Entry for Love Through Lemons Contest
Hosted by tby789 and LolaShoes
written by annanabanana
a/n: Thanks to my talented beta, Viola Cornuta. You make my words stronger. Thanks to Hookedontwi for being my third set of eyes.
Yes, I'm that neurotic.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
The Last to Say Goodbye
The scratchy man-made material caught the fabric of my pants as I shifted in my seat. I would miss it. I had become horribly wistful regarding all the things I hated about this place two months ago.
Sighing thoughtfully, I turned back to the light brown cardboard box next to me. All of my pictures were already safely wrapped and nestled snugly together in one corner. I pulled my personal files out of the drawer and slid them into the box. Sliding each drawer open, my eyes raked the contents for something I couldn't leave behind.
I tossed my favorite highlighter and green pen into the box. My hands rested on the cold laminate surface. My fingers reached out for the tiny clay angel on my desk; my mom had given it to me a few years back. I wrapped it in a small piece of paper and tucked it in next to my pictures.
My eyes fell on the red Swingline stapler I'd almost forgotten belonged to me, and I placed it onto the cardboard at the bottom. My closest friends in the office had given it to me on my last birthday. It reminded me of Office Space, of course, and I smiled at the similarities to this office. I had a few funny and inspirational emails and memos tacked above my workspace, and I took them down, carefully sliding them between my file folders and the side of the box.
Pushing my toes against the ground, I spun my chair in a slow circle. There was nothing left of me in this cubicle. My fingers gripped the gray-carpeted wall to stop my rotation, and I saw the last thing left which was mine.
I chuckled breathily as I picked up the small ceramic gnome. It was around six inches tall and had a red hat. It instantly made me think of Edward; I smiled wider. On our first vacation together we had acquired him.
Edward had rented us a beautiful house in New Orleans for five days during Jazz Fest. The Fest was so much fun, I really enjoyed the different types of music. I hadn't expected all of the original art on display or the food. The food was, absolutely, the best I had ever had. We bought it at stands and ate out of foil and off of paper plates.
The most entertaining part of the whole trip was the gnome. We found him in the back garden of the house we were staying in; he reminded us of the gnome in those silly commercials, and he immediately became our most valued traveling companion. We took pictures with him everywhere we went and now had a gnome photo album depicting all of the vacations we'd taken him on since. Yes, technically, we stole him, but I'd like to believe he wanted to come with us.
I wrapped him very cautiously; he was the most important thing in my cubicle. Placing him gently on top of the pile of stuff in my box, I sighed mournfully.
I heard a quiet snuffle beyond the entrance to my cubicle and peeked my head around to snoop. I was met with a sniffling and splotchy Angela gripping a tissue over her mouth.
"Ang," I looked at her sympathetically, "What's wrong?"
"I, I can't . . .be-believe it's your last day!" She wailed a bit louder than necessary.
I pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back comfortingly.
"Silly Angela," I started seriously, "Yesterday was my last day."
I pulled back and smiled at her. She laughed at me while tears ran down her face.
"I know you're just here to get your stuff, but you're here so, last day," She shrugged.
"Come on, let's go get some lunch. I know what you need," I winked at her.
"Oh no! Bella, we're not eating dessert for lunch again," She protested.
"You know you wanna," I pleaded as I dragged her down the hall towards the exit.
Later that afternoon, I carried my small box into the elevator of our apartment building. I was relieved and anxious at the same time. I knew Edward would be home, and I hoped he was cooking dinner. His food was always spectacular, and I needed a good final meal in our home.
I stepped out of the elevator onto our floor, and propped the box on my hip to unlock the door. A delicious scent wafted into the hall around me and beckoned me into the house. I knew the smell; he was making my favorite dish, portobello mushroom lasagna.
I set my box down in the hallway, and walked towards the kitchen. Edward was so beautiful working at the counter. His ever-unruly reddish-brown hair was in massive disarray tonight as though he'd been pulling fingers through it all day; it was a nervous habit of his. The muscles in his back shifted with inherent grace under his dark green t-shirt as he pressed against the counter comfortably. His weight was on one leg, his hips cocked to bend the other knee. The dark jeans fit snugly around his lower half, doing a poor job of hiding his body. His scalpel-trained hands efficiently chopped veggies for our salad.
Stepping up behind him softly, I wrapped my arms around his torso. He stopped working as I pressed my face against his back, inhaling his appealing scent deeply. A soft melancholy sigh passed my lips, and I squeezed him tighter. His warm arms wrapped over mine, and he hummed at my hug. As always when Edward touched me, I felt anchored, steadied.
He loosened my arms just enough to spin around and face me. I looked up into his clear, honest eyes. They were calm and beatific as he smiled slightly at me. His smile fell almost instantly, and his finger reached up to catch a teardrop on my cheek. I hadn't noticed I was crying.
He pressed his lips to mine sweetly for a moment.
"Bella, what's wrong, hon?" His face was written over with concern.
"I have to leave tomorrow," my tone was a bit more hurt than it should have been, as if he had forgotten.
"I know," he said gently with a smile, "You're gonna be so happy at your new job; it'll be great!" He reassured me cheerily then pecked my lips. He made it sound as if I was going away on vacation without him, so blasé. I resented his calm. I was painfully aware I was moving thirteen hours away; apparently, he wasn't so preoccupied by it.
He had convinced me I could do this in the first place. It was the job offer of a lifetime, junior editor at a publishing house in New York, but he couldn't move with me. Edward was in his last year of residency and, really, couldn't just leave.
As soon as I found out about the job offer, Edward celebrated my success. He told me how much I would enjoy living in New York, and had me talking to his sister Alice every other week. Alice lived in New York and was ecstatic about my arrival. I was a bit scared of being in such close proximity to Edward's sister because she could be hyperactive and overbearing at times. Generally, we seemed to get along well, so I was relieved to know someone there.
From the beginning, I had been suppressing my doubts about my decision to move. I wanted the job, and I was even excited about living in New York City. My real problem was Edward. We hadn't talked about our separation, at all.
I thought he wanted to stay together, but I wasn't even sure. Now, he seemed so laid back about the whole situation, I was beginning to wonder. I found myself wanting to stay just to make sure we didn't grow apart, but if he wanted the distance, I wanted him to have it.
So, I stood in my kitchen the night before I had to leave, hurt and confused with tears streaming down my face.
"Bella," Edward held my face, "Don't worry, sweetie, you're gonna do great in New York, and you'll have so much fun there."
His attempt to comfort me had the opposite affect. I felt I was disposable, easy for him to discard. Why wasn't he struggling like me? Why wasn't he hurt or upset or begging me to stay?
Crossing my arms in front of me, I took a step away from him. I felt my face shift into a guarded mask, but I couldn't hide it. Hurt and confusion flooded Edward's tender green eyes as he looked up and down between my face and my arms gripped at my sides.
He gave me a soft smile, "Sweetie, everything is gonna be fine-"
"Don't, Edward, just don't," I cut him off. I was being irrational, and I knew it. I just couldn't shake the dread. I was afraid. Afraid if I left, I was leaving Edward, leaving us.
"Don't what? Don't reassure you?" He stepped closer to me and gripped my shoulders gently. "Don't say you have no reason to worry? Don't try to make you feel better?" He was very close to my face, and he moved his arms to envelope me into his chest. I put my palms against him in a subtle protest.
He seemed to be saying goodbye for now, but it felt like forever. I panicked and shoved him hard. I pushed him away. I was pushing away the rejection I wasn't ready to feel, the separation I feared, the indifference I sensed.
In the beginning, I was happy to have his support, but now I wanted him to fight. I wanted him to fight every move which took me further away from him, to fight to keep me. He didn't. He didn't even seem upset; Angela cried because I was leaving for fuck's sake. Edward encouraged and cajoled and motivated. Now, I wanted to punch him in the face because he was hurting me. He didn't even know he was hurting me.
He froze where I had shoved him, and I stepped back to the wall behind me shaking with anger, hurt and fear. At first, Edward's eyes flashed with disbelief and chagrin, and I knew I had gone too far. He was absolutely not okay with physical aggression, but I couldn't care. All I could think about was saying goodbye tomorrow. After a few moments, his expression shifted to curiously distraught.
He took a step towards me, and I flinched back slightly. I wasn't afraid of him physically, but I was starting to feel emotionally destroyed. Confusion crossed his face, and then his eyes widened with realization. He moved forward again with his hands extended, and I darted past him out of the room.
I blindly stumbled down the hallway towards the bedroom. I tripped and fell forward, not caring if my face hit the floor. Strong arms caught me around my waist, saving me from impact. Edward turned my body to face him and held me against the wall.
I peeked up at him to see his eyes, full of turmoil, searching my face. My gaze quickly averted to the floor as my whole frame trembled.
"Bella?" I continued to stare at the wood flooring. "Do you think I want you to leave?"
I couldn't force myself to look into his face, but his voice sounded frantic.
"Bella!?" He grew louder, "Answer me!"
Slowly, my eyelids slid up. I couldn't help the agonized look as I whispered, "Yes." I told the truth because I was a lousy liar. I knew this was the worst way to figure out our situation, but I was beyond logical choices.
I diverted my eyes again and waited for an answer. After a few moments of silence, my gaze found Edward's face. I had never seen that look before. He looked pissed and sad yet fierce and feral. His eyes flashed dangerously, and his body pressed into mine.
He leaned forward and kissed me with so much ferocity it was painful. I was stunned; Edward was never aggressive like this. He was careful and kind, always. I whimpered against his mouth as the sensations of wounding pleasure overtook me. He pulled away abruptly, leaving me breathless.
"Do you think I want you to leave?" He asked with so much intensity I couldn't answer as I looked past his face. His fingers found my jaw and held me in his line of sight.
"Do you?" He demanded quietly.
As ridiculous as it seemed, even to me, I still felt that empty gnawing ache that we would be over. I nodded my head 'yes' silently and tried to shift my eyes away from his.
Edward's mouth met mine again as he thrust his hips into me. I felt his stiff erection through his pants and gasped into his mouth. Warmth started to spread out from my lower abdomen, and an ache throbbed between my legs.
How fucked up was I? I was still crying for Christ's sake, and two urgent kisses from my boyfriend had me all hot and bothered. As if he could read my mind, Edward broke our kiss and hovered over my mouth.
"Do you feel me?" He whispered against my mouth. I nodded, unsure of what to say.
"Fuck it," He mumbled and hoisted my legs up to his waist. Holding my knees hitched over his hips, he pressed me against the drywall. His head leaned forward so his tongue could flick out against the side of my neck. He kissed my neck forcefully down to my shoulder, and ran his nose back and forth along my skin.
A moment later, his teeth sank aggressively into the flesh between my shoulder and my neck as he sucked hard. Once again I was struck by the combination of pleasurable and painful sensations, and I moaned loudly as I tightened my legs around his waist.
He growled into my skin and pulled the front of my blouse open desperately, disregarding the buttons. I felt his hands move up to my shoulders and yank my bra straps down my arms just enough to slide the cups down my ribs. Edward's mouth was everywhere, as he kissed my collarbone, licked the sensitive skin of my breasts, sucked and bit my nipples, whispered nonsense to my skin.
I felt a flood of moisture between my legs and realized I had never been so turned on before. Not even with Edward.
He continued to thrust his hips, but I felt his cock brush underneath me because we were misaligned. I pushed my hips into him and whimpered at the pressure. Suddenly, Edward unwound my legs and placed me on my own feet. I looked at him dejectedly, and he was ravaging my mouth again.
His fingers pulled his shirt up and off over his head, breaking our kiss. He walked me backwards towards the dining room table. When my ass bumped the edge, he tugged my pants and panties down my body without unbuttoning them; luckily, they were a stretch material. His hands lowered my back to the table surface as his mouth crashed into mine. His kisses were consuming, and I felt as if he was trying to absorb me.
Once my weight rested on the table, Edward finished pulling my pants completely off, taking my shoes with them. He gazed down at me with eyes full of licentious desire as his hands groped and dragged across my bare skin. He took both my breasts and held them for his roving tongue. He sucked and licked at my taut pink nipples until I thrust my hips into the air in search of him. His hands left my body, but his mouth remained, nibbling the nipple between his lips.
I wondered briefly where his hands had gone, before I heard the zipper of his jeans. He bit down hard on my overly sensitive peak, and I emitted a sound between a sob and a moan. Standing straight, he pulled back and looked down at me wantonly. I held my breath as my eyes fell on his deliciously long, hard cock. He smirked slightly as he registered my focus, and his hand moved to grip the thick shaft.
I was in complete disbelief for a split second. Edward didn't behave like this, but a moment later I couldn't have cared less what he would or wouldn't have done, because he started stroking himself. I watched, mesmerized, as he worked himself inches away from my skin, never breaking his animalistic gaze at my body. His eyebrow raised suggestively, and I realized I was whimpering and purring loudly in response to the show.
"Do you think I want you to leave?" Edward muttered, possibly rhetorically. I didn't respond except to force my hips up toward him again.
I wanted him more desperately than I could ever remember. I needed to feel his body joined with mine, especially if things still had the potential to fall apart. I needed him to want me, to take me, to fuck me. My eyes begged because I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I wanted him, but if our relationship went to hell I couldn't live with actually begging.
Thankfully, he didn't need me to say anything. Edward ran his fingers up my thighs and dragged them from my opening up to my clit. Two fingers pushed into me roughly, and I gasped loudly.
"You're so fucking wet," he groaned. I felt a heavy throb between my legs at his words. He'd never talked dirty to me before, and it was such a turn on; my body flushed pink with my arousal. Edward plunged his fingers in and out of me for a few more strokes, but then he wasn't touching me anymore. He gripped my hips and pulled my ass down to the edge of the table.
"Do you think I want you to leave?" He growled at me as I felt his erection at my entrance. I didn't answer; he waited. I reached forward to try and pull him into me, but he resisted.
"Do you think I want you to leave?" He repeated. I thought for a second, and came to the conclusion that the simple answer was still yes. Truly, it was more of a maybe or I don't know, but those were non-answers. I nodded my head minutely afraid of his reaction.
He thrust himself completely inside me in one swift stroke and stopped, moaning loudly.
"So fucking hot, so fucking wet . . ." He mumbled. "Unng," He punctuated his first thrust back and forward again.
My hips pressed into him seeking movement, and he snaked his arms under my knees grabbing my hips tightly, digging his fingers into my skin. His hands stilled me as he slowly began a hard rhythm. He filled me completely, and I panted high-pitched sounds in time with his solid thrusts. My hips were now being pulled into him with his every push into me, and the extra contact was intoxicating.
Edward increased his speed, pumped into me forcefully, moved one hand across my hip and slid his thumb down to my clit. He rubbed it roughly, and my lower body jerked in response. A devious smile graced his face, and he began to caress slow circles around my clit, occasionally passing across it.
The combined sensations made the fires of my orgasm start to burn in my abdomen, and I bit my lip hard to distract myself. I felt vulnerable and unsure still, and Edward wasn't close to his release.
"No, Bella," He shook his head. "You will come for me." It was an order, and it was fucking sexy as hell.
It took less than a minute of his dick buried inside me while his fingers worked my clit for me to find a release. I pumped my hips into Edward as he watched my face intently.
"Edward, oh God, ung . . . I'm . . . I'm gonna . . ." I stuttered and panted with pleasure.
"I know, baby. Fucking come for me; come on my cock," His dirty words made my body explode into fire. My muscles clenched down on his erection sheathed inside me. He leaned closer to my face and spoke to me as I was swimming in my orgasmic bliss.
"I don't want you to go anywhere. I want you here with me. I want to fuck you everyday, be inside you everyday. Everyday of every month of every year. You're fucking mine; this body is mine. I want it forever; I want you forever. I will have you forever." He whispered fervently to me. With his whispers my dread disappeared; I knew, somehow, we would be okay. His eyes slid closed as tears of relief slid down my cheeks. Edward drove into me hard and fast, releasing himself deep inside me moments later.
His body was still pressed into mine when he opened his eyes to look down at my face. He saw me crying and misunderstood. Panicking, he pulled out and stepped away from me. I stood up immediately and moved to embrace him, but he fell to his knees in front of me his arms wrapped around me hungrily. I felt silent sobs wracking his body against mine.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he whimpered against my stomach. I realized he was apologizing for what he had just done, but he was also apologizing for telling me what he really wanted.
"Don't apologize," I tilted his face up towards mine. "You gave me exactly what I needed," I smiled at him a bit sheepishly. "I think I needed to feel that, to hear that," I grazed my fingertips across his face.
"I wasn't going to let you know how distraught I was; you seemed to need some sort of reassurance, though, so I did it, for you. Once it started, I couldn't stop it," He pressed his lips gently against my bare stomach.
"I wanted it so badly; I needed to feel you," I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
"I did it for you. Always for you," he sighed. "Bella, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," I peered down at him curiously.
"Do you still think I want you to leave?" He smirked up at me through his lashes, his rich green eyes teasing me. Tapping my pointer finger to my lips, I pretended to think about his question.
"Yes, and I think you're gonna have to put some major effort into convincing me otherwise," I smiled innocently back. His mouth fell open wide with shock.
"Oh really?" He recovered. I nodded my head seriously.
"You are a dangerous wanton woman, Isabella Swan," he taunted as he hoisted me over his shoulder and practically ran to the bedroom.
"Edward," I giggled loudly, "What's the rush? I could have walked to the bedroom."
"Well, I intend to have you set straight by the time your flight leaves tomorrow, and you seem like a stubborn woman. I thought I could make good use of all the time I have left."
As usual, I'm nosy. Tell me what you think.