay near her any longer. What he didn't account for was her finding out on her own.
"Hey, Beast Boy, did you-" she stopped abruptly, stunned. His room was almost empty, save for the boxes that held his things. She hadn't been in his room since the break-up and hadn't thought twice about just walking in. She had never knocked before and so it didn't occur to her to do so now. She wished that she had.
"Rae, what are you doing?!" He had been expecting her to knock and was surprised when she just walked in. He didn't think to lock the door but realized that he should have. Unless he was mad at her he had never kept her out and even then she made short work of the lock.
"What's going on?" Her voice was soft, frightened almost but mostly just stunned. It couldn't be what it looked like, she just kept repeating in her head over and over. "Why is everything in boxes?"
"It's time for me to leave. The city is safe, the Titans always off doing their own thing and I think that it's time for me to move on," he explained.
"A truck is supposed to come tomorrow," he said, quietly. He felt like he was betraying her but he couldn't figure out why.
"You weren't even going to tell me?"
"I thought that it would be easier."
The bowl of cereal in her hand exploded and Beast Boy just barely managed to avoid being sprayed with milk. Before he knew it, his lamp exploded and then his dresser, both completely destroyed. He looked at Raven and her eyes were black, her whole face contorted in anger. Before he could do anything, his window, thick glass that took up an entire wall, exploded and shards of glass came flying towards him. Luckily that seemed to trigger something in Raven and a black barrier came up between him and the shards of glass at the last minute, causing them to fall harmlessly to the floor. He looked at her, stunned at the outburst. He'd never seen her lose control like that before short of an enemy hurting her friends in battle. However, it had been years since that had happened, certainly before they ever started dating.
"Are you alright?" she asked though he could still hear the anger in her voice.
"I'm fine," he said. She didn't answer, just walked off. He chased after her to demand an explanation. "What the hell was that?" he screamed at her when he caught up to her in the living room. When she turned to face him he could see her fury just barely contained beneath the surface.
"You were going to leave and not even tell me, you jackass, that's what!"
"So what if I wasn't? In the end, it's none of your business anymore, Raven."
She took another deep breath but she still heard the bang of the pot she left on the counter as it landed behind her. "Why not? Just because I'm not your girlfriend it means I'm not your friend anymore either? You fucking live with me and you couldn't even say 'hey, by the way, I'm moving out.'"
"God damn it, haven't you realized I didn't want to have to tell you? I didn't think I would be able to tell you. I thought for sure the second that I saw your reaction I would change my mind because I couldn't bear to see you upset." He screamed this at her, angry and hurt at her reaction. He had been so close to leaving and now, just like he had predicted, he couldn't.
"Oh, so it's my fault? You neglect to tell me you're leaving and you blame me?" she spat back at him.
"Yeah, it is. It's your fault that I have to leave. It's your fault that this is the only way out for me."
"Because I wouldn't marry you?"
"Yeah, because you wouldn't marry me or have kids with me or let me make love to you."
"Because I could fucking dismember you!" she screamed, destroying two chairs in the process.
"Well at least it'd be quick! It's better than slowly tearing me apart like you're doing right now!"
"You think that the same thing isn't happening to me? You don't think that I want to beg you to take me back and let you show me how wonderful all those things you want to share with me could be?"
"Then why don't you?" he yelled, exasperated.
"Because what if you get hurt? I love you more than anything, Beast Boy, and I'm never going to let that happen!"
It was too much for him. She had never said it to him, or at least never first, and certainly never with that much passion. He grabbed her and held her tightly, assaulting her mouth with his own. His tongue search for hers hungrily and she met it, devouring him. Her hands tangled themselves in his hair and her legs wrapped around his waist. She should have stopped it, shouldn't have let it get even this far but she didn't. His hands found their way under the t-shirt she wore and within seconds they had both reached second base. She didn't stop him when he stripped them both of their clothing, didn't stop him when he lowered her down right there to the living room floor and didn't stop him when he penetrated her, sinking every inch of himself into her warm folds.
All night he showed her everything she had been missing and everything that he had wanted to give to her for so long. No room was safe and it took them an hour just to make it onto the couch and another three to make it into his room. She barely remembered to clean the glass up first, levitating it out the window.
Finally, around dawn, they both fell asleep, Raven curled up in Beast Boy's arms, smile gracing her face.
When Beast Boy awoke he could feel a warm body next to him and he smiled as every memory of the previous day came back to him. He opened his eyes and Raven lay there, already awake. He looked at her, a little sheepishly, wondering how angry she was going to be. Not that it matter. He'd take her full fury if that was the price of the previous evening. It would be worth it.
"So, how mad are you?" he asked. Might as well get it out of the way. She just smiled in return.
"I should be mad," she answered, "but I'm not. Last night was… pretty much the most wonderful night of my life and everything is still in tact, mainly you, so I'm not mad."
"Everything is fine?" he asked looking around the room. Sure enough, nothing new had been destroyed. The lamps and window looked a lot worse in the bright morning light but that was from her anger, not their lovemaking. "Hey, everything's fine!" He turned back to her, grinning.
"It was different than I thought it would be," she explained. "I mean, yes, there were emotions involved but nothing I couldn't handle. Mostly my responses were physiological. Arousal is apparently not an emotion. My powers respond to my emotions, not my body's responses."
"So what was going on all those times that I would kiss you?"
"I think it was my fears," she told him. "I was so afraid of hurting you that it would cause me to break something. Last night… well honestly I just didn't care what happened. I had never needed anything like I needed you last night. If there's no more fear of what I'll do, no more worry about hurting you then nothing else will be destroyed."
"It's an interesting theory," he said.
"Maybe we should test it just to be sure." She leaned forward, kissing him in a way that broke all the rules she had previously enforced. When she had pulled away not a single thing had been harmed.
"Well, would you look at that," he laughed. He kissed her again just because she could. They lay for a minute, just enjoying the feel of their skin touching in so many places. "You told me you loved me," he said remembering. He had gone over the day a thousand times in his head, never wanting to forget a single minute of it.
"I tell you I love you all the time," she pointed out. Beast Boy shook his head.
"Never first and never like that."
"What do you mean, never first?"
He shrugged he shoulders and Raven had to actively concentrate on his words and not all the sensations he had just inadvertently sent through her body. "I would always say it and you would always respond but never like the way you said it last night. You would always say it in response to me, not because you just wanted to and sometimes even if I said it you wouldn't respond. I just figured you didn't want to hurt my feelings.
"But last night…" he shook his head in wonder. "You said it with the most feeling I've ever seen in you. I didn't know you had that much passion in you. I saw a less intense version of that the night I asked-" He cut himself off, not wanting to relive that day. There were no good memories there. The few things that had gone right that day had been largely overshadowed by her very definite 'I can't.'
He didn't need to finish for Raven to know exactly what he was referring to. It had been so hard telling him no, to see his face when he realized that she was rejecting him but she was sure that was nothing to what he felt. She looked around the room and, seeing the little black box lying on the floor where it had been thrown when she destroyed the dresser, levitated it to herself. Beast Boy looked at her quizzically, not sure what she wanted with the ring. Personally, he wanted to throw it out the window. He had her back and as long as he had her he didn't care if they were married or not. He realized that having her in his life was the most important thing and if she didn't want marriage then he wouldn't force it on her.
Raven looked at the box and how worn it was. She hadn't noticed in the dark last time. "How long have you had it?" she asked.
"Two years," he answered. Two years. She was only beginning to realize all the sacrifices that he had made for her. He had wanted to marry her for two years but waited because he knew she wasn't ready. He was waiting again, would wait for eternity, if that was what she wanted, all for her. She took out the ring and held it up to him.
"Ask me again," she said. He couldn't believe that she had just said that. He leaned forward, kissing her hard. He took the ring from her gently.
"Raven, will you marry me?" he asked. She smiled and let him slip the ring on her finger.
Oh man, I almost cried writing that (which would have been really awkward considering I'm at work). I hope that everyone enjoyed it though. Keep writing!