Hey everyone. I know that the last thing I need is yet another fic to get writers block on, but I'm hoping that concentrating on this one for a bit will clear my mind of the others until I can view them clearly... Did that make any sense to anyone? I hope so. Anyways, theres also the fact that this idea has been knocking around in my mind for a while and though new for me, something I'm eager to work on. See, the idea in my mind is so original, so great, that i's going to be really really easy for me to fuck up, and I don't want to do that.
Another thing is that, along with being my most serious fic, I'm also very new to the Loveless fandom and I'm finding it a much more difficult fandom to write for, compared to Naruto, Inuyasha, or Greek. I have however written 2 other Loveless fics ; Because Crack Just Can't Explain This, a crack fic written together with a friend while we were loopy from lack of sleep one night, and First Kisses my own little adorable oneshot ( written even later at night and yet somehow not on crack. Amazing really..._. My first real dip into this fandom which, according to my reviews, went very well. I'm hoping that this, my first multi-chapter, Loveless, fanfic, goes just as well if not better.
WARNING: WHILE I WILL CHANGE DETAILS AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE, SOME THINGS LIKE TIMING OR SUCH WILL HAVE TO BE CHANGED, SUCH AS SOUBI'S AGE IN A FEW PLACES IN THE PAST. I HOPE THIS WILL NOT BOTHER ANYONE. PLEASE ENJOY THE FIC ANYWAY.
And now, with that said, let the fic begin..
That was the topic of tonight. The one floating around inside Ritsuka's mind as he lay curled in bed, a bundle of blankets over his small form. Beneath them, beneath his clothes, lay bruises and scrapes, along with one hidden under a bandage on his cheek. A testimony of "love" from his mother. At least, that's what she called it, and he couldn't quite disagree. Sure, it hurt, but what love didn't?
At 12 years old, Ritsuka Aoyagi had experience with three types of love. The first was from his mother, the one he associated with shouting and violence. She tied him to a chair to keep him from being taken from her, stabbed him with a fork when she didn't believe him to be "her Ritsuka." It was volatile and confusing, but he was determined to make it work. Determined to believe in it.
The second was from his brother. It was...unusual, but he had the most faith in it. Seimei protected him, took care of him. He was kind, gentle. At least, that's what he had single-mindedly believed. Until he met Soubi.
From Soubi he received the third, and by far the most confusing kind of love. In fact, he didn't really believe it was love at all. How could he when it was just something Seimei had ordered Soubi to do. That was proof of the falsehood if there ever was any. You couldn't order people to feel things, emotions just didn't work like that.
And yet Soubi was persistent. He kissed Ritsuka constantly, holding him gently, wanting nothing more than to be near him. He professed his love relentlessly, swearing to follow the orders he begged him to give.
And then, as if that wasn't confusing enough, he turned right back around chose Seimei over him, ignored his seemingly simple orders. He lied.
And if there was one thing Ritsuka really did understand, as confusing as this whole love business was, was that there was no room for lies among love. And therefore, since Soubi lied, then there couldn't really be love there after all.
But still... sometimes... it really was too easy to forget that. To pretend that maybe he, in his limited knowledge of love, was wrong, and that it really did exist there.
He squeezed his eyes closed at the thought, curling in tighter on himself and willing sleep to come. To sweep him away into temporary oblivion where these frustratingly confusing thoughts would cease to exist. At least for the time being.
Unfortunately for him, sleep didn't come. Rather, a draft of cold air against his back, light yet freezing.
He strictly remembered closing it before he went to bed, drawing the curtains closed, though the glass remained unlocked. Because for some reason, despite the headaches he gave him, he found himself hesitant to lock Soubi out.
Rolling over, still fully awake, he expected to see Soubi there by the window, smiling over some inconsequential thing and there for some strange reason. The most common was that he "just wanted to see him", though why he could never wait until morning to do so was beyond him.
He groaned as he rubbed at his eyes, sitting up at the edge of the bed, the covers twisted around him, though beginning to fall off the bed. "Soubi, what time do you think it is-"
He stopped short as his eyes opened and registered the sight before him. The man standing there, leaning casually against the wall, his lips curved up into a sly smile.
His voice was soft, almost disbelieving, his eyes wide. He blinked once, to be sure it wasn't an illusion of some sort, and found it to be quite real. This really was Seimei. He really was here.
He felt his heart quicken in a mix of joy and anxiety. On one hand this was his brother, the one who loved him so dearly. Who had protected him through his childhood. Who'd never been anything but kind and gentle to him...though...
On the other hand, it had only been a few weeks since the scene at Seven Moons. There Seimei had been different, had frightened him. Had said weird things. Had told him strange things about love, things that he found he just couldn't believe. There his brother had seemed more like the person everyone had told him he was. The man who was cold and cruel, who hurt people. Who hurt Soubi.
And it was that one memory of him that held him back, even as Seimei's arms opened in invitation, clearly expecting Ritsuka to run into them. Though his initial instinct was to do just that, he remained on the bed, studying the man before him.
"Seimei", he said after a few moments, his voice still soft, "What is it? What are you doing here?"
He let his arms drop slowly, his eyes narrowing just a bit in consideration. This was different. Clearly not what he'd expected. No, not at all.
"What's wrong Ritsuka?" he replied,his tone light and slightly lilting. "I simply came by to see my younger brother. Aren't you happy to see me?"
Ritsuka swallowed, unsure exactly what to say. He was, despite everything he'd seen, was coming to believe. But yet he couldn't help but feel the way he did when his mother posed those questions as she so often did.
I'm so happy Ritsuka. Aren't you happy?
A child always belongs to his mother Ritsuka. You still need me don't you? Don't you Ritsuka?
I love you the most Ritsuka. And you love mother the most right? You do, don't you?
"I am", he insisted. "I am. But...why here? Now? It's so late and mother-"
"But I don't want to see mother Ritsuka. Just you."
"But you don't feel the same, do you?"
Ritsuka frowned in confusion, the hairs on the back of his neck rising in apprehension. There was something about the words, something hidden in the recesses of that light tone. In the glow of his eyes in the dim light.
"What do you mean? Of course I want to see you! I do!" He was out of the bed now, across the room, his arms thrown around his brother's waist, looking up at him. "I've missed you."
Seimei's hands were gentle as they clasped themselves on his upper arms. Rubbed lightly. But when he spoke, his voice was still the same as before.
"You say that, but I wonder...is it true?"
"True? Of course it's true!"
"You're not lying to me?"
"Of course not! I hate lies!" He paused, drawing back just slightly, nibbling at his lower lip, his eyes wide. Apprehensive. "Seimei what's going on? What's all this about?"
"About? Why, it's about loyalty Ritsuka. Love. And it's about you, that I'm not the one who holds your loyalty. You're undivided love."
There it was again, love, as confusing as ever.
"I do love you!" he cried, trying to pull back but finding himself unable to do so. Seimei's hands were tight around him, tightening just a bit more at his pathetic attempts at a struggle. He stilled, the movement ineffective anyhow, but the urge to retreat was still strong. Whatever was wrong, Seimei was reminding him eerily of how he'd been before, at Seven Moons. Was beginning to scare him again.
"Perhaps", he considered, his voice slow, "But I'm not the only one. I want all of you Ritsuka. To be the sole receiver of your affections. That right is mine and mine alone, and yet it is denied to me."
"What? Am I supposed to only love you? But what about Mother, or-"
He cut himself off suddenly, as if thinking it better to end his speech here, but he hadn't missed it. Nor had he missed the slight blush that dusted the younger boy's cheeks. He knew what the boy was about to say and it annoyed him to no end. Mother could be expected, could be dealt with, he thought, allowing the smile to slide up his face at the memory of her deceit. Of the way she'd thrown herself at Nisei when she believed him to be Seimei. The way she'd taken pill after pill, discussed ridding herself of one son in order to bring one back. Though troublesome, more so than he'd expected when he'd began this all, she could be controlled, dealt with. And Ritsuka never had to know.
Him, however, Soubi, would be slightly more difficult, and the fact that he'd even have to deal with him was an annoyance in and of itself. The thought that Ritsuka's affections could be divided from Seimei was practically inconceivable, but for that?
No. Soubi had no right to steal what was his. He'd given him strict orders to belong to Ritsuka, for him to love him, but he'd said nothing about allowing reciprocation. He hadn't thought he'd need it. What was there to love about the man? He was nothing but a tool, and not even a shiny new one at that. He was old, dirty. Handy and useful, but nothing precious and certainly nothing worth Ritsuka's precious affection. His love.
He felt his anger rise in his chest, cold as always and simmering, like hot ice. No, Soubi was worthy of none of it and it was time he learned that. Learned his place; That it was beneath him. Not in a sexual way, perish the thought, but in any other way imaginable. That Ritsuka was his, and despite what the blond may have come to believe in his absence, at the end of the day he would have the boy again, and Soubi would be lucky if he still belonged to Seimei as well.
"Ah Ritsuka, I feared it would come to this."
Ritsuka frowned, tried to draw back again, looking up at him confused. Suspicious. Where was the boundless trust from before? Oh yes, Soubi would pay for this loss, and he would pay dearly.
"Come to what? What are you talking about?"
"I saw you", he replied, releasing the boy, his anger rising to a slow boil as he retreated a step. "At the academy, with Soubi. I saw the way he looked at you, and you at him, and I began to wonder about it then. About your relationship. Just how close are you pray tell?"
He didn't bother to hide his scowl at the boy's flustered behavior.
"Yes. And I began to wonder if such means would truly be necessary. And I'm beginning to see that they are indeed."
He would get his brother back, he would be his alone, that was a given. But his means of doing so, those had been altered. In the beginning he'd planned to simply fake his own death as a means to claim his rightful fighter unit without dying. He couldn't tell Ritsuka, needed his tears to be real and deep inside part of him had wanted to test him. To see just how much he'd mourn for him, to see the depths of his love.
He hadn't been disappointed.
He'd granted his brother ownership of Soubi so that he'd be protected, and to keep the man from disintegrating, in case he chose to taken him back. It killed two birds with one stone and didn't alter the end result. At least, he hadn't expected it to.
He'd planned to return to his brother after some time, to be forgiven and loved once more. He'd loved him so much, all but worshiped the ground he walked on, surely his joy at finding his brother alive would outweigh any sore feelings. He'd order Soubi to leave Ritsuka and return to him, or perhaps Ritsu or someone, should his own fighter prove stronger, and all would be well.
But things were different now. There would be no simple ordering of Soubi to leave, oh no. That would be too kind and he simply wasn't in the mood. The blond deserved punishment, and Seimei could think of none crueler.
"You aren't making sense Seimei." Ritsuka was standing straight now, his eyes wary, confused. "What are these 'means'? What do they have to do with Soubi? I thought-"
"That's the problem you know." Seimei's voice was suddenly lighter, almost amused. "You think these things, you think you care for him. You think you know him, but you don't. Not really. Whatever affection you feel for him, Ritsuka has been based on the false pretense that he's worthy of such." He was smiling now, a smile that was sly and cold, that had slithered up his face. "I'd hoped to spare you this Ritsuka, but I appear to have no other choice. I find that to restore things to as they should be, I must clear your mind of these misconceptions. And I can think of no better way to do this."
"W-what? What misconceptions? Seimei what are you talking about?! Stop it!"
His eyes were wide now, scared. What was he talking about? He didn't know but it didn't seem like anything good. Misconceptions about Soubi? About how he was unworthy? What was hat supposed to mean? It was true he didn't know much about him at all, but it wasn't like the guy was his lover or anything!
He had no clue what was going on at all, knew nothing, except that his brother was scaring him.
Slowly, mist began to crawl through the window, gather on the floor, circling lazily around Ritsuka's feet. Following him as he jumped, startle into his bed with a small cry.
"S-Seimei, what- what is this? What are you doing?"
"It's alright Ritsuka", he replied, his tone warm, soothing. "It won't hurt you. You said yourself that you want to know everything, that you always want the truth. This will simply reveal it to you."
"But-" He stammered as the mist rose around him, swirling, clouding the room, his vision. "Wha- Seimei!"
"Relax Ritsuka. Relax."
His eyes darted around spasmodically, searching for something, anything that could help. Straining to focus on the quickly vanishing image of his brother. Everything was fading behind the swirling blanket of mist, fuzzing his vision. Clouding his mind. Stilling his thoughts until at last he fell into the inky black of unconsciousness that he'd so desired earlier that night.
Seimei smiled as he watched the mist thicken, obstructing his vision, though taking absolutely no notice of him. It was Ritsuka it was aimed at and he was left perfectly alone, perfectly conscious, to watch it clear. Ritsuka lay on the bed, seemingly asleep, though Seimei knew better. More than the strange way he lay, somewhat crumpled, having just fallen there, was the knowledge that this had been his doing. He hadn't, however, done it alone. He did not posses this power.
Arranging his brother in a more natural position, tucking him neatly beneath the covers so that it appeared he'd simply fallen asleep, Seimei walked to the window, looking down at the man who stood below.
He was young and handsome, almost sinfully so, his black hair curling around his collar, his eyes a deep piercing green, but tonight it was hidden beneath a heavy trench coat and a hat tipped down over his chiseled face. His hands were in his pockets, his head tilted down as if his bright red Converse, horribly out of place amongst the rest of him, were suddenly the most fascinating thing around. But he was probably looking up. Seimei felt that he was.
"It worked." he called down to the man.
"You expected it to fail?"
"I'm entitled to my doubts." The confident smile on his face, however, betrayed Seimei's words. As if he'd endanger Ritsuka with a half-baked plan. Of course he'd known it would work. "Explain It to me again. Why nothing had changed."
Though it couldn't be seen, the man frowned, peeved by Seimei's amused tone, the mocking smile. He didn't need a refresher course. No, he understood it perfectly. He just wanted to hear it again, to revel in the brilliance of his own plan. The brilliance of the power the man possessed. Still though, he complied.
"Nothing has changed because nothing will. Though he is in the past for the duration of the spell, once it is broken, he shall be removed and the time stream restored to it's original path. It is because it is destined to return that it shall not change in the first place, and none but him shall remember anything of his journey, though we will remember that he went there."
"Ah" Seimei replied, smiling again, "I'm glad to hear that time will not change as I rather like it here." Or at least he would, when this was all over. As soon as his plan worked. "I'm very grateful for your assistance. Thank you TIMELESS."
There was no reply from the man, TIMELESS, for several moments, until suddenly his head snapped up, his face coming into view. "I must go. She's calling for me."
"Than by all means go. After all, you mustn't keep your sacrifice waiting
"The spell will hold." He tossed over his shoulder in lieu of goodbye, hurrying off into the night, Seimei's patronizing chuckle following him into the dark.
And now we wait, Seimei thought as he turned away, leaning back against the windowsill. He watched Ritsuka as he lay there, unknowingly.
Soubi had been wrong to steal what was his, to steal Ritsuka, and this would be his punishment. Rather than be ordered away he'd be abandoned by the very thing he'd stolen. At this very moment Ritsuka was in the past, witnessing everything that made the older man ugly, filthy and unworthy. And as soon as he did, as soon as he saw the truth about him, than there would be no chance of love of any kind. Soubi was disgusting, and as soon as Ritsuka realized that he'd throw him away in an instant, return to Seimei.
Return to where he belonged.
OH MY GOD!!! THERE IS ENTIRELY TOO MUCH SEIMEI IN THIS CHAPTER AND I PROMISE YOU THE REAST WILL BE RITSUKA/SOUBI – CENTRIC!!!! UNFORTUNATLY, THINGS NEED TO BE EXPLAINED SO THATS PRETTY MUCH WHAT THIS CHAPTER WAS!!! LET ME KNOW HOW IT IS!!!! I NEED TO KNOW!!! Oh, and Sorry about the whole TIMELESS thing, but seriously, how else was he going to go back in time 4 years? Yep, mini- spoiler right here for those of you who read this :p So go ahead, figure it out, Soubi's age and all that. It will be explained for those lame people who don't read this, but for you nice, lucky, one who do go ahead and speculate. What do you think will happen? Who knows, you might give me some ideas!!!
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF IMAKE THIS BAD BECAUSE SERIOUSLY,TIME TRAVLE IS PRETTY HARD TO WRITE WITHOUT MAKING IT ALL CLICHED AND CHEESY AND CRAP. BUT I'M TRYING VERY HARD TO BE ORIGINAL, WITH AN PRIGINAL PLOT AND EVERYTHING SO FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!
Thankies! : ) Redfaerie!!!