Becareful what you grant

By Female Heero Yuy


Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or the official characters, no matter how much that would make me happy xD.

I pretty much got this idea from watching a Malcolm in the Middle, episode, except the plot is slightly different.


"There are times, when even I as the Phantomhive butler do stupid things. Thus far most of them have remained hidden from my master. I am thankful for that. For if he knew, surely he would mock me for as much as possible. My latest act however, was not so fortunate at escaping him."

Earlier two days ago:

Walking down the hall, Sebastian was dusting here and there, straightening pictures on the walls, and even redid the bouquets of flowers. Ensuring that nothing was out of place he made his way to the kitchen to start on lunch. Half expecting to see the kitchen exploded due to one of Bard's "Officers" going out of control, he prepared himself for the mess first. But when he walked into the kitchen he was surprised that it was still intact. Not so surprised when Bard was missing from the kitchen. Sighing, he sought out the chef to reprimand him for slacking in his job. Walking into the servants dining room, he found him in a heated discussion.

"I'm telling you that a person can eat that much and be fine!" Bard shouted as he tried to defend a point that Sebastian didn't know of at the moment.

"What are you all doing?" he asked, annoyed that this was a daily routine.

"Mr. Sebastian! Bard says that anyone can eat 50 pies or more and be fine! But I say it's bad for you!" Maylene bantered, causing Sebastian to blink several times to make sure he comprehended what she stated in the first place.

"I like pies." Finni drooled. Apparently oblivious to the actual subject of the conversation.

Sighing again, "Of course eatting 50 pies at once is bad for you, but there are some who can and are fine." Sebastian answered as he'd seen in his long life that there were humans who ate 50 pies for breakfast if they could.

"Ha! See I told you!" Bard said proudly. Making Maylene hunch over in defeat.

"Now if your all finished, return to your jobs!"

"Ah..ah..ah!" Bard waved a finger. As he had a plan set in his mind. "No one is going to just believe such a thing. I say we have a pie eatting contest."

Looking skeptical, "What for? I never said any of us could eat 50 pies." Sebastian replied. Lunch was being delayed over a silly matter.

"True, but after your answer I got an interesting thought in my head."

'You actually had a thought?' Sebastian said in his mind. "How so?"

"A test of endurance! Between you and me, Sebastian."

"Why should I bother to even take part in your silly contest?" Sebastian inquired, but he figured the answer was simple. Bard after all was the only one who wanted to beat Sebastian atleast once to show off, if he could, that he was better at him in something. Currently that was stupidity.

"Okay then we'll make it into a bet, if you win, i'll never use a flamethrower, dynamite, or anything else you've told me not to use in the kitchen."

"You don't even do that now, so why even bet on it?"

"Because as it would be a bet, and i'm a man of my word if I loose a bet."

"Interesting." Sebastian said as he looked intrigued now, "But what do you get if you win?"

Thinking for a moment, "Hmm...if I win...then I can cook how I want and you can't yell or get upset at me ever again. And you have to call me master chef Bard everytime you see me."

Looking at Bard with distain, "Then i'd like a change if I win, not only will you stop using such items in the kitchen, but you have to do anything I say without complains."

"Ha, if you win i'll also call you my lord and master." Bard scoffed, apparently he was the type to scoff in the face of bets. Which could be a good thing if he can win.

Tugging on his gloves, "Alright then our contest will begin after the master has had his lunch. We'll have Maylene and Finni be our counters and Tanaka the judge." Sebastian said, not really determined as he was confident he'd win.

"Agreed." Bard said with overconfidence.


The master was fed, and Sebastian made sure he had a pile of paperwork infront of him to keep him busy during the contest. He wasn't about to take any chances at his master seeing him do something as childish as a pie eatting contest. Setting up the servants dining room, he placed two plates across from each other along with forks and spoons. He'd also made the pies they were going to use for the contest. As blueberries were in season, he'd managed to procure quite alot the day before. Enough to make over 200 pies. He'd actually made them to last through out the year, and to give some as gifts for important relatives and clients. He figured they wouldn't even use all of them and he could just remake what was used.

Bard came into the room, extremely confident. "Ready to back out?"

"Quite contrary, I was just setting up." Sebastian said as he placed a couple of notepads at the edges of the table with their names on them. he even put two colored flags, Black if he won, and White for if Bard one.

With everything set, Sebastian was ready to win, if for nothing else to show he was superior. "Alright then. Let's begin."


It was a very shocking contest indeed, as Sebastian and Bard were both tied at 20 pies so far. The difference was Sebastian still managed to stay clean, and Bard as much pie on him as was in him. Another factor was Sebastian kept simply eatting at his own pace and didn't seem to be getting full, while Bard was only still eatting out of determination. Maylene and Finni watched in amazement as both continued this endevor.

Though Sebastian didn't want to show it, his belly was actually starting to have a bloated feeling to it. As human pies were not part of his natural diet, he wasn't getting full, but the bloating was slowing him in his pace, that no one noticed. 'Why did I say i'd do this again?' he thought.

Bard was having his own battle, 'I have to win, but how can he eat so much and not get full! Gahh! Come on Bard you can do it! You can win!'

Both parties determination wasn't waivering.


Ciel was frustrated at all the work he'd been given. Looking at the clock he realized it was way past dinner time, and he was starving. "Where is he? Sebastian always makes sure dinner is on time." Annoyed he got up deciding he didn't want to wait for Sebastian to appear. He knew the butler well enough to know where he kept the extra sweets, and he was also very much aware of the 200 pies Sebastian had made the day before. He'd been denied one simply due to they were for other people, but since opportunity came knocking at his door for one. He figured he'd take the chance. Going to the kitchen he looked around to see if he'd been noticed. Satisfied he'd gotten there unnoticed he went into the kitchen. He smiled when Bard wasn't in the kitchen, which ment that if he wasn't there, it gave a clue to the possible reason to Sebastian's absence. Opening the cabinent where he'd last seen the pies, he was shocked to find every last one gone. "Tsk." Closing the door he headed towards the servants dining room, if he couldn't have some pie, he'd be able to atleast get some left over dessert that Sebastian norminally gave to the servants. When he went in he got the shock of his life. Not only had he found what remained of the 200 pies, but Bard and Sebastian were eatting them. Bard covered in pie, and Sebastian's face smeered with reminants of pie, he even had some on his gloves. The score cards each said 60.

"What's going on here?"

This didn't stop Sebastian or Bard however as they both had the same though of if they stopped they'd lose.

Finni was the one who provided the answer, "We're having a contest at who can eat the most pies!" he said excitedly. "Their both tied, it's so amazing."

Amazing as it was, both looked like they were ready to throw in the towel.

Ciel decided it was a good opportunity to be a bully, smirking he walked to the table, completely forgetting his hunger for the moment, "I'll give the winner one request of whatever they wish."

That made Bard and Sebastian perk up. One request at whatever they wanted? Both had thoughts of what they'd do with that request suddenly, Bard had images of the latest flame thrower, Sebastian of actually getting to have a cat in the house, or even possibly a day off, many thoughts when through his mind, he just couldn't decide. But now both were as determined as ever to win. The only problem was, both felt they couldn't stuff anymore pie into themselves. Shaking away the doubt both continued to eat the pie in silence.


Ciel was actually enjoying himself, though he wished he had a camera to take a picture of Sebastian's face covered with pie, he also didn't want to take the chance at seeing who the winner was. Though he did manage to sneak one of the pies when he remembered he was hungry. It didn't really matter though. Bard and Sebastian were at 66 pies, and one or the other was going to give in at any moment.

"Wow this is really close! Sebastian's only behind by a few bites."

Yes, Sebastian the perfect butler, was actually behind by two bites. Bard thought he was surly going to win. Until...he passed out in his pie. Sebastian's eyes widdened in surprise as what was left of Bard's pie splattered.

"Come on Sebastian!" Finni cheered, "Just three more bites and you win!"

With a shakey hand, he picked up the fork he'd set down and shoved the next piece in his mouth. His eye was starting to twitch as the sugar rush was started to hit his body. As a demon he was very unaccustomed to having so much sugar in his system. Another piece, 'Just one more.' he thought, as he chewed.

"Oh...having trouble are we?" Ciel snidded. He was enjoying the show, though apart of him hoped Sebastian would give up right then and there. But his words had the opposite effect. And Sebastian took a piece larger than needed for his last bite and shoved it into his mouth, once he swallowed, they waited a few minutes. If he threw it up then he would of lost, but he didn't. To Ciel's dismay, Sebastian was the winner.

Though Sebastian wasn't feeling up to celebrating it. He gripped his head in his hands as his elbows hit the table for support. "I...never...want to see...another blueberry...pie...again...ever..." he muttered. His body twitching constantly, even as he finished speaking.

"Mr. Sebastian, are you okay?" Maylene asked worried, though it surprised her that Sebastian's body stayed the same even after eatting so much pie. While Bard now had a huge gut.

His stomach groaned in protest in reply, making him grab his stomach as his face contorted in pain. "Uhhhhh." Taking a few trys to get up, he still held his stomach as he walked. "I apologize...master, dinner was delayed." he stated, even as his face was covered with pie. But Ciel could see he was panting. As he was overstuffed with pie. "Do you have any requests for supper?" he continued, trying to get his stomach to calm down.

"No, i'm full." Ciel replied as he'd eatting a pie himself. He was sure Sebastian knew though, since hardly anything escaped the butler.

Wiping his face clean, Sebastian regained his composure as a dignified butler. "I understand, shall we go to your office then?"

Nodding Ciel walked ahead of the butler as Sebastian ordered the others to cleaned the mess. Of whom were surprised he hadn't passed out like Bard. But once Sebastian got to the office with Ciel, his belly made it clear it wasn't about to let him forget his latest stupidity.

Ciel looked frustrated, since he lost it ment Sebastian could ask for anything and he'd have to grant the request. He was a man of his word. "So...what do you want for your request?" He asked, but when he looked up he was surprised to see Sebastian hunched over as he stood, gripping his stomach. After a moment he put a hand to his mouth and dashed out of the room to the bathroom across the hall. After a second, Ciel distinctly heard the sounds of one throwing up. He smiled, "It seems even demon's can throw up from over eatting."

What seemed like forever, Sebastian finally came out of the bathroom, using the door frame as support for a moment, before walking back into the room. "My apologies master."

"It's fine." Ciel replied, when he noticed something odd in Sebastian's demenor. One moment he looked ill, now he noted a tinge of color in his cheeks, and very dialated pupils. "Sebastian...are you okay?" he asked as he never seen him like this before.

Suddenly Sebastian started laughing uncontrollably, as if the very question was hilarious.

That's when Ciel knew. Sebastian was having a sugar rush, and a strong one. "Uh...Sebastian...maybe you should go lay down." Ciel sweated. He was sure what a demon with a sugar rush was capable of. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Sebastian suddenly slamming his hands to his desk.

With a demonic smile on his face he looked at Ciel, and very eeriely said, "I want a kitty~~."


Leaning abit too close to Ciel's face, "I want a kiiiitty~~ to keep in the house." he repeated as his breath hit Ciel in the face. It was apparently his request.

"Uh...o..kay...we'll get one tomorrow?"


"Huh?" Ciel looked mortified. As Sebastian seemed to take on his more demonic appearance.

"Run little" he chanted, Ciel got up quickly as Sebastian made a move for a chase.

"Ahhh!" He screamed as Sebastian suddenly sliced the air above him. Then he dashed out of his office as fast as he could. Sebastian was right behind him, apparently running slower than usual. Enjoying the chase. Whenever Ciel made a sudden turn, Sebastian just skidded and persued. "Sebastian! Get a hold of yourself!" he knew it was a frightening thought to have a demon on a sugar high, but he didn't think it'd be this dangerous.

"Ciel! It time for games." he chanted as he kept his pace. Suddenly Sebastian was wearing his demon outfit, heels and all, but maintained his same facial features as his loyal butler.

Ciel wondered how he could run so fast in such high heeled boots and not trip on himself. But only for a moment, he ran back to the servants dining room, speaking quickly he only stopped for a moment, "THIS IS AN ORDER, KEEP SEBASTIAN BUSY!" then dashed outside. He needed to think of something, anything. He surely couldn't run all night to make the sugar run through Sebastian's system faster.


The other servants got a shock when Sebastian came into the room and stopped suddenly, it was like he'd just appeared. Maylene got a light nosebleed from his outfit.

Sebastian just looked about the room for a moment before seeing the back door was open. Finni grabbed him at that moment, "Sebastian! Uh..why don't you help clean up." he smiled. But became abit scared with Sebastian looked at him with his demonic smile. Saying nothing he flung Finni off his waist, and before anyone else could blink he was out of the room with the back door swinging and nearly coming off it's hinges.

"Ah! Sebastian's gone crazy!" Maylene shouted. Which made Bard actually wake up.

"Huh?" He said confused.

"Bard your awake?" She shouted.


Ciel was in pain, his legs were started to cramp up, and he heard a crashing sound soon after he ran out of the room. He tried to tell himself no to look back, but curiosity got the better of him, looking back he saw Sebastian running and catching up fast. Looking forward again he ran back into the house through the front door, and hoped the stairs would slow him down, which in honestly doubted. But when he saw Finni give him a thumbs up he hopped whatever the other servants planned would work.

Moments later Sebastian came in through the front door as well. When he started up the stairs he almost tripped, but not quite. But it was enough to stop him for a moment.

"Now!" came Bard's voice, and suddenly Sebastian was propelled up but a net that'd swung from the right side, catching him like one would do with mice or bugs. "Haha! Got him." Bard cheered. Then noticed Sebastian's outfit. "Hey when'd you get that outfit?" He asked, kinda admiring Sebastian's feminine butt from above him. "I kinda like the view, too bad your a guy." he said, but then became stunned when the net holding Sebastian suddenly shredded. He seemed to hover for a second, before falling to the floor, landing on his feet. Gaining applause from the others who were too stunned to do much else.

His grin had yet to leave his face. And yet again he seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye. Making the others wonder what happened and what was going on.


He was excited, enjoying the chase of his prey. He couldn't explain why, but he suddenly wanted to give chase to the very soul he would devour someday. He was thrilled by it. And he thought he could go on for hours. But he knew his prey was human and he'd have to give up sooner or later, thus ending his thrill.

Taking a sniff in the air, he smelt his master, "Ah his room, how...appropriate." he said in a husky voice. Almost perverted. He couldn't contain his lust to eat his master's flesh. "Maybe just a lick or two? That would do?" He questioned, as he stood before the door. Opening it slowly, it creeped open and he stepped into the room and locked the door behind him.

"Masssttteer~~" he cooed, "Where are you~~?" though he knew very well that Ciel was under his bed. Before he even reached the bed, Sebastian stared crawling, looking very much like an erotic feline. Once he got close enough he lifted the sheets and looked in. "Found you~~."

"Ahhhh!" Ciel screamed and got out from under the bed from the other side. "Sebastian this is an order! Stop this nonsense at once!"

Releasing the sheets, he snaked himself up and put his arms on the bed as if he was hugging it, or reaching out try to get Ciel from the other side. "I..don'" he said in a childlike manner, smiling and giggling after.

Ciel glared at him, no longer afraid as he'd realized Sebastian was toying with him the whole time. Sebastian started swaying his head from side to side. Almost like a metronome. And he was humming. Giggling occationally. And his eyes never left Ciel.

"...You bastard." Ciel said with venom.

"Love you too master." Sebastian closed his eyes and blushed, stopping his head swaying, but his arms stayed where they were. It was unnerving to Ciel to see him do that. As it reminded him of Elizabeth.

"Are you finished with your play?" he asked annoyed. It was late and he was tired.

Sebastian's features took on a childlike disappointment suddently, "Awwww so soon? But it's only been 30 minutes."

"Oh god." Ciel held his head. But Sebastian jumped onto his bed, sitting on his knees, as he sat in the middle of the bed.

He started bouncing up and down, "Your bed is bouncy!" he said as he kept bouncing on his knees.

"Stop that!" Ciel shouted, aggitated that he had to deal with a sugar highed demon. But Sebastian made no effort to stop, just kept on bouncing. He wasn't bouncing very hard on the bed. So there really wasn't a risk at him breaking the bed. Sighing Ciel took a good look at Sebastian. He'd never really gotten a good look at him in his demon outfit. It was sexy yet unreveiling. Only his hands and face were shown. It looked comfortable and tight at the same time. And unusually not of the time period. While he was thinking this over, Sebastian stopped bouncing on his bed, and suddenly let out a yawn. Causing Ciel to blink, he'd never seen him do that before.

"I'm sleepy." he muttered before settling atop the sheets and lying on his right side, curled into a ball. The dibilatating crash coming in from the sugar high.

"Oie! Atleast dress me for bed before you go to sleep! Sebastian!" Ciel whined, when Sebastian didn't get up he stomped his foot in frustration. Which was a bad idea since his legs cramped up causing pain. "Oooowwww!" Today was not his day. But he did atleast get to eat one of the pies that Sebastian had forbidden him to eat. Hobbling to his bed, he climbed up as best he could. Kicking off his shoes in the least. Sebastian had his back to his pillows so it seemed he was to sleep sideways on his bed this time. Taking the sheet that was at the edge of the bed since Sebastian was atop the main sheets, he covered himself, then tried to figure out how to get Sebastian's shoes off. He didn't want dirt on his bed. But after afew minutes he gave up and laid down. Looking at Sebastian's sleeping face. "Wow...he almost looks...normal."


The first thing Sebastian noticed when he woke up was that his body was cramped from laying in the same position all night, the next was the strange after taste in his mouth. It was grainy, like dirt, but sweet. Putting a hand back on the bed he hit something squishy, looking over he saw it was his master, still sleeping. Then that's when he realized he had the biggest migraine ever. Groaning he plopped back down on the bed on his back, jolting his master awake.

"Huh?" Ciel jumped, trying to blink away sleep. "Sebastian it's too early."

"Ahhh! Don't talk so loud." he whined as he grabbed a pillow to cover his head. Apparently sugar had the affect of alchohol on demons.

Getting up, Ciel grabbed the pillow and saw Sebastian's face, his bed head was laughable. His usually mostly kept tresses were everywhere sticking out in random directions. His demon clothes were wrinkled, but not as badly as his own. "Back to normal now?" he teased.

Groaned, Sebastian turned over, grabbed another pillow and shoved his head under it. "Master, don't talk so loud...I feel sick." his muffled reply came from under the pillow.

"I'd be sick too if I ate 66 pies."

Pointing at Ciel with his back turned to him. "DON'T MENTION PIES!...ow."

"Well get up, we have work to do." Ciel ordered as he jumped off his bed and went to the bathroom.

Groaning again, Sebastian turned on his belly, taking the pillow off his head. He looked like he was dying. Pushing himself up he sat on his knees, then realized what he was wearing. "When did I?...Nevermind." he shook his head. But a thought did occur to him and he smiled, as he looked to his master.

Ciel came into the room after washing his face in his bathroom. Looking at Sebastian he got abit creeped out. "What's with that look?"

"So when do I get the kitty?" Sebastian smiled.

"Damn it!" Ciel cursed. Of all the things Sebastian forgot, why couldn't he of forgotten that?


"Aaahhchhoooo!" Ciel sneezed for the 50th time that day. He completely regretted his offer now. Sebastian was walking around the house cleaning as he usually did, but only after they'd gone to the petstore for a quick pick up. He was completely miserable as Sebastian kept carrying the thing on his head. It was a small kitten, which fit in the palm of his hand. It was a short hair atleast, a tabby cat he believed it was called.

"Mew!" he meowed from atop Sebastian's head. He'd taken no time in training it to stay there. And to make matters worse, Sebastian had another cat on his shoulder, a black on, that he'd found.

"Oie, I said you could have one cat!" Ciel complained. He'd made it perfectly clear at the petstore.

"Oh but young master you said, I could only have one from the petstore. You never said I couldn't have one from the petstore and one from outside." Sebastian smiled.

Ciel clicked his tongue. A technicality on his part. Sebastian had also gotten a little crazy with the extra purchases for the felines. The best cat beds, scratching posts, and god knows what else he got. Though he did find some of the cat toys amusing, as he used one on Finni and it kept him amused for a good 20 minutes.

He sneezed again. "Damn it, how long to cats live anyway?"

That made Sebastian drop the feather duster. And looked at his master mortified. Sure he knew that cats died, but the subject being brought up in the presence of his own new pets was painful. Hugging his kitties, in each arm he took a few steps back.

"Sebastian, calm down, I didn't say I was going to kill them."

He relaxed slightly, giving the kitten enough slack to return to it's play atop his head.

"Can you atleast just keep them in your room!" Ciel pounded on his desk.

"But young master, you never said they had to be away from me while I worked." Sebastian whined, as he held the bigger cat in both arms.

Sighing, "I never should of made that promise."

Smiling, "Thank you master."


Back to previous moment:

"This was one of the few times where my stupidity actually gained me something. Even to my master's distain. Though, sadly in the end, I have to keep my babies in my room if i'm cleaning the inside of the house." Sebastian petted his kitties who were purring on his lap. Smiling with stars in his eyes, "but I still get to keep them, so it's not all all bad."

"Sebastian! What are you doing?" came Ciel's voice.

"Awww, I have to go now. But i'll be back soon." Sebastian said as he put his cats on his bed, with them meowing in protest. "It's alright, i'll bring cat nip." He said as he closed the door.


I know it probably wasn't fantastic or anything, but since watching that one ep I just had to type this.

Tell me what you guys think. XD I also hope for once I got my grammer correct. Lol. How I passed english i'll never know.