I'm sorry I took so long! I was buried in homework! Please review! Thanks to X-Mrs-Pattinson-x for the idea of a bitchfight. Lots of you were worried about the drama going now but don't worry – Lauren is still there!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I screamed in my head. Everyone swung around to look at me. Crap. Did I say that out loud? Oops.
Edward grinned impishly at me and whispered in my ear.
"You just voiced my thoughts."
"UGH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT" Tanya screeched, whirling around to point a finger at me. Ewwww she bites her nails! I guess the stress just got too much for her.
"How is it my fault?" Cool, calm and collected.
"YOU POISONED THEM AGAINST ME!" She shouted, nostrils flaring. I have to say, it wasn't a particularly attractive look.
"Why would I do that?" because you are trying to steal Edward.
"BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN YOU AND YOU KNOW IT AND EDWARD WANTS ME AND YOU, LIKE, WON'T ACCEPT THAT!" Excuse me?
My jaw dropped and I struggled to formulate words. I was growing steadily angrier.
"You are not better than me; I seem to recall that I still live here. Edward doesn't want you, you were not the one kissing him, and I did not make people hate you – you can do that well enough without my help." My voice was dangerously low.
"You did not just say that. BITCH!" Tanya raised her hand and slapped me around the face. My hand instinctively flew to my cheek.
"Ow." I muttered. She could hit hard.
"Bella! Are you alright?" I was gathered into Edward's warm arms.
"I'm fine, just a little angry." I practically growled. I pushed Edward off me and stalked forward to face Tanya. I shooed Edward away with my hand and ignored his protests.
Everyone formed a ring around us, Mike and Eric quietly chanting 'Fight, fight, fight, fight' under their breaths.
"Don't you dare accuse me of doing anything wrong. I have suffered your bitchiness, your annoyance, your 'I can't eat this!' Your 'Edward loves me' and your plain stupidity. I have cooked for you, cleaned for you and done everything you asked, and you accuse me of poisoning the public against you? Well you know what? I've had enough." And with that I slapped her, putting all my strength behind the blow.
She stumbled backwards and, cursing, ran forward to ram into me. She knocked me to the floor and fell on top of me, tearing at my hair. I was struggling against her, but she had the advantage, having all her weight concentrated on my waist.
I think I hit her in the breast a couple of times but it just hurt my hand. I was right. They were made of plastic.
"BITCHFIGHT!" I heard someone shout as I aimed a blow at Tanya's face.
"AAAHHHH MY NOSE! MY LOVELY NEW NOSE! THAT COST ME £3000!" Oopsy…
Suddenly she was lifted off me. I stood up to see her squirming from Emmett's death grip.
"No one fights with my sister. Except me that is." Em said in his 'big overprotective brother' tone.
Brushing myself off I smiled smugly at Tanya and told Emmett to put her down.
"Tanya. You have one hour to pack your bags and say goodbye." The intercom said. Oh yeahhh just one more hour of her!
"Awww babe I'm gonna miss you so much! It's like not gonna be the same without you hun!" Lauren was crying. LOL.
"You have to promise me something babe," Tanya was saying to her, "You have to like, continue being beautiful and sexy and don't get fat like the other girls will and you have to get with Mike and Eric and make sure Edward's waiting for me. In other words – split them up." I think she was trying to whisper but it really didn't work.
Edward came up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist.
"There is nothing either of them could do to make me leave you." He said quietly, planting kisses down my neck and therefore sending shivers down my spine.
Tanya and Lauren marched off arm in arm to pack Tanya's things.
The remainder of us sat around in the lounge and talked about who was going to be evicted next.
Mike had plonked himself down in between Edward and me. Bad move.
I chose to ignore him and consequently had to lean around him to interact with Edward. Mike put his arm on the back of my chair but I thought nothing of it. Another bad move.
Because his hand moved.
To my thigh.
Very bad move.
I began glaring with all my might at him until he got the message.
His hand moved again.
But this time to my hair.
He began twirling it around his fingers.
"If you look at it this way you can see red in it." he commented.
"Yup." I said, trying to subtly inch out of his grasp.
"You know what other way I can imagine seeing your hair?" he asked.
"Nope." And I don't really care.
"Bobbing up and down."
I just shook my head.
"Je ne comprends pas."
"How would you put it?" He pondered, "Where the sun don't shine." Oh. Ew. EW EW EW EW EW!
"Don't you dare talk to her like that!" Edward snapped at Mike.
"I'll talk to her however I like thank you very much." Mike spat back.
"She is mine. You are making her uncomfortable. You will answer to me." Edward all but growled.
"You cannot control her!" Mike tried to growl.
"He is not controlling me! Mike, please, just stop interfering." I said standing up and walking out of the room.
I decided to cook lamb for dinner so had to start early.
"Does everyone like roast potatoes, lamb and peas?" I called through. There was a chorus of 'yes's' and I just caught Alice shouting,
"I DON'T LIKE PEAS CAN I HAVE A TIN OF SWEETCORN? THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!" I laughed at that.
I was just putting the lamb in the oven when Tanya burst in with a,
"Goodbye fellow housemates! I would just like to say thank you to most of you for giving me such a lovely time here! I will miss you all." She said a well-practised speech and gave me a look that obviously said 'You're not included.'
"Bye!" Everyone waved (except me as I was cutting up potatoes) and Tanya blew one last kiss to Edward who ducked to avoid it. Then she was gone.
Lauren collapsed into hysterics. I just rolled my eyes and carried on, secretly elated at the most recent departure.
"Need some help?" Prince Charming offered.
"I'll help too!" Mike invaded our space.
"Um actually, there are too many people, we only need two." I said.
"No no I insist, look…" Mike began 'helping' but he just broke a plate and spilt all the peas over the table.
"Mike please, just go." I said, ushering him out of the kitchen as Edward cleared up.
Finally, three hours later, dinner was served.