It's been a while since I've made a really short story. Well, this story occured to me while I was in the shower this morning, and I just had to write it. It was kind of inspired by a comment Blackout made in Sibling Rivalries about how he was scared that Barricade might set the base on fire if he let him cook for himself again. He's not exactly Head Chef Jerry (D. Gray-Man ftw!) it would seem...


Barricade got up from where he sat with Blackout on the floor in front of the TV, watching him play Call of Duty. "I'm going to make something to eat. You hungry?" he asked.

"A little," Blackout admitted, fully realizing the peril behind letting Barricade cook for himself. This would be fun…

"Alright…I'll be back in a second," Barricade replied.

And now begins another exciting episode of 'Cooking With Barricade' also known as, 'How to Destroy Your Kitchen In 10 Easy Steps', Blackout thought to himself. He glanced back at the couch where Starscream was taking a nap and wondered how much longer he'd be asleep for with his smallish friend on the loose. He looked back at his game and sighed. Step 1: Choose food based on difficulty level.

"Heh…this looks easy," he heard Barricade say from the kitchen.

Step 2: Begin prep; cut yourself and let loose a barrage of curse words.

It was quiet at first, then… "HOLY MOTHER F-!" Barricade started screaming out every swear word he knew, and considering he knew more swear words than anyone except for Bonecrusher (who knew swear words in 14 different languages, including two that had yet to be discovered and one he made up himself), he was screaming for quite a while. Finally it died down and there was another pause as he went to Hook for a Band-Aid.

Step 3: Refuse to leave until Hook gives you the glow-in-the-dark kind of Band-Aid.

After about 15 minutes, Barricade finally returned from the med bay. "Hey Blackout, look! It glows in the dark! Er, except that you can't see it in the light, so you have to do this…" He held his injured finger up to his face and blocked the light with his other hand so he could watch it glow, proceeding to walk into a wall on the way back to the kitchen when he couldn't see where he was going.

Step 4: Screw up a major step in the food prep really badly.

There was silence for a while before he heard Barricade say, "I can fix that…"

Step 5: Denial.

"Eh, it's not that bad…I'm sure it'll taste the same…"

Step 6: Set something on fire.

Barricade ran into the living room. "BLACKOUT! Where do we keep the fire extinguisher?!"

"Right next to the stove, genius," Blackout replied calmly. Barricade quickly ran back in and the sound of a fire extinguisher was heard.

Step 7: Decide it's still edible.

"Hmm…well, at least the chemicals in a fire extinguisher are low in fat and calories…"

Step 8: Do something stupid.

"OW! I got sugar in my eye!" Barricade started complaining.

Step 9: Turn your kitchen into a nuclear war zone.

There was an incredible explosion that would have made Wheeljack proud in the kitchen. Starscream sat up quickly in shock, having been woken from his nap, as the room filled with smoke. Decepticons from all over the base were gathering to see what had happened.

Step 10: Initiate back-up plan.

Barricade limped into the living room. Any part of him that wasn't black before was black now, and three of his optics were hanging limply from their sockets. One of his arms fell off about halfway there and remained on the floor, and there seemed to be a spoon sticking out of his shoulder. "What do you want on your pizza?" he asked Blackout.


It's now 9:06AM where I am, and I haven't gone to bed yet. Goodnight.

EDIT: Since many of you have been asking, here's how Barricade achieved Step 9...are you ready? Here goes...

He poured a bowl of cereal. Seriously, he's that bad at cooking. =p