Pegasus Memories by AndromedaMarine

Author's Note: Series of ONESHOTS, involving several ships, spanning several seasons, in no particular order.

The Way it's Meant to Be: John & Elizabeth

He'll never believe she was meant to die. Chalk it up to fate, he wants to believe. But then again, there's no proof. And the hope still swims beneath the surface of those gorgeous hazel eyes he looks through, down at the hands that used to hold her close, but...but there's no certainty. And the doubt is eating at his mind.

John spends his time forgetting, or trying to forget, while on the missions, and it's up to Rodney to keep him sane. The bruising of sparring with Ronon and Teyla only takes his mind off the inevitable for a few moments, if that. It's affecting his performance in the field, he can tell. The tears come every single night. He's suffered a massive blow that's left him permanently winded. He's lost Elizabeth.

But John is one who cannot forget. He's one who clings to the memories.

And there is a whole list of things John doesn't want to forget, even if he could.

...her soft lips, and the way he imagines they'll feel if he ever kisses her.

...her deep, gorgeous eyes, showing so much more than it seemed they should.

...her intoxicating scent, the one that made him have to really think about the process of breathing.

...her commanding, powerful, yet gentle and calm voice that was in charge of Atlantis.

...the way she laughed when he gave her that crooked smile and ruffled his hair.

No. It can't be this way. There has to be something they're overlooking; a planet they haven't searched yet – there must be the possibility that the Replicators haven't destroyed her. And then he realizes everything that's been hidden behind the hazy shroud of professionalism. He needs her.

It's the memories he's holding onto; the memories that make him so sure this is not the way it's meant to be.

The images assault the virtual reality of his dreamscape as soon as his mind makes that transfer into sleep, and it's terrorizing. Every night he has to watch over and over again...he watches her suffer at Oberoth's hand, literally. Keller will give him the sleep meds, but they rarely help him forget.

No...nothing will help him forget. He figured that one out just a few weeks following their relocation to Atlantis' new home – just weeks after losing Dr. Elizabeth Weir on Asuras.

This is not the way it's meant to be.

He cannot accept it.

But then...then again, new beginnings come from the old ends.

So he will pull on and tie his combat boots, tighten the straps on his Kevlar, fasten the P-90 to his vest, and check his pockets for extra clips of ammo. Because he cannot forget the expression of pain that crosses her features every time his eyes close, he will keep trying.

He will find her.

It's the memories that keep him going. Both the good, and the bad.

Having her in his arms...having her against his chest, in a crushing embrace... That's the way it's meant to be.