Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Cops, or Charlie the Unicorn. Other people who are not me do (sigh).
I'm bored. It's sunny out, so I'm stuck, in the house. Carlisle is busy in his study, Esme is cleaning, Edward is with Bella and Renesmee at their cottage, Rosalie is mad at me and has locked me out of our room, and Jasper is being restrained by Alice because he wants to avenge the Confederacy. I'm so alone! Hmmmmm…what to do…I've got it! I went into the living room.
"Everyone! I have a brilliant idea!" I exclaimed.
They all came down with annoyed looks on their faces.
"What?" I asked.
"Emmett, the last time you had a 'brilliant idea' you started a second world war." said Esme.
"What, it's not my fault I was talking with some German leaders about how unfair the Treaty of Versailles was to them, and how they could join with Japan and exact revenge." I argued.
"Your ideas go wildly out of control. That plan was originally to get German pen pals. Instead, you threw the United States plus our other allies into a war against Germany and Japan." stated Jasper.
"But this one is much simpler." I said.
"Alice, what do you think of this?' asked Carlisle.
"I don't know. I can't see anything. It seems that he is planning to involve the wolves." said Alice.
"What is your plan?" asked Rosalie.
"I want to make a list of ways to annoy Charlie and then do them." I replied.
Everyone was silent for a moment. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea to tell them…
All of a sudden Alice shouted:
"Huh?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"We're all bored as heck, and stuck in the house. We need something to do. Annoying Charlie would be so much fun!"
"Well, we all could use a good laugh." said Carlisle.
"And I could always clean later." added Esme.
"I'll postpone avenging the Confederacy." said Jasper.
"I guess I could forgive you for breaking my mirror.'" sighed Rosalie.
"Great! I'll call Edward and Bella." stated Alice.
Once Edward, Bella, and Renesmee arrived, we began our list.
Ways to Annoy Charlie
Ask if he is secretly a unicorn.
Tell him Edward wears body glitter
Make Jacob tell him that he fell in love with Renesmee and is going to marry her in a few years
Every time he walks into a room, play the Cops theme song.
Have Emmett dress up as the Hamburglar, have him try to rob McDonald's and have Charlie come to arrest him
Hand cuff him to Mike Newton for a day, then "accidentally" lose the keys.
Tease him about how when Jacob had to undress to turn into a werewolf. Tell him that you know he liked it. Then tell him that you're sorry, and that Jake's already been taken by his own granddaughter.
Take him to a strip party on the Quileute Reservation, and when Jacob gets up there, whisper in Charlie's ear once more that he's already taken. Then take him for a walk around the room, gesturing to the crowd, and assure him that there are plenty more to choose from.
Send him to Aro for counseling
Have Edward run up to him, hug him and yell "Daddy!"
We looked at the list, satisfied with our work.
"Well, we better get started." I said.
"Let's go!" exclaimed Alice, pulling everyone out the door.
Let the games begin…
I hope you guys liked that chapter! I've been meaning to write this for a while, but never had the time. Please read and review!!!