Bad Ideas Gone Wrong Productions presents

Love Thy Enemy

An El Hazard spamfic by Geoduck

Princess Rune smiled at her young visitor. "Pardon me if I seem skeptical, Nanami dear, but the Bugrom have plagued our land for untold centuries. It's rather difficult to believe that someone as young as you could find a simple answer to our problems."

Nanami look of determination did not fade. "That's all right, Princess, I'm used to surprising people who underestimated me. Who would have thought that a girl like me could start a restaurant on her own? But I did it! I even brought the concept of franchising to this world!"

"And that is definitely deserving of admiration. But I don't quite see how that past success applies to defeating the Bugrom."

"Well you see, Princess, there's one fact about the Bugrom that I don't think you know about. And that is they're..."

Thus began an ambitious program of construction. Nanami, as befitted her role as commander of the operation, strode about in a hard-hat, issuing orders left and right. "Good work, but this will have to be bigger. You there with the shovel! Those holes aren't nearly deep enough. Twice as deep! Remember, this is for the motherland."

Makoto, following behind her, desperately tried not to drop any of the huge pile of scrolls he was carrying. Uh, Nanami...have you actually carried out the tests yet?"

She whirled around and put a finger to her lips. "SHHHH! Loose lips sink ships, Makoto-chan!"


Nanami looked around, and apparently deciding that things looked safe enough, spoke to him. "Listen, Makoto-chan. No, I haven't carried out the full tests yet. But I just know I'm right! Call it my own personal intuition."

"Woman's intution?"

"Not exactly...but close. Don't worry, Makoto-chan. I've set up a full test for next week. Once I've got enough supplies ready, we'll do it."

Nanami grinned triumphantly. The test had been a roaring success. "I trust you're all suitably impressed?"

"By the gods, Nanami...I wouldn't have believed it if you had told me about it...but now that I've experienced it with my own senses...this is a great day for Roshtaria!" Londs was exuberant in his praise.

"I am equally impressed, Nanami" said Dr. Schtatelbaugh. "In all the books of lore on the Bugrom, I have never read the fact that you seem to have instinctively discovered. Surely your name will go down in history as one of the great heroines of our land...more so!"

Rune Venus wiped happy tears from her eyes. "I'm so glad you convinced me to have faith in you, Nanami. I'll never forget this day as long as I live. At last, we have the key to defeating the Bugrom, forever!"

Nanami readied herself. 'Don't get stage fright...there are people out there but they're all friendly...' She saw Makoto nodding to her. 'My cue!'

She stepped out onto the platform in the city's main square, in front of thousands of the city's inhabitants. "Hello, Florestica! I know you've all come to see the public execution of a Bugrom spy today," motioning towards a bound giant insect surrounded by soldiers at the other end of the platform, "but we're going to offer you a little something more than that. Assistants? Please commence the execution!"

The soldiers, spears at the ready, prodded the Bugrom off the platform. The luckless creature fell into a huge vessel of boiling water down below.

"Now I hope you all remembered to bring your own forks, because we don't have enough here for everybody! But we do have plenty of melted butter." Nanami looked at the surging crowd, surprised at its size. "I'm afraid there's only enough for one bite per customer. But if you join the army to fight the evil Bugrom invaders, you can eat all the Bugrom you can kill every night! Yes, delicious Bugrom, better than Alaska King Crab!"

A record number of new recruits enlisted that day.

"General Nanami! It's a catastrophe!"

"What's wrong?"

"We're out of coleslaw, and supplies of hush puppies and lemon wedges are dangerously low!"

And everyone lived happily ever after.

Until the "Land Krab" corporation started producing "artificial Bugrom" at a fraction of the cost.

And the "People for the Ethical Treatment of Bugrom" (Motto: Bugrom are people too! Murderous people with exoskeletons, but people nevertheless!') harassed Nanami and the Roshtarian army at every opportunity.

But that's a tale for another night...

Huge thanks go to Evil Asian Genius who inspired this fic and even came up with the title.