Author's Note: Okay so this is a Hetalia AU set sometime during the Cold War so characters will say racist things, none of which reflect my opinions in the least. Also I'd like to than my Beta Reader, Anti-Logic, for her wonderfull help and I hope you guys enjoy the story. (Constructive critism is always welcome by the way.)
Disclaimer: I do not in any way shape or for own Hetalia and am not profiting from this.
Ivan Braginski was used to scumbags. He had met them everywhere in his life. His parents left (escaped) his beloved home country because of those hypocritical scumbags who led the government. And because those scumbags were everywhere, when they finally came to a country which was supposed to be safe, free, and accepting, he and his sisters were bullied every day, pushed around every day, and called "fucking commies" every goddamn day. And because those fucking scumbags decided to shoot at the "commie" kid, he and his family had to move from their first fairly comfortable home in New York City to the middle of nowhere in Nebraska. And though his parents and older sister were sure they had finally escaped all the scumbags, Ivan knew that the scumbags were going to be everywhere, including in this little town, because life just worked that way.
Alfred F. Jones was not an idealist. He was just a person who knew all his dreams were going to come true. He knew that one day he would leave the pathetic, so not awesome town he was in and would become President. He would lead the country to be even greater – because wasn't America the greatest country in the world? – than it was today. He even had it all planned out. Well, not all planned out, but he had an idea of what he would do. Though for now he would have to settle – no, not settle, because a hero never settled – would have to do his part and protect the citizens of his not-so-awesome town. For now he would just be a small hero, and then when he was campaigning and winning votes (and girls), he would tell them of his totally awesome adventures and everyone would know he had been just as awesome as a teenager.
That's why when the new family of commies moved in, Alfred F. Jones decided he should be the first one to check it out and make sure they had no nukes or spy stuff or anything. Without any hesitation, or thoughts of other people's privacy, he pulled out his binoculars from the secret compartment of his secret base (tree house) and looked out and over to the neighbors' house. They were unpacking and so far he saw nothing suspicious. So far. Hmmmm...
Maybe it was in one of the cardboard boxes? Maybe he needed a closer look. Yeah, he definitely needed a closer look. But he wasn't allowed to go within a mile of the place or he'd be grounded for a month. Thank you, dad. Honestly, how could anyone threaten to ground their son during summer vacation? Plus, he couldn't just do nothing; what kind of hero/future president sat around while there were possibly dangerous people ready to nuke the place? So after taking a deep breath, he climbed out of the tree house and innocently headed towards the Braginski house.
"Hey! What are you doing, Al?" called a familiar voice. Damn! He had forgotten about his twin brother.
"Nothing," he grumbled.
"You're going to see the neighbors, aren't you?" his brother asked exasperatedly. "Dad will ground you, you know."
"Not if you don't tell him," Alfred pointed out slyly.
"Look, I can't, Al-"
"You'll cover for me? Great!" Alfred said, running off with a devilish grin.
"I was going to say I won't...Oh, what's the use?" muttered the defeated Matthew. He figured he'd be the one balling out his brother anyway, but that was worth a shot, right? Well, at least he managed to get a couple of sentences out this time. Maybe next time his brother would listen. Right, and his brother would also drink tea and knit. Now what was he going to tell Dad?
Ivan sat down in their new, finally furnished living room to take a sip of tea. They were almost done moving in and his sister had insisted that her little siblings take a break and relax for a moment. Ivan smiled at that; Katya was always so caring. And his little sister wasn't being as clingy today. Maybe things were going to go right for once. Maybe this place wasn't too bad. It was quiet, and his sisters seemed happy. Plus, it did have a nice view. Maybe if they kept their mouth shut people wouldn't notice them. Maybe-
But when he heard the loud bang on the door, he knew he was asking too much.
"I'll get it," said his older sister.
"No, I will get the door, Katushka. I am the brother, yes?" he said, smiling a too-innocent smile.
"Yes..." said his sister, smiling nervously. Her brother always made her nervous and she had a feeling he was about to do something that would certainly freak out or offend their guest. She just hoped Natasha would stay seated and not make the situation any worse.
Alfred stood at the door, waiting impatiently. What was taking so long? He bet those commies were trying to hide their bombs and spy stuff right now. Suspiciously, he went to look into the window just as the door opened.
"I am new to here, but in Russia we wait for people to open the door and do not try and go in through windows. Do you not do that here?" Ivan asked with false innocence and an even faker smile.
"Shut i- I mean, nice to meet you. I am Alfred F. Jones, your new neighbor, and no, we don't crawl through windows," Alfred replied with an equally fake smile. "But we do introduce ourselves first and then let our neighbors in before accusing them of things."
Ivan resisted the urge to punch this guy in the face, and instead he continued smiling. "Ah. That is what we do in Russia as well. I am Ivan Braginski, nice to meet you. You would like to come in, yes?"
"A pleasure," said Alfred through gritted teeth and followed Ivan through the door. So far the room was clean of bombs, but Alfred was not going to give up his suspicions that easily. When he was sure the Russian wasn't looking, he went onto his knees and began to look under the lamp.
"You would like to meet my family, yes?" said Ivan. Then he noticed the boy was looking under his chair. "Or would you like to pick up what you dropped first?" So his suspicion was right; Alfred F. Jones was another scumbag. So much for things working out.
"No, found it," Alfred said, pretending to pick something up. 'Stupid commies. Always spying on people,' he thought as he followed Ivan into the living room. "And it would be great to meet your family," said Alfred. It was always good to get to know your enemy, and he was being led right to them.
"I am sorry, my parents are not home. They went out to buy food," Ivan said, leading Alfred to where his sisters were sitting.
"That's alright," muttered Alfred.
"This is my older sister Katya," Ivan said, gesturing to what Alfred considered probably one of the most beautiful (well endowed) women he had ever seen! Surely she couldn't be Russian; she was too much of a babe. Well, then again, spies had to be able to trick people and all, so maybe she was one of those who-
"Nice to meet you," said the babe, interrupting his thoughts, "It is very nice of you to visit."
"Nice to meet ya too, babe," said Alfred in what he thought was a very smooth voice and winked. Some flirting with the enemy and she might fall in love with him and join him. It would be good to have someone who knew the enemy on their side. But before he could say what he considered to be an awesome pick-up line, her stupid brother dragged his attention to the other, much creepier girl sitting on the couch.
"And this is my younger sister Natasha," Ivan said. Now this girl looked like the enemy Alfred had envisioned. With sharp icy eyes and a death glare comparable to that of a snake, she sent shivers up Alfred's spine, and not the good kind either. Better not try any pick-up lines with this one.
"Uhhh... hi..." Alfred said nervously. Natasha only glared in reply. Jeez. He was trying to be polite.
"Would you like some tea?" Katya interjected politely, trying to avoid any more disaster then what was already going on.
"BLEH! HOW CAN YO- I mean, no thanks," blurted out Alfred. Honestly, only his DAD drank tea, and his dad was a loony. An adult MAN who believed in fairies and unicorns? Come on. "Don't you have coffee?"
"No, I'm sorry, we don't," replied Katya apologetically, "but we have water if you would like something to drink."
"No thanks," replied Alfred.
An awkward silence followed. After a minute of nothing being said and people just staring at him, Alfred decided he should * leave now; there was no way he was going to get any information out with Ivan Braginski and his family breathing down his neck. "I uhhh...actually I've got to go! See ya! Thanks! Nice meeting you! Bye!" Alfred said, running out of the house. Sadly, he discovered no bombs or spy stuff this time, but he would for sure catch them next time.
Panting, Alfred arrived at the base of the tree house and looked around to see if anyone followed. 'Great exit, Alfred. So smooth. They're definitely not suspicious of you now,' he thought, still trying to catch his breath. It definitely was not like him to get freaked out like this. Well, he'd get them for it. He'd-
"Uhh...hey Al," said his brother, making Alfred jump.
"Jeez, Matt! Don't sneak up on people like that," Alfred snapped.
"I was say-"
"Never mind that! I have a status report on the new neighbors," interrupted Alfred.
"But-" protested his twin.
"No, come on! I think they're dangerous!" Alfred said, dragging his brother up into the base.