I rather enjoy writing these listy thingy-ma-bobs. :)
Um, I know that this has been done many, many, many times before... but I was bored...

This is James/Lily! Hope you like it! Please, leave me a review!
It'd make my day :D
This is dedicated to RevengeoftheForsaken; you make me laugh like no one else :D :D :D

50 Things James Potter Is Not Allowed To Do

1) Pretend that Lily is his deodorant and attempt to rub her clothes all over himself.

2) Run around school naked with only a bouquet of Lilies covering his privates.

3 Tell the first years that Hagrid is an evil giant and that he will eat all of them up.

4) Sing 'I'm Too Sexy' whilst wearing a bright pink tutu and ballet shoes.

5) Sing 'I'm Too Sexy' whilst attempting to grope McGonagall.

6) Blow loud raspberries to drown out the voice of someone disagreeing with you...

7) ... and do not cease until they walk away in a strop.

8) 'Accidentally' turn Petunia into a horse when he is invited to Lily's house at Christmas.

9) Ruffle his hair when Lily is around.

10) Ruffle his hair when attempting to get out of trouble.

11) In fact, James Potter is not allowed to ruffle his hair at all. End of.

12) Tell Hagrid that Fang was eaten by Aragog.

13) Paint/draw faces on hundreds of grapes...

14) ... and then throw them at Sirius' supposedly evil army of pears.

15) Stroke his imaginary moustache when attempting to tell McGonagall why exactly he was found wanking in a broom cupboard.

16) Draw dirty images on Lily's and Remus' homework when they're asleep...

17) ... and then draw them on his own...

18) ... and then blame it on Sirius.

19) Reply with 'Huh?' when asked if deaf.

20) Change the password to the Slytherin Common room to 'Gryffindor Rules'.

21) Loudly tell the common room whenever Lily gets a new bra...

22) ... and then proceed to explain how it looks, the size, the colours and his opinion of it.

23) Make endless sexual innuendoes about broomsticks and balls.

24) Charm a thousand shampoo bottles to follow Snape around, throwing themselves as his head...

25) ... and then claim that a potted plant told him to do it.

26) Tell everyone that Snape is the illegitimate child of Professor Sprout and Professor Dumbledore...

27) ... and when asked about the blatant differences in the genes and looks, simply state 'glamour charms are extremely easy, you know'.

28) Burst into tears and run out the room wailing, 'Noooo, I broke a nail!' after picking up a fork.

29) Dress up as a pirate...

30) ... and then attempt to steal Gryffindor's sword...

31) ... and then kidnap Lily...

32) ...and then attempt to seduce her by making annoying innuendos about his massive 'sword'.

33) Attempt to slide down all the banisters in Hogwarts.

34) Draw a twirly moustache on the face of the Fat Lady in permanent marker...

35) ... and then proceed to do the same to every other portrait in the castle.

36) Declare an official 'Seduce a Stag' day...

37) ... and then force Lily to take part.

38) Wear Lily's uniform and make up...

39) ... and then tell Dumbledore, whilst sobbing hysterically, that Filch is a pervert and that he made him dress up like this.

40) Claim to have had sex with Lily's hairband.

41) Claim to have had sex with Lily's wand.

42) Claim to have had sex with Lily's low fat milkshake.

43) Pour gravy on Sirius' cereal.

44) Wear Lily's underwear over his clothes and claim that it gives him super-powers.

45) Begin all sentences with 'Ooh la la!'.

46) Tie bells to all his clothes.

47) Repeat everything someone says, but as a question.

48) Start each meal by licking all his food and then announcing that he did this so that no one will 'swipe his grub'.

49) Routinely attach himself to furniture using handcuffs that only open if Lily has sex with him.

50) Wonder around the great hall, asking the other students for their carrots.


"Lily, you do this list every year! And he always ends up doing everything on the list!"

Lily shrugged at her best friend. "Yeah, well..."

"You know, if I didn't know you so well, I'd think that you enjoyed this whole thing..." Alice frowned, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow questioningly.

"Hmmmm..." Lily averted her green eyes, staring down at the parchment in front her, a small smile forming on her lips as she looked over it.


"What?" The redhead narrowed her eyes. Why couldn't Alice just- ugh... Stupid, annoying best friends...

"You don't enjoy it do you?" Alice asked, slightly worried. Yikes, I hope Lily's feeling okay.

"Well, now that we're Heads of the school together... he isn't actually that bad..." Lily replied grudgingly, trying not to laugh at the scandalised expression on Alice's face.

"Lily... B-but... that isn't the answer to my question!"

"No! Of course I don't enjoy it!" The redhead reassured Alice, rolling her eyes, flipping her red hair over her shoulders.

"...You sure?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. I mean, come on, this is James Potter!"

"Okay then. I thought something had gone wrong with you then." Alice sighed in relief and then grinned at her best friend. Whew. Lily wasn't going crazy then.

"Yeah... "

Alice looked down at the list, face turning thoughtful as her eyes flew across the parchment. There was something missing...

"Actually, I think you've forgotten one of the most important ones."

"What? I can't actually think of anything..." Lily frowned, also staring at the list, wondering what she could have possibly left out.

"Here give me the quill."

Before she could protest, Alice had plucked the quill out of Lily's limp hand and dipped it in the inkwell. With an endearing expression of concentration set into her face, she scrawled:

51) Finally, James Potter must not, under any circumstances, ask Lily Evans out.

Looking up at Lily, she grinned, handing the quill back to her.

"No, Alice." Lily replied softly. She took the offered quill and crossed out what Alice had just written.

Her emerald eyes sparkled mysteriously as she said, "No, Alice, this thing- this thing James Potter is allowed to do."

So... What did you think of that?
Did you like it?... I'm not actually as twisted as this fic makes me look... hehe... :)
Which numbers were your favourite?
I don't know if the list was funny enough... but there you go...