A/N: Okay guys, this is my first HP fic (though not my first EVER fic, not by a long shot). I am in love with any storyline involving Snape and Harry, whether Snarry or mentor fics, so here's my first try. Also, I'm an angst-whore, so expect a lot of that... :D

To Make It All Okay


He's the last one to pass through the gate to platform nine and three quarters. He knows this because parents are waving and crying, and the attendants are closing the doors. Pulling his suitcase behind him, he runs as fast as his legs will carry him, almost flinging himself at the train.

"Better late than never, son...I suppose," the attendant grumbles at him, taking his suitcase. Harry apologises profusely and gets onto the Hogwarts Express. As he takes a seat in an empty cabin, panting to get his breath back, not once does his mind wander to Ron and Hermione. With the way he's feeling now, he can't bear to look at them, to have them see him like he is – nervous, exhausted and angry. So angry. Angry at himself. Angry at the world. Before he got through the gate, he'd already decided to keep his distance, at least until he was able to unpack and jump in the shower. He missed the shower so much.

It's dark outside, black clouds covering the sky. Leaning his head against the window, he closes his eyes in the vague hope he might be able to nod off, but as the rain beats down on the windows he's reminded of his journey to Hogwarts last year. As the image of a dementor crosses his mind, he opens his eyes with a start.

He's never felt safe, not even in the presence of his friends or Dumbledore. While Voldemort still exists in the world, he'll always be at risk – it's only now that this fact has started to depress him. Just knowing what he'll have to go through to feel at ease, like a normal boy, gives him the shakes. He's already lost so much.

Gazing out into the darkness, he thinks of Sirius, he thinks of his parents dancing in the mirror of Erised, he thinks about the fragility of life – all things a young boy shouldn't have to think about.

He can't remember much from his early life as a child; but as memories go, his fifth birthday is scarcely far from the forefront of his mind and, though faded around the edges, there's little he doesn't remember about that day.

They were whispering as he stood in the doorway, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"He's not ours!" Uncle Vernon hissed at his wife. "We don't have to do anything for the boy! Those...those freaks put this burden on our doorstep four years ago. He may be your sister's spawn, but he's a freak just like the rest of them. We keep him alive; that's all that was asked of us. We have our own son to take care of."

"Well, we can't just let him walk around the house all day. People will talk!" Petunia said through gritted teeth.

"Him even being in this house...my house...it makes me sick to my stomach, but I know how to keep the boy reigned in," Vernon said, menacingly. "God knows, if he's anything like his father, he'll need some old-fashioned discipline." Harry's eyes widened at the mention of his father. Even at that young age, he could feel the pangs of sorrow tug at his heart. "Leave the neighbours to me."

That was the first day of the rest of Harry's childhood. Everything went wrong from that day – the first time Vernon Dursley took the extra precaution of locking the door of the cupboard under the stairs, leaving Harry to scratch and scream until he collapsed in exhaustion.

The next day, the entire neighbourhood were talking about the boy the Dursleys were bravely raising as their own – their deeply disturbed nephew; the one who couldn't be trusted around normal people.

"Anything from the trolley, Love?"


Harry's head bounces off the window pane at the sound of a voice. He turns to her, blinking away the tired droop in his eyes.

"The trolley, can I get you something? A chocolate frog?"

"Uh, no thanks. Not hungry."

"Are you okay? You're looking a bit peaky?"

He feels it too.

"Yeah. Fine, thank you. Just a little tired."

"Well, we'll be arriving soon, then you can get a proper night sleep," the woman says with a smile before closing the sliding door and moving down the train.

How long was I out of it? Harry thinks. He realises he's just spent the whole time staring blankly out of the train. He knows he was thinking of something, but he can't place it and he's not terribly sure that he wants to. I've missed the whole journey.

Sometimes, he loves that feeling. He can't help but smile that, even though he's not at Privet Drive, he hasn't lost the ability to lose time when he wants to. Wiping his hand over his face, he prepares to close his eyes and zone out for the rest of the journey, when the cabin door slides to one side with a tremendous whoooosh and Hermione glares at him, a sheepish looking Ron peering over her shoulder.

"We thought you'd missed the train!" she sharply says, advancing on Harry. "Why didn't you come and find us?" She reaches out to hug him, not noticing when his whole body goes rigid in her arms.

"Yeah, mate. We were worried. Thought you'd decided not to come back this year," Ron says, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips.

Harry searches his head for excuses, reasons, anything that can explain why he didn't make the effort to find them, other than; I just want to be alone right now. That won't go down well at all.

"I-I just didn't want to make a fuss. I was late and...and I figured I'd see you both when we got there anyway." His body visibly relaxes when he sees them both smile slightly, having believed him.

They share stories of their summers, Harry getting away with saying, "Oh, you know. The usual." They seemed to understand. For the last twenty minutes, the cabin was rife with idle chat – Harry even pitched in a comment or two, but mainly settled for nodding along. Though he really wasn't looking forward to seeing them before he was psyched up enough for the school year ahead, he'd forgotten just how easy they were to listen to. He'd forgotten how good it felt to be thinking about someone else's life and all their exploits instead of his own.

Over the summer, he'd forgotten a lot of things.


A/N: Short prologue, I know, but the following chapters will be longer, I just wanted to give myself the motivation to finish writing this by posting something. Next chapter soon :D