A/N: So...I have no idea where this came from. I couldn't get it out of my head for days! I haven't been an H/Hr shipper since I was 13 or so, so this was very strange to write, but they were the only couple that would fit.
I can see you out of the corner of my eye. You probably look as stern and unfeeling as I do at the moment. Your glasses are pushed all the way to the back of the bridge of your nose, and your hair flops slightly over your right lens. Ginny is sitting to your left, smiling at you and it seems that you can't smile back. We both know what's coming, Harry. It's been eleven years, two months, and six days.
That night, almost twelve years ago, we did something horrible and still to this day we can't forgive ourselves for it. I was having nightmares again and Ron was gone for a Quidditch game. I called and told you to come over straight away, and in ten seconds you were standing in my kitchen. Your hair was plastered to the sides of your face and there were still pillow marks across it. We went to bed and you held me with your arms around my waist and for the first time in a long time, I felt at ease.
I told you it was the same nightmare again, the one about the night that I was unmercifully tortured by Bellatrix. You paused, and told me that you had been having the same dream, except from your point of view. You told me how gut wrenchingly agonizing it was to hear me scream in pain, sobbing during the lulls of my attack. Ron never talked about that night.
When you leaned down to press your lips on my forehead, I felt this urge to jerk my head upwards and your lips landed on mine. You were shocked at first at my quiet intrepidity, but you didn't move away. I leaned into it more, opened my mouth slightly, nibbled on your bottom lip. Finally you kissed back, and my hands traveled up to your hair, my legs tangled with yours, and I rolled myself over on top of you.
Later that night, you rolled out of bed. You said Ginny might be worried about your whereabouts, and you left me cold and unclothed in my bed. I cried myself to sleep that night, reprimanding myself for losing my control. Ron would be back tomorrow evening. I wasn't going to tell him a word.
Two months later, the doctor told me I was pregnant. He said it was conceived around the last week of September. And I cried. I cried because I had betrayed Ron, I cried because I officially fucked up my life, and I cried because, for some reason, I knew you weren't going to be there for me.
However, the last part was false. I told you the next day, and you wrapped your arms around me. You weren't angry. I think somehow you knew this was coming, but we've never talked about it. You told me that we could keep this a secret. I told you that the only way we could ever keep this a secret is if I disappeared from the wizarding world. You agreed, and said if we did continue like this here, the Prophet would be all over us and we'd be the shame of the whole country. Adulterous heroes, indeed.
I broke up with Ron when I came home. He was rather confused, yelled a bit, and then slammed the door in my face when I walked out. I went to my parents' home to live. I quit my job at the Ministry. At that point, Hermione Granger had disappeared off the face of the earth. I spent my days reading, writing to you, and hiding in my closet when I heard a distinct noise outside my house. People were looking for me. Mrs. Weasley came by often to talk to my parents, but they kept quiet and said that they were distraught over my "disappearance."
About six months into my hiding, you came over to visit late one night. My parents let you in and you climbed up the stairs and knocked on my door. I gave a quiet "come in" and you pushed open the door to reveal yourself. I had written you yesterday to see if you could come over, and I was delighted to see you standing in my doorway. I gave you a tight squeeze, and when I pulled away, I noticed you glance down to the bulge of my abdomen. "It's a girl," I said, and I saw your eyes brighten. "I found out a while ago, but I wanted to tell you in person..."
"No, no, that's great," you said with a smile. You glanced down again, and raised your hand a little. "Can I?"
I nodded. You pressed your hand to my stomach, and she gives you a good kick in the palm. We both laughed. "She's rather feisty," you said as we both sat down on my bed.
"Yeah, she moves around a lot and gives me a good kick in the ribcage sometimes. She'll be a good beater one day, I think," I pondered, and I noticed that the smile hasn't left your face the entire time.
"At least she's got my athletic skills, maybe she'll get your brains, too."
"That would be nice. Although I don't think Hogwarts ever wants another little me running around. I was a bit of a know-it-all, wasn't I?"
"A bit is rather an understatement," you laughed, and I slapped you on the arm. "However, a little me running around wouldn't be any better either."
"God, I think we might have created Hogwarts' worst nightmare!" We both fell into a fit of laughter and once it quieted, you looked at me with hopeful eyes.
"I rather like the name Alice," you said. And I know you saw the hurt in my eyes before I looked down to my lap. I grabbed your hand, and when I looked up my eyes filled with tears.
"Harry..." I sighed. "Harry, I've decided to give her up."
I could see your heart shatter into a million pieces. Your eyes lost the color they had earlier in our conversation, and I knew you were begging for an explanation.
"You're with Ginny. And I'm sure once I come back Ron will take me back in a heartbeat. If someone did find out, we'll lose so many of our friends, Harry. You have to understand that this is the best plan for us, and for her."
You nodded. "Yeah, okay. I guess...yeah, I can understand."
There was a lull in our conversation. The wind began to blow faster outside, and I could see dark clouds push away the starry sky. I saw you raise a hand to wipe a tear that was hankering to slip out. You put a hand on my knee, and squeezed it lightly.
"I was going to leave Ginny, you know. If this visit went well, I was going to leave her..."
Your voice was barely above a whisper. I felt so guilty about it all and so stupid, and I began to cry. You put your arms around me and my tears wet through your shirt. "Don't leave Ginny," I said through sobs. "You don't love me the way you love her, and I don't want to lose my best friend in the process."
You didn't say anything. I think you might have felt stupid for even saying that, but I knew you only did it because you cared for me. We stayed in this position for a long time until my tears subsided. Your hand resumed it's place atop my stomach.
"There's this couple around the block, the Kerrs," I began to say. "They've been trying to adopt for so long, and my mother's pretty good friends with them. I'm giving her to them, Harry. They're nice people and they're so ecstatic about the baby."
"That's good." I could still hear the hurt in your voice.
"I want to be there," you said sternly. I looked at you quizzically. "When she's born. I want to be there."
"Oh, Harry," I said, tightening my embrace. "I figured you were coming anyways."
"Yeah," you smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
You left shortly afterwards. The next time I saw you was at the hospital, nearly a month later. She was born late in the afternoon, and you were there the entire time. You had the biggest grin on your face when she came out, and you were the first to hold her. She had a head full of dark, curly hair and when the time came for the Kerrs to take her home, you were reluctant to give her away.
I know it was hard for both of us, Harry. And now, as we sit at the faculty table at the head of the Great Hall, we've been given the chance to see her. I took the spot of Charms professor after Flitwick retired, and you took the spot of Defense Against the Dark Arts when Ginny came up to teach flying. We knew that someday we'd encounter her, and be able to teach her. But we knew we couldn't ever tell her.
And when the first-years all entered, you grab my hand under the table. I can't look at them, so I focus my gaze on the goblet in front of me. You give me a nudge, and you nod towards the back of the group. There stands a rather short girl, with the same dark, curly hair she was born with. "Harry," I whisper incredulously, on the verge of tears.
"Don't cry," he whispers back.
McGonagall reaches the K's in a rather short period of time, and my grip on his hand is like a vice.
"Alice Kerr," she called out, and the girl makes her way up to the hat.
You look at me with questioning eyes, and I say I'll explain later.
"Hmm," says the hat, "what an interesting girl. Born of a great wizard and a clever witch, I see."
"I am?" She queries in a high, quiet voice.
"Oh yes, two of the greatest to ever walk these halls. Both Gryffindor, if I recall. But you, my dear, are no Gryffindor. Quiet and observant, aren't you? Where to put you, where to put you," it's voice lingered on that last sentence. "RAVENCLAW!"
She skips down to the Ravenclaw table, and I can't contain myself. You lean over to me, and whisper, "Looks like she's more like you than we thought."
We both smile, and I notice Ginny lean over towards you. "Quite a pretty girl, isn't she?"
You nod, and agree. I can't help but to notice the irony of this situation.
The feast has ended now, and you tell Ginny that you'll catch up with her later. We walk outside towards the Black Lake, and the breeze is getting a little heavier.
"Did the Kerrs plan to name her Alice at all?" You ask, and I laugh a little bit.
"You remember that Confundus charm I put on Cormac during the Quidditch tryouts? Well, I did the same to Mrs. Kerr, and she couldn't remember what she was going to name her. I told her that her name was Alice," I shrug my shoulders.
"Hermione, you're positively brilliant, you know that?" You say to me as you put your arm around my shoulder.
"This is going to be a hard seven years, isn't it?" I say quietly, and you nod your head.
"Yeah, yeah, it will. But I'm sure it'll pay off in the end."
"I know it will."