A/N: Hi again everyone. I'm feeling really guilty at the moment because it's coming to the end of my two-week winter break and I haven't touched any of my study books whatsoever, and yet here I am, writing another Blackwater one-shot. So I hope you guys enjoy this and reviews would really make me feel oh so much better. Enjoy!
Note: This one-shot takes place about six to seven years post 'Breaking Dawn' and if you cry easily, I suggest you have some Kleenex on hand or a toilet roll because this one-shot is quite the tear-jerker.
Summary: She loved him and stood faithfully by his side for six years. Her heart broke in silence as he pledged his life to another woman, and she watched as his wife lived the life fate never gave her a chance at. Now, as she stared at the poison-filled glass vials, Leah knew it was time to remove herself from the picture. BLACKWATER one-shot!
*** BLACKWATER ***
I took my seat between Seth and Edward in the small chapel. Gently, I smoothed a couple of wrinkles out of the violet bridesmaid's ensemble that Alice had forced me into that morning. It was a beautiful dress it was I just wished it was white; white with a silk veil and a silk train.
I'd been dreading this day for several months now, the reason why I never knew. It wasn't like Jacob had ever been mine anyway. I had never made known my feelings to him, but I'd willfully placed my heart in his hands six years before and had wished for him to take care of it. It couldn't have been more clear today what a foolish thing to do that had been. The mind-reader, Edward, was the only one besides myself who knew of my feelings for Jacob. Not even my intuitive little brother knew.
Edward squeezed my hand encouragingly as the music began, wafting through the pews of gathered guests and echoing off the walls of the chapel. I rose to my feet and smiled a grateful smile at Edward. Half a decade ago I would've retracted my hand as fast as his fingers had come into contact with it, but I'd matured since then and I'd grown to accept what my twisted life had become.
Audible gasps arose from the crowd as Renesmee graced the aisle with such breathtaking beauty that even I almost forgot to breathe. Bronze curls tucked neatly into a netted bun behind her head, pearl earrings dangling from her seashell ears and a delicate bouquet of white and peach roses held in her hands. She truly was everything that I wasn't and everything that Jacob deserved. One half of me was desperately happy that Jacob had imprinted on her and the other half, the more selfish half, was about ready to rear its ugly head and scream about how cruel life had been to me.
The first half of the ceremony passed like a blur, the melodious tune of hymns being sung only registering as a dull hum in my brain along with the odd sob of happiness from Bella Cullen. I'd missed most of Jacob's and Renesmee's vows and my ears only perked up as the most painful bit arrived.
"Do you, Renesmee Cullen, take Jacob Black as your lawfully wedded husband?"
A sound like the tinkling of bells, which I recognized as Renesmee's voice, answered, "I do."
"And do you, Jacob Black, taking Renesmee Cullen as your lawfully wedded wife?"
I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to hear it. My chest contracted painfully and I had to fight the urge to clutch at my chest. No, I love you. No, Jacob, I love you. Edward squeezed my hand a little harder, his thumb stroking across the back of my hand soothingly. I felt so horribly selfish. His darling daughter was getting married and here I was ruining the moment for him by shoving my selfish thoughts into his head. I really was wretched.
The whole chapel erupted into thunderous applause as Jacob gingerly lifted the veil over Renesmee's head and their lips met. The lump in my throat increased in size and a choked sob escaped me as I robotically clapped my hands together.
Seth threw his arm around me, "Hey, you alright, Lee?"
I nodded quickly, plastering a wide grin across my face and forcing it to stay there, "Y-Yeah, I'm just so happy for t-them,"
Tears cascaded down my copper cheeks as the newlyweds kissed passionately. It should've been me in that dress. Me, kissing Jacob. It should've been Leah Black, not Renesmee Black. A sharp pang of hurt pierced its way through my chest as I felt my heart shatter for the millionth time in my life. I should've told him a long time ago that I loved him. Not that it would've made any difference though, with the whole imprinting business. But maybe it would've eased a bit of my pain knowing that Jacob knew. Or maybe it would've hurt even more.
*** BLACKWATER ***
The wedding dinner was just as lavish as the wedding itself, knowing Alice. She'd hired out a massive gazebo and decorated it with bulbs of flowers and bloomed orchids, twined around the carved steel framing of the gazebo. I sat at the table, stirring my desert spoon around in my desert bowl, poking at a lump of pineapple and jabbing at it until it was mushy. Huh, how ironic. That was exactly was fate was doing with my heart, poking and jabbing at it until it was nothing but a mush of hurt and unrequited love.
My heart warmed slightly at the husky sound of his voice. A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and tears sprang to my eyes. I turned my head and my gaze locked with his. He smiled a dazzling smile and he pulled me to my feet and enveloped me into a tight embrace. I leant into his chest as much as I could, inhaling his scent and relishing the feel of his arms around me. The way it should have been for eternity.
"Congratulations Jake," I murmured into his shoulder, the tears finally falling as I lied, "I'm so happy for you and Renesmee."
Jacob chuckled and released me, "Thanks Lee." He noticed my tears and a sad smile played across his handsome face. His warm hands cupped my face as his thumbs wiped away the fat droplets. "Leah, it's not the end. The right guy will come along for you eventually and then when you get married we'll all be there at your wedding, and we'll be shouting, 'See! Told you so, Leah!'"
We both laughed at the end of his sentence, for two different reasons though. Jacob was laughing at his teasing and I was laughing at the irony of it. The right guy had already come along my way. He'd just walked right past me and dedicated his love to the other girl. Blithe smile, lithe limb. She who's winsome, she wins him. Gold hair with a gentle curl, that's the girl he chose and heaven knows I'm not that girl.
I realized we had unconsciously started waltzing to the calming tune that was playing and my gaze fell to my feet. I let the tears flow freely now and they fell, hitting Jacob's polished black leather shoes and leaving smudges on their surface. Yep that was me, Leah Clearwater. Ruining everything good I touched and tainting it.
Jacob sighed, his voice coated with sympathy, which was the last thing I needed from him of all people right then, as he pulled me into another embrace, rubbing my back comfortingly. I didn't want his sympathy I wanted his love! How I wanted to look him in the eye and pour my heart out to him but no, I wouldn't. It was his wedding day and I would not spoil it for him or anyone else for that matter. What a scandal it would be if the bridesmaid suddenly began proclaiming her love for the groom on the wedding day itself.
My sniffles had turned into full-blown sobs now and I noticed I was drawing attention to myself. I pulled free of Jacob's arms, shaking my head as he tried to console me.
"N-No, I'm just being s-silly, d-don't worry. S-Sorry." I said loudly, forcing an unnatural laugh at the end before turning on heel and bolting as both Jacob and Seth called after me.
I had spoilt the lovely bridesmaid dress after that, naturally. Ripped it to shreds as I phased and sprinted deep into the forest to cry my eyes out by my favourite river. Jacob and I used to have little play fights in the river, which was usually where we stopped by to wash after hunting and eating raw. We'd chase each other, spraying river water everywhere as our colossal forms cut through it. On some occasions Seth would join in too, but it was the ones where it was just Jacob and I that I cherished most.
*** BLACKWATER ***
Leah returned home late that night. Over the years my family and the wolf pack had learned to accept and overcome any differences or hostilities and Seth and Leah now lived with us, seeing as their mother Sue was now happily remarried to Charlie Swan. Seth and Leah didn't want to encroach on the couple's space and though Leah was slightly hesitant about accepting our offer in the beginning, she warmed up to it in the end. Six years I'd known Leah and I'd watched her change from a bitter girl into a mature young woman, and both she and Seth now seemed like another daughter and son to me.
I picked the tray of food up from the kitchen counter and headed up the stairs, knowing full well where Leah would be: Carlisle's study. She had taken an instant liking to his study room and she'd sit on the window seat and gaze at the stars, though today I knew there was another reason she was there as Carlisle's study also had the best view of Jacob and Renesmee's cottage.
"Leah, I've brought you some food, sweetheart."
Reluctantly, I tore my eyes from the little cottage in the distance and glanced from the tray of food to Esme's gentle face. Truth be told, I wasn't hungry in the least even though I had barely touched any food at the dinner before. Though if there was some magic soup or magic bun that could soothe the burn of my heartache then I would gladly eat it.
"Thanks Esme, but I'm not really hungry,"
I heard Esme sigh as she approached me, "You didn't smooth out the knots in your hair after showering." Her long, slender fingers began weaving and combing themselves through my shoulder-length locks, patiently smoothing out any knots as they went.
I'd told myself to take the long way back to the house, to steer clear of Jacob and Renesmee's cottage as I headed home, but my legs betrayed me as always. I walked on fours right past the cottage, close enough that my tail could brush the brick wall of it I had wanted it to. I was such a masochist. I heard everything. Every kiss and every whisper; Jacob's moan of pleasure and Renesmee's contented sighs. I had always imagined myself in Jacob's arms, warm, safe and loved, but I knew now that it was Renesmee who had that privilege and that I would be the one sobbing into my pillow tonight. It had cut me up so badly I had collapsed for several minutes on the soft grass, unable to move but just ride out the sharp sting of heartbreak, before I ran back to the Cullens' household.
Just remembering it now my heart ached and more tears fell. I felt Esme's arms wrap around my shoulders as she pressed my head to her bosom. I'd gotten used to the vampire stench ages ago, and although Edward was the only one who could read my mind and knew of my true feelings for Jacob, I was sure Esme knew now too. My façade had gone to pieces in the last year and probably anyone who bothered to pay me even just ten seconds of attention would have wheedled the truth out of my broken eyes. Anyone except Jacob.
My cries were noisy now as my tears soaked Esme's blouse but I didn't care. I just wanted the hurt to go away, wanted all my feelings for Jacob to just vanish so I wouldn't have to put up with anymore heartbreak.
"Shhh just let it all out, darling. That's it," Esme soothed, stroking my hair as I cried.
"It h-hurts, make it s-stop."
Someone else entered the study and through the blur of my tears I could make out Carlisle's form.
Esme turned to her husband, her golden eyes pleading, "I don't suppose there's anything you can do,"
Carlisle sighed, "There's no known medical cure for heartbreak, love. Anti-depressants wouldn't work either. They'd just make her numb."
*** BLACKWATER ***
Two months passed and I lived like a zombie. Of course, I acted all smiles and bubbles whenever Jacob and Renesmee were around but after that I'd retreat to my bedroom on the top floor and cry under my bed covers. I thought I'd hit rock bottom the day Jacob got married, but little did I know that there was worse to come.
2 days later
"Jacob and I have news for everyone." Renesmee announced, absolutely beaming as her right hand trailed to rest on her stomach, "I'm pregnant,"
Bella gasped and embraced her daughter tight, kissing both her cheeks and laughing. Jacob was surrounded by a flurry of extended arms, Alice, Jasper, Emmett all congratulating Jacob merrily on the impending arrival.
She was pregnant. Renesmee was having a baby with Jacob. That was another thing I'd always wished to be: The mother of Jacob's children. If I could've ever been of course. My lady-bits had never opened factory again after I'd started phasing, rendering me no better than a sterile bitch.
The love of my life was perfectly happy without me. My brother would imprint sooner or later. I couldn't have children so what use was I to anyone? I was just prolonging my pain and being an inconvenience by being another mouth to feed and another body to clothe. The world would be better off without me.
I decided right then. I put on a bright smile and hugged Renesmee, congratulating her before doing the same to Jacob. Excusing myself to the bathroom, I ascended the stairs, making sure not to think about what I was about to do. Rounding the corner on the second floor I found myself at the very end of Carlisle's study, staring at a small glass cabinet holding several vials of pearly, shimmering liquid. I had walked down this windy path many times only to turn back and walk the main road again, but today was different.
I'd always wondered how to kill a shape-shifter. No doubt a simple gunshot would do the trick but it'd be a right joke if I ran into town and started begging the nearest gun shop owner to shoot me. Then it dawned on me one day as I recalled the toxicity of vampire venom to shape-shifters. It didn't turn us into vampires, it was fatal to us.
My shaky right hand reached out and slid the cabinet door open and I took a vial in my hand, examining it. Carlisle kept these vials of his venom for an emergency, in case he ever found someone again who needed saving. The liquid in the vial shimmered in the light as I turned it about in my hand. Huh, even their venom was beautiful, alluring just like vampires themselves.
I knew the moment Edward tuned in to my thoughts that he would catch on to my ruse and so I hastily grabbed all of the vials in my hand, popped the caps open and tipped the poisonous liquid down my throat. I'll love you always, Jacob. Goodbye.
The effect was instant, the venom hit the bottom of my stomach like cold lead and instantly the pain shot out through my frame, extending from my stomach like steel vices, freezing every nerve and bone in my being. My frame went rigid as my mouth fell open and my eyes squeezed shut from the pain.
I heard footsteps thundering up the stairs and the crashing of glass as my arm hit in the glass cabinet, shattering it, and felt the sheer agony as the venom consumed me and then black. JUST BLACK.
*** BLACKWATER ***
I sped up the stairs the moment the thought hit her head but I was a second too late as I saw the shattering of glass and her body fall to the floor limp and lifeless. The others had rushed up along with me and we all stood cramped in Carlisle's study, shock written all over our faces.
Seth was by his sister's side in an instant, not caring as the shards of glass cut his feet, knees and hands as he cradled her in his arms, begging her to respond. Esme's sobs soon joined Seth's as she too mourned the loss.
"She drank the venom. Our entire stock," I muttered, looking at the broken glass on the floor and the vials in Leah's hand.
"L-Leah why d-did she- I don't understand-" Jacob stuttered as he clutched Renesmee to his side, whilst staring at the scene before him.
It was Renesmee's turn to break down. She'd known from the start about how Leah felt. She could see it in the way Leah looked at her Jacob, the way she smiled whenever he did and how she was crushed on the inside the day Jacob proposed.
"Oh Jacob!" Renesmee moaned hysterically, "She should've- I should've told you!"
Jacob was becoming more upset by the second as he realized there was much, much more to it than what he saw.
"She was in l-love with y-you. She loved y-you even b-before I was born and t-then you imprinted on me and it c-crushed her c-completely. I thought she'd r-recover but s-she never did, b-but I loved you, J-Jake I couldn't l-let you go-"
Renesmee was cut off by Jacob crushing her to his chest as he buried his face into her hair. I looked at Leah's form in Seth's arms and I knew the pained expression on her face would forever haunt me.
"She loved you very much, Jacob. So much that she was willing to forfeit her own happiness for yours. Don't mourn her too much," I said morosely, "She wouldn't want that. She'd want you to be happy, look after Renesmee and your son or daughter."
*** BLACKWATER ***
The cries of a newborn baby filled the house as Renesmee sank back into the pillows behind her, tears of joy rolling down her face as Carlisle handed her the little baby girl.
"Oh Jacob, she's beautiful," Renesmee breathed, kissing her daughter's forehead and pushing back a tuft of dark hair, "She's got your skin and your hair."
Jacob smiled, "Hopefully she has your brains."
"Have you got a name for her?" Bella asked curiously, slipping quietly into the room and huddling around Renesmee to catch a glimpse of her granddaughter.
Renesmee's and Jacob's eyes met and they both knew what their daughter's name would be, as they said in unison, "Leah. Leah Marie Black."
*** BLACKWATER ***
A/N: There you go people! Hopefully the ending wasn't too awful though I didn't like it very much. I seem to struggle a lot with endings now. Twilight22lover if you're reading this I hope you picked up my 'Wicked' reference. I used a couple of lines out of 'I'm Not That Girl' just for you because I noticed your liking for the Broadway musical. Anyway, reviews are very appreciated, thanks!